Thursday, May 29, 2014

The Indignity of Commuting by Bicycle: Feared in the Media, Ignored In Real Life

Earlier this week I mentioned a local news story about the umpteenth NYPD bicycle crackdown, which contained the following quote:

"We should be able to follow the same rules a motorcycle, as a car, because we're still on wheels. So I do believe in cracking down on that," said one bicyclist.

Oh, shut up, narc.

Then there was this one:

"I think it's a really dangerous city for bicyclists. I wonder what the numbers are at the emergency room every day. When I'm driving I almost hit one almost all the time because you can't see them," said one city driver.

Obviously you are legally blind, not to mention legally stupid, and therefore should not be allowed to drive.  You've got to love a society in which people feel perfectly comfortable admitting to television reporters that they nearly kill someone every time they get behind the wheel of a car--though his vision's so bad he probably thought the microphone was a Taco Bell A.M. Crunchwrap®.  By the way, here is what he looks like:

("Vision Zero.  Literally.  I can't see shit.")

If you see this man, I recommend forcing him to stop, taking his car keys, and throwing them down a storm drain.

What's most frustrating about this "crackdown" is that the NYPD claim to be ticketing cyclists in order to protect them, yet if the state would simply revoke this one guy's license it would probably save more lives than a thousand ticket blitzes.

No, that said blitz, Mr. Magoo.

Someone better put a boot on this guy's Buick, and fast.

My favorite though is when New Yorkers complain about the threat cyclists pose to pedestrians, and between newspaper editorials and Internet comments you'd think that it was cyclists and not drivers killing hundreds of people a year.  This isn't to condone the sort of reckless cycling that threatens pedestrians, and if I said I'm not occasionally tempted to kick the front wheel out from some crosswalk-bombing douchebag I'd be lying.  Still, let's get serious here: if cyclists were the terrors some people make them out to be, would our bike lanes look like this?

I took the following photos yesterday from a Citi Bike along the "protected" bike lane on 8th Avenue, and as you can see, the expressions on these peoples' faces as they stroll right down the middle of it are of abject terror:

Clearly he is deeply frightened of the two-wheeled menace heading straight towards him, because he does everything short of say "Fuck you, just go around me, asshole:"

Next up was this guy, whose beleaguered posture says, "Yeah, I'm in the bike lane.  This hand truck has wheels too, you got a problem with that?"

This bike lane interloper doesn't exactly look like she's staring death in the face, either.  Rather, it looks like she's composing a "Craigslist Missed Connection:"

8th Avenue Citi Biker

You: Middle-aged balding man on a Citi Bike sweating through your t-shirt.  

Me: Brunette in a blue dress sashaying beneath the awning of the combination Nathan's/Subway/Church's Fried Chicken.

Care to meet up for a World Famous Beef Hot Dog, or a Flatizza™, or a Double Chicken N Cheese Sandwich, followed by a relaxed evening of bike lane foot-salmoning as fast food oil seeps from our pores and our skin glistens beneath the lights of Times Square?

If so, describe the exact location of your sweat rings so I know it was you.

Yeah, I don't know what Delia Ephron was talking about, because New York City's bike infrastructure has "rom-com" written all over it.  It's a veritable lovers' lane:

Delia Ephron would have you believe that the unsightly hue of my Citi Bike would drive them apart, but if anything my presence only strengthened not just their love, but also their resolve to walk two abreast directly in my path.

Alas, try as I might I could not intimidate anybody.  For example, I thought Captain Combover would never move over:

Until he spotted the "Spring Sale Event" sign in the window of the manssiere store:

She wasn't scared either, and if anything was probably hoping I was Bill Cunningham:

("If I look totally aloof maybe I'll wind up in the Style section.")

