Thursday, July 23, 2015

It's all coming together, though it's missing a few pieces.

Further to yesterday's post, you WILL be relieved to learn I put my rear hub back together yesterday:

It is still short one (1) bearing, but I rode around the neighborhood in flip-flops for five minutes and the hub seems perfectly fine.  And since a flip-flop shakedown ride is exactly the same thing in terms of rear hub stress as picking your way up a steep, rocky ascent in your lowest gear , I'm confident that the bearing shortage won't be an issue.

Plus, more importantly, the bike is now .443 grams lighter thanks to the missing bearing, and this weight savings is going to translate directly into PERFORMANCE!  (Remember that one?)

Either that, or into crushing my "pants yabbies" on my top tube when the rear hub gives up, I suppose all this remains to be seen.

Of course I could just buy a replacement bearing cage for the price of like one (1) beer, but I've already spent so much effort linking to it I'm not sure I can go the extra millimeter and place the order.

And I'd rather have the beer.

By the way, looking at my bike as pictured above, I've realized two things:

1) It's very dirty;

2) It's totally obsolete.

In fact, it's more than obsolete--it's downright primitive by bicycle industry standards.  Just look at this list of outdated features:

--Non-single-ring-specific single-ring drivetrain;
--Non-inverted suspension fork;
--Non-dropper seatpost;
--Non-thru axle quick release hubs;

And, worst of all...INNER TUBES!!!

According to the bicycle industry it should not be possible to ride this thing.

Speaking of heedlessness, sometimes when a cyclist hits a pedestrian the pedestrian wins:

"He dodged a car and then just kept riding in the bike lane but going the wrong way," Salim said. "He was going the wrong way. No helmet, no nothing."

I resent the implication that the rider's helme(n)tlessness somehow enhances the wrongitude of his salmoning.  So what, if he had been wearing a helme(n)t then it would have been okay?

Furthermore, Salim owns a business called "Salim Smoke Shop," and it seems to me that someone who MAKES A LIVING SELLING THE LEADING PREVENTABLE CAUSE OF DEATH IN THE UNITED STATES doesn't get to criticize someone for not wearing a helme(n)t.

Then again, the rider did crack his head open, so I suppose I have to allow it:

"The UPS guy walked out and was looking the other way and the bike hit him," he said. "The bicyclist flipped over a couple of times. His head cracked open."

The biker, who was in his 40s, was taken to Kings County Hospital, police said.

The pedestrian refused medical attention at the scene.


And that's why you shouldn't salmon.

As for the helme(n)t, I doubt this would have turned out very well for him no matter what he was wearing on his head--though some sort of spring might have bounced him back onto his feet again.

By the way, check out the police taking bike porn shots of that beefy bottom bracket:

Yep, there it is, your answer to the riddle "How many cops does it take to photograph a bike?".  (One to operate the camera, one to take notes, and one to sleep while standing up.)  So it turns out the NYPD can collect evidence at a crash scene--but only in the event that it was cause by a cyclist.  I'm sure they're figuring out how many charges they can pile on the salmoner while his skull bones knit together.  Meanwhile, when you drive your car into a Dunkin' Donuts they swaddle you in a blanket, buy you a salted caramel hot chocolate, and give you a gift certificate for a free car wash.

Indeed, cars and Dunkin' Donuts go together like coffee and...well, donuts:

They really need to change the slogan from "America Runs On Dunkin'" to "America Runs Into Dunkin'."

And if you're reading this north of the border, please allow me to translate this into Canadian for you:

We may eat different types of bacon, and you guys may talk a little funny (I don't mean the accents, I mean the politeness), but underneath it all we're basically the same--by which I mean none of us can drive for shit.

Alas, one wonders if things may have turned out better for the unfortunate salmoner if only he'd had access to life-saving headphones that tell you what to do while you ride:

You've got to appreciate a Kickstarter that involves nothing more than a sketch on graph paper accompanied by a paragraph that tells you all the cool stuff it's gonna do:

Well my design process is taking a while but I plan on having headphones with a mask that lays on top of your head, and comes down when you're in high winds (such as a person on a bike) or when a manual button is pushed,speaks to you letting you know that something is behind with the use of a night vision camera and possibly give you voical directions, has Bluetooth and wired connection to moble devices and Lots of other features. So I would like to get this out there if possible. I really would like to get the funding soonso I can get started right away on the prototype.

