Monday, August 11, 2014

No time for titles, we're burning daylight here!

There was big scientific cycling news over the weekend when, after years of speculation, the New York Times officially confirmed the symbiotic relationship between owning a Cervélo and being a douche:

Scientists accomplished this by giving a Hamptons douchebag (douchedom was confirmed by genetic testing) a Ferrari and then sending him out for bagels:

HIT THE GAS I take my car to go to the bagel shop. I take the Ferrari. I get a rush a little bit, zero to 60. When you are doing it in three and a half seconds, I love that. This happens around 8:30ish.

After which they hid behind a one-way mirror to see what the horsepower-and-carb-addled douchebag would do next.  Sure enough, he grabbed his Canadian Colnago and hit the road:

CALL OF THE ROAD After that I usually like to go on a bike ride. It’s a Cervélo, light and cool. I go for a minimum of one and a half hours. It can go up to four and a half hours if I go all the way to Montauk and back. For me that is another kind of therapy. After half an hour, 45 minutes, your mind, there is nothing left except for the road. I don’t listen to music; I just go with it.

The entire study can be summed up in Latin thusly:

Cervélo, ergo douche.

By the way, the above photo was taken mere miles from where I was stricken down by the hives and nobody stopped to help me, unless you count the people who slowed down long enough to tell me to get out of the road and into the tick-infested undergrowth--you know, for my "safety."

Hopefully these same scientists can next secure funding to prove my long-held theory that Long Island is home to the highest concentration of assholes in the United States--and let's be absolutely sure to remember that Brooklyn is, strictly speaking, a part of Long Island, because last I checked there ain't no bridges between the Brooklyn Heights Promenade and the Montauk Lighthouse:

Also, I spent nearly four decades living on that great big glacial wang and I too am an asshole, so I think know what I'm talking about.

Meanwhile, in a little over a week this asshole is headed out to Steambutt Springs, Collarady for the IMBA "World Smit:

Which means I'm in a lot of trouble, because I suck at riding bikes, and apparently one of the rides we'll be doing looks like this:

24.8 Miles 95% Singletrack 1,952’ Ascent -4,589’ Descent 6,917’ Low 10,397’ High

A swift ascent followed by a long descent, this ride promises to be a fitting metaphor for my life, because that's exactly the trajectory my blogging career is following.

By the way, this MTB Project site is really cool, and I was even able to take a "virtual ride" of the route:

Though they've clearly got some bugs to work out, because it left out all the parts where I fall down.

ANYWHOO (that's a funny way of saying "anyway" that I just made up), this past Friday I successfully used this trip as an excuse to grab a rugged, all-terrain bicycle and ride to some mountain bike trails:

Because I am pretentious, I eschew bike computers and Garmins and Strava and all the rest of it (I also "eschew" things instead of simply not using them), and instead I calculate my mileage using only bits of decaying infrastructure as clues.  For example, the above mile marker (a remnant of when this trail was a railroad line), told me I had traveled roughly 22 miles from New York City by that point, and shortly thereafter I arrived at the trailhead:

Dry weather?  Check.  Sun still high in the sky?  Check.  All-terrain bicycle under my scranus?  Check.  I was in compliance with the signage and then some, so in I went:

I wasn't able to find 1,952 feet of ascent, nor was the highway ever completely out of earshot, but I did see a hawk, and I think I also caught some deer "doing it," so goddamn it I'm as ready for Collarady as I'm ever gonna be.

Then I stopped to rest and congratulated myself for moving off Asshole Island and onto the mainland, because now I can ride to my mountain bike rides:

Not that the 20 miles I traveled to this particular trail is especially convenient, but the ride to this ride happens to be very enjoyable in itself, whereas the route to any decent mountain bike trail from, say, Brooklyn completely and utterly sucks balls.

Then, on the way back, I treated myself to an artisanal lunch befitting my own high levels of pretense:

This is basically one of those "farm to table" operations, which is another way of saying you can give the animal you're about to eat "the finger" before you do, yet you don't have to actually do or see any of the killing, so you can still retain a measure of consumerist detachment.

