Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Bicycle Development Index: A City Is Only As Good As Its Bike Parking

Ever wanted your city to be more bike-friendly?  Well, be careful what you wish for!  Firstly, New York City is supposed to be the best cycling city in America, and look at us for chrissake.  You want this?  [Indicates clusterfuck all around self with sweeping gesticulation.]  Secondly Copenhagen is like the most bike-friendly city in the world (careful, you can be arrested in Amsterdam for saying that), but thanks to a bicycle parking shortage life there has devolved into a sort of living hell:

Outside Copenhagen's central train station, where people often leave their bike for the weekend, plenty of cyclists are fed up."There just isn't enough space," says Kirsten Hoeholt, a ceramic artist. "It's not just here that it's a problem, it's all over town. We need better parking facilities."

Yes, life is hard in Copenhagen, where evidently it is possible to live as a ceramic artist, and where adversity means a lack of bike parking when you want to leave town for the weekend after a hard week of crafting.  In fact, the problem is so great it's even forcing people to think occasionally:

Another cyclist told me she had struggled to find a place for her bike. Equally, it can be tricky to find your machine amid the clusters, unless you remember exactly where you left it.

Uh, it can be tricky to find anything unless you remember exactly where you left it.  That's how leaving stuff behind works.  These people must be terrible with keys--which is to say nothing of parenting, since remembering where you left the little fuckers is basically 90% of the job.

Anyway, it's not really all that hard to remember where you parked your bike.  For example, this one time I went to the mall on Black Friday and a bunch of people parked their bikes all around mine, but I made a mental note of its location so finding it again really wasn't a big deal:

Sure, here in America we have a similar problem losing our cars in parking garages like in that "Seinfeld" episode, but our government compensates us by letting us run over anybody we like without any legal consequences.  It really helps us blow off steam and channel aggression that we might otherwise use to shoot people.  Actually, maybe a license to kill with their bikes would make the cyclists of Copenhagen as happy as American drivers are--though Mikael Colville-Andersen would probably disagree:

According to Mikael Colville-Andersen, of the Copenhagenize Design Company, cycle parking is the "last great bastion" that cycling-friendly cities have yet to overcome.

"No city has cracked it," he says. But he adds: "It's a challenge that other cities should beg for."

So basically, bike parking is the Fermat's Last Theorem of urban bicycle planning:

("I have a truly marvelous solution to this pile of shit which this caption is too narrow to contain."--Pierre de Fermat)

Really, though?  No city has cracked the bike parking conundrum?  I refuse to believe that.  Perhaps he just doesn't want to acknowledge his hated enemies to the southwest:

Just look at the smug smile on this guy's face as he loads his bicycle onto a well-designed rack and then prepares to embark upon a convenient and efficient rail journey in a country that outranks the United States on the Human Development Index:

We woulda beaten 'em too if it wasn't for stupid Florida.

And it should go without saying that the Japanese are solving the problem with robots.  Check out this automated underground bike parking system in Tokyo:

This would never work in any American city, where I'd give it maybe two hours before some moron got himself stuck in there.

It's also worth noting that the biggest threats to bicycles in Japan are apparently 1) Weather and 2) Pranksters:

This seems like a long way to go just to thwart some pranksters.  What kind of pranks are we talking about here, anyway?  Are we talking squirting-flower-on-the-handlebar level japery, or are we talking really involved turn-someone's-bike-into-a-tall-bike-while-he's-getting-coffee kinda stuff?

Either way, there's something to be said for the "Out of sight, out of mind" approach:

Burying stuff I don't want to deal with is exactly what I do with my feelings.

But while Colville-Andersen claims no city has found the solution to bike parking, once city councilperson is doing the unthinkable and collaborating with the enemy:

"We try to steal as many good ideas as we can, and we have a very good working relationship with [city planners in] Holland", says Andreas Roehl from Copenhagen city council, noncommittally.

The bit about stealing ideas may be true, but the relationship between these two tiny cycling nations is anything but "good," and just last month a drowned Danish cycle spy was found handcuffed to a Dutch bike in a canal in The Hague.  Consequently, the Copenhagen city council has been forced to wait until things cool down before resuming their espionage, and in the meantime they've been trying to come up with their own ideas--though this is the best one they've had so far:

A few years ago "bike-butlers" were introduced in some areas. The butlers pick up bicycles that have been knocked over, pump air into flat tyres and give the bike-chains a bit of oil, to thank people for parking properly.