Whereas this woman was so flagrantly unconcerned about all those "killer cyclists" that she was perfectly comfortable to not only walk in the middle of the bike lane, but also to rummage in her handbag while doing so:

Either that, or she was sniffing her armpit:

Ah yes, found the deodorant:

By the way, none of this is to begrudge pedestrians their lebenstraum.  We are animals after all, and as such we should be permitted to roam, like free range chickens.  I merely point this out because: 1) It's fun to take pictures of strangers; and 2) It totally undermines the false premise that cyclists are a problem in New York City.  If anything, we're treated like guests in our own home, and unwanted ones at that.  Here's a typical intersection scenario:

So I swing around the turning cab driver:

("Circumventing Turning Cab Driver Triptych" by Wildcat Rock Machine)

Needless to say this involves leaving the protected bike lane, which is not so much "protected" as it is "a trap," at which point another cab leapfrogs me:

And discharges its passenger right in the crosswalk:

I shot the above photo as I passed, and as I re-entered the "bike" lane (in practice they should be called "miscellaneous lanes") I immediately confronted a bike salmon and a stout pedestrian.  I attempted to photograph them both as I weaved between them, but all I got was the cockpit of the Citi Bike:

As well as this failed over-the-shoulder shot:

Then, eerily, the bike lane was preternaturally empty in a way that chilled me from balding pate to scranus:

("I don't like it.  It's quiet.  Too quiet.")

And that's when Salmoning Skateboard Guy appeared, talking on his cellphone and wearing what appeared to be a bag around his throat.  Here he is continuing his conversation after stumbling off of his board:

I'm still puzzling over that bag portaging method.  It seems like a really good way to snag a side mirror and get garotted.

Anyway, eventually I docked the bike and continued by foot to my final destination, which was Toga Bike Shop, where I got a new bike.  Unfortunately it's not for me, though I was tempted to hit the dirt jumps with it when the train stopped by Highbridge Park:

I don't know why I wanted a folding bike.  A BMX bike is so obviously the move for train travel.

Lastly, I'd like to extend to commenter Leroy my most sincerest well-wishings after his recent "dooring" (as in he got doored, not as in he doored somebody else):

leroy said...

Got doored on Second Avenue on the way home tonight.

Good thing I was riding a Citibike and not my own bike.

Even better luck: I cushioned the impact with my face.

Driver couldn't have been more apologetic. She's a cyclist.

Funny thing: I was wearing only a BSNYC safety hair net cap and yet somehow lived to tell the tale.

One downside: My dog won't stop the "missed connection" and "Dear Penthouse -- I never thought this could happen to me" jokes.

He's just grumpy because I told him he can be replaced now that our vision zero mayor has lifted the city ban on pet ferrets.

May 28, 2014 at 9:48 PM

Isn't it funny that a driver will go out of her way to say she's a cyclist, yet if you're on your bike and you tell a driver that you're also a driver they never seem to give a crap?

Anyway, I'm glad he seems to be OK.  I'm also not going to say a BSNYC hat will protect you from evil and endow you with the gift of immortality or anything like that.

But it totally will.



  2. Why on earth would a cyclist live in that shithole?

  3. I'm surprised they're not terrified by the camera-wielding one named cyclist in the bike path. I have to say, your photos are looking better, though. Those weighty Citibikes must provide a stable platform to shoot from.

  4. Gidday peeps! Here's to drivers who can see!

  5. You may need to take a gravel bike when you go to Colorado or you might die.

  6. That over the shoulder fail made me dizzy.

    Fine photojournaltastic adventure!

  7. you cancallmeal

    the real question why would ANYBODY live in that shithole

    the news just had another story of the rats there, large as dogs and millions of them

  8. youcancallmeAl and Anonymous 1:33pm,

    Uh, did you miss the part where we have a combination Nathan's/Subway/Church's Fried Chicken???

    --Wildcat Rock Machine

  9. I read that NYC is finally getting a Dairy Queen to go with all your Nathan's/Subway/Church's Fried Chickens. Enjoy your overpriced, bland non-dairy dairy products compliments of middle 'merika.

  10. Here in the shadow of the dome of failed democracy the bike lanes (or tracks) are generally free of pedestrians, except at the intersections - they shoal out into the cross walks waiting for the light, itching to get a head start. They don't like it when told to get the fuck out of the bike lane. Go figure.

  11. brown sabbath

  12. Are you lookin at me?May 29, 2014 at 1:38 PM

    youcancallme all and anon 1:33PM, because it is New York Fucking city and it is the most awesome city in the world, other than that I'm not sure why we choose to live here. I'm sure Dickhole South Dakota or wherever you rubes are from is much better.