It was quite serene:

Which was a good thing, because I was really hungry, and the bucolic surroundings were the only thing keeping me from murdering the people in front of me as they endlessly deliberated between the World's Most Expensive Bologna Sandwich and the organic sustainable quiche garnished with truffle oil and gander semen.

Sated and poor after my sandwich, I hummed along some rolling roads on my knobbly tires:

Veered onto the paved bike path for a bit:

And then passed through town, where I briefly considered hopping a train back home:

That's the other thing about riding to the trails around here; every few miles there's another town where you can fuel up at a cutesy café and/or wuss out and hop on a train.

However, the bologna sandwich proved to be worth the $75 or whatever I'd paid for it, and so fortified was I that I decided "fuck the train" and hopped onto the dirt trail that takes you almost all the way back to the city:

All in all, not to shabby for a dirt outing in the New York City environs, and at the very least it sure beats schlepping to Nyack on the Fred chariot--or riding around Manhattan looking for love:

you were on a bike on the most east of streets - m4w (Midtown East)

ok, so this is the longest shot ever!, but hey, can't blame a guy for trying, right?

you: tall ish, maybe more than 5 7? pale ( could be wrong about that since I saw you at around 10 15pm). on a citibike ( 70% sure it's a citibike, or maybe just your own blue ish dark blue ish bike?). 

riding south on FDR drive's bike lane, between 30s and 20s around 10 15pm. you have a short bob of a haircut, that much I'm certain. in the most irrational statement ever, I might love you. 

me; was in dark shorts and a multi color seersucker (though possibly impossible to tell at that hour). and the only reason why i'm writing. we crossed each other, and you definitely looked back as you were riding away. 

anyway, let's pretend i didn't just confess my love to a stranger. it'd be sweet, to simply get to know you better

The End

So if you're a woman turned on by the idea of a relationship with someone who falls in love with vague shapes in the dark he is reasonably certain are females, be sure to drop him a line.


Spokey said...

podi at leats

Spokey said...


Anonymous said...

It doesnt matter

Spokey said...

told ya freddy

snobbie was waiting to play spoiler

Bryan said...

top something bitches

Serial Retrogrouch said...

fack podder!

BamaPhred said...

Escaped from Bard!

Congrats JB!

babble on said...

Nice ride! Gidday, peeples!

Anonymous said...

Back of the front of the pack.

Anonymous said...

I go to 11

Freddy Murcks said...

Well, fuck this shit. I'm goin' wheelin'.

srhivea Exodus

ken e. said...


balls™ said...

Ok, maybe the stubble means it just wasn't worth it.

Freddy Murcks said...

I was helping Spokey over at Friday's post (hoping that Babble would spur us on by taking her top off, or something like that) and I missed out on my chance for the podio. Dammit. As a consolation, maybe Babble will go ahead and take her top off after all.

they holinex

Anonymous said...

pack fodder

JB said...

Notes after reading:

-I like the 2nd photo that has directions to the lighthouse that dominates the horizon. Directions: "Just look up, asshole."

-That altitude out in Coloraddy is going to be a killer, Snob. I recommend lowering your saddle to compensate.

-22 miles one-way to the trailhead? [golf clapping]

Bryan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bryan said...

That post with riding pictures made up for the Friday post that was only a quiz. I guess letting you go out to ride a bike is acceptable. I'm waiting for you to be so commercially successful though that you ditch the bike altogether and lose touch with us little people. Then we can just have a blog of boobs.
Anywhoo (TM), speaking of assholes

Anonymous said...


Now to read...


Bryan said...

I'm trying to figure out what the point of that article was about...immigrant makes a lot of money, has super relaxing and luxurious Sunday playing with expensive toys? Whatever.

Anonymous said...