Meanwhile, here in New York City, the Citi Bike fleet is set to double thanks to a buyout:

In fact, you can already see the results:

(Citi Bike?  Doubled.)

There are also rumors of expansion, presumably pending a feasability study confirming that the neighborhoods in question have in fact been thoroughly gentrified:

Rubinstein reported that REQX plans to double the size of the Citi Bike fleet to 12,000 bikes. In July, the expansion was rumored to reach up to 145th Street in Manhattan and into western Queens and another ring of Brooklyn neighborhoods adjacent to the current service area. Annual membership prices are expected to increase about 50 percent.

This makes sense because, looking at the current Citi Bike station map, there are still a lot of areas you can't even remotely afford to live in anymore that are not yet served by the program:

Surely this will change soon.  Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings, and every time a rent stabilized tenant is ousted from an apartment building a street gets one of these little Citi Bike push pins of gentrification.  It is our Manifest Gentry that, one day, everything from the East River to the Cross Island Parkway will be a sea blue.

The call for a women's Tour de France continues to gain momentum, with Tour organisers ASO holding the first edition of La Course on the final day of this year's men's race. Race director Christian Prudhomme has already told Cyclingnews that it wouldn't be possible to have the events run at the same time.

I'm torn.  On one hand, it's ridiculous the women don't have their own race.  On the other, I wouldn't wish that drug-addled shitshow on anybody.


Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Yes! Early riser!

Sa-7 said...


UrMom said...

And again!

Unknown said...

Podium! First time.

Andy said...

Top ten?!

herzogone said...

Top ten and coffee!

Buffalo Bill said...

Not enough bike racks here.

Anonymous said...

What duh fuk?

Anonymous said...

I live in Denmark. Re: finding our keys and kids: (1) we don't lock houses or cars, and (2) we let the kids just wander --- they usually find their way home.

Anonymous said...

Somebody's up and at 'em this morning. Go get 'em, Tiger!

TheGreatScorerInTheSky said...

"I live in Denmark. Re: finding our keys and kids: (1) we don't lock houses or cars, and (2) we let the kids just wander --- they usually find their way home.

Denmark 2

Sam Walton said...

The 2 story bike racks in Haarlem look like they were stolen from the toy department at Wallmart.

John Romeo Alpha said...

I have a Kickstarter for that.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

In with the early groupo.

CastingTheFirstStone said...

"...in Copenhagen, where evidently it is possible to live as a ceramic artist..."

In NYC it is evidently possible to live as a bicycle blogger.

Some ceramic artist create cups, vases, plates and other useful things.

BikeSnobNYC said...


Thank you for leaving an inordinately dry comment on a sarcastic bike blog.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Awwww Maaaan! Where did I leave the little fucker this time?!

Stellar post, Snobi Wan. I LOL'd again and again. You outdid yourself at stooopid o'clock this morning. xx

babble on said...

From yesterday:
Anonymous said...

Most of those animals died of old age. A dog born in 1970 would now be 308 years old in dog age.

OCTOBER 27, 2014 AT 2:09 PM

What. Suddenly they don't like to DO IT anymore? They're depressed at the prospect of getting hit by a speeding car?

Joe K. said...

A women's grand tour would already exist if people wanted to watch it. The fact is few do. We are at a stage even with the men's races that we tolerate them because we love the sport itself. The UCI and cyclists have combined their forces of being completely unlikable and we're stuck with a single guy everyone likes and he just retired.

For the women, they don't have that. I have no problem with women competing, I think that's fantastic. My problem is the guilt-trip we will all be put on by the media for not watching the girls, not giving them enough attention. It will be Title IX for the UCI.

And I don't think the UCI wants that kind of pressure. They have enough crap they're manufacturing, err, dealing with already. This would push them past their current equilibrium and drive them further toward prickish behavior. Which is their natural state, being French.