The breathless prose evokes Ralphie's theme in "A Christmas Story:"

What I want for Christmas is a Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time.  I think that everybody should have a Red Ryder bb gun.  They're very good for Christmas.  I don't think a football is a very good Christmas present.

Neither do I.

If "Christmas Story" took place today Ralphie would have launched a Kickstarter for that BB gun and the movie would have been over in five minutes.

Penultimately, Look has a new super-expensive Fredcycle, and they appear to be aiming it straight at the Specialized Venge-Schmenge:

The 795 is not cheap, by anyone's standards. The 795 Aerolight with Shimano Ultegra Di2 and Mavic CXR 60s we have in for test goes for US$13,499 / £7,999. It weighs 7.47kg / 16.47lb in size Large.

Indeed, now that it's almost impossible to build a heavy road bike low weight is no longer a selling point, so clearly the bike companies have turned their attention to giving Fred a boner over aerodynamics.  Just check out this eerily streamlined and featureless cockpit, which looks like the genital area of a Ken doll:

It's as flat as Levi Leipheimer's personality, but the same can't be said about the front of Fred's shorts when he beholds this wind-cheating douche chariot.

And lastly, two (2) very different people who have helped me with my BRA (that's "Book-Related Appearance" of course) in the past have asked me to share with you two very different events.

So here goes.

Firstly, Esteemed Commenter Daddo One has a friend who is raising money for cancer research as part of the Pan-Mass Challenge:

It's a sad story and if I attempt to recount it here I'll cry, but the upshot is that if you give $25 you get a raffle ticket for a Parlee:

Here are the details:

-Tickets are $25 ea. Purchase as many tickets as you like! There is a very modest reserve to cover some of the bike costs. Though I fully expect the reserve to be met, if it is not, all funds will be promptly returned to the participants.

-To purchase tickets, the preferred method is to send a check made out to Branfman/Team Kermit to my address; 43 Chinian Path, Newton, MA 02459. Include your full contact information including email, snail mail, and phone. You may also purchase tickets by making an online donation to Team Kermit: Include a note with your donation saying "Parlee Fundraiser"  to be sure that we see it as such. All ticket purchases will be acknowledged within 24 hours.

-Ticket purchases will be accepted until Monday August 3, 6PM Eastern time.

-The winning ticket will be chosen that evening at our Team Kermit Post PMC cookout and will be announced to the public via email the next day. The winner will be contacted by email and phone.

-The process of frame size selection, custom fit, bicycle build, and final delivery will then be arranged. There are also options for upgrades in componentry which would be the responsibility of the winner.

A Parlee, by the way, is a type of bicycle that is much prized for its Fred-tasticness.

Secondly, this guy, who was my fixer when I went to Cleveland, wants you to buy a ticket to a screening of "Heroes of Dirt:"

You don't win a Parlee and it doesn't do shit for cancer research as far as I can tell, but apparently you get to see this movie, which I assume will be shown in a spirit of drunken irony--and what else are you going to do in Cleveland anyway?

Clearly the filmmakers left no cliché unturned.

Now I'm going to go turn all that bearing money savings into beer.


Unknown said...

44. But for most people it is through the power process—having a goal, making an AUTONOMOUS effort and attaining the goal—that self-esteem, self-confidence and a sense of power are acquired. When one does not have adequate opportunity to go through the power process the consequences are (depending on the individual and on the way the power process is disrupted) boredom, demoralization, low self-esteem, inferiority feelings, defeatism, depression, anxiety, guilt, frustration, hostility, spouse or child abuse, insatiable hedonism, abnormal sexual behavior, sleep disorders, eating disorders, etc. [note 6 to follow.]

James said...

first. Ted doesnt count

Unknown said...


Anonymous said...



Vernal Magina said...


NYCHighwheeler said...

Take that thing over to Sprain!

See you on the Trail Scag!

Have fun

Hurben said...

Top Ten!

I demand compulsory drug testing for the Podiums

Southold Town Police Chief Martin Flatus said...