Nice one today, Snob.
You may have forgotten one teeny, tiny bit of information that may determine how easy your MTN SMT ride will go: there's no air where you're going.
So you either need to start training with a plastic bag over your head, start taking EPO, get an altitude tent for sleeping or move to Colorado for the next two-three weeks.

Anonymous said...

Hey Senor Snob,

Did you see the Headless Horseman up thar in Tarrytown / Sleepy Hollow? Or some genetically modified scary animules crawling out of the PCB-infested muck in that stretch of the Hudson?


Mario Cipollini said...

il cervello è la cosa nella tua testa, non tra le gambe.

BikeSnobNYC said...


Uh, wrong! I live mere blocks from the second-highest natural point in New York City. That's almost 300 feet!!!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

WRLD SMT. Sorry.
Canadian Colnago. Good one.

Anonymous said...

I PROTEST! Parts of Connecticut have at least as many dbs as Long Island.


(Checked statistical abstract of the US. I was right. The numbers are about the same)

Anonymous said...

Okay. That's a load off my mind. I didn't want you turning inside out drawing a breath.
I wouldn't start smoking this week. Just sayin'.

Flyover BC said...

You should eschew 27 times. It's good for digestion.

Warning! Warning!

Think twice before you agree to the mountain bike ride. Chances are it may be easy for the locals abut dangerous for flatlanders, specially middle-aged guys.

Be sure and spend a day or to getting used to the altitude. That can hurt you too.

CommieCanuck said...

After half an hour, 45 minutes, your mind, there is nothing left except for the road. I don’t listen to music; I just go with it.
This is how I feel reading this blog.

Do you people forget the Asshole Project of 2009 where we decided to round up all assholes and put them on an island? Those that didn't escape to Toronto ended up trapped in Long Island (Snake Pliskin? I thought you were dead!, oh, you just bought a Cervelo).


Flyover BC said...

I see that you've already been warned about the altitude. Lowering the seat sounds like good advice. Be sure and ride a 26" wheel that'll help too.

Dougie Canuck said...

Fuck yous eh, we make the best stuff in Canada. Hosers.

Sent from my Bricklin via my fookin' Blackberry, eh.

crosspalms said...

You were on a bike on the most east of streets. I was in Chicago, minding my own business. But in the strangest of coincidences, I too have a multicolor seersucker. So forget that guy -- he barely knows what you look like -- and give me a call.

Orestes Munn said...

Mr. NYC,

Might ask your doc about going on acetazolamide 24 hrs before flying out, if you're going to spend much time near 8,000' American altitude. Won't get you in shape, but it can prevent some misery.

Makes your beer taste flat, though.

Regular guy said...

Multi-colored Seersucker guy sounds truly pathetic, can he get any more vague and indefinite? The only thing he's certain of is that a head with a bob haircut definitely looked back, everything else is up for interpretation.

I'm not even gonna mention what kind of guy would wear such a thing.

Nice travelogue, though bucolic always sounds like someone suffering from a deadly disease prevalent in the middle ages. I wouldn't be caught dead in a bucolic setting.

Anonymous said...

You know what that Kojak Kardashian article reminds me of? Being John Malkovich when he's doing some boring ordinary thing like ordering from Pottery Barn.

But it's nice to see that the 1-percenters finally have access to enough column-inches to effectively turn the Times into their own Facebook.

Olle Nilsson said...

I guess being Canadian doesn't give me a get-out-of-wannabe-douchedom ticket for having wanted a Cervelo at one time. I mean come on, of all the Taiwanese bikes, that one speaks most to my Canadian/douche identity. Still, wouldn't want people to mistake me for a triathlete in training.

JLRB said...

post-vacation depression decompression sucks ass but at least I got to Fred out on the way in to this awful place.

I once ignored a warning about the affects of riding the thin dry air of Colorado - had a great time - got lost in the beautiful scenery - sick as a pup afterwords.

crosspalms said...

Don't sweat the altitude. I was in Santa Fe a few years ago, and the splitting headaches and shortness of breath only lasted a couple of days.

