Friday, February 13, 2015

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

While all the so-called "professional" cyclists have been sashaying about in Dubai or Qatar or wherever they test the efficacy of their off-season doping regiments, one man went ahead and made cycling history without waiting for anybody's say-so:

Thanks to this daring rider, we now know that Walmart Bike "Woo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!" speed is 83 kilometers per hour, or 51.5738 mph:

That's over five miles per hour faster than Fred "Woo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!" speed!

And that's all MAN-powered speed, baby!!!

Can you imagine how fast he'd have gone if it weren't for that basket?

Also, in addition to witnessing history, this week we made a new friend:

I'm referring of course to Thumbs-Up Boris Bike Guy from the "London Underline" rendering:

(Thanks, Joshua the Reader, for "isolating" him.)

As cyclists, many of us ride with the same group of people year after year, and while there's a great deal of comfort in that it's always good to let someone new into the gang every once in awhile.  Given his laid back riding style and affable demeanor, I'm confident Thumbs-Up Boris Bike Guy is going to fit in well with the crew.  In fact, I've already introduced him to Recumbabe:

Nonplussed Bib Shorts Guy:

The Time-Traveling T-Shirt-Wearing Retro-Fred from the planet TridorkBret:

And of course the lone wolf himself, The Lone Wolf:

I'm pleased to report everyone seems to be gelling nicely, and once his six-week probationary period ends I'll present Thumbs-Up Boris Bike Guy with his official jersey:

Welcome to the club.

Lastly, a reader tells me a bill in Wyoming would require cyclists to wear neon clothing:

Under a bill introduced in the Wyoming legislature in late January, cyclists in the state would be required to wear reflective neon, carry government-issued IDs, and mount rear lights on their bikes. If enacted, the bill would take effect July 1.

House Bill HB0206 has six co-sponsors and very specifically mandates that cyclists on roadways “shall wear not less than 200 square inches of high visibility fluorescent orange, green, or pink color clothing visible from the front and rear of the bicycle.” The rear “light-emitting device” would have to be something like a strobe or flashing light. The government-issued photo ID can be anything from a passport to a driver’s license.

It's worth noting that Wyoming is the least populous state in all of Canada's underpants.  Given this, you'd think drivers there would be able to avoid hitting cyclists without making them wear Day-Glo.  In fact, Wyoming is one of the few places where a "One Less Car" sticker actually means anything, since there are like eighteen (18) people in the whole state, so if you're riding a bike you're actually making a significant reduction in motor vehicle traffic.  On Bike To Work Day I can't imagine there'd even be anyone left to run you over.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's great, and if you're wrong you'll see the worst joke ever.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and Happy Valentine's Day.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) What is this?

--A Cannondale-Garmin rider preparing to face the harsh Mediterranean climate of Mallorca
--An actor preparing to film green screen scenes for the upcoming "Premium Rush" sequel, "Premium Rush II: Perineum Rash"
--Castelli's new hepa filter for germophobes
--A rider attempting to comply with Wyoming's new cycling attire laws

2) Gravity is your friend.


3) Gravity isn't always your friend.


4) Mike Unklesbay holds the world record for:

--Off-road miles cycled in a 24-hour period
--Cycling from Portland, ME to Miami, FL
--Riding a fat bike in hot weather
--Sustaining a nonplussed facial expression

5) The only way to keep triathletes from crashing is to anally impale them on their saddles and then affix them to the backs of SUVs with suction cups.


6) Why are these kids so happy?

--They're not allowed to watch TV
--Their parents won't let them get vaccinated
--Their Green Toys®, while lacking the thrillingly realistic detail and undeniable fun factor of Tonka products, are both sustainable and eco-friendly
--They were promised ice cream if they pretended to be excited about fruit

7) Who is Burt Goldman?