  13. Wow, that failed over the shoulder shot made it seem like you went bum over bourbon and died, only to see that heaven is an unobstructed bike lane.

    Skateboarder was St. Peter welcoming you to the dudetastic afterlife.

    Apart from the entertainment value, I'm glad my commute is so much more placid.

  14. Wow, a fight about the NYC living, but no nipples? Today's post was unsuccessful. I want my money back.

  15. Nice new bike! Not going to shill for them, but S__________ does make the best kid's bikes.

  16. The brunette in the blue dress appears to walking two abreast, too.

    invialr this

  17. youcancallmeAl,
    Anything, ANYTHING delivered to your door at any time.

  18. This morning, Early Edition listeners on the CBC were complaining about cyclists and how dangerous we are to pedestrians!

    Many of them were saying that we never stop for pedestrians, and that is such a load of shit! Sooo many times I slow for a pedestrian, and then wave them through the intersection, and still - time and time again, they stand there stupidly, like a deer caught in the headlights.

    But that sure beats the rest of those dumbassed peds who just meander out into the road without so much as a glance to see if it might be clear.

    Sigh. Humans are terminally stupid. We're doomed.

  19. Dooth,

    Except a great burrito.

    --An Annoying Californian

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  20. Let us know when you see Recumbabe in the bike lane.
    Sorry for Leroy. I'd be happy to adopt Leroy's dog.

  21. Nice, Dooth.
    How are you feeling today, Leroy?

  22. youcancallmeAL,

    Also, to answer your question seriously, you can do a bike race without having to drive, be home for breakfast, and then take your kids to do any number of incredible things while spending little more than subway fare.

    --Wildcat Rock Machine

  23. I like NYC, I really do. Been there all of six times now and only five of those were for work. In every case, I had a great time and ate really well. I particularly appreciate the availability of all night delis.

    But at the end of each trip, I also felt glad to be leaving for a place where the sidewalks are not so crowded that you feel more comfortable walking in the bike lane. The downside is I'm more likely to get run down by some cowboy in an F150, so all places have their downsides I guess.

    Hope your dog is taking care of you Leroy.

  24. Finally getting a break of free time on Monday, I stupidly attempted a ride from my estate in Brooklyn, up the westside path, and onwards. I was doing unFredly speeds in the westside parks because of all the unfortunate folks who have behaved too wantonly to own a place in either of the Forks, still I was assaulted by unruly teens who sprayed water (I hope) on me from a pistol, dudes in shirts who refused to deviate from the path, a police in the park that pulled out just in front of me and another Fredly fellow, causing us to break hard, then proceeded to advance at about 2 mph, blocking the path, and on and on. On the way back down, on Riverside, the police were indeed out blintzing tickets...several cop cars interestingly gawking at me and one unfortunate couple being ticketed, although the blintz lovers would not deign to leave their a/c'd vehicle and instead issued the summons from inside the car.

  25. [sic] my transit gloria, uhh...brake, police car, etc.

  26. ""We should be able to follow the same rules a motorcycle, as a car, because we're still on wheels. So I do believe in cracking down on that," said one bicyclist." Ugh, friggin Uncle Tom cyclists, can't be doing with them.

    Blue dress lady is omfgorgeous.

  27. There is no argument for living in NYC. "Greatest city in the world" is just a trite cliché about as fresh as Sinatra's used colostomy bag.

    I base this claim solely on NYC's portrayal in this blog. Heck, the author himself tried to move to Portland but only made it about 15 miles out. Good thing cuz Portland sucks too.

    BYK LN?

  28. krakow,
    Reminds me of the people who pulled up at the curb one Thanksgiving and expected us to run out to them with candy. They honked to let us know. They're probably still honking somewhere.

    Leroy, sorry to hear about the dooring, hope you're doing OK.

  29. Ever been to Florence? All I can say is, "Jesus, not another triptych!!"

  30. PB-

    "Uncle Fred" is the term.

  31. Oops. Body back from vacation but not brain...

    That was Halloween, not Thanksgiving!