Anonymous said...

that guys sunday routine sounds pretty much like mine, except the Ferrari and the beach house, and the lingerie model wife, and the Cervelo, but I do like bagels.

Anonymous said...


1904 Cadardi said...


You wouldn't take up smoking? You know weed is legal in Colorado now right? I say start practicing.

Mr. Wild Cat, if they convince you to go "Downhilling"
A) don't
B) if you do, rent as cushy a full squish bike as you can
C) wear a full face helment
D) ride like a roadie, e.g. air between your tires and the ground is bad

Anonymous said...

Snob doesn't need to train at altitude or dope for Colorado. He just needs to take a soda straw with on his next ride and breath only through that to see what it's going to be like. Then he just needs to find an electric assist MTB sponsor who will let him borrow/review one.

Anonymous said...

I did the Pikes Peak Marathon once. Once being the key word here.
Ran to the top, barfed. Turned around, ran to the bottom, barfed.
Good times.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:45pm and other curators of altitude-themed comments,

Believe me I have no illusions that I won't get the crap beaten out of me, and I have a healthy amount of apprehension and humility, but I feel compelled to point out that I have actually ridden a bicycle in Colorado before and lived.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Did Babble take off her top yet?

JB said...

Snob, those Saturday shop rides in Limon don't count.

BamaPhred said...

O-60, in 3. something seconds, in the Hamptons, for bagels. And how many people, puppies, and kittens did this guy kill, maim, and mutilate in the process? For his jollies. Asshat.

BamaPhred said...

O-60, in 3. something seconds, in the Hamptons, for bagels. And how many people, puppies, and kittens did this guy kill, maim, and mutilate in the process? For his jollies. Asshat.

BamaPhred said...

Opps, not my fault, double post. Sometimes the captcha killa does that to me

Anonymous said...

Do you have any idea what multi- colored seersucker is? Is it legal in Illinois? Is it like one blue stripe then a green stripe, etc? Do you think he meant madras?

Freddy Murcks said...

That Hampton's douche. My gawd, what an asshole. Zillionaire man of leisure, lingerie model wife, vacation home, Ferrari. FUUUUUCK! The only things I can really say is that if I had that much money I might buy a less generic road bike and I'd probably choose to live someplace with better mountain biking.

profshe 5th

Freddy Murcks said...

Snob - As you know, Colorado has some fun MTBing and the altitude is not that bad. I used to live in Steamboat and I did a 50 mile MTB race there last summer. Steamboat is beautiful in the summer time. You'll love it.

resnicat rods

Anonymous said...

You seriously think you invented "anywho"? (Or are you just taking credit for the superfluous "O"?)

Spokey said...

what a dikbreak Khajak Keledjian is

My old camry (which has drum breaks that i own) does 0 - 60 and my fun lasts 4 to 5 times as long as his does.

AND i could buy a dozen of my car when it was new and have enough left over for the down payment on a house.

but i don't get to the bagel place much anymore

BamaPhred said...

Googled up Stone Barn. I thought WCRM was yanking us about the $75 Bologna Sandwich.

They don't have a menu. They have a tasting experience. For $198, plus tax and tip, I'm sure

Jackets and ties for gentlemen, shorts not permitted. So unless you were tweed riding on the trusty On One, I guess you knocked on the back door, they threw you a sandwich, and charged you a king's ransom for the privilege.

Unless, some one else picked up the bill. Probably out with Leroy's dog, come to think of it.

1904 Cadardi said...


We just want you to live through it again!

Where else can I go read a bike blog and get lines like "garnished with truffle oil and gander semen" ?

NOWHERE, that's where!

If legal pot isn't your thing (it's not mine) there are approximately elebenty-thousand craft breweries here in Colorado. Some are even artisinal.

Orestes Munn said...

Hold the truffle oil, please.

Flyover BC said...

O.K. no more comments about the altitude. But two more tips anyway.

Bring sunscreen, you'll burn in short order "One New Yorker Rare".

