Friday, January 15, 2016

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Firstly, this coming Monday, January 18th, is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, which means I won't be making with the blog that day and will be back on Tuesday.

Deal with it.

Secondly, speaking of civil rights, our police still haven't forgotten how to violate them, even in the most "liberal" bastions of Canada's underpants:

A bicyclist says San Francisco police officers used excessive force after stopping him for allegedly using a cell phone in the South of Market neighborhood this month — an arrest that was partially caught on video and that has sparked an internal affairs investigation.

Yet another reason, as if we needed one, to fight these stupid cell phone bike bans.  (Unless you like giving the police more reasons to harass you.)

Donovan Reid was stopped while making a food delivery Jan. 3 for Postmates, he wrote on Facebook. The officer told him he was illegally texting, and Reid said he responded that he was actually using navigation.

Reid said that after he began recording the exchange on his phone, the officer told him to drop it. The officer then “grabbed my shirt collar and started punching me in my stomach,” Reid said. “He reached for his mace and impaired my vision and then began grabbing me by my neck and slamming me to the ground, placing his knee on my back.”

Yeah, the cyclist seemed quite menacing in that video.  I'm sure the officer will claim Reid threatened to assault him with the burrito he was delivering, and Internal Affairs will release details about its "epic" length and girth.

Bill Burr once described Boston as a "racist San Francisco," but maybe San Francisco is just a racist Boston.

Thirdly, New South Wales police deny shoving that cyclist off his bike and claim that the officer merely "tapped" him:
Funny, isn't that exactly what you tell your parents after you punch your sibling?

Meanwhile little bro's got three missing teeth and a black eye.

Sorry excuse notwithstanding, I'm not sure how gently it's possible to "tap" a cyclist while riding a motorcycle.  However, I do know that, thanks to the laws of physics, applying pressure to the shoulder region of anyone riding a two-wheeled vehicle is a good way to make them lose control and crash.  In fact, one of the things they taught us in motorcycle safety school was that you should never let a passenger hold onto your shoulders for that very reason, and you'd think a motorcycle cop would know this as well.

Or maybe--just maybe--he did know this, and as a motorcycle cop he knew exactly how to take down someone on a bicycle.

Just a thought.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see a Fredly mishap.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and I'll see you back here on Tuesday.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) The cyclist pushed off his bicycle by a police officer in Sydney deserved it because he wasn't wearing a helmet.


2) What is this?

--A meta-perceptual helmet
--A new device that allows you to see around the rider in front of you in pacelines
--A head-mounted laser cannon
--The new Rivendell smart glasses for retrogrouches

3) A proposed Missouri bill would require cyclists to:

--Obtain cycling licenses
--Register their bicycles
--Fly 15-foot fluorescent flags while riding
--Leave the state

4) The Axeon Hagens Berman U23 development team nearly collided with:

--Justin Timberlake
--Justin Bieber
--Justin Trudeau
--A jackalope

(Who would even want that?)

5) Beware of Greeks bearing:

--All of the above

6) It's a Festivus miracle!  This bearded bike commuter was gifted with a:

--Fat bike
--Large horse on wheels

7) The unlicensed driver who killed a pedestrian on a Brooklyn sidewalk gets to keep his license.


***Special Uber-Smug Bonus Video***

Fuck it, I'm leasing a Hyundai.


Pathetic Old Cyclist said...



Anonymous said...


Unknown said...

102. SECOND PRINCIPLE. If a change is made that is sufficiently large to alter permanently a long-term historical trend, then it will alter the society as a whole. In other words, a society is a system in which all parts are interrelated, and you can’t permanently change any important part without changing all other parts as well.

Two Claws said...

Two Claws Up!

Anonymous said...


ken e. said...

yo! dium

Freddy Murcks said...

Ted K. picks his butt then sniffs his finger.

Atherton said...