As for the parking, I like the Japanese idea, that shows initiative, but with the way the subway already smells after a hard rain, i don't think I'd want my bike underground in NYC. Also, there is no way the populace of the NYC is going to allow holes to be dug for anything other than a 2nd Ave Subway.

Anonymous said...

Did I fuck up this transatlantic Night Deposing Time change again? I usually prefer to get Bike Snob while its hot. Oh well, maybe next year...

About women racing the tour: Bullshit. As anyone who has been stupid enough to camp on the side of a mountain with too much grass and too little water waiting for the Tour to pass will tell you, the entire route is filled with other like minded people on bikes riding the closed course. I, for one, would rather have more time on the side of the road with my grass to watch another race go by.

To say it is 'logistically impossible' makes no sense. In fact, it is the very existing organization and planning for the men that would make this possible. I saw Oleg Tinkoff riding two stages 30 mins ahead of the peloton last year. If he can get squeezed in I feel 100 professionals would not be 'impossible'.

Spokey said...


speak for yourself

I'm just waiting to see the wTdF. Especially those 20% uncategorized climbs when they unbutton their jerseys.

Less interested on the downhill side when they button back up and stuff newspaper and shit like that in.

robot says it will be Historia Hrdisp when it happens

Anonymous said...

Dang youze guyze are early!!


JB said...

Damn, I hate my job.

I need to take a ceramics class.

Joe K. said...


You're right, as usual. If they can make it interesting like women's beach volleyball. I'd be game for that.

Jon Webb said...

What they have to do, is charge for parking. It's not that hard to figure out. The problem is that they don't want to do that. But if you're going to give something away for free, people are going to use a lot of it. Until it all gets used up. This is called the Tragedy of the Commute, or something like that, by economists.

Anonymous said...

I never understood why you couldn't have multiple races on the same course on the same day.
Damn, bicycle parking facilities. Who would have thought?

Richard Breaks said...

And I say unto thee. Say baby, do you want to lie down with me?

McFly said...

Don't forget ceramic bearings.......artisinal ceramic bearings.

Schisthead said...

The answer is obvious, after reading the whole post.

Tour de bike kill, women only.

Shorten the stages, put a joust at the end of each one, watch the extreme sponsors roll in.
I'd start watching TV again.

Anonymous said...

You're being sarcastic about Florida, right? It's not just a gzinght pretext?

JLRB said...

Japery - had to look that one up - word of the day via Biokesnob - thank you for the extra credit thinking.

Anonymous said...


babble on said...

I'm with you, BamaPhred. In fact, I've been riding WITH the fast guys for a short while now, and it's awesome. Why can't women just ride the same day, same race?

Anonymous said...


babble on said...

Peter G - XX - I love things that rise early in the morning.

Comment deleted said...

In the future, when we arrive at our destination, we will throw our bikes into a discombobulator, which will break it down into its component elements. Upon departure, we will select (from an attractive array of choices) the appropriate bicycle to get home (perhaps even a gravel bike!), which will be instantly 3D printed.

If you fund my Kickstarter...

Anonymous said...

Japan wins I think. Though I am not sure it wouldn't be hair raising to ride in Tokyo. After standing on the side of the road in London in the past and watching traffic, I swore I would never drive a car there, let alone ride a bike. And why drive when their taxis are built like tanks.

One day though, Scotland. And Amsterdam.

wishiwasmerckx said...

JLRB, Fermat's Last Theorem and japery in the same post. I feel like I'm studying for the SAT's.

dop said...

Simultaneous M & W races? Back in the 90's, when the world's were in Columbia, the euro pros went to Colorado to get in (about) the right time zone & practice at altitude. There were simultaneous M & W races. Small brouhaha when Jeannie Longo bridged up to the men's peloton & finished way ahead. (d/q'd)

I think it might add another layer of strategy to let the women bridgeup, or even run the packs together.

Jon Webb said...

@babbleOn: "I'm with you, BamaPhred. In fact, I've been riding WITH the fast guys for a short while now, and it's awesome. Why can't women just ride the same day, same race?"
They couldn't keep up. The very best female cyclists are at about the male domestic pro / bottom end of international pro level. They would get eliminated in the first stage.

JLRB said...