  32. Thank you to those who expressed concern about my crash last night.

    My face is fine, notwithstanding my dog’s too enthusiastic admonition that my face is more accurately described as unchanged.

    My most debilitating injury is a small bruise on the finger of my right hand that one would us for an uncomplimentary gesture.

    Thus concludes my research proving that it is extremely difficult to injure oneself on a Citibike.

    My dog insists I need to conduct more dangerous field studies, but I’m not so sure. His scientific credentials include an assertion that his cousin the Labrador was born sporting a white lab coat.

  33. And you bought a Specialized BMX bike because...why?

  34. ooo are you looking at me? 1:38

    Don't be a hater. I'm an Upstater not particularly thrilled with the NYC/Long Island area. You can have all the traffic, etc. More power to ya. Those of us who live in less densely populated areas love it just as much as you love NYC. Perspective.

  35. Krakow-

    I got the summonons-through-the -window-crack in 1991 for blowing a redlight in manhattan (bit of a hurry...driving my mom to meet my wife's parents for the first time)(2 months before wedding)

    I waited & waited in my car...didn't want the cop to yell at me...then I walked to his a/c'd car, stood in the 100 degree heat & got a whiff of a/c when he opened the window a crack to pass me the ticket..i was so mad, but nothing could be done

  36. BS, NYC,

    I don't doubt that there are lots of awesome things to do in NYC, which cost nothing more than cab fare.

    But, you forgot the other costs of living in NYC... the taxes, the rent, the nanny mayors, the cost of parking, the dangers of riding a bike.

    Your paying all right.

    Other than that, fersax Selvage

  37. I hereby lay claim to the term "I-Pod Zombie".
    In the year of our Lob 2014 on such 29th day of May, during a very slightly up market (DJIA up 22pts), I am saying that idiots strolling around viewing, listening to, or otherwise connected to their portable electronic devices are I-Pod Zombies. And as such are entitled to no consideration under "the law" when "runned ova".

    vsk ... and I am not a robot 361

  38. vsk,

    I believe Jeremiah of Jeremiah's Vanishing New York has been using "Zombie" for a long time.

    --Wildcat Rock Machine

  39. So the combined Nathan's Church's Taco Bell, Subway, KFC, Pizza Hut, Mcdonald's, Burger King is called "Mamma's Food"?

    ummm umm - home cooking from Mom, who just can't make up her mind what flavor of grease to scratch together today...

  40. Hey, don't worry about it, Grist explains logically why bikes should follow traffic laws made for cars. A huge win for the VC community.

    Also, his twitter is @badler. I'm not sure what a ler is, but I'll bet this guy is a bad one.

  41. But maybe not "I-Pod Zombie"?

    Hey, to speak of Salmon doesn't even require the modifier of "bike".

    I'll look into it. Hey, I just put it on the innernet, it must be true, ... for at least a little while!


  42. ...snobs, i was in your backyard just this morning... i rode my fixie folder to get around your hills... though i don't have any photos to prove it, but i did do the pee-pee in the park... just to mark it for good times' sake.

  43. Flyover BS,

    I don't doubt that there are lots of awesome things to do in NYC, which cost nothing more than cab fare.

    Subway fare, not cab fare. Big difference.

    But, you forgot the other costs of living in NYC...

    I forget nothing, I live here!

    the taxes

    Where don't I have to pay taxes, and what can one do for work?

    the rent

    Mostly a problem if you insist on living around bars with reclaimed wood and recent transplants who will pay anything.

    the nanny mayors

    Nanny mayor's out, our new mayor is a communist and we have Universal Pre-K now.

    the cost of parking

    Free, insanely--assuming you own a car in the first place, which isn't necessary in much of the city.

    the dangers of riding a bike.

    A problem all over America (aka Canada's nutsack), and I feel safer on a bike here than in a lot of the country.

    Not to argue that anyone should live here for the affordability, or at all for that matter, it's just that a lot of this stuff is grossly exaggerated.

    It's very crowded though, no getting around that.

    --Wildcat Rock Machine

  44. So the pasty D-cups in the blue dress likes going the wrong way down one-ways.

    That's something I can get behind.