***Special Vintage Softride Triathlon Remount Porn Video!!!***


Which reminds me that I am the only person in the world ever to have photographed the Softride Hipster High-Lock:

Never forget.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


recumbent conspiracy theorist said...


groanhammer said...

raisins in my toast

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Just imagine if he had that handlebar nose cone thing on the walmart bike.

CommieCanuck said...


Vernal Magina said...

I wonder if politicos in Wyoming would force cyclists to put yellow stars on the vests, too ^_^

Spokey said...

top tinnitus

Postal Worker Chaser said...

Missed by a dog's hair.

jayteepee said...

Top ten?

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

Q#3: Just ask Babble

Anonymous said...

Toppus XV?

Anonymous said...

"And that's all MAN-powered speed, baby!!!"

--i'm pretty sure that was meant to sound totally "Straight" - just ignore how it actually sounds


Anonymous said...

walmart bike - was gonna say about taking your hand off the bars at 50mph - but then he beat me to it.. --said don;t try this at home -- i wouldn;t try ANY of it!


Anonymous said...

Ask her what, to become a triathlete?

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

There is a reason more people live in the Greater Wichita area than in Wyoming. Actually, there are several reasons. Good ones.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

TUBBG is a nice addition to the crew.

Have a nice weekend freezing your unmentionables off.

Bryan said...

That wal mart bike, thoughts while watching: #1 - that looks like Louisiana, and sounds like Louisiana. #2. I love it when people who own bikes think the grade aluminum used is part of the name.
Clicked on the youtube link...yup, that's Louisiana.

Joe K. said...

The thing with the Wyoming Bill (thank Lob is was voted down) is it's not an attack on law-abiding cyclists, an inconvenience sure, but not an attack.

The real attack in this is against minorities/migrant workers who ride bikes to work and may not be able to attain IDs, or afford proper Hi-Vis gear. This would give the police the ability to stop them and ask for ID. Or just harass and intimidate them, at minimum.

So you have a bunch of Wyoming Republicans who would normally freak out over licensing and "Big Government." But that is negated when you get to harass a few Mekseecans

Tom Goodmann said...

Quiz is podium quality: tears of laffter, wash my eyes.

Not even a Fred said...

Tridorks should use flat pedals for the same reason I use them. I fall down a *lot* less, and I've never noticed any loss of efficiency. One broken collar bone will cancel out many years worth of "advantages" of being clipped in. I know the pros use clipless pedals and love them. So what does that have to do with me?

Dooth said...

I've been to Wyoming. Don't recall seeing any cyclists. More horses than bikes. Any chance they'll mandate neon clothing on cowboys...taillights on actual tails?

wle said...

we need a group shot

for the class yearbook

the new guy - "thumbsy"
wolf (where's he been?)
bib guy (AKA The Office's "Dwight")



Anonymous said...

$175 for that walmart bike?

looks more like $75

oh wait - silly me - it went up, now that it goes 51 mph

where did they get that hill in Louisiana?


BikeSnobNYC said...

The great thing about the Walmart bike video is that Lennard Zinn spends thousands of words counseling Freds on "speed wobble" on their $5,000 bicycles, yet here's this guy hitting 50mph while riding a department store bike one-handed.

Makes my day.

--Wildcat Afterthought Machine

Joe K. said...

Theoretically, wouldn't the one-handed grab be a looser grip and therefore cause less of the dreaded "death wobble?"

I have only felt wobble at high speed on one bike and it was a very very light bike with a slightly out of true front wheel.

I haven't found wobble on my steel road bike yet, my aluminum was a pretty high threshold, but the carbon bikes I tried, the lighter they got the more susceptible they seemed to be.

I am not a robot, I ride what I like.

Joe K. said...

Although I am in the habit of putting my knee against the top bar if I'm not pedaling during a descent.

Twob Rake said...

The basket was for his phone. He must be a really good rider, or lucky, to stay on at that speed.
50 mph scares the shit out of me.

dop said...

Walmart bike ridden woohoo+5.