And, stay in the middle of a pack, or whatever they call herds of MTBers. The lions and wolves often wait days for old, weak, and slow prey.

Remember, you don't have to be the fastest, just faster than the slow guy in the pack.

I rescind the sexist remark, let's say " The slowest rider in the pack"

3G said...

Just say fuck it to the ride, and get to the dispensaries!

Anonymous said...

Choice couplets of the douche:

I stay in the bed sometimes five to 10 minutes, daydream a little. That’s a new thing I started doing.

I always have a bag with magazines. I like reading all of them.

She is ready to be a mom now because she is seven and a half months pregnant.

Sometimes we go to the beach. I like long walks over there.

I eat a little bit of meat. I’m heavy on the vegetarian.

Anonymous said...

Also don't forget the bug spray. And Gold Bond powder. And Ben Gay. (Ben gay? I don't even KNOW her!) Also make sure there are no women on the ride because their periods attract bears.

BamaPhred said...

Anyway, I meant to say, epic ride, Snob. I enjoyed the day's blogulation. Wishing I could ride to Stone Barn inside of eating a liquefying peanut butter and banana sandwich (The Elvis)on the side of some crappy tar-n-gravel road in the scranus of the South.

YouKnowWho said...

Make that instead of, rather than inside of

BamaPhred said...

And Bear Spray, lots of it!

Get Hip!

Flyover BC said...

I wasn't going to mention bears and women. Besides, he's a New Yorker. I figure he can handle a 300lb boor (sic).

Orestes Munn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Orestes Munn said...

Yeah, but most bears don't make that mistake twice.

Jason said...

You surely aren't going on a mountain bike bicycling ride with tons of #epic #gnar without first procuring a true #enduro mountain bike bicycle???

M. Zane Grey said...

According to WikiHow, the symptoms of altitude sickness will manifest themselves about six to 10 hours after ascent over 6,500 feet above sea level and are comparable to those of a severe hangover, so presumably a couple of Bloody Marys or Flat Tire Ales first thing in the morning will fix you right up.

Anonymous said...

crosspalms - is that the young Alec Baldwin?

Speaking of mountains and stuff people wear, these are awesome

Spokey said...


that looks like young roille on the left. agree. pointies on the right are awesome

Anonabitch said...

Sexist pigs!

Freddy Murcks said...

What exactly is a seersucker? I know it's a type of fabric, but I have never heard it referred to as a garment as in "I was wearing a multi-color seersucker."

Anyway, I thought I'd fix the silly boy's missed connections post so that it makes a bit more sense.

me; I was wearing dark shorts on my head and a multi color seersucker Speedo (though possibly impossible to tell at that hour). we crossed each other, and you definitely looked back as you were riding away to marvel at my stupidity.

places usenths

BamaPhred said...

Don't forget to bring your mtn bikeen kit.

ken e. said...


Dr. Quincy. ME said...

Jason is right.

If you don't have an *enduro* mtb, you will die. It says so, right there on the Spehhh-shulized website.

Need to spend $10k on a new bike or else. Death due to inappropriate bike.

I saw it all the time when I was ME.

leroy said...

The Carroll Street Bridge across the mighty Gowanus separates Brooklyn Heights from Long Island.

Ask any realtor.

Spokey said...

only when the gowanus has potable water. which of course is to say never.

babble on said...

OMG how did you know? Not only did I take my top off, but I think I dropped it somewhere along the road by Spanish Banks beach!!

That's just spooky.

CommieCanuck said...

I mean come on, of all the Taiwanese bikes, that one speaks most to my Canadian/douche identity.

How does a Swiss Company making bikes in Taiwan with a Dutch boss qualify as Canadian?? Is that like the "Canadian" in Canadian Tire?


CommieCanuck said...

It's a fabric invented by the gay assistant to Dr. Johan Seer, also gay.

Anonymous said...

Yéah but look how Frénchy it is with that littlé accént thingy on the é!

Babs: Now the bottoms?

CommieCanuck said...

Still, wouldn't want people to mistake me for a triathlete in training.