The bottom bracket is not the only beefy thing. Look at those cops. More PT time for those guys and lay off the donuts.

samh said...


Go-Go-Gadget said...

Sorry, busy looking for mouse turds among my bearings.

wishiwasmerckx said...

last of the top ten...

babble on said...

Holy shit!! Does that count as a miracle, the changing of money into beer? Jebus, you might just be the Son of Lob.

dop said...

Wildcat: You are not short a bearing. You're missing a ball.

PotbellyJoe said...

Excellent as usual Snobi Wan.

I was once told that accounting is learning to separate black pepper from fly shit.

So cycling is learning to separate bearing from mouse shit.


Turning money into beer is one thing, learning to turn beer into money is the real trick.

1. you can brew it yourself and after years of terribly failed experiments, you may stumble upon a recipe that works, sells and boom you have a brand cyclists want to put on their jerseys. After 15 years you may recoup 120% of your investment.
2. You can sell it to the teenagers in the alley next to the store. You'll immediately make 200% of your investment.

I'd put in for the Parlee, but I'm already backing a rider in the PMC, and I don't want to have to hold two betting sheets and hope the odds work out in my favor.

I am not a robot, robots don't tell cops to lay off of the Donuts.

Anonymous said...

14th! Babble doesn't count.

McFly said...

Very dirty and totally obsolete.....isn't that the definition of a Cougar?

Passive/Aggressive Voice said...

Why is it that yesterday "a bunch of bearings (went) flying all over the basement" and today "I put my rear hub back together"?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Passive/Aggressive Voice,

Because I'm only responsible for the good stuff.

--Wildcst Etc.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...smoke shop owner's name, salim, loosely translates to 'healthy'. o, the irony.

Sid said...

Wait! won't the coefficient of friction now be different on each side of the rear hub, thus leading to unpredicable and perhaps catastrophic results?

Fred Nifacent said...

Why does it seem that donut shops have this desire to commit suicide (donuticide) by leaping in front of cars in the northern hemisphere?

P. Bateman said...

i'd go watch that Dirt bike hero save inner city youths but alas, my weekend is pretty busy with all that Cube Gleaming i've lined up.

oh well.

p.s. - snob, careful on that old fashioned death trap. god knows every time i ride i expect my 1980's components that shift flawlessly and silently to fly off like deadly shrapnel into my eyes.

Another Reason I'm Glad I Don't Live in NYC said...

"I could just buy a replacement bearing cage for the price of like one (1) beer...

Linked web site quotes $7.50 plus shipping for that bearing cage. Around here that buys a six pack of pretty good good brew.

NYCHighwheeler said...

Wow, Heros O' Dirt looks rad.

I'm sorry, I mean RAD! As in like "Send me an Angel", Bicycle Boogie kind of RAD!


Freddy Murcks said...

There was a line at the dive thru. A policeman's time is very important. As such, he was justified in driving into the DD. A policeman can't be waiting in line all day - there's crime he gotta be fightin'.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Another Reason I'm Glad I Don't Live In NYC,

We have stores all over town that will sell you a six pack of pretty much every conceivable beer for about that price too.

I was using the price of a very good beer served to me at a simulating world-class drinking establishment, of which we have many.

This is why I am glad I live in NYC.

Or I guess I could be drinking a six pck in a parking lot somewhere.

--Wildcat Etc.

trama said...

Don't take this the wrong way, but your bouncy bike is a miserable eyesore. If I were you, or someone at least similarly burdened by such an obsolete abomination, I'd travel somewheres tropical, and check the bike as is. I wouldn't even lower the seat or use a "toe strap" to lock the front wheel in place. Nope, I'd just toss it onto the heap of luggage and say something cheerful to the tired lady checking us all in (after all, on small tropical airlines at least, she's going to join you on your flight and be in charge of she is very key to the success of the entire operation.) Later, when I'm sitting there, drinking rum drinks out of coconuts, or hollowed-out pineapples, I'd recall the fact that I did in fact check a bike. But here is what I'd do if I were you, or someone similar; I'd walk straight off the plane, through the echoing hall with important types stamping passports, their gaudy epaulets akimbo. I'd appreciate the small filthy rotating fan stirring the warm moist air as I waited for them to thumb through my passport, until they found a fresh page to besmirch with their illegible entry stamp. Then, this is key to the success of the entire operation, then I'd walk straight out of the airport and hail a cab to the nearest beach/bar/combo deal. I 'd leave that bike to be birthed broken and alone into the tropical world, as it pushes it way through the rubber flaps separating the passengers from the luggage gorillas. There it might circle for the better part of an hour, going around and around, unclaimed.

