Let's Clip in and Roll Out!

ルッカで、ルッカ出身の自転車プロロードレース選手で世界チャンピオンのマリオ・チポリーニさんに会った‼️ まさに #ちょいワル な雰囲気の方でしたよ！かっこいい！Abbiamo incontrato il ciclista piu' famoso Mario Cipollini ! pic.twitter.com/2ddndnlL9v

— ERIKO K-ble Jungle (@ErikoKbleJungle) November 7, 2016

(Cipollini's starting to look like William H. Macy)

Further to yesterday's post, the media continues to examine Sydney's successful effort to position itself as the world's most bicycle-hostile city:

There is however another way to keep cyclists safe. It’s to get them off our roads, footpaths and cycle lanes entirely. This can perhaps be achieved through enacting legislation that penalises cyclists with massive fines for minor traffic infringements such as not wearing a helmet or cycling without a bell attached to the handlebars.

Governments can also rip up existing infrastructure and force cyclists on to traffic-clogged roads. They can allow the police force to target minor infringements by cyclists, rather than focus on motorists who speed, text while driving or drive under the influence of drugs or alcohol. In short, a government can create an environment where the cyclist is seen as an unwanted guest on our roads, rather than as a husband, wife, mother, daughter, son commuting to work or school.

To the best of my knowledge, this bold experiment is only occurring in one place on earth: New South Wales.

Hey, scoff if you will, but this is the perfect time for anti-bike forces to implement a similar scheme here in New York City.  Ordinarily our city's safe streets advocates act as Gatekeepers of Smugness, attending community board meetings and assiduously scanning the media for victim-blaming and excessive use of the word "accident."  Now, however, they're so wrapped up in tweeting about Trump and putting (((parentheses around their names))) that it's only a matter of time before some legislator passes a helmet law or makes it so that you need a "B" endorsement code on your drivers license in order to ride a bicycle.

Then again, I'm not sure it even matters, because Fredly video game Zwift is more popular than ever and soon we'll all be riding inside anyway:

If you haven’t heard of Zwift, founded two years ago in Long Beach, Ca., you aren’t alone. But investors have been following the company. Its massive, multiplayer video game technology, which caters to indoor cyclists, just attracted $27 million in Series A funding in a round that brings Zwift’s total funding to $45 million.

$45 million?!?  What do they even do with all that money?  Granted, I don't know much about the tech industry, but it seems like all you need to run Zwift is a couple of computer nerds, a bong, and a "Fred consultant" who says stuff like "his socks should be higher" or "her sunglasses should be under her helmet straps."

Then again, I suppose if Zwift does finally rid the roads of Freds once and for all then it will be money well spent:



Perhaps the government of New South Wales should consider investing.

Indeed, as a recovering Fred myself the world of road weenie-ism has become one I no longer recognize, and as you can see from my primitive metal bicycle I've fallen way off the back:

Speaking of this bicycle, it came with the inexpensive Shimano wheels you see above, and while at first they sort of offended my Fredly sensibilities they've proven to be more than serviceable so far--though if I knew anything about quality I'd immediately upgrade to some Zipps that cost ten times as much:

I like quality. I dig greatness. When I sit down to read fiction, I want an author who’ll reach with mad ambition, which is to say I’ll read Thomas Pynchon rather than 50 Shades of Awful Prose. This, I admit, is a bias. But it’s one that has served me well. I’ve done my best work when I chase my personal sense of excellence and don’t worry about how esoteric the final product might be. That experience has taught me to trust and respect those who do the same. I believe I have a duty to extend others that same opportunity to stretch.

When I buy wine, I’d rather buy three really good bottles than a case of dreck.

Yes, and when I make analogies I make way too many when just one would do.

Is there a corollary to Godwin's Law that says any review of high-end cycling equipment must at some point make a facile comparison to wine?

And if those wheels are the rolling equivalent of reading Pynchon just imagine how good the ones with the biomimetic whale ridges must be:

Think of a humpback whale’s fast but graceful movements...

Yeah, I'm thinking of whale moves, but I still don't get it:



Jeez, get a room, you two.

A big one.

Lastly, now that Rapha are opening stores all over the world, Assos wants you to remember they're still the original Eurodouche brand.  To that end, they've fired a shot over Rapha's pink-accented bow by opening a concept store in London, where you can gaze at their finery from under the chamois cream-slathered scranus of the Assos Guy himself:

Much more than just showcasing essential cycling apparel, the ASSOS Boutique London is at the intersection where performance meets practicality. 

I see no practicality in evidence.

While also being a place for personal fittings and picking up tips and tricks for how to dress on the bike, it'll serve as inspiration with live race screenings and in-depth chats over coffee about riding and racing. 

So like a Rapha Cycling Club, but for people who use styling products in their hair.

Anyway, I checked out their Instagram using the suggestive hashtag #ASSOSLDN, and I note that you can try on their clothes while grinding away on an SRM bike:

When you try on cycle clothing, you normally don't have the chance to test it until you're on your bike. By that time, you would have likely found out that the clothes you're wearing doesn't fit, causing discomfort and inefficiency. Here at #ASSOSLDN, we offer everyone the option to try all our garments and test them on our SRM bike to ensure the perfect fit
.
Yikes.  Does that include the shorts?  I really hope they wash the merchandise afterwards.

Eeew.