Happy Belated Birthday to Me (Or At Least My Blog), and Now I'm Hitting the Road!

Firstly, as usual, I completely forgot yesterday was this blog's birthday.  It's now this many:

Nine years is a veritable eternity in blog years, and in that time the blogging medium has transformed from something nobody took seriously because it was still relatively new to something nobody takes seriously because it's the domain of aging curmudgeons who think Snapchat is a dance number from "West Side Story."  Also, I've managed to squeeze out no fewer than four (4) books (an even more ossified medium) during that time, not including my unauthorized biography of the boy band 'N Sync, which I wrote under the pen name of Anna Louise Golden:

Critics panned it due to the 20,000 word detour on the subject of bicycle helmets, but it remains the book of which I am most proud.

Anyway, my latest book is of course this one:

Which is number three (3) on InStyle's list of 15 Father's Day gift ideas for under $100:

Right between the Mark and Graham travel cribbage and backgammon set:

And the silk cufflinks from Barneys:

It's always good to know where you stand in the fop hierarchy.

In any case, by way of ramming my latest book down your throats I'll soon be embarking upon a short tour, stopping first in Portland, OR this Thursday:

Then Seattle, WA on Friday:

And finally Walnut Creek, CA on Saturday:

(Glad to see the bullmoose bars got top billing.)

Humorous PowerPoints will be presented, a limited quantity of Walz caps will be given away, and the passive voice will be used liberally throughout the proceedings.

Of course the downside of my giving so generously of myself is that I must take temporary leave of this blog, which means this is (probably) my last post until Tuesday, June 21st, at which point I will resume regular updates.

Hey, if you don't like it feel free to come over to my home and do all the other crap I need to do for me.

And if you need someone to be mad at, I suggest directing directing your anger to this guy instead:

If you could improve one thing about the world of cycling, what would it be?

I'd like drivers to understand that cyclists are motorists also. And I'd like cyclists to use more common sense when planning their rides. For instance, you'll never see me commuting on a major road in peak hour. We get our miles done before 7am and stay off major roads as much as possible. It's not only dangerous, but I think it's inconsiderate to hold up traffic. Ideologically I agree with commuting to work on your bike, but in cities that aren't equipped for it, like Sydney, it creates unnecessary inconvenience, tension and physical threats for cyclists.

Wow, what a putz.  In addition to representing the apogee of Fredness, I suppose he's also the platonic ideal of the Australian cyclist in that he's a self-important lifestyle "athlete" who would never consider using a bicycle for any remotely practical purpose nor acknowledge anyone who does.  He's also the only person on the planet with a spouse and child:

Do you stop at a stop sign if there is no one around?

Yep. I'm very safety focused and don't for one second forget that I have a wife, a three-year-old girl and a geriatric staffy who need me to come home safe and sound.

The rest of us inconsiderate commuters are of course completely expendable.

And it's worth noting that even someone whose greatest wish is for drivers to "understand that cyclists are motorists also" (which would come as news to this guy) can be impossibly smug in his own way:

Who would you most like to go on a long ride with? 

I like my own company (possibly too much), so long solo rides are a real pleasure and an opportunity to reconnect with myself after a busy week. But if I really had to choose someone, I'd choose Lance Armstrong to see first-hand what it's like to talk to someone so delusional and morally impaired.

The terminal Freds are always the most bitter about how Lancey-Pants betrayed them.

By the way, having gone on plenty of long rides with the guy myself, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a lot of fun.

I mean he's no Prince of Bahrain, but still.

And with that I'm off.  I hope to see at least some of you at one of the aforementioned events, and everyone else can rest assured I'll be back on Tuesday the 21st.  (Or if you need me before that you can find me on Twitter.)

I love you THIS MUCH [indicates vast chasm with armspan],


--Wildcat Rock Macine