CommieCanuck said...

You're a sitting duck at Tim Hortons. The place attracts old people like flies to old people. Bland, soft, food and "coffee" that can only be swallowed with double cream and double sugar. It was the inspiration behind Mike Myers' "Stan Mikita Donuts" in Chicago for Wayne's World.
True story: NHL player and namesake founder Tim Horton died in a car crash.

You can't have a Look 796, you'll put yer eye out, and don't joke about Ken's genital areas, for years as a child I thought that was normal and I had some kind of horrible tumor that I was still willing to live with.


"simulating world-class drinking establishment", parking lot or my back porch, the beer tastes the same.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Throwback Turdsday -

"Kyle's beard is fake".


crosspalms said...

I'm in the market for an ugly $14,000 bike that I can't fix anything on and that won't take fenders. Any suggestions?

Anonymous said...

So wait, three (3) observations about "Dirtwheels of Hell: a BMX Affair."
1) It's set in Canada, correct? I couldn't tell thru the judges syrupy drawl, but I think he said "Calgary" what's with the gun play? They have handguns there???
2) Was that a Cru Jones/Bill Allen cameo? Please tell me, b/c I'm not watching that preview again...
3) That surreptitious "God is love" quote put a total spin on that whole movie. Where's Kirk Cameron? He's hiding around here somewhere.

Bryan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bryan said...

WCRM - while stumbling to your yootoob channel to look at dat beefy bottom bracket, I noticed you ahd a video of you riding at night with your Fly about mesmerizing. The light that goes around in a circle is picked up quite well in the video. I'm afraid if someone claps 3 times I will bark like leroy's dog.

First time I have seen the Performance video, and thought it was quite funny, as was Shit Cyclists Say which was linked in the sidebar.

That Look..ew, in a word. All that money and they couldn't put Di2 Dura Ace on it? I wonder what happens if you ever need to change your brakes for some the whole fork trashed? Obviously I am sure no one here has an answer to that, but just wondering aloud.

If the Jesus can turn water into wine, and you can turn a bearing cage into beer, clearly you must be the 2nd cumming of Christ.

Anonymous said...

I can vouch for Tim Hortans coffee being down right awful. Last year in Montreal, after spending the night in the ER, I badly needed a coffee for the next day's activities (or lack thereof for me). Could not get three sips down. Blah!

Runon said...

Slowly, but with quiet determination, I tightened the larger of the two cone wrenches until the bearing seemed to have the perfect combination of both minimum play and drag, and then and only then did I turn my attention to the beer that was balanced on the edge of the kitchen countertop.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

MCSpandex' use of the pump girlz is pure genius.

Kids These Days said...

MC SpandeX's green bike has a triple crank. Is that irony to show the sarcasm?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Well, surprise, surprise...what a disappointment this TdF has turned out to be.

Quintana bragged "Just wait til the high mountains. I will attack and attack and ride every contender off my wheel." Instead, he has stayed glued to Froome's back wheel the entire way.

Quintana has smelled every fart Froome has let out this entire tour.

Grump said...

That's not obsolete. If you want obsolete, see my old Stumpjumper, with 8 speed triple crank, with 26" wheels, and a Judy fork. (Yes, I do have a spare rear Just in case)

Olle Nilsson said...

"He was going the wrong way. No helmet, no nothing."

I kept asking myself "What's the nothing he's referring to?". Ask and Snob shall deliver: Life saving headphones.

I'm seriously thinking of pledging a dollar to every stale $0 Kickstarter campaign, just to give that false sense of hope. And on the off chance someone gets funded? Well, can't buy a beer for a dollar, so no great loss. Like that'll happen.

Anonymous said...

"Quintana bragged "Just wait til the high mountains. I will attack and attack and ride every contender off my wheel." Instead, he has stayed glued to Froome's back wheel the entire way."