Top tayen bub

P. Bateman said...

top ton!

seriously, my shit is the HEAVIEST shit you'll find.

wle said...

topten ithink

Knüt Fredriksson said...


N/A said...

Wildcat, I really like the work you're doing with Jackalopes, lately. Well done.

JLRB said...


N/A said...


Anonymous said...

So... is the "dude" in the video saying that you don't ever have to eat food when you drive a car?

Go-go vegan said...

So to reduce my carbon footprint I should eat gasoline before riding? Did I miss it, or did that guy forget that one metabolizes (or at least eats meals) as a driver too?

The blog's content today successfully horrified me more than NYT's article on $4 billion Federal funding for driverless car research. However, I've done enough cat 3/4 sprints to know that one doesn't fall over when their shoulder is tapped. It's unlike Wildcat to perpetuate the notion that bikes fall over easily.

(Identify all pictures with milkshakes, yah!)

McFly said...

San Fran? I bet that wasn't his knee he placed in his back.

P. Bateman said...

geezus titty fucking christ. HUGE mistake i just made watching that video.

in no way is my desire to beat that fuck-o with my penis meant to suggest that i dont support those who choose a plant based diet nor would it be an attempt to supplement his diet with protein.

he's just deserves a pankus. that's all.

dop said...

To hell with the vegan diet, I want crabon footprints and I want them now.

dop said...

That video guy is the kind of person who could give smug condescending self-righteous pricks a bad name.

babble on said...

Sigh. Oh snobberdooders, it's everywhere, the hatred. I do find it horrifying how easy it is for an officer of the law to kill with impunity, and how often they tend to do just that. Like when a crazy person is wielding a knife and facing a number of policemen and yet somehow the poor lunatic ends up dead. It's just wrong. And as cyclists we are often profiled along with the poor and the people of colour, so we are judged and condemned accordingly. I have long loved that our Canadian police are known to be better behaved than yours but I see glimpses of the abuse of power everywhere I look and full scale racial profiling is abundantly evident, too. Our prisons heavily misrepresent our first nations people, and they are chock full of the poor and mentally ill, too. Absolute power corrupts absolutely and our police have long enforced a country founded on racism and genocide.

Oh Canada.

Sigh. But at least it's Friday, and I can ride my bike this weekend. Here's to arriving home safe and sound, every day. :)

dnk said...

To Mic. the Vegan,

I run on beans. I run on laser beans.

(I think Rockette Morton said that. Or maybe it was the Mascara Snake)

BikeSmug PDX said...

Wearing a helmet is good protection while being brutalized by sadistic psycho cops.

Anonymous said...

Did the vegan say "examinate?"

dop said...

We cyclists are the blacks of the vehicular world. A

And Freds are the blacks of cycling.

And we triathletes are the blacks of the Freds.

Say it once. Say it loud. Say, "I'm black and I'm proud".

Reggie said...

Dude, enough. Just stop.

Dooth said...

I've always suspected I'm part black. And It's not because I've got rhythm.

bad boy of the north said...

Beans beans they're good for your heart the more you eat the more you' your no.that can't be right.

Anonymous said...

What a silly video. Mic analysis ignores the fact that people driving cars still eat.

Anonymous said...

Was that Alec Baldwin in the picture accompanying the article about banning cellphones on bikes? Wonder what pressure he's runnin' in that rear tire? Maybe 15 lbs? Looks like it's time for him to rotate his air for some fresh air at a higher pressure.

Aced the quiz today, first time this year!

Why they call it Beano

Anonymous said...

You stop. Do you fear the truth in the Teds words?

Anonymous said...

The Unabomber is a dirty, stinking, faggot piece of shit. The reason he never had sex was because he was a dirty, stinking, faggot piece of shit. His Man-Fisting-Himself-O is a bunch of idiotic self-contradictory bullshit. Even compared to other assholes like jeffrey dahmer, john wayne gacy, tim mcveign, charles manson, he is a pathetic loser, at least the other evil dumbshits had a friend or two. So congrats on impersonating an asshole Ted. If you're so desperate for attention, just walk around with a load of shit on your head, you fucking troll retard.