WhishIwas(halfmanhalfbike) -
Why I love math, but could never be a mathematician - too impatient:

"This theorem was first conjectured by Pierre de Fermat in 1637 in the margin of a copy of Arithmetica where he claimed he had a proof that was too large to fit in the margin. The first successful proof was released in 1994 by Andrew Wiles, and formally published in 1995, after 358 years of effort by mathematicians. The unsolved problem stimulated the development of algebraic number theory in the 19th century and the proof of the modularity theorem in the 20th century."

358 years for a riddle?

balls™ said...

Mrs/Dr Balls™, PhD just returned from a trip to Amsterdam. They had bike parking on barges in the canals.

Take that! Copenhagen!

Spokey said...

Jon Webb

but why does it matter? All the rides are RFID even in fred fondos (and even in the recent portlandia marathon). So if a wimmin peloton runs behind and ends up 20 min later or even more, why would that matter if it is 2 races?

I spose it might matter for the fast wimmin riders and the male lanterne rouge on a narrow cobblestone road.

Jon Webb said...

@Spokey, I see -- I thought Ms. Babble On was saying, compete in the TdF. They would get dropped. But if there was a separate women's section, say starting 1 hour after the men, no problem.

paulb said...

Wow. A good day. A really good day.

The little dutch boy with my finger in the dyke. said...

Underground parking is a great idea, unless the dyke brakes, and the north sea floods the parking garage.

Anonymous said...

Babble - the answer is simple - the boys are scared of the girls. Imagine if a girl won. As for me, I am not opposed to athletic women in spandex. Call me a sexist old fart.


Cornelis Lely said...

”Underground parking is a great idea, unless the dyke brakes, and the north sea floods the parking garage.”

We hebben pompen zoals je zou het niet geloven .

babble on said...

I think it would speed up the women's times quite significantly, too, cause the ladies could draft the men's peloton.

I always pull my share when I am riding with the fast boys here in town, but when sprint comes to shove, it sure helps to have a fast wheel to suck.

Clare Balding said...

The little dutch boy said:

"...dyke brakes...

You mean like the
on these handlebars?

Anonymous said...

So we are calling cocks wheels then?

JB said...

After the men go by, nobody would wait for the women. Women would have to go first.

Anonymous said...

I work for a Dutch Company in NYC. My office building allows bikes to be stored but each tenant has to provide space. My Dutch company has made no space available so we have to lock our bikes up outside. Another funny thing is that exactly zero of the Dutch people I work with ride their bikes to work, too dangerous they say. Having ridden a bike in Amsterdam I totally agree. Commuting by bike is still a novelty here, whereas in Amsterdam it's a way of life. The bike infrastructure and culture here falls way short of cities like Amsterdam and based on popular opinion (that cyclists are annoying and get in the way of drivers) it will remain so.

Anonymous said...

I would love to watch the women race the TdF. They could start after the men's race. The women's Le Course stage in this years TdF was pretty cool and the women are way nicer to look at and they are fucking bad ass.

il Pirata est Mort said...

"This would never work in any American city, where I'd give it maybe two hours before some moron got himself stuck in there."

Funny as hell and true! Gold WCRM!

First time I laughed in hours! THX

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...is cipo spearheading the efforts to create the ladies' TdF?

[pun intended, yes]

leroy said...

Well say what you will about Citibike gentrification, but I'm here to tell you a Citibike helped me appreciate the seriousness of NYC's ebola crisis.

On my commute in the bike lane past Bellevue Hospital this morning, I almost was doored by a WPIX news van.


bats_and_balls said...

Some of you are missing the hole in the dyke,or whatever, on this Women's grand tour thing.

#1 there is already a Women's grand tour. It's called the Giro Donne.
#2 Everyone is acting like ASO is the bottleneck. They aren't. It's that the few cycling fans in the world don't bother to watch the elite Women's racing. ASO can't fix that.
#3 Most readers will ignore #1 and #2. ASO needs to find a big-money buyer for a 1-2 hour block of Women's racing for them to do more than a pre-finish criterium at their scale.
#4 Women's racing video shows up on youtube, sometimes live, that none of you watch.
#5 Tl;dr

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

Ford Family out of power in Toronto as Rob's brother loses election. Maybe it's safe for CC to ride his bike again.