Where/when did he say that?

Here are a few thing he has been saying:

"Finishing runner-up wouldn't be a failure for me, rather a huge honour, but there's still a long way to go in this Tour and we'll give everything to win...”

“It cost us a bit of energy, but we tried to attack the leader on several occasions. Sky were able to control all the attacks, ours as much as Alberto [Contador] and Vincenzo [Nibali]. They dominated and showed they’re very strong, Froome as much as his teammates....But we’ll keep trying and dreaming. There’s still a lot to come, and until the final mountain stage we won’t stop."

We have not got to Froome but we have weakened Sky and now come the more serious stages, which favour me, with longer climbs and tougher finishes where we can try to scratch back some time...When I saw him [Froome] without teammates, we wanted to see how he felt. Mine are good and you have to keep trying. Today we have also got on the podium with Alejandro Valverde and we maintained the lead in the team classification by quite a margin and I think that the balance of the day has been quite favourable for the team."

Race to win. Don't care when it is over.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Well, the MSNBC commentators said that Quintana said that. I wasn't there to fact-check them.

1904 Cadardi said...

Is that headphone/mask thingy being worn by an alien?

That pic is downright creepy. Kill it. Kill it with fire. And since it's just a piece of paper that should be pretty easy.

Roille Figners said...

Since we're still on about freehubs and such, well then if I may say so, the Shimano freehub body is the AK-47 of freehubs. Indestructible, tolerant of water and dirt, tolerant of lack of maintenance, reliable, long-lasting, made out of readily available parts and serviceable with readily available tools, and if and when it finally becomes unusable it is easily replaced. For these reasons it is the tool of rebels and underdogs everywhere. Or you can get yourself the equivalent of a Lockheed $37,000,000 remote ummanned aircraft like the imperialist aggressors. While you're at it just go ahead and become a Yankees fan. Though of course Rollie reserves especial hatred for the Sawx only, so maybe he's a Yanks fan like the US was an Iraq fan back when Iran was Boston.

My meds!

Anonymous said...

you give new meaning to "he's one bearing short of a full rear hub".

The King of Park Slope said...

Schrodinger's rear hub.

Anonymous said...

Cars not only crash into Dunkin Donuts, but Starbucks, McDonalds (more than one car at a time even), residential houses, daycare centers, buses, trains, even boats. So much for the make yourself visible (like with a point-value target??) safety theory.

Spokey said...


that was the reputation after first use. apparently you needed a guinea pig to 'break it in' so to speak. if it didn't blow up after the first use it was great.

are shimano hubs like that too? i think my '94 cannondale has shimano hubs. maybe the only biek i've had them on. guess someone road it before i bought it as i'm still here.

BamaPhred said...

I can identify with simulating a world class drinking establishment in a parking lot. The "establishment" was a Plymouth,

David G said...

The cop can indeed sleep standing up, but for essential REM sleep he has to spend part of his shift sacking out in the patrol car.

Knüt Fredriksson said...

Go for.the big weight savings by removing every other bearing in the race. That would also restore the symmetry. ( important if you are scranally retentive or obsessive compulsive)

dnk said...

Okay, the Kickstarter headphones drawing was funny and all, but before heaping the creator with scorn on the creator, note that according to his profile, he is "only making $18.22 a month, but it's better than nothing. I have been diagnosed with add,adhd,fas and asphergers so focusing on things that..."

Does Kickstarter vet project content before it goes on their site?

PotbellyJoe said...

I've, strangely, only ever had Shimano hubs. It's not even fully intentional.

My 97 Giant Igauna SE had Altus hubs, my K2 Zed (I forget the year) has XT hubs, My road bike Ultegra. The 1993 Rockhopper has LX hubs. i never realized how good i had it until i helped a friend with a damaged DT Swiss hub.

The 93 Rockhopper can attest to still working despite a lack of maintenance. I bought it in 2013 with the original tires, grips, seat, cables and everything else. 20 year old everything and it lived as a commuter for a nurse. It was in sad shape, but a little grease and I use it now as an errand bike, more frequently (although over less distance) than any of my other bikes.