  45. Babble do you know dooder named Kyle Gravelle in the BC area? I think it's French for Kyle Gravel.

  46. You have described my experience on the 8th Avenue bike lane every single time, except that you missed the cop who likes to park in the path at 43rd Street during rush hour. As for the pedestrians -- well, the only thing more frustrating on 8th Avenue than trying to bike in the bike lane is trying to walk on the sidewalk and get anywhere.

  47. ...McFly, you and i will have to Cat6 that wrong way, i guess.

  48. ...Leroy,'s time your put your dog in a little basket, place him on the front bag holder of a citibike and begin conducting more rigorous experiments.

    ...glad you're ok... use that finger wisely.

  49. Thanks for the additional info.

    I don't know enough about NYC to calculate the costs relative to the incomes.

    Incomes out here are low, even lower in my original hometown, But houses are dirt cheap and there were no state income taxes.

  50. OK, you got it, Anon@2:29.

    "I-pod zombie"-Anonymous

  51. WRM,

    I wrote a while ago about this whole "if cyclists are so terrifying how come the pedestrians aren't in the car lanes" thing: My concern isn't so much that reporters and so on are spouting nonsense about it. My worry is that the police often seem to act as if they thought cyclists were the real menace. The fools that you photographed on 8th Avenue appear to have a better grasp of road safety risks than some senior members of the NYPD's traffic squad. That really is alarming.

  52. Dear Sr. Snob (-berdoodle adding BabSpeak),
    You are correct. "I-Pod Zombie" does not have 'nuff differentiation from "SmartPhone Zombie" and "I-Phone Zombie" from Jeremiah's cool blog.

    Thanks for the mental resource.

    vsk robot - the onownu

  53. I must agree NYC is more interesting than here. For instance, the highlight of my day has been to stop and watch a snapping turtle lumber across the road. I was going to grab it and drag it to the side of the highway but the MF decided to turn around and bite me, it missed, I'm wise to that you see, but I decided not to tempt fate and left it alone. Now it's raining, and there is no bus.

  54. Snob, those pictures seem so well composed, it's as if you wore your riding glasses over your helment straps while composing them (because I know you'd schlep a helment around to ride a Citibike). You do realize all those peds and vehicles in the bike lane are NYPD plants to force you out of the bike lane so they can ticket you, right? Why yes, I did get the limited edition tinfoil version of the BSNYC Waltz cap. Why do you ask?

    Seriously disappointed to read through 51 comments and no McFly comment on missed connection girl ... refresh ... whoop, there it is.

  55. FFS Snob do something on power meters already

  56. NYC = The women!

    Case closed.

    All your vacationing bits belong to us.

    Bag-dad Bob

  57. "Alasm try as I might I could not intimidate anybody." WCRM

    Alasm: The sensation of finding oneself ineffective or impotent.

  58. Without even getting into beer/biking/burrito/weed superiority, the NY ACCENT is reason enough to keep this stoner way out west!

  59. boston's inferiority complexMay 29, 2014 at 3:34 PM

    Meanwhile... here in Boston, during today's morning commute of indignity, I was shoaled by a guy riding one of those elliptical bikes (which I had previously thought only existed within the confines of this blog's scorn). Now, I've been shoaled by all manner of wheeled contraptions mopeds, longboards, unicycles, roller-bladers, even segways, but as this middle-aged, spandexed, pony-tailed man sashayed up in front of me, I really began to question whether or not all this bike infrastructure was worth it.

    sadly, I do not have a photo to share as I was in both great shock and dismay. I will definitely capture this if I see it again.

  60. Anonymous said...
    NYC = The women!

    Yes, they, too, can be delivered to your door (bearing burritos, if you're into that type of thing).


    Right, because the West Coast Stoner accent isn't annoying at all.

    --Wildcat Rock Machine

  62. Here is where Breaking Bad and Bikecycle Commuting come together in my head Why do it? "I liked it, I was good at it and I was alive"

    Meh-be not the good at it, but yes

  63. McFly - nope. Strangely enough, I don't know absolutely everyone in the province.

    At least not yet... :)

  64. I could easily live somewhere that my car could sit and wait for the occasional weekend getaway instead of everyday driving to work, driving to pick up the kids, driving to the grocery...