N/A said...

If he's desperate for attention, that ought to teach him!

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

How intense is the carbon footprint emitted in that bullshit diatribe?

Anonymous said...

So what is the point Ted-Troll? Trying to inspire a copy-cat asshole to send letter bombs?
What a fucking asshole!!!!

McFly said...

I think Ted is referring to Caitlyn.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

I just shoved my high carbon footprint up Mic the vegan's arse.

Anonymous said...

Saying that despite the possibility you may have briefly been able to distract yourself from the incontrovertible fact by browsing the internet, hanging out with friends, reading, working out, or via some other diversion, sources confirmed Friday that you are still going to die one day and there is nothing you can do to prevent it.

Experts wondered if perhaps you had momentarily forgotten about that—forgotten that one day, you will be dead for all of eternity.

“At some point, you—the person reading this article right now—will simply cease to exist,” said numerous sources, who repeatedly emphasized that whether or not you’re considering your own death at any given moment has no bearing on its inevitability. “It could be today; it could be 70 years from now. The fact remains that one minute, you will be a living, breathing, conscious being with ideas and feelings and opinions and sensations, and the next, you will be nothing. Quite literally nothing.”

“And then that’s it,” experts continued. “Forever.”

At this point, sources asked if you had actually considered how long, exactly, forever is.

Numerous experts also explained to reporters how, after you have died, it will require only the most infinitesimally negligible portion of the ensuing span of time before everything you’ve ever accomplished, said, experienced, or felt is entirely forgotten—completely eradicated without even the smallest trace left behind.

Sources hastened to add that such a state of nonexistence is irreversible and will continue on infinitely, and questioned whether that was something you were currently contemplating.

“Just think—no matter how big or small or good or bad you perceive them to be, all of the choices you make during your life are, in the overall scheme of things, utterly meaningless,” sources said. “Because someday, your heart will stop beating, and blood and oxygen will no longer reach your brain, and every single memory and thought you’ve ever had will disappear and never, ever come back. That will happen to you.”

The same sources went on to question whether you fully perceived the inevitability of your own death, and not simply as a mere abstraction, but rather as the concrete, unavoidable, steadily approaching reality that it is. Indeed, these sources urged you to stop and look at your hands for a moment—really look at them, right now—and consider how they will one day rot away entirely—flesh, blood, cartilage, bone; all of it, completely gone—in the days and months and years and millennia after you have been fully and eternally extinguished from existence.

Expressing concern that you may have somehow been able to forget that you’re careening ever closer toward your own demise even while reading this sentence, sources reconfirmed that one day, you will be nothing and there will be nothing, and you will not even be aware that there is nothing.

“Are you thinking about that now?” experts asked. “Like, right now?”

Furthermore, sources added that even if you stopped reading well before this paragraph and never acknowledged the truths affirmed in this article, this would not, as if by magic, prevent you from one day being dead until the end of all time.

“It should also be noted that everyone you’ve ever known and loved is going to die, too,” experts continued. “Your mother will die; your father will die; your friends will die; your significant other will die; and so will every person you have ever seen or spoken to, or will ever meet—or never meet, for that matter. Just like you, they’ll all be gone, insensate unendingly forever and ever afterward. Have you thought about that recently?”

Experts concluded by noting that this will continue to be the case tomorrow, the next day, and every day after that until a particular day—which will be an actual, real calendar date in the future—when this inevitably happens to you. You.

dop said...

I found some crabon footprints but they're too expensive

N/A said...

When you saw only one set of footprints in the crabon, that was when the fred had a flat tire and ran out of CO2 cartridges and had to walk his sled.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Anon 316

All true, except my skeleton will fossilize and become am exhibit in a Martian Museum.

JACK LOPE said...


Anonymous said...