Sure the hub is nearly silent compared to my friends' hubs, but I regard longevity as the true sign of a quality hub, not that a hoard of angry bees live inside it.

Anonymous said...

The owner of my LBS once said of Chris King hubs "They cost twice as much because they have twice as many parts."

Noise is the sound of mechanical things wearing out.

Anonymous said...

One day, when trying to remove the cassette from my non-shimano hub, I noticed that it had fused itself to the freehub body by cutting into the splines. With a little investigation, I learned that some notable manufacturers employ aluminum in the construction of their freehub bodies, apparently to save some grams. From that day forth, I vowed to solely run/rock/shred shimano hubs built with steel freehub bodies. Just one other reason to go with shimano hubs.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 5:31pm,

Yes! Ironically, you can get Chris King hubs with a steel carrier...but it will cost you more to get all the way up to Shimano 105-level durability.

--Wildcat Etc.

CockpitCop said...

Try moving the brake levers down another degree or two on that inbred of yours. Only then will they point straight down.

Unknown said...

I read your post a few days ago regarding the impaled cyclist. This week's New England Journal of Medicine publised an Image in Medince with a clinical summary. You'll be happy to know there is no mention of helmet use.

Spokey said...

my shimano hub on the cannondale is so quiet that if there are no cars I still can't hear it while coasting. have to have it up and put my ear near the rear axle.

now my hugi on the americano allows my to roll around without any bells, whistles, or anything (actually do have a bell though). it is the loudest thing around. but i doubt that means it is wearing out faster. these are the same hubs comotion used (don't know what they are using today) on their tandems and triples. i'm guessing they did their research.

that said i do think i'm about to pop my third bottom bracket (isis or is it an isil bb now) in. first two were raceface. might be looking for something better this time.

BikeSnobNYC said...


Nah, I think I'll rotate them up so they're sticking straight out like I'm riding a friggin Fartly-Davidson.

--Wildcat Etc.

the Jimboner said...

TK is CJ???

Unknown said...

"TK is CJ???"


Runon said...

No... Not yet. I pulled my trembling hand away from the bottle of beer, it's smooth sides glistening with condensation, announcing to the world a destiny of slaking thirst and yet at the same time ever so slightly distorting the imbiber's perception of reality, and with steely eyes, looked directly at the other wheel hub.

Jason said...

Can you really count it as savings when you shouldn't have lost the bearing in the first place...?

Tuxie said...

Giant Iguana...

Dooth said...

I have a Shimano fishing reel.

Freddy Murcks said...

All this talk of the quality of Shimano hubs makes me want to put in a plug for their wheels too. I recently affixed a set of Ultegra-level road tubeless wheels to my gravel racer (Yes, I have a gravel racer. Sue me if you don't fuckin' like it.) and I cannot say enough good things about those wheels. I have them set up tubeless with non-tubeless tires, and they have been flawless. The setup was almost too easy. I recently completed the Crusher in the Tushar, which is notoriously hard on equipment, without any trouble at all. And on a training ride I hit a rock on a descent hard enough to dent the rim. Nevertheless, the tire did not burp and it didn't even knock the wheel out of true. I fixed the dent and the wheel is still perfect. The value of high quality, high strength aluminum and a quality build by people who care is not to be underestimated. I will probably be able to will the hubs to my grandchildren.

Frobac said...

Anonymous Southold Town Police Chief Martin Flatus,

To quote Neal Stephenson's Zodiac, the cop on the left has one hell of an "authority belly". The senior officer at the scene? I'd like to think so.

Snikebob said...

Sloping top tubes look crap no matter how far into the stem they extend. Plus what is the point of streamlining 2 parts into one, only to then angle the resulting arrangement up and away from where it would minimise the area presented to oncoming air? What that Look contraption now needs is a 20" front wheel to rectify this oversight.

On the other hand, it would seem that removing a mouse turd-like part from your bike - any mouse-turd like part - will make that bike a little less revolting.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Dooth I too have a Shimano fishin reel. That thing is well over 20 years old and still casts, reels and catches fishes.

You haters can hate all you want on King hubs. I have a pair that I've never done a lick of maintenance on and they're still turning smooth as can be. They're so old their black anodize is going purple. I like the loud buzzer because it alerts oblivious pedestrians in my path. Don't have to have a bell that freewheel makes such a racket.

leroy said...