    Your average medium sized city has everything you could want, without the crowds, but you have to DRIVE everywhere.

    So, maybe NYC could be nice. But, there are other walk-able living cities... just not mine.


  65. Oh, and Snob...

    I know this guy who lives in Manhattan. Do you know him?

  66. balls™,

    You mean Robert? Yes!

    --Wildcat Rock Machine

  67. How can you ride ANYWHERE up there with all the lemmings in the bike lane?! Id be tempted to fabricate a small bike-sized snow plow for pedestrian removal! Id at the least have to attach an air horn to my handlebars and probably do a lot of yelling. "Cuss cuss CUSSSS!! I HATE PEDESTRIANS!!!!! Gitcher stridin' butts OFF THE ROAD!!!!!! Shoulda put-eem in a DE-YITCH!" (Or gutter or whatever the fuck...)

  68. Are you sure you're not confusing enjoying a bike ride with trying not to die?

  69. Blue Dress: Slavic as all get-out, probably has a multiple-consonant name like Zdurszcz.

  70. Robert?

    I don't mean to brag, but I just gave my dog $15 for the $20 loan Robert borrowed from my dog.

    If anyone sees Robert, tell him my dog says it's okay to repay the $20 loan to me.

    That's why we live in NY.

    Financial capital of the world.

  71. All this petulant defence of their city by New Yorkers is a sign of insecurity. Everyone knows The United States of America is in a state of steady and irreversible decline.

    And as that nation's preeminent city, NY is leading the lemming-like charge into the seething pit of ruination.

    For people who live in what they claim to be the greatest city in the world, it's odd they should sing the praises of being able to get anything delivered to your door. What's the point of living in the "greatest city in the world" if you never step out your door and actually experience the city?

    Further evidence of the maladroitness of the city's residents is the pathetic, sickly, whiney complaints of pedestrians transgressing on their decrepit bike paths.

    What wretched wimps!

    Fill your bidons with pepper spray and spritz those fuckers in the face!

    America: once a land of great promise and greater cities, now a desolate field of despair punctuated by a series of festering shitholes.

  72. Much like free range chickens, humans are delicious.

  73. Anon at 4:44
    AMEN, Brother!!!

  74. So Anon @ 4:49 agrees with Anon @ 4:44, that's heartening.

  75. Anon Bros Rock!!!May 29, 2014 at 5:04 PM

    Amen my crazy fucking Anon Bros!

    I have knuckie tats that say ANON and BROS

  76. Pedestrians in the bike lane are supposed to signal that that portion of the stage has been neutralised. You've been warned.

  77. Snob:
    Robert says to meet him on 8th Ave by the Nathan's/Subway/Church's. He's got twenty bucks.

  78. anon 4:44 apparently saw me on a bike once and decided that because I am in a state of steady and irreversible decline, the country is too. O contraire (isn't that the Canadian national anthem?), anon. What used to be a festering shithole is now a festering shithole with protected bike lanes. And more all the time. Come visit!

  79. Anons and their anti-New Yawk brethren,
    I'm talking choices. An embarrassment of riches/type choices. And not just choices, but the choicest of choicest choices. For example, the sports bar I'm at now...fourteen large hi def screens. 36 beers on tap. Just sayin.


  80. Don't get me started on those callow Canadian cunts, crosspalms.

    I thank you for the invitation to visit your "protected bike lanes", but NY's bicycle infrastructure can't hold a match to Amsterdam's, so why wouldn't I visit there instead?

  81. Oh Doothy, Doothy, Dooth...

    Only the unschooled and crass mistake an extensive selection of choices for refinement and class.

  82. dowhatchalike

    -- Humpty

  83. ackghthh *wheeeze*

    -- Maya Angelou

  84. ppfffffft! 36 beers on tap - whoop dee effin do. they've got that many at the growler filling stand at my nearby GAS STATION.


  85. NYC = The women!

    ...posted from his parent's basement in New Jersey.

  86. no one comes to nyc for the quality of life...they leave places with good quality of life to come to new york & pursue whatever it is that's driving a bug up their ass

  87. Dooth, 36 beers on tap doesn't sound like much. I imagine the tap would run dry pretty early in the day. Fourteen large HD screens, in the middle of NYC, yet nothing so lonesome...