ISIS has a bullshit manifesto, so Ted-Troll can switch to that after his Domestic Terrorist bullshit manifesto

Anonymous said...

If Ted would post on the ISIS website they would realize there's no reason to attack the place because it has bigger loony tunes than they are. Especially if they watched the "debate" last night. Who knew "Ted" was born in the land of Rob Ford, Commie Canuck for Prez? Maybe Carlos Danger will weigh in with a comment with accompanying cell phone pic.

Y Bother said...

I find Ted's postings much less annoying than the postings of anger towards Ted.

The National Animal of Georgia said...

Anybody remember when Jimmy Carter was attacked by a swimming Jackalope?

Anonymous said...

Anom 316: "...or via some other diversion..." Like head or intercourse.

Anonymous said...

Suspected virgin found in Manhattan, unconfirmed as of press time.

babble on said...

Sidi's are my very favourite crabon footprint. I love 'em.

And yes, anonydowner, I have indeed contemplated the end. Carefully. Because every day there is the distinct, and perhaps even inevitable possibility of the rupture of the valve between my intestines, which may well end my journey here quite suddenly. I have even been there, to that very place of instantly forgetting which you reference. You know, when the meat suit has shut down and turned blue, and I have travelled there a fair few times. Yes, it is all gone in a flash, but no, that is not the end of all. Because even though the person, the "I" that is observing all that you are is tied to the body which will indeed decompose, it is not this body in its entirety. The YOU that observes all of this - that spark of awareness - is still present on the other side, even after the great forgetting.

Just sayin is all.

Anonymous said...

dnk @ 1:39

It was Rockette Morton

Grump said...

Not to take the Cop's side, but Freds often fall off their bikes if you touch them.
Maybe the guy was a Triathlete??

Joe said...

The video seems like a moot point. You get 0 miles per gallon--If you drink a gallon of gasoline, you will die.

Anonymous said...

You can believe whatever you want babble baby. But if it's important to you that what you believe is actually, you know, true, then it would be helpful if there was some evidence for the existence of this other side you speak of.

Dooth said...

Goddammit, who let the empiricist in!

D. Trump said...

I don't often eat sea food, but when I do it's only manatee run down by my yacht. Eat well my friends.

BamaPhred said...

I had beans and cabbage. I wonder wha my carbon footprint is gonna be?

The trolls "hero" said...

In the case of Gilbert B. Murray, an official of the California Forestry Association, a trade group in Sacramento who was killed in April 1995 when he opened a package bomb at his office, the prosecutors wrote, ''The bomb so badly destroyed Gil Murray's body that his family was allowed only to see and touch his feet and legs, below the knees, as a final farewell.'' Mr. Murray, the prosecutors wrote, was 46 years old, married with two children.

But Mr. Kaczynski, a Harvard-trained former professor with near genius level ability in mathematics, showed little sympathy for his victims. In one diary entry Mr. Kaczynski wrote that he had ''no regret'' about the bomb that killed Mr. Murray, who was described by Mr. Kaczynski as ''THE WRONG MAN,'' since the package had been sent to another forestry official.

Colonial Colonic Irrigation Irritation said...

Smugness Bonus:
Too Long, Did Not Watch.

They're delicious!

WryGuyHi said...

I quite like Teds comments. It's not like the other comments on this comedy blog are particularly funny either.

Joe Pesci said...

What do you mean by funny

Wryguyhi said...

Go-go-vegan: the difference is that a motorcycle has considerably more mass than a bicycle. Speed too - the cop was chasing him at contact. And the cyclist was not in a cat 3 sprint, so unlikely to be expecting contact. And that's assuming it was and not a mean, hate-filled push.

I invite you and any doubters to come ride in Sydney if you don't believe how toxic the road and police culture here has become.

leroy said...

Ride safe all!

Sydney Driver said...

@Wryguyhi, As a Sydney driver I'd just like to add "Where's ya fucking rego? Where's ya fucking licence? Get off the fucking road ya fucking self entitled scofflaw maggot".