My dog assures me that if a hub with a missing bearing is spun backwards you will hear "I buried Pawl."

I think it's a trick to get me to put my ear near moving parts.

Unless it's a canine auditory thing because dogs hear stuff we can't.

benDE said...

Hey team, can we go back to those cops?

I'm thankfully not a uniform expert (despite my current German residency) but either all NYC's finest are now patrolling in English gentleman's riding boots or these are mounted police officers who were forced to step down of their steeds to do the daily dirty work on the streets.

To which I can only wonder with the sorgsamkeit of a German Oma: WHERE ARE THEIR FUCKING HELMENTS!!!!!

Bashō Yoda said...

"Unless it's a canine auditory thing because dogs hear stuff we can't."

No cranes in those trees
But instead Egrets they are
No need to thank me

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Great commentatulations yesterday. I only wish I could have made a small contribution, but my job SUCKS!

JLRB said...

Reading day late (but not a bearing short).

Smooth as a Ken Doll's genitals and Christmas Story references - gold mined from childhood!

JLRB said...

If TK were CJ the bot would be droning on and on about male exploits and triumphs over crazy nymphos, etc.

JLRB said...

"boredom, demoralization, low self-esteem, inferiority feelings, defeatism, depression, anxiety, guilt, frustration, hostility, spouse or child abuse, insatiable hedonism, abnormal sexual behavior, sleep disorders, eating disorders, etc."

Another day at the office

Bill Cosby said...

Well I finally got the chance to hook up with my high school crush.

It got awkward because she really wants me to come to her graduation.

JLRB said...

That headphones kickstarter is clearly the result of the weednesday - half baked and falsely creative. I can see the cheetos dust on the keyboard.

ChamoisJuice said...

Dood, I read that unibomber manifesto on a beach in Mexico 15 years ago. It's quite the pessimist world view; people are the number one problem on earth. Which I agree with. Wholeheartedly. However, I have beef with the whole murder people thing. I'd prefer to just get hella blazed, hide out in the woods, have fun on bikes, try and put my penis inside women without procreating, and hope I'm gone before shit really starts hitting the fan.
I have been in the tri-state area the last week. Brought my mtb, which while an awesome shred sled with medium sized wheels, 150mm of front rear AND seat post travel, siktor low, slack, long geo, is almost completely useless in the nyc area. What good is a sweet mtb, when you have no sweet trails?!
With this insight, I am less of a hater on bikesnob's fucked up mtbs. Yes, his levers are too low and far out, which would give you gnarly forearm pump on long epic descents. However, there are no epic downhills in ny, so?!? What difference does it make?
I did head up to mountain creek, the closest downhill mtb resort to nyc. It was actually pretty rowdy! Gnar rock lines! However, everyone there is gaper status. I ran my dorklogger/strava for a few laps, and got top 10's all time on most trails. 1st time riding there, on a trail bike, middle aged, not really that fast :/ New Yorkers suck at mountain bikes. Fact.
Tinder>strava, for the record.
I borrowed my old man's antiquated 10 speed, and did the river road ride backwards. Gw bridge, Williamsburg, out to some El Salvadorian food truck in red hook, back over Brooklyn bridge. Bout 75 miles, longest road bike ride I ever did.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you about not procreating. Smashing good idea ol' bean.

ChamoisJuice said...

I have been allocating my bsnyc commenting time toward tinder game spitting. Equally as entertaining, and I even get laid sometimes.

I feel like the last time I checked in here, I was talking about trying to knock up that smart, red head graduate student/ college prof. Welp, she got a professor job in Illinois. :0( turns out, she was using ME for my body! How's that for a cruel twist of fate? Or karma or something.

I do have a ny tinderella. She's really cool, professional photographer, travels tons, cool vintage Porsche. Total wino, good body, butterface. She's welsh, don't really need to say more.
Got a couple other numbers which I kinda regret not chasing harder. Bird in hand worth two in the bush. I actually had a drink date lined up with this high school ap bio teacher last night, but ended up day drinking on the welsh bird's patio instead. I did text the bio girl late, and claimed to have let a nap get away from me. The nyc tour acted as a believable excuse. Gonna try again tomorrow

CJ's Mom said...