  88. Anonymous 4:44pm,

    For people who live in what they claim to be the greatest city in the world, it's odd they should sing the praises of being able to get anything delivered to your door. What's the point of living in the "greatest city in the world" if you never step out your door and actually experience the city?

    Uh, when people say you can get anything delivered they're talking about drugs. You take the drugs then go out and experience the city.

    I forgive you your small-town naiveté.

    --Wildcat Rock Machine

  89. Sheeeeit, all my drugs are grown like 2 houses down.

  90. Oh, Fo, Fo, Fo...fe fi fo fum.

  91. Snobby 6:42PM,

    See? See what I mean?

    Here's a renowned New Yorker thinking the sun shines out of his arse, and he can't even properly accent naïveté.


  92. Leroy, I too suffered from a serious middle finger injury some time ago... don't ask... but anyway, my physiotherapist told me to follow a special exercise program as part of my rehabilitation. It's called Doucheclamation Remediation
    . Pay particular attention to following the exercises through their full range of motion, bro.

  93. ce, didn't mention the upstairs lounge with same amenities. The bar across the street, the bar around the corner, the strip joint next door...I could go on. But lonesome ? Sure, at times. And good, interesting company most of the time.

  94. Accents are annoying. It's science!

  95. "Driver couldn't have been more apologetic. She's a cyclist." She couldn't be a "real" cyclist, because a "real" cyclist would never drive a car. Why because a "real" cyclist is never at fault, and motorists are always at fault. It just doesn't work.

  96. Velocodger said...
    "Accents are annoying. It's science!"

    Scientific American.

    Scientific AMERICAN.

    So inward looking. So self-centred. So parochial.

    Nicola Tesla's accent must've annoyed your Edison.

    Karl Benz's accent would've irked your Henry Ford.

    The only good thing to come out of the USA is jazz. Maybe also the "pursuit of happiness" ideal. That's pretty cool, but there's nothing else.

  97. Dooth, I just re-read your earlier comment, are you saying 36 different beers? Do they make 36 different beers? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for variety, I enjoy VB from the tap, from the can, stubby or long neck.

  98. I can't believe how hot all the women are in Babble's neck of the woods. I'm talking like, really fit and good diet hot, not the creepy fake tan 'n' boob job hot that you get in LA. There seems to be no lard bucket types on Robson St. Everyone out on the sidewalk just looks so fit and hot. No wonder when people think of Canada the beaver comes to mind.

  99. Hmmm... The beaver, hard working and industrious. The eagle, fearsome and beautiful looking, but not the brightest bulb on the xmas tree as far as birds go.

  100. ce,

    What's with Gordon Parsons' American accent when he sings with Slim?

    No wonder Americans are so full of themselves.

  101. Bonerfied:

    Vancouver is the Hollywood of Canada. Really. All the hot Canadian chicks move there to chase their dreams of being the next Pam Anderson, before they end up at Orange Number 9.

    Secondly, Vancouver is one of the best, if not the best, "REAL CITIES" (debatable) to live in for proximity to awesome outdoorsy activities, ie. Whistler. So people that are into kayaking, climbing, skiing, bike riding, hiking move there.

    Vancouver women have terrible taste in music and fashion. They like there white pants that you can see their brightly colored whale tails through. NOT HOT.

    Secondly, Specialized does not make the best kids' bikes.
    15 lbs, real brakes, all cartridge bearings, $395.

    More dorktastic kids bikes.

  102. Nonny mouse 11:51 pm and 2:07 PM Anonymous said...
    And you bought a Specialized BMX bike because...why?

    Do you brehs even kid bike? S kids have the best resale value, like 90% of msrp, and sell fast so lil brehs can upgrade.

    Yeah islabikes would be great for the elementary school cx team, would take a few crops to wear them in.

  103. Bro, brah, Broseph are acceptable. breh = death by balls getting caught in a junk saver saddle

  104. It's totally true, though. Vancouver is the third worst-dressed city in the world, and not only cause some of us like our white jeans (can't see my knickers through them at least)either. It's the yoga pants, apparently. This is the home of LuluLemon, don'tcha know. And it's because of MEC, too. They just have the best quality camping and sporting goods at the best prices, see, and so everyone who plans to ride through winter heads there and suits up. But it's not high fashion, is it?

