Wednesday, September 25, 2013

It's Wednesday Which Means The Week's Effectively Over At This Point So Why Even Bother?

As I mentioned, I've become a Satanist, so yesterday evening I cued up the old Slayer record and laid out some firm tofu to sacrifice to my Dark Lord.  Just as the twin-pronged guitar assault of that guy and that other guy reached a fever pitch, the room filled with smoke and Satan Himself appeared before me, resplendent in a flannel shirt from Uniqlo and a fetching hat made from a dead baby.

Anyway, long story short, it turns out Satan actually doesn't care much for Slayer, and His two favorite artists are in fact Billy Joel and Vampire Weekend.

He did like the tofu, though.

Also yesterday, I made the bike commute, and with my recent vacation still fresh in my mind I saw the city with new eyes--and those eyes wanted to cry because holy crap what a dump:

Every so often I'd look down and see the dust of Mount Tampon still clinging to my bike and this would elicit yet another wave of heaving sobs:

I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that there were actual legal mountain bike trails just over the highway, but then I remembered that last time I'd ridden on them I'd interrupted an anonymous sexual encounter, and between that and the preponderance of human feces I've sort of crossed it off the list.  (Well, off the riding list anyway.  It's still tops on my list of places to go for "down-low" sex tinged with the odor of human feces.)

Oh, also, we have these new lime green taxis now:

The deal with these is they operate uptown and in the "outer boroughs" where yellow cabs fear to tread, and they are allowed to pick up street-hails, which the old-fashioned car service technically can't do (but often does anyway).  They're called "Five Boro Taxis" or something like that, and while the one in the front is a real one, the one directly behind is an impostor that is cunningly painted in a similar hue, which seems to be what a number of car services are doing now.  In any case, if you travel mostly by bike none of this is likely to affect you, apart from the fact that the new color is much easier to spot when they're double-parked in the bike lane, which is where livery cabs spend 75% of their time.   (The other 25% of their time they spend actively trying to run you over.)

But while the streets of New York are a bit of a let-down from the slopes of Mt. Tampon, there's still nothing quite like riding here, because in the course of an ordinary commute you're likely to see global events unfolding right before your eyes.  (Unless your commute takes you through Brooklyn, which is basically now just Portland with shittier drivers.)  For example, the United Nations General Assembly is currently assembling here, and all over midtown police are using their laser vision to make sure young women aren't secreting weapons in their undergarments:

Yes, it's that magical time in New York City when, for a week, you're actually more likely to get run over by the armored Maybach of a visiting potentate en route to a strip club than by a taxicab or limousine ferrying cocaine-addled investment bankers to a strip club.

The other hallmark of the General Assembly is that the drivers start complaining:

(OK, this is from last year, but whatever, it's the same this year.)

All due skepticism of the United Nations as an organization aside, these people actually have some pretty important stuff to discuss, so it's the height of arrogance and stupidity when some putz from New Jersey gets his khakis all in a bunch because it's harder for him to drive his SUV to his job doing who-gives-a-shit for who-gives-a-fuck.  Obama may be clogging up traffic for a few days with his motorcade and his "Audacity of Hope," but I'd argue that the "Audacity of Fucktardation" that most of these drivers subject us to on a daily basis is a far greater inconvenience for the people of this city.

Also, compounding all of this is that we're also in the midst of Sukkos Mania!, and Mitzvah Tanks are thundering through the streets and spewing out Compulsively-Observant Jews who then engage in a sad parody of revelry, as if partying lamely in ill-fitting black suits is somehow going to convince other people to join them:

If you want to know what's happening there, basically Compulsively-Observant Jew #1 leaves the Mitzvah Tank with his tickle-stick and joins Compulsively-Observant Jew #2 by the Cabinet of Dr. Caligaristein, DDS (also known as the "sukkah").  Then, they both step inside, and the giggling begins.

Incredibly, I survived the General Assembly, Sukkos Mania!, and all the usual fucktardation (some of it mine, I did almost crash while using my smartphone again) and got to where I was going.  Then, at one point in the day, I looked outside to check on my bike and saw that someone was loitering on it:

It's one thing to just lean on a bike rack and inadvertently touch the bike, but this fucker is holding my lever, and I'm pretty sure the other hand is on the saddle too:

I'm not particular about my bike, but this goes way beyond familiar.  This is like chatting up someone's wife with your hand on her breast.

But, you know, it's okay because he's smoking, and he's probably talking about art:

Fucking Brooklyn.