Never happened to me, but many people kept asking me about lose fillings and bridgework.


(are knuckle tats still a thing here?)

McFly said...

I drove the Hemi that I put a lot of gas in 20 miles to do a 12.5 mile MTB ride today. Humming down the LBL trail I see 50' up is a 5 to 6 foot rattlesnake the diameter of a softball stretched out across the trail. I get scared thinking about it.

BikeSnobNYC said...


That's the restaurant which is a whole other think. They also have a cafe with sandwiches which is where I stopped. I believe the sandwich was $10.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Vernal Magina said...

What is the intersection in the picture? (is it Hastings?)

Freddy Murcks said...

Babble - photographic proof of the loss of your wardrobe would be greatly appreciated.

BProZO when

crosspalms said...

Nice duds, but what's going on with that guy's hair? It looks like it's trying to escape. Maybe it wants to go visit all the dirndls.

babble on said...

Still shaking my head at that one... I had a bikini top on, but that was uncanny.

Last week's feminist conversation really made an impression on me.
I still miss our girl Genevive - her sense of humour would be well appreciated at this juncture.

Does that make THIS a good G-spot?

Welcome back, JLRB. Where did you go?

Coloradashiness said...

If you have the time, this ride on the backside of Emerald Mountain is a real special one:

The trails are well-made, and the view from the top is outstanding.

crosspalms said...

I had a $10 sandwich the other day. It was tuna salad, but had Cheese-It crackers in it, too, and the bread was made with duck fat. I'll probably pay for this foppery in the next life.

BamaPhred said...

Work is taking a beating today.

News about the cafe is a relief. Between the Hamptons and the Stone Barn I was developing more of a complex than I already have.

I don't know what is up with the hair, probably what happens when viewing dirndl girl.

Anonymous said...

The cure for altitude sickness is to come down fast. So crawl up to the peak of that bitch with your 31 tooth back ring and ride that headache down like a bad horsey.

Or something like that.

Still waiting on my hat.

Anonymous said...

And thank goodness for Babble. Though I have to say, following her on Strava is like having your balls kicked every day or so.

Flyover BC said...

I think WCRM will be o.k.

The ride starts at about 9600 ft.
After only a total of about 2000 feet of climbing he'll get a ride down to about 6600 ft.

Olle Nilsson said...

31 tooth back ring

Yeah, I heard that's a thing now. Pretty sure I saw it on a Canadian Colnago triple rear crank Pedersen colabo.

Anonymous said...

The author's sense of expectation and excitement for the World Smut is all too apparent and somewhat endearing, but it's possibly responsible for some lax typing, to wit:

"...not to shabby for a dirt outing in the New York City environs..."

Unless there's a locale called "shabby" which is commonly presumed to be a dirt outing destination, the above line should read; "...not TOO shabby for a dirt outing in the New York City environs...".

Except the word "too" needn't be uppercase, I just did it like that to emphasise it.

Also, that crumbling milestone would make a great artwork for one's artisanal douchebag Hamptons residence. Hauling it back into town would be great preparation for the World Smet, to.

Anonymous said...

No one wants 100?

rural 14 said...

Rural 1st!
What's good for the gander, eh Canadians?

Nairo Quitana said...

Antes tu empezas la vuelta, comportaras tu como un boracho por la altura. Y despues caigas tu en en lodo. Ten cuidado!

Anonymous said...


Before your empezas around, to behave like a boracho for your height. And then you fall in your mud. Be careful!

Anonymous said...

Or if you prefer;


ouabacher said...

Once mistakenly fell madly in love with an alpaca... saw her through my helment mirror.

Anonymous said...

And for the Yorubanis;

Ṣaaju ki o to ni ayika rẹ empezas, lati huwa bi kan boracho fun iga rẹ. Ati ki o si ti o ti kuna ninu rẹ pẹtẹpẹtẹ. Ṣọra!

Anonymous said...

I can half understand the craigslist plea because a beautiful woman always looks even more beautiful when she's on a bike, even when all you see is her silhouette.