Tridorks: The problem with clip in pedals is that riders leave the shoes clipped onto the pedal, run with the bikes barefoot, then dip there toes in the shoe while rolling away. They wobble like a runon sentence. I put the shoes on, jog on my cleats, then hop on the bike. No one has ever watched me and said, "nice hopping"

The commentariat said...

Potbelly Joe, I just assumed that you put your pot belly on the top tube, not your knee...

Patheteic Old Cyclist said...


Joe K. said...


It's a fake name from a song that I helped pen. No potbelly here. Does that make me worse than Brian Williams.

Charlie said...

Speaking of Bike to Work Day, did you know today is Winter Bike to Work Day??

I rode my bike to work today. Same as every other damn day.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Never forget what?

So there I was in the good old days (1991?) taking a drive across the USA in a rented LeBaron convertible. Was one of those spur of the moment things when I had time to do spur of the moment things (college?).

When hurtling across Wyoming I see a Ford Taurus police car perpendicular to the roadway watching for "speeders". By the time he pulled out to get me I was basically pulled off to the shoulder because there is nothing but empty road.
So this diminuitive (short) guy who looks like Liberace in a Smokey the bear hat (MEEEMEable!) asks for my paperwork. He looks it over and does whatever cops do in the downtime before proceeding to write a traffic ticket.
He comes back and says, and I "Air Quote"->
"OK you were going 78 in a 65 mile an hour zone but I'm going to write you up at 74 to put you in the lower bracket. You had your seatbelt on and that gives you a $5 reduction in fine. You can either fight it, mail it in, or pay me now."
-How much is it?
"Five dollars"
I kept the ticket because it was one of the most pleasant interactions w law enforcement I could remember.

I heard 3rd hand rumor of someone getting pulled over in WY for "Ludicris Speed" and the cop wrote him up a ticket for "Excessive consumption of a natural resource". Must have hung out w Al Gore previously.

Somebody better warm this global because stuff's gonna break from the cold, like LIRR track rail.

Happy Friday the 13th !!


Spokey said...

i ain't buying the 52mph. if so, then that car passes him at about 182.5789 mph.

Anonymous said...

Snob, how come your not taking President's Day off?

Anonymous said...

They've gone to plaid.

McFly said...

Is Babe down with the 2 Fingers/1 Thumb action?

Olle Nilsson said...

So, say you live in Sheridan WY, and you want to do a Fred ride across the state border, not only do you have to don the neon, but you better be wearing baggy shorts too.

Anonymous said...

Lone Wolf! I remember him having one of those bieks bedazzled at one point.

More bedazzled bieks or I'm gonna....

Anonymous said...

# 6, lmfao.

The bill in Wyoming is almost as bad as the Montana governor who wants to ban yoga pants.

ubercurmudgeon said...

The Lone Wolf looks happy to have company at last. After years of eponymous solitude, finally he has someone to train in the ways of the wolf: Thumbs-Up Boris Bike Guy. Even if his helment looks more it's Photoshopped on (which would make it a triple-'shopped image.)

JB said...

I'm going to recommend you all click on the hyperlink right before the photo of the Softride hanging from the sign. Sort of NSFW? McFly will thank me later.

Spokey said...

i did that on the first read and didn't see any problem. but i don't really like Hostess Snowballs

Wyoming Bill said...


CommieCanuck said...

The bill in Wyoming is almost as bad as the Montana governor who wants to ban yoga pants.

It's about time, you seen the size of those asses in Montana? Yoga pants were designed for skinny students in Vancouver named Courtney, not for that "slimming" look.

Eric Jenkins said...

We drive annualy through Wyoming, with our bikes in a vehicle, festooned with reflective stickers.
My Canadian thoughts of the state? "And I thought Saskatchewan was empty!"

Anonymous said...

I didn't get the "Why did the Bike Fall over?" riddle. I thought the answer was "because it was attached to the roof rack of a car that slid off the road, and flipped and burned and the violent crash left the bike on its side in the carnage." But then i noticed the "worst joke ever" thing, so now it makes sense......