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

SR @ 211: "is cipo spearheading the efforts to create the ladies' TdF?"

"spearheading", good one.

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

"I'm torn. On one hand, it's ridiculous the women don't have their own race. On the other, I wouldn't wish that drug-addled shitshow on anybody."

It would be perfect if a big German or Russian pharma company became sponsor and put on their commercials with a straight face.

P. Bateman said...

DEFINITELY blame Florida. there isnt' much bad in the word that those jean short wearing hillbillies haven't been responsible for.

Die Gaytors. Die.


Olle Nilsson said...

What little I know of the women's field, Marianne Voss is basically another Eddy Mercx, so the dullest of the grand tours becomes twice the snore-fest? Pass.

Olle Nilsson said...

Too many consonants - Merckx

P. Bateman said...

i've often wondered how ceramic artists and semiprofessional bike bloggers survive in any city. is it a case of hot trust funded wives being attracted to the written word and or delicate artisanal plates?

bats_and_balls said...


Voss is better than Merckx ever was. She's a multi-discipline world champion. She has a very good team, so they can race very negative until Voss strikes.

That said, this is bike racing so the fastest/fittest rider does not always win.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. JLRB @ 12:35 PM -

My dog said "knock, knock."

So I said "who's there"?

He says "Fermat's theorem"

So I say "Fermat's theorem? Prove it."

Well of course, I have no idea if proved it or just gave me a crayon copy of Mr. Wiles' work.

Anonymous said...


Ceramic artists and bike blog curators most likely survive one of two ways:

-Trust fund baby
-SO funded (lots of variations here)

There is the rarely discussed third option, a secret job you never hear about. But, that's pretty rare.

Anonymous said...

"There is the rarely discussed third option, a secret job you never hear about"

Speculations is rife the secret job has been quit and the "semi-" removed from "professional bike blogger".

Freddy Murcks said...

I am a ceramic artist, but I also have job where I get paid. So. I guess that is a third option if'n you want to be a ceramic artist.

As for Snob, I am guessing that this here bikecycling blog doesn't pay nearly as much as the book sales and the occasional speaking honorarium. I suspect that the blog is somewhat of a loss leader for the other two. It's also possibly true Snob can afford his bikecycling blogger lifestyle because his wife brings home the serious bacon AND fries it up a pan. We already know that she is highly fecund in order to have managed to pop out 17 children and that Mr and Mrs. Snob must be loaded (or crazy) in order to support that many children.

P. Bateman said...

WAIT!!! its all making sense now.
its been right under our NOSES this whole time.

1) a highly effective portaging bike cycle
2) frequent trips through the city and the surrounding wilderness areas where junkies are often spotted
3) lot of pit stops along the way for "photographs" of his bikes
4) a rear facing camera to spot rival dealers/police
5) a perfectly BORING day job as a cover for the tax man

i think he might change his handle to BikeSNOW NYC.

JLRB said...

17 children working in a textile mill can bring home some serious Kaa-ching

wishiwasmerckx said...

Textile mill? I assure you that they are all Talmudic scholars at the local Yeshiva.

db said...

Burying stuff I don't want to deal with is exactly what I do with my feelings.

I feel that this statement warrants a terse, mechanical "thank you".

mikeweb said...

That Citibike map looks like a big blue doo-doo to me.

And that concludes my highly intellectual comment of the day.

bats_and_balls said...


Those adverts that run on the right side are BikeSnob revenues. How much? Not enough to feed 17 childrens.

The average bike industry 'pro' means wages in the barista range and nothing else if they are lucky. Which, I guess works for some.

mikeweb said...

Oh! Almost forgot, my genteel home state is apparently trying to wrest the mantel of 'bat shit craziest state' away from mighty Florida.

crosspalms said...

Walked a few blocks this afternoon to vote early, and on the way back was cheered to see many people using Divvy bikes (the Chicago equivalent of Citibikes) and wearing ordinary street clothes. Doesn't take much to cheer me up, I guess, especially after voting. Hope everybody else votes, too -- nobody wants to be the pit bull if the crazy naked guy wins. (Thanks for that, Mikeweb!)

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Women's TDF....put Paola Pezzo in yellow, the men become inconsequential.


Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Women's TDF....put Paola Pezzo in yellow, the men become inconsequential.


Spokey said...

wow mike

that has to top us down here in the hemorrhoids

have to send that to my cuzzins in ct

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who saw the Sailor Moon Anime at the start of the Japanese clip? Wait, was it Anime or Hentai? I think if that if you get an erection in the first 5 seconds then you call it Hentai.

Grump said...

Those Hollandaise guys don't even know how to spel Harlem.
Can't they even think up original names for their cities?

In NYC, all of those bikes would be stolen in 95 minutes.

alpaca lips said...

Please let me put in a plug for the great, great Charles Pierce's politics blog on Esquire. In a recent column on Florida governor Rick Scott's legal troubles, he wrote this wonderful passage:

You say Florida Man, and your companion knows that all manner of hullabaloo and shenanigans are likely to follow, from a bank robbery to a busload of nuns fed to the burgeoning python community in the Everglades. Florida Man. To paraphrase Sherlock Holmes's assessment of Dr. Watson, Florida man is the stormy petrel of criminal crazy. And, while Governor Batboy is Florida Man in a fine suit, in his heart, and increasingly in the public mind, he is running out his backdoor, barefoot, his mullet flapping in the breeze, with half the local sheriff's department and a film crew from Cops in pursuit, while the local DA wonders about the human heads in the icebox.

Anonymous said...

Well that sure provided a ton of edification.

let me guess. alpaca is from Connecticut and has an affinity for Pit Bulls

Anonymous said...

Good Will Riding?

M Bates said...

Sports Illustrated women's TdF swimsuit edition. Yumm!

I think I'm turning Japanese said...

>Though I am not sure it wouldn't be hair raising to ride in Tokyo

During Typhoon season your hair can become a little discombobulated. Apart from that WTF? I mean WTF? You need to get out more often man.

Anonymous said...

No sex no wine no women

Anonymous said...

BabbleOn said "I always pull my share when I am riding with the fast boys here in town, "


Just Askin said...

So,why do the "Girls" need their own race? I thought wimmins was as good as (or better'n) the stupid ineffective mens...

Gulf Coast Swamper said...

Florida hillbillies? But their only hills are bridges,not counting Mt. Trashmore of course

Olle Nilsson said...

Grump- funny. The only thing I remember about going through Haarlem is a couple of bike shop employees telling us how many Americans think they named their town after Harlem.

cupuwatu resto tempat kuliner khas jogja said...

thats cool. magnificent

cupuwatu resto tempat kuliner khas jogja said...

nice post bro. keep posting.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Everybody ride folders. Park under desk, train seat, coat closet. End of problem.

Your welcome.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...


Anonymous said...

I think I'm turning Japanese:

Clearly my statement showed I had not ridden in Tokyo. And if you are in Tokyo, fine, otherwise, if you take it as some slam on the city itself, you clearly have not read any of BSs blogs in which he makes it clear he loves New York, but the biking set up there pisses him off daily.

There are no bike lanes in Tokyo. Parking bikes is apparently a huge problem despite the underground magic. You are asked to ride on the sidewalks, which are mainly narrow (from someone who lives there). Pollution levels in the air are impressive for the population but still twice NYCs.

Anyway, let's crowd fund Snob and send him there.

bad boy of the north said...

everyone avoids me like a cyclone ranger......

rural 14 said...

Rural 1st!
now back to scraping ice.

Anonymous said...


Some photographer decided to screw some cleats into the 3-hole pattern on these road shoes, because?


the chocolate doctor מרת שאקאלאד said...

I would like the Japanese sytem to have all the underground bike garages connected so you could access your parked bike from anywhere.

JLRB said...

I am lucky to have a parking garage in the building in which my employer resides with fancy new fangeled beik racks that mount to the walls and keep the beiks from inappropriate touching of each other whilest I fug off on the internet at my desk

Beik lanes, Beik racks, signs, sharrows - all incremental good - but angry drivers still sug

babble on said...

Ms chocolate? Mmmmmmm. Thanks for sharing. That "things stuffed into other things" post of yours is inspirational. And oh so yum.

Suddenly I am hungry.

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good post, thank's
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