Oh and here is why Australian's hate cyclists.

Some guy from upstate said...

So on my commute home, a motorist hesitates until I am just entering the intersection, then turns left in front of me, despite my having the right of way and despite my Cygolite Rover 2 on full bedazzle. With the traditional gesture obscured by mittens, I reflected on Monday's post and yelled "fuckin' wanker!" Very cathartic. It's true, everything sounds better with an English accent. Thanks.

Go-go vegan said...

Wryguyhi... So you think the motorcycle cop just gave the cyclist a "friendly" tap and the cyclist summarily crumpled? But, you also think the "friendly" tap was unexpected and with great momentum due to cop's speed and heavier vehicle? Bikes don't just fall over and I think we're making the same point-- the cyclist was either very startled or shoved into a crash. If I was making the argument in court for the cyclist, I'd want the jury to be really clear that moving bikes are inherently stable, not skittish tops flopping at a puff of light breeze.

Certainly the Australians have my sympathies. Don't know how a country that produces such an excellent silicone bike light can be so in the dark.

Steve Barner said...

Mr. Let'salleatrabbitfood conveniently ignores the carbon footprint that goes into the production and maintenance of an automobile, and the simple fact that the body adjusts to load in such a way that cyclists do not necessarily eat more than sit-on-my-tush types (perhaps we should call drivers "ankle athletes"). I know that I eat the same amount on days when I commute by bike (40 miles) and when I drive. Those few times I eat out at restaurants, I invariably notice people far too large to be cyclists eating way more than what I order.

Land down sunder said...

Veggie-Mic Sandwich has his head up his proverbial (or not so proverbial) arse. I guess he really did not think about what the F he was actually saying. I bet his mum is embarrassed to produce such a logical fallacy. Wait, did that make any sense?

The images of grass contained no "grass".

I played nick knack on my drum said...

RE: Anonymous Colonial Colonic Irrigation Irritation said...

How can you be less than three vegans? You are more likely to be less than OR EQUAL to three vegans. Oh this newfangled computer linguistic stuff is soooo confusing.

Roille Figners said...

THIRD RULE. IS. Don't talk to commies.
FOURTH RULE. IS. Eat kosher salami.

Man this could've been a real rankly, ragey, anger-makey post, but it's a whole different vibe when you read it at night, instead of in the morning in a CAFFEINE RAGE.

Anon 3:16, aha, guessed it was the Onion. They adhere to the classic style like always. Although they also drone on too long like they started doing at some point. That particular one leaves something to be desired in how it's all "have you contemplated death" and immediately betrays how little experience the writer has with it. It would be funnier if I weren't constantly going "yeah no shit Sherlock" the whole time. Have I thought about death lately? Shit, only at the last 5 funerals I went to, and every time I "almost die" on a bike, and every time I get tired at night. And if I ever forget, there's all these accumulating aches and pains to remind me. Meanwhile he's all like, "Do you realize your precious, precious self will stop existing, and nobody will even remember?!?! And mommy & daddy might die too, and you'll stop getting your allowance!" (So cute!) I'm like, shit will the aches and pains finally stop? Sign me up!

Cross Walker said...

This is true! The greater the amount of times that one pushes the'walk' button while waiting to cross the street, the lesser is one's iq.

Mr Lobstermash said...

I hate it when people talk about CO2 emissions from burning things that got their carbon from the air as the same thing as CO2 emissions from burning fossil fuels. The former has likely been in the atmosphere for only a century or two, whereas fossil fuels have been are reintroducing carbon that hasn't been in the atmosphere for millions of years.

Now when it comes to methane, those vegans are producing more than their fair share...

Anonymous said...

NY Times article for Babs "With the Rise of Justin Trudeau, Canada Is Suddenly ... Hip? By PETER STEVENSON

Riding High said...