Though the level of desperation is another thing altogether.

babble on said...

OMG NOOOOOOOOOOO! Say it isn't so. No no no no.

RIP Robin Williams. The world is a sadder place today. :*(

Freddy Murcks said...

Anonymous @6:57 - You obviously have no idea how sexy desperation is.

teuties Mary

Freddy Murcks said...

Babble - I agree that it's a total bummer about Robin Williams. He was a funny man.

Flyover BC said...

I'll translate for ya'll.

Before you begin the lap (or tour), you will behave like a drunk from the altitude. And later you fall in the mud.

Be careful.

dancesaonpedals said...

let's see..Graham Hills Park, up 448 to blue hill,down lake road to the tarrytown lakes, the lakes & then Broadway & Main in Tarrytown...Snob has been to my home town, pocantico hills ny (I was at the school, swimming while he was in the outdoor snack bar at blue hill

so many questions...I can't ride graham hills..I walk half the time..too steep, too off-camber I wuss out on the oca & go to blue mountain when I'm adventurous..

you see those blue awnings in the tarrytown street scene? I had lunch there today,,in Lefteri's ( on vacation..quiet day of errands before flying)

my basic ride is an 11 mile figure 8 that brings me up that hill to stone barns from 117(stillman hill to locals) then back up that steep hill snob went down goes under that quaint little bridge (a Rockefeller carriage path)

11 miles, 1,000 feet of climbing

Anonymous said...

Nanu Nanu old buddy.

Schisthead said...

I think you'll do fine in Steamboat, from the looks of the pics on that site their excavators have been making short work of any rocks to be found on the path, or they are doing a great job hiding them from frightened tourists.

I'd go 24" BMX Cruiser.

Crystal Balls said...

I thought a 'seersucker' was someone who gave a blowjob to Nostradamus.

Anonymous said...


Hot Carl said...

I once took the dirt trail back home as well

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr BSNYC,

Thanks again for your mesmerising anecdotes of cycling in the fast lane. But, I'm becoming increasingly confused by the time difference between ye great land of yours and our great southern land. In particular, I cannot reconcile the fact that your musings are being written a day prior to my reading them. Surely there is a kickstarter project that can address this issue and allow me to re-establish my bearings in time and space.

Kind regards from the Antipodes.

JB said...

Anon @ 8:24am: Change the time and date on your computer accordingly. Reap profits.

Anonymous said...

At first I thought it said No Time for Titties and I logged off immediately.

JLRB said...

Bummer on the Robin Williams news - heartbreaking to see the recent pic of him and his little daughter...

@Babs@5:04 - I was on one of them there fancy yourapeein vacations - coincidentally placed me in Paris on the day the Fredathon came to town - made it over to the mob scene for the finish - but I was not able to wear my Snob-Wohoo hat to the occassion because I was not one of the first 7 people to order a hat - did get to ride around a little on a Velib - Paris drivers are the worst if you are another car or a pedestrian, but they seem to give bicycles a break - wierd

babble on said...

Right?! Super bummer. How could someone who spread so much laughter and joy to millions across the planet find himself lost and alone in such dark despair?

And: did you take any selfies in front of said freds?

babble on said...

I'm not a-peein. YOU're a-peein.

JLRB said...

No selfies - I did take a pic or two of the Fred's on the big screen across the mob from me - kinda cool to see so many people in one place care about cycling as a sport - but I don't really care about cycling as a sport - just a bandwagonner ...

AND if you find youself in that part of yourpee - definitely do one of the bikecycle tours of Versailles - awesome way to get around the grounds and see more than all the mobs of people in the palace - kept my son from murdering me for museum overload

JLRB said...

so while bikecycling in the rain on the way to work today - I stopped at a red light ('cause I'm a pussy) and felt something slipping on my finger - my wedding band is falling off - I grabbed for it but it hit the ground, bounced twice and rolled into a sewer. AND my anniversary is Sunday (AND I am going on a two day ride with some friends this weekend) - time to hit up the friendly neighborhood jewler

babble on said...

