Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Get Wednesday!

As part of my transformation into a Strava weenie I obtained a popular brand of smart watch which I use to interface with said application, or "app" as they call it in Silicone Valley.  Alas, the other day I noticed a crack in the face of my smart watch, probably caused by repeated exposure to my objectionable visage.  So I took the smart watch to the store from whence it came and they in turn put the watch in a box and sent it away for analysis, which means I am, at this moment, deeply and profoundly watchless.

It's a touch transition and I keep looking at my bare wrist, so I think I may have to buy some sort of inexpensive "gap watch" in the interim--and I'm pleased to report I may have sound just the thing:


The watch, which took three years to develop and was introduced last month, features a mechanical odometer that can record distances up to 99,999 kilometers (62,136 miles). Mr. Mille — who, like Mr. Prost, is an avid cyclist — said the idea for the new complication came from his bike racing friends who “every time were totally unable to tell me how many kilometers they’d covered since the season began.”

I don't get it, are they not on Strava?

Anyway, here's the watch:


The case is made of Carbon TPT, or Thin Ply Technology, a shock-resistant industrial material used in the aeronautics industry, and blends three shapes — tonneau (a Richard Mille signature), rectangular and asymmetrical — for comfort and legibility while gripping a bicycle’s handlebars. Features include a manual winding tourbillon, 70-hour power reserve and a titanium baseplate and bridges that recall bicycle frames.

Oh, please, it looks like something you'd find in the Beetlejuice house:



Still, given the reasonable price tag I'm sure I can live with the ugliness for awhile:

The watch is a limited edition of 30 pieces — and those who find the $815,500 price a bit steep may take comfort in knowing it comes with a bespoke carbon road bike by the Italian maker Colnago.

Amazing.  The irony is that if you bought a Colnago and the shop told you, "Oh, here, it also comes with this ugly-ass watch" you'd probably just throw it away.

But hey, whatever motivates you to ride, right?

Mr. Mille hopes the partnership will get his clients on the saddle, even if they don’t ride as often as he does. “I absolutely don’t know how many kilometers I’ve cycled this year,” admitted the watchmaker, who now rides mostly on weekends. “So I’m expecting to get my own watch soon.”

Just imagine, oh, I dunno, this guy rode into a wormhole and time and suddenly arrived in our present:


Now imagine showing him both the Beetlejuice watch and a smart watch and explaining that one has a mechanical odometer while the other one can tell you pretty much anything you can possibly imagine, and also you can use it to communicate with people on the other side of the planet because it talks to satellites in space.  Then ask him which he thinks costs almost a million dollars and which costs just a few hundred bucks.

I think we all know what his reply would be:

"Dear god, is that the president?!?  Somebody please kill me!"



You don't want to evoke natural selection when you're selling kids' stuff to parents, that's just marketing 101.  That notwithstanding, the bike looks pretty cool, though there's absolutely no reason for the belt drive:


The video cites chain stretch and lubrication, but I can assure you that kids outgrow bikes before the chains even need lubing, much less get anywhere near the point where they actually start to "stretch."  If you're measuring your child's chain for wear then get help immediately because you are a terminal Fred.

Now a quality timepiece?  That's another story, which is why when it comes to getting watches for my kids I don't mess around:


Finally, the electronic shifting on the Renovo is a whole new world to me, and to that end a friend sent me this:


Which is perhaps the most impenetrable two paragraphs I've ever read on any subject:

Dear Lennard,
I am in the process of converting a bike from Shimano Dura-Ace 7900 to Ultegra 6870 DI2. I have the BT-DN110-1 internal battery, a EW-RS910 handlebar end junction, and the SM-BCR2 battery charger. I have used the E-Tube software to update the firmware on all of the various components and everything seems to be operating just fine. I am still waiting on a rear wheel that can carry the 11-speed cassette, so I do not actually have the bike on the road yet.

My question is, how do I make sure the synchro-shift functionality is completely disabled? I just want the bike to shift normally with no auto shifting assistance. I looked around in the E-tube software setup but I was not able to see where/how this would be done. There is quite a bit of information on the internet about how to set up synchro-shift, but there does not seem to be much info around on how to disable it, so maybe this would be something good to cover in your column.
Steven

Even so, the answer is easy:


You're welcome.

40 comments:

paulb said...

If one of the 17 bairns doesn't like their Charlie Brown watch, I'll give it a good home.

Anonymous said...

podiating yo.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...no better day than hump day

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...'touch' transitions, and 'sound' things? This is a new generation of smart watch

Dirk Montero said...

But do those mechanical shift levers keep track of how many times you have shifted? Didn't think so.

Dirk

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...ummm... is the pair of bar-end shifters pointing up meant to be the middle fingers?

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Missed it by that much, Scranus!!

Gecko said...

Dang that watch is ugly, and useless. Impossible to tell what time it is with everything else going on there.