My hands don't want to respond to commands from my brain. My arms are numb. So why do I think I can fly? Time to follow Alice down the rabbit hole!

jodphoto said...

Booby trapped bait bike.

Not sure how I feel about it.

Riding High said...

No. Not down the rabbit hole, not yet, that is not warrented. I think I just discovered the meaning of life by scutinizing the patterns of burnt bread crumbs spread out like a cosmic road map in the bottom of my toaster-oven.

Unknown said...

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Unknown said...

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Gita Kandel said...

Dude, it is enough, love to see pic and read article

ken e. said...

way to bring the thread down mr. obat. was readying the razor-sharp wit for some deep thoughts.



McFly said...

performa pasturi,

kuat sex? Have you ever seen a Kuat bike rack? That has got to be painful.

Dooth said...

Obat the kuat is going on around here?!

Phil Ligget said...

He's reaching deep into his suitcase of scranus

BamaPhred said...

Obat kuat Scranus.

Roille Figners said...

Obat the kuat, a klook-a-mop

(If anybody gets that reference I'll be surprised)

My employer didn't give us MLK Day off, so I TOOK it off. From the curvaceous slopes of California to the stank-ass shores of the Gowanus, let freedom ring!

bad boy of the north said...

bowie, frey.tough start to this year.r.i.p.,glenn

JLRB said...

Tuesdays scranus is cold

Tennessee Williams said...

Cat on a Hot Tin Scranus

Liz Taylor said...

Scranus on a Hot Tin Roff

N/A said...

Green Eggs And Scranus

pluto said...

rings around urscranus

Napolean said...

Able was I, ere I saw scranus

Unknown said...

vsk said ...

I don't know what to say, it's too globally cool outside!!
As a man, I want to go make some of that man made global warming to make it more palatable outside.


dnk said...

I fell into a burning ring of scranus

Anonymous said...

I've seen the 'fuck taxis' man a few times, somewhat predictably, he rides like a prick.

babble on said...

Anonydoubter @ 4:34 - Heh. That's funny, cause this old bod is so incredibly well documented. I have "shut down" in hospital several times, sometimes even bleeding out of a certain nether orifice. I can't tell you how many times people around me have said "Oh my God, you were dead!" as I've come to. The worst was hearing the little guy pleading "No mummy no please don't die please don't die!" and since you asked me whether I need more evidence of this other side, all I can tell you is that inevitably I find my SELF (the witness within) somewhere else thinking "Oh fuck I died again" before I go back. And on the other side it's a lot like waking from a dream here where I quickly forget what happens here. Except sometimes I hear crying or people I love shouting "Breathe, Kerry, BREATHE!!!" in panic and terror.

(My heart has stopped in hospital, more than once, and so of course my breathing stops, too.) And then I do breathe again, sometimes after those electrical shocks they give you, and sometimes on my own it seems, or with someone doing cpr. And I come back again to the pain and there are red freckles of petechiae all over my face, a cosmetic reminder of my cosmic adventure. That is why no matter how bad it hurts I am almost always happy. I am happy to be alive, because it is a blessed state to have a body with which to sense the universe and to create, to manifest. But I still exist out there without this.

My llittle guy drown once. He was blue on the bottom of a pool and I pulled him out and my friend was right there, she's an ER nurse at Peace Arch hospital and she gave the air first in breath of fire (2-3 breaths per second) bursts before clearing the lungs of oxygen. She brought him back within 30 seconds, and before the helicopter arrived, so he suffered no brain damage, blessed be. Six months after that event my six year old boy said "Mum, do you remember the day I nearly drowned and you were scared?" To which I replied "Yes, of course!" and he said "You shouldn't have been scared. I was alright. My soul didn't like deep water so it went somewhere else, but I was alright." This was well before he witnessed my "seizure" and we had never discussed death in any real detail before this, except in reference to that fateful day when the whole lot of us spent a couple of hours- twice-undergoing a bit of trauma therapy.

I need no further evidence, and don't really care what you believe.

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