Tell the jeweller to give you one with lots of those hard, sparkly stones fer yer wife, and all will be forgiven.

JB said...

JLRB: I've lost 2 wedding rings (kept the wife), both because they were too big. Sounds like yours was too big. My third ring is a $20 silver one that has not come off since I put it on my finger in the shop about 8 years ago (I can't get it off).

My wife was more annoyed about my procrastination of getting a new ring, than losing it.

Get a new (correctly-sized) ring, before your anniv., and do something nice for your wife.

DayLateAndA said...

"... I feel compelled to point out that I have actually ridden a bicycle in Colorado before and lived."

I did not read all 128 (2^7) comments above, so I assume someone else noted riding a bike in Colorado is not the same thing as riding a bike at 10,000 feet elevation.

(Not that I've done either. But when I was in the Peace Corps I lived/worked/hiked at over 10,000 feet in both the Himlas and the Andes.)

DayLateAndA DollarShortBOT9000 said...

"... I feel compelled to point out that I have actually ridden a bicycle in Colorado before and lived."

I did not read all 128 (2^7) comments above, so I assume someone else noted riding a bike in Colorado is not the same thing as riding a bike at 10,000 feet elevation.

(Not that I've done either. But when I was in the Peace Corps I lived/worked/hiked at over 10,000 feet in both the Himlas and the Andes.)

Flyover BC (7000 asl) said...

Actually WCRM will be riding in Colorado and it'll be exactly like riding a 10,000 ft, if he takes the epic ride shown in the blog.

It starts at about 9600' and peaks at about 10,200'.

I'm betting he'll be woozy (not wussy) within ten minutes of getting out the Subaru (official car of the World Smut)

hellbelly said...

I hope to join you on a ride out there and survive as well.

BikeSnobNYC said...

DayLateAndA DollarShortBOT9000,

I just looked at the Durango SSWC route and it looks like it topped out around 8,000 feet, so yeah, I guess this is a fair bit higher.

I will pack an oxygen tank.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

David Pearce said...

Dear Bike Snob,

I need to congratulate you on beautiful pictures and a nice narration of your excursion. It may sound treakly on my part, but my thanks is actually sincere!

D.P. in D.C.

David Pearce said...

I like Day Late and Dollar Short's notation that:

I did not read all 128 (2^7) comments above... .

I did not know, and at first didn't believe, that 128 was 2^7, but it sure is.

My favorite number for some time has been 729, which happens to be 27^2, as well as 3^6, and also 9^3.

So shoot me, I'm a math geek, or at least I like a lot math, even if I don't understand much of it.

David Pearce said...

Dear WCRM,

The only thing I'm confused about is why, on your beautiful outing, you didn't go to shabby:

All in all, not to shabby for a dirt outing in the New York City environs

Maybe another time.

Have a great time in Colorado and be sure to take those shin guards to protect your legs when you fall! Either use the shin guards under white soccer socks, which looks good, or my Nike shin guards, for example, have some fishnet holders if you don't like the tall socks. I'm serious! Be well!

D.P. in D.C.

paulb said...

Owing to your many ride reports I'm making more of an effort to explore Westchester, which there's more to than Central Avenue and Tuckahoe Road, thanks god, despite the 90-minute journey to VCP from Brooklyn. I knew about Stone Barns; I came into a little money and instead of ordering the Riv Hillborne I covet I took myself and a family who've helped me out on various occasions for the Full Monte there. It was enjoyed by all, but, very reluctantly, because of all its good intentions, I'd say dinner, which took 2 hours, was not really equal to the astronomical price tag. What is the trail that returns you almost all the way to the Bronx? Obviously not OCA.

PS With the car that you own, howcum no rides farther afield--Sullivan or Columbia counties, for example? A twist of the ignition key for you, a haul via MetroNorth or Amtrak (the latter demanding use of the folding bike) for me.

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