    Still, it's true. A lot of folks live healthy, active lifestyles here - the whole "liveable city" thing is spot on, though a bikecentric lifestyle is achievable anywhere. I started in the Rockies, and then year round in Edmonton and that was totally do-able, too.

    It's like happiness, living the bikelife. It's a personal decision with far-reaching implications. Be like Nike and Just Do It.

  105. Anon 4:44, I don't know what the story with Mr Parsons is, I guess as the guy that wrote "The Pub With No Beer " he can sing however he darn well pleases. But rest assured, this shit is generally taken very seriously, even our top scientists are on the case.

    I would suggest performers are simply modelling a style of country music they developed a love for while growing up, exposed to a scene dominated by American recordings (I'm not saying I can actually comprehend falling in love with C&W - like quantum mechanics, the math just says it is how it is). Also, when touring the pubs of Australia there would be demand for them to cover popular songs that happen to be American and it would probably be easier to make the song sound right for the audience with the original twang, so they stick with that. As they get more ambitious I imagine the American accent would help them infiltrate the far larger American market.

    Or perhaps we are just an insecure, culturally insignificant backwater seeking validation from our big bro America any way we can (by the way, I love you Snobbo, do you love me?).

    At least it is not a phenomenon unique to Australia.

    Bicycle riding in NYC... country music from around the world... I can kind of see how we got here.

  106. Don't worry Canada, I'm sure Snobbo loves you too.

  107. That's what you call a Missed Connection? Obviously you're not hip enough to properly compose one, it should have read something like: "Your Citibike was blue, same as my Monica Lewinski dress... let's lube your chain and squeeze my rim." It's all about the innuendo. AMATEUR!!!

  108. I'd give her the "World Famous Beef Hot Dog" alright!

  109. The pigeon-toed lass....walking along side the armpit sniffer. I used to high-school with a girl that had that same lower unit configuration. It's like Mother Lob started with a robust and plump boo-tay and then built everything else around it as kind of an afterthought.

  110. Hey Snobberdooders? Who is red mountain bike for?

  111. "Anonymous McFly said...
    The pigeon-toed lass...."

    always found them willing

  112. Hey, I hate where I live too. Screw you for thinking your town's so great. This is fun. Who are we talking about?

  113. You can't see what's not there, Babble.

  114. why are pedestrians not ticketed for walking in the bike lane? (bikers get ticketed for being on the sidewalk) This post reminded me why I am so glad I don't live in NYC anymore...

  115. Dave -everywhereMay 30, 2014 at 12:23 PM

    Snobby - this is why I don't use the 8th Avenue bike lane anymore, not to mention the absolute shit-storm that goes on in front of the Port Authority in the morning. I would rather forgo the "safety" of the protected lane and go bare-back up 10th Avenue. BTW - it was recently paved so for the next two weeks or so, it should be the smoothest patch of asphalt in the city.

  116. Oh balls. Heh heh. :D Egggzactly.

    And fer fucksake. What kind of inner blonde nutbar manages to burn her eyeball with vitamins C&E peptides? Holy ouch, batman.

  117. I really want a 26er now that no one is making them anymore. Now I know how the 27ers felt 30 years ago. Good thing I was ignorant of my obsolete wheel size back then.

  118. Babs, BMX. Maybe for one of his 16 other kids we never see.

  119. This comment has been removed by the author.

  120. Spot on...can we get a Bike Snob Philly edition?

  121. Haha, I couldn't imagine riding a bike in NY. Visited their last weekend and wrote about it for my Montreal peeps. I guess you gotta have a sense of humour.

  122. Blue Dress: Slavic as all get-out, probably has a multiple-consonant name like Zdurszcz.
    affordable used car dealers in houston

  123. Yes people are walking in the bike lane, the question is why.

    I'd suggest that the sidewalks are too narrow and or there is too much street clutter on the sidewalks.

    Even with the bike lane, most of the space in the street is still given to cars.

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