Anyway, as soon as I saw this I ran outside and unlocked the bike, and the smoker apologized with what seemed like sincerity, so all was well.

Plus, the joke was on him anyway, because that's the lever I operate with the hand I use to "adjust myself" while I ride, and I never wear gloves.

(Come si dice "frumunda" in inglese?)

Speaking of that bike, it's my travel bike, and a few (well, maybe two) people have asked about it in the comments, and even though I'VE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH THIS I'll go through it again, partially because I'm too lazy to find the old posts in which I described it, but mostly because I'm a bike dork at heart and kind of like talking about this stuff:

The bike is a Surly Travelers Check, which is just a Surly Crosscheck with S&S couplings, which are the things the green arrows are indicating.  Surly no longer offer the Travelers Check as far as I know, and indeed mine has like a hundred feet of headset spacers because they didn't have many frames left and I got one that was a little on the small side.  (I knew I could make it work, and when it comes to packing bikes I figured smaller is better anyway.)  I think there are other bike companies that offer S&S couplers as an option, and obviously you can always get a custom bike with them or get your favorite bearded framebuilder to insert them into your steel bicycle for you.

Ritchey/Dahon also have a bike that comes apart in a similar place, but the joint seems very dainty, and I'm not sure how the tiny screws would hold up under repeated fastening and unfastening, though for all I know my concerns are unfounded.  I do think it would be nearly impossible to strip an S&S coupling.  Most importantly, a Crosscheck (which is basically what it is) seemed like the best bike for travel, since you can do a Fred ride on it with skinny tires, or else put these on it and you've practically got a mountain bike.  (Also, horizontal dropouts, singlespeed if you want, blahblahblah.)

Here's the case I use:

It's unwieldy when you carry it like a suitcase, and I once wore it as a backpack with the bike inside and almost died.  However, the advantage is that it's soft, so once the bike's out of it it's light and you can fold it up and stow it.  (Theoretically you could put the bike together at the airport, throw your stuff in the case, and ride to where you're going.  I've never done that though, because there's a time and a place for taxis and trains, and that place is the airport.)  And most importantly, it meets the airline standard for regular luggage, so I just check it through without telling them there's a bike inside.  To date, I have not incurred any oversized luggage or bike fees.  (It weighs something like 42lbs with a bike, accessories, shoes, and suit of stretchy bike clothes inside, and I think the airline cutoff is usually 50lbs.)

The bike gets scratched in the case, but I don't care.  Sometimes the brake levers get knocked out of whack in transit, but that's a thirty-second fix.  Sometimes too the wheel needs a bit of truing, but that's a five-minute fix.  Here's what I have to take apart to get it in the case, not necessarily in this order:

--Undo the S&S couplers
--Undo the cable couplers
--Remove rear derailleur from hanger (just in case)
--Remove pedals
--Slide stem off steer tube, loosen face plate so I can rotate the bars a bit for optimum stowage
--Pull seatpost (obviously)
--Remove bottle cage
--Remove wheels (no shit)
--Remove skewers from wheels and air from tires

And I think that's pretty much it.

I like the bike so much I not only travel with it, but also commute with it now that I live in the almost-suburbs and prefer to ride something a little more efficient than my old city bike.  I also use it to go recreational bicycle cycling on mixed terrain (to the extent you can do that in New York), and have even used it in a cyclocross race--and while I finished pretty much DFL, I wouldn't have finished any better on a crabon bike with Dugast Flying Douchebag tires and dick breaks anyway.

The only problem with the bike is it needs a compact crank, because when I put it together I was still delusional.

I think that about covers it.  Happy travels.

I love you.

--Wildcat Rock Machine


Anonymous said...

je suis premier

McFly said...

Cue the deeer.

Anonymous said...

Podium doper : did not read!

McFly said...

.......and I thank you for the Jeff Hanneman Tribute.....

Yarpo said...

Top Satanic Five?

Tetanus the Clown said...


babble on said...

I love you, too! Cheers for the chuckles... you almost died?!?

babble on said...

Does that mean you crashed or ran into a wall or a curb you didn't see or something? Because I think maybe we're related.

2wheeler said...

I don't get it

BikeSnobNYC said...


What don't you get, Sweetydarling?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

JB said...


Marcel Da Chump said...

The majestic Harlem River.

Anonymous said...

Tep twonty 3 days in a row. Yeah Cleveland !

Yarpo said...

