Next year in Jerusalem!

So say the Giro d'Italia organizers, who will run three stages in Israel in 2018:

The Giro d’Italia cycling race will begin in Israel next year, marking the first time any leg of the sport’s three Grand Tours will take place outside of Europe.

Organisers said on Thursday that details of the exact route of the three stages to be held in Israel will be announced next week, with Italian and Israeli ministers making the announcement in Jerusalem along with the recently retired Spanish cyclist and two-times Giro winner Alberto Contador.

Yes, the inclusion of Contador is no accident, for now that he's in retirement he's finally embraced his true faith:

Contador's relationship with Hasidic Judaism began after the tainted steak incident, after which he would only eat meat that had been slaughtered under rabbinical supervision.  Then it just snowballed (or, if you prefer, matzoh balled) from there.

The website has also reported that the Israeli government will contribute towards running costs and will also be responsible for security, with the event expected to be the biggest security operation in Israel’s history.

Makes sense.  The Six-Day War took six whole days, and with only three stages it sounds like they're going to repel the Giro in about half the time.

And not only will the race begin in Jerusalem, but it's going to end at the Vatican:

According to the publicity firm that issued the press release, the race is to end at the Vatican, with a theme of co-existence and peace.

Wow.  Inasmuch as the route will basically cover the period from the Jewish diaspora to the establishment of Catholicism as the "one true church," it is now basically a giant Judeo-Christian Theme Ride.  Furthermore, this officially makes it the World's Most Ambitious Theme Ride, and it promises to put anything those irreverent Portlanders might come up with to shame:

Including this:

Onesies and Twosies—This is the type of oddball theme ride the month was made for. Dress in your best onesie and tour dive bars that serve drinks costing $2 or less. *Italian chef kiss*

And even this:

Pasta Costume Ride—Much like our last pick, we just really appreciate the idea of people gluing pasta to their clothes and riding bikes in the middle of the day. Pasta provided, but bring your own sauce. Seriously.

Yes, there's nothing quite like the smell of a Portlander's beard when it's full of clam sauce.

Then again, I hear there's a Passion of Jesus ride in the works for next year, and I suppose that could mount a significant challenge:

(Jesus portaging his crucifix onto Golgotha)

And yes, there will be towel hand-ups:

I can hardly wait:

Moving on, we've talked about Lucas Brunelle quite a bit this week, and here's something to help put that sort of riding in perspective:

I don't know what happened, there's no schadenfreude whatsoever on my part, and people are already pointing out the livery cab does not appear to be properly registered, but at the same time the video does not look good:


So whatever the circumstances, Brunelle waving his dick around in traffic while this sort of thing happens to cyclists too goddamn often is probably at the core of why I find him to be so contemptible.

Be safe out there.