Your a loser and will always be a loser - when will you learn to treat women with respect and dignity?

Spokey said...

a banner day. i'm actually up before the quiz is posted.

youse all bitchin about your job interfering with your commenting.

solution quite / retire and join the indolent masses. it's really fun and never boring.

BikeSnobNYC said...



--Wildcat Rock Machine

ChamoisJuice said...

Dood, rly!

Tinder needs to implement a KOM feature.

JLRB said...

So, does Contador just suck at going downhill? No steak taint available to fix that?

JLRB said...

So Tinder? Is that the swipe right, swipe left sadness? Is it kindalike te Adult Friendfinder or Ashley Madison ?

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Just to set the rekkids straight ... this is NOT me !!!

560-Pound Man Riding Bike Across USA In Effort To Shed Weight...

Although I have had my set of wheel issues. Late breaking - my right pedal cage is separating from the body at the heel side. Dang.

My Langster has a creaky crank! Gotta put some Locktite on the thing.


Jobz Boner said...

Jesus fucking christ. CJ's back? I was hoping that some woman that he disrespected had stabbed that motherfucker to death. You know, however, it's only a matter of time. Someone who is that big of an asshole will cross the wrong person at some point. Let's hope it's sooner rather than later.

ChamoisJuice said...

okok, here's the joke that sealed the deal with the welsh bird.

A drunk is getting pretty tore up at the pub, and thinks he will take his chances with a pair of heavy ladies sitting at the bar.

"Heyyyy, I couldn't help but notice your lovely accents? Are you ladies from Scotland?"

"Wales, you idjit!"

Pardon me. Are you whales from Scotland?

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

All Hail the JUICE !


Pathetic Old Cyclist said...


Spokey, retirement on the distant horizon......

5 years ago on Huey the Alpe said...

On the mountain, an estimated 900,000 fans screamed their support for the riders. The noise was tremendous, a deafening cacophony of shouts, cowbells and car horns as fans went wild from the excitement and anticipation; some of them had been waiting on the mountainside for more than three days. Through it all, Armstrong, Ullrich and Basso rode in veritable shrouds of silence, their faces set in grim determination and suffering.

Basso quickly began to lose time to Armstrong, as the American swept through the 9.5km time check with the fastest ascent of the day, 40 seconds faster than Ullrich and 1:15 better than Basso, who he was catching on the road.

As Ullrich rounded the last corner, he slammed into a higher gear and accelerated to the finish, crossing in a best time of 40:42. Behind, the only rider who threatened was Armstrong. But Armstrong was threatening, catching, in fact, his two-minute man Basso, who briefly matched Armstrong's pedaling but couldn't sustain the furious pace.

No longer last man on the road, Armstrong gathered momentum to the finish, sweeping down the final straight at full power to cross the line 1:01 better than Ullrich--coincidentally his final winning margin last year over the German. Basso crossed seconds later at 42:04, his bid for the Tour lead over.

Armstrong solidified his lead but did not appear to enjoy himself on the day. Afterward, he commented on the attitudes of some of the fans on the roadside.

"I don't think it's a good idea to have a time trial on the Alpe," he said to French television at the finish. "It was scary. There were too many people, a lot of Germans, a lot of Belgians who weren't being too nice." Armstrong's dominance has not sat well with some fans, who also added anti-Lance graffiti to the road. But with the time trial safely over, Armstrong can tick off one more day's ride to Paris as complete.

With the victory, Armstrong now takes a commanding 3:48 lead over Basso. Ullrich continues to lose time but gain places in the standings, leapfrogging Illes Baleares-Banesto rider Francisco Mancebo into fourth position overall. There is just one significant mountain stage left for any rider to make any move on Armstrong, and with the performance he put in today, it's doubtful anyone can overtake him.

Anonymous said...

is it bad form to go for the century after the next post

ChamoisJuice said...


Keep telling yourself that....

leroy said...

Pretty sure Doyle and Debbie wrote "Harlequin Romance" for CJ.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Basho Yoda:

My dog says he egrets nothing.


Late Finisher said...

Finish line!

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