The pic of bar end shifters looks like someone throwing up double middle fingers :D

Grump said...

Why would anyone in their right mind change 10 speed Dura Ace for 11 speed Ultegra???.......PS. Just get a Timex.

janinedm said...

True story, I thought the picture the watch was a photo-shop joke.

LATE STROKE BOB said...

all the best dopers in the peloton prefer Festina watches

MendonCycleSmith said...

Double middle fingers FTW!

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

"The case is made of Carbon TPT, or Thin Ply Technology, a shock-resistant industrial material used in the aeronautics industry, and blends three shapes — tonneau (a Richard Mille signature), rectangular and asymmetrical — for comfort and legibility while gripping a bicycle’s handlebars."

$815,500 to solve a non-existent problem for 30 people, if all 30 are sold they'll take in over $20 million.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of "impenetrable" I made the mistake of reading Zinn's answer. I must be getting old.

NHcycler said...

"Features include a manual winding tourbillon,..."

Manual winding?! All of my tourbillons are Di2.

Dooth said...

The down tube shifters on my bike require no software to update the firmware...just tender loving care.

Federico F. Fredriksen said...

Weird. I always thought "Fredwatch" referred to the failed Baywatch spinoff in which David Hasselhoff becomes a member of the LA County Bike Patrol. You learn something new every day.

jimboner said...

scranus

Pist Off said...

That $.8M watch is a tonneau crap.

N/A said...

Ahahaha, $815,500 for a shitty looking plastic watch. Oh and a plastic bike. (a nice plastic bike, but still...). I'm calling BS on the premise, though. The type of Fred that would drop that coin on this nonsense can tell you exactly how far he's ridden. As a matter of fact, he probably won't shut up about it. And he would definitely be on Strava, so now when he's bragging, he'll not only have to show you his Strava results, but also his ugly-ass lookin' watch.


I wonder how long 'till the RivBros will be wearing sundial watches?

Winky said...

I love how "Steven" is in the process of making his bicycle demonstrably worse. And paying for the privilege. The question seems geeky enough, but LZ's answer was completely impenetrable.

Grammar Nazi said...

Wow, two typos in a single sentence. That may be a BSNYC record.

"...touch transition" = "tough transition."

"I may have sound just the thing" = "I may have found just the thing."

Tominalbany said...

So, like, don't your kids have another day off or something?

Anonymous said...

Someone should tell that watch company that "asymmetrical" is not a shape.

Anonymous said...

They damn well look like middle fingers was my first thought, but after a french court ruled that the f-word had a different meaning in their language, I'll believe that maybe something was lost in translation.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. BSNYC - My dog informs me that he has a collector's timepiece he might be convinced to part with if the offer were reasonable.

Pist Off said...

Leroy, to me your dog wins the Internet today. Spiro Agnew; my tiny mind is blown. I hope no Mike Pence watches exist.

Il Pirata es Mort said...

For Christ's sake just ride! This all makes my head hurt. *reaches for helment*

Anonymous said...

Wow, Leroy’s Dog’s Twitter account is temporarily restricted! Brooklyn Schnorrers are restricted while Russian Wolfhounds run free? What’s up, Comrade Jack?

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Pist Off - I think my dog may have broken his Twitter account. He can't seem to log in.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to be so far off the watch topic, but on things electric, have people see the recently released Genze bikes advertisement?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrX3FwQZlFU

Independent of this electric gizmo or that, that some company spent that much money on an advertisement so blatantly (and humorously) anti-car brought tears to my eyes.

bad boy of the south said...

That's some Spiro watch ya got there.leroy, I guess your dog is quite the watchdog?

What Marie Antoinette would say said...

I love "limited edition" things for which I have absolutely no use; therefore, let it be proclaimed: "Let the Strava-users eat cake! I will chose to wear that big, ugly, and grotesque timepiece!"

dancesonpedals said...

BSNYC-

Why give up on Strava, when you can use the iphone app?

Your children make smarting phones...couldn't one of them get you a sample?

leroy said...

My dog informs me he is back on line. (The list of folks he follows is missing, but it looks like he's still following them. Weird.)

In any event, I've warned him about posting nude selfies.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Bad Boy of the South - my dog asked me to forward this link to you.

https://media.giphy.com/media/c8bJDVz7i9KRW/giphy.gif

Peter Buchanan-Smith said...

If the watch is too expensive, you can buy my artisnal axe and strap it to your Renovo as a paradoxical statement.

bad boy of the south said...

Thanks, Leroy, but for some reason I was not able to link your link. maybe I have to call Lancelot Link,secret chimp.

I Wear Reflective Clothes at Night said...

I'm pretty sure Steven's 11 speed Ultegra cassette will fit on his 10 speed dura ace hubs. But maybe waiting makes it better when it happens.

JLRB said...

WATC HOUT