Regular guy said...

On my first cross country road trip at 19, I was driving the graveyard shift across central Wyoming, hopped up on Coca Cola and Fig Newtons.

Even that potent combination wasn't enough to keep me from dozing off, waking up only when I hit the gravel on the other side of the road. I carefully eased back to the right side of the road and was wide awake until we rolled into Jackson Hole at 6 am.

In other words, there's lots of space in Wyoming, whether that translates into a wide margin for error is still up to chance.

Anonymous said...

How not to mount a bike starts with not trying to mount a Softride.

Regular guy said...

I just remembered that the highest "woo hoo" speed I've reached (not man powered) was on a straight, downhill stretch of highway in northeastern Wyoming. You could see for miles into the distance.

120 mph in a Dodge Stratus rental.

When I slowed down to a more reasonable speed, a guy in an old Ford pickup blew past me like I was standing still.

Spokey said...

i'll leave the details a little sketchy in case the statute of limits is longer than i think.

my highest woo-hoo was right here in snobbies scranus @127mph. a nice 2 seater that would take that year's ('74) vette off the line. man do those gentle curves become tight at those speeds. @127 the acceleration was gettin mighty slow though.

Anonymous said...

Thanks JB @ 3:16

Lob Bless 'Murica

Gill Bates said...

Any fellow commentators interesting in investing in an edible yoga pants startup?

Ylertay Amiltonhay said...


I have bootleg 3D L.A. colonoscopy DVD. Full length. 3D goggles included.

I'll throw in a Floyd Landis colonoscopy DVD at no extra charge.

And yes FL is a massive prefect A$$hole too.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

Happy Valentine's Day and ride safe all!

My dog was a no show for our photo shoot in Times Square this morning. Looks like he had me dress up like cupid for nothing.

Oh well, at least he got me a card.

I was beginning to think he'd gotten cynical.

Old-timer said...

Friday the 13th. Wasn’t this day named from a movie? I’m pretty sure it was.

And tomorrow, Valentine’s Day. A good day to be thankful for Ms. Babble! It just wouldn’t be an attractive Valentine’s Day ride…without her on it!

BamaPhred said...

What's all this talk about "mounting" stuff. You would think those Wyoming cow persons would know you can't "mount" a tail light. Enjoy your Valentines Day and mount whatever you like.

McFly said...

Goodness me those were some extremely 'Murka boobies.

Lani said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Ah! So if I'd been riding a Wal-Mart bike when I hit that wonky patch of road at 73 Canadian (45 American) last week, then gravity would have been my friend and I would have just sailed over it?! Damn!!

Heh heh. Wildcat afterthought machine. I don't get wobbly, because these great, muscular beasts of thighs can groove top tube so efficiently that the bike doesn't bother. It just bounced last weekend.

Always remember indeed. I know a lot of people who would love to feel that kind of patriotic. Um, but the best way to shluff an extra bike is to ride one and hold the second like a sidecar.
Happy Valentine's Day, my beautiful online peeps. Much love. xo

who was that masked man said...

The White Whale on the USA bike. Is that Moby Tridork?

babble on said...

Autocorrect is seriously overzealous sometimes. Grab. These thighs grab the top tube, though you know I do like to groove on a tube, too...

BamaPhred said...

TUBBG looks like a good addition. Recumbabe for "I don't give a rats ass...." Bibshorts Guy for "Huugghh?" Now TUBBG for either thumbs up, or maybe ironic thumbs up.
But on my dated smarting phone it looks like he's giving me the finger.

babble on said...

How did I miss that?! What a kind and lovely thing to say, Old Timer! Thank you, and a very happy Valentines day to you. Big kiss. X

babble on said...

Here you go. Just what you always wanted: a quick history of Kickstarter. :)

mae west said...


Goodness had nothing to do with it

McFly said...

I like Mickey Rourke's USA TT machine.