I'm still recovering from the, "I'm the morbid stench in the fixie rider's jeans" rant from yesterday. Even Satan was probably taken aback by that.

Ewwwwwwwwwwww and Feh-Feh-Feh!

Blog Drafter just smacked 100th Place in yesterday's Comments. Nice to see after all the leading out he's done over the years.

streepo said...

Twin pronged!!

streepo said...

I gave up trying for the podium since I did not get any XXOO's yesterday.

hedthen 10

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Hey! That Mitzvah Tank looks like the old T-Mobile Ullrich bus.
Good to know it's been put to good use.

babble on said...


Thank you for "scepticism of the United Nations as an organisation.." Snobbers,

and belated XOXO Streepo.

JB said...

I assume you deflate the tire so you can pack the tubes with Wednesday oregano? Pump it back up with tiny frame pump or CO2?

Anonymous said...

Fresh farts

Dale said...

Rolling in with the peloton

P. Bateman said...

anyone noticed that Snobber seems to be kind of cheery lately? "I love you"

what is happening up there snooberdoodle? you have some life altering event that has turned you kind and compassionate? its just unnatural i say.

Comment deleted said...

Cable couplers. Now *there's* a detail the geek in me likes to learn. The S&S's are bitchin', too, of course.

Comment deleted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Mid pack fodder

316 ldiifor

McFly said...

Don't be so hard on those Woodland Nature Sex Fiends. They are just trying to get their torque coupling on.

Freddy Murcks said...

I had one of them thar take apart bikecycle thingys. Taking it apart and putting it back together was as easy as pie. Getting the damned thing to fit inside the case was another matter entirely. Never have I had to swear so much in my entire life. It was like putting together a 3D puzzle that had about three too many but nevertheless vital pieces. I might have found it more enjoyable to smash my toes with a fookin' sledgehammer.

45 uardowt

Comment deleted said...

I'm having a hard time picturing how both wheels and the two frame halves fit in that soft-sided case (in a way that doesn't fuck up the spokes).

This is very cool, and makes me wish I had a smaller frame (in whichever way you wish to interpret that).

streepo said...

I'm all in favor of couplers.

RB1 said...

how do you remove the air from the tires ? i looked on the park website, but didn't see a tool.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...that looks like a really imporatant conversation involing your bicycle cycle.

...if the dude was a hot italian woman, what would you have done?

Freddy Murcks said...

Comment deleted - the two frame halves, the wheels, and all of the other parts fit into the case with great effort. They do fit, but putting things into the case in the right order and in the right orientation is vital.

eijoyet 59

Buffalo Bill said...

Travel bike porn snob.
Feeling the love.

Anonymous said...

"The only problem with the bike is it needs a compact crank, because when I put it together I was still delusional."

Delusional and Aging go hand in hand.

My latest road bike (lightly used Trek 630) came with 52/42, and I replaced it with a compact crank (48/34), but I may still be delusional. I'm heading toward 44/30 or maybe 42/28, especially in today's age of 12 and 11 tooth cogs.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Freddy Murks and Comment Deleted,

I think the biggest hurdle to get over is learning how not to give a fuck about the bike. If you're at all dainty about it or worried about damage you'll never get it it. First I put the rear half of the frame in, then put the rear wheel over that, then put the front half of the frame in, and then the front wheel on top of that. I sort of put the "cockpit" on top of the front wheel and angle it in there. As I said, sometimes the wheels needs a little touching up but it works.

I have started putting a thin section of padding between the frame halves, like the cheese in a bike sandwich. It helps keep things quiet in there so it doesn't sound like you're carrying a bag of metal.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

BikeSnobNYC said...


I recommend using a tire pressure app.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

4 words: Long Haul Trucker Deluxe

Angie Kritenbrink said...

We love you too.

Anonymous said...

I need two things:

1) A technical history of tennis balls

2) A technical rundown of how to make travel bike smaller for to fit in small softcase.


BamaPhred said...

Lovely post! Geeked out over the coupler bike porn also. I understand, at some superficial level anyway, that it is the time of the Festival of Booths. But just what is a Mitzvah Tank? Us goyim flyover types are in the dark. Is it something we should fear? Or is it like some kind of Hasidic party bus? I hope it isn't an offensive question. Offensive answers always appreciated.

Robot killer 21 psisons no kidding

crosspalms said...

When I take the air out of my tires I put it in ziploc bags. That way the TSA people can see it, and it's all ready to put back in the tires at the other end.

balls™ said...

"If you're at all dainty about it or worried about damage you'll never get it in."

That's what she said.

crosspalms said...

Mikeweb, I forgot to ask how your 2-day bike-a-thon went. Has the feeling returned to your legs?

RoadQueen said...

streepo - Belated XOXO's, I was greatly upset over the child killing yesterday and plumb forgot to hand out the love.

McFly - The XOXO's are yours today!

Snob - Thank you for the info on the traveling biek. I'm convinced that I'm not nearly enough of a 'Biek Ninja' to ever be able to use one in the way it was meant to be used.

Still, interesting.

McFly said...

I never done seen it but crosspalms and balls(tm) just tied for winning the internet.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

It's a pretty safe bet the horned one's favorite song is "Only the Good Die Young"

Grandpa Snobbie next can we hear the story about Ritte Von Finklestein again?

Freddy Murcks said...

Snob - Sorry to ask a really boring question, but I am curious as to whether you are paying extra baggage fees for the travel bike or if you are able to fly it under the radar. The last time I traveled with mine*, the airline treated it just like any other bag, but the airlines seem to have become a lot stricter since then. One of the reasons that I wasn't too sad to see my travel bike go was that I didn't want to have to deal with the airlines and their draconian baggage policies.

* I had Ritchey BreakAway that literally broke away twice. I have since replaced it with a SwissCross. I will probably get another travel bike at some point, but I think I will get one with S&S couplers instead of the Ritchey system.

171 matnnue

Jimboner said...

yeah, that Billy Joel thing makes sense, so he sold out his daughter instead of his soul.

the Jimboner said...

also saw Sepultura last week, now that's a band that'll wring the Marin right out of your scranus.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Freddy Murcks,

As I said in the post:

And most importantly, it meets the airline standard for regular luggage, so I just check it through without telling them there's a bike inside. To date, I have not incurred any oversized luggage or bike fees.


Seeing Sepultura live at L'Amour in Brooklyn back in 19-whatever it was pre-emptively Marin-proofed my scranus.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Freddy Murcks said...

Skimmed the post. Didn't see the bit about baggage fees. Sorry for making you impart really boring info twice in one day.

801 ercharbo

Olle Nilsson said...

The only problem with the bike is it needs a compact crank, because when I put it together I was still delusional. AKA, old.

46/30 is looking mighty appealing to me. It's easy to get by without gears I can only use down big hills.

Anonymous said...


C said...

How is Day 1 of being a Satanist? Wonder if somewhere in NYC, a car hit a cyclist, scratched the bike, then the car burst into flames?? Thank you for selling your soul.

Thanks also for the handy dandy "travel bike" review, the modified Crosscheck sounds like the new gravel bike, which is so two weeks ago.

Keep the anger and cynicism coming, it makes for very cathartic reading while at work.


P.S. Scranus

leroy said...

You know, I alwys suspected Billy Joel was on Satan's fave list. It explains the music in dental offices, elevators and other places one may feel trapped.

I rode my commuter bicycle cycle to work. Later, I took a Citibike to a doctor's appointment because showing up in clippy shoes in a medical office is just asking for a psychiatric hold. And really, who has the time for that?

While the UN is in town, a Citibike is a very good way to get around.

Anyway, I was happy to learn that my dog had misdiagnosed both of us.

He claimed you can't go blind adjusting yourself, but it does cause hearing loss, which is why he wasn't ignoring me when I spoke.

And apparently all that time in front of a Marshall stack isn't to blame either.

Even so, there's a reason why many bands are using empty speaker cabinets as stage props. My friend sometimes places a life-size photo of a Marshall stack next to his Fender amp. From a distance, you can't tell the difference.

But I digress.

To sum up: Citibike, good. My dog and I, fine. My dog doesn't listen. But what can you expect from a non-working breed?

And that picture Mr. BSNYC posted of the Harlem River speedway comes after a short, nice stretch. But of course, it ain't Mount Tam.

the Jimboner said...

If there is one thing stealing my Pappy's whiskey taught me it's that there is no seal that shouldn't be broken. Methinks that your countless unholy communions with Mt Tampon led you to rashly rend your aging Sepulturian Scranal Seal and inadvertently you have set in motion your Scranal Apocalypse.

Alexa Ray Joel is the Lamb.

leroy said...

And on my way in to work this AM, there were four NYC Park Police on the bike path near an intersection where a cyclist was killed several years ago.

They were in teams of two each with a stop/slow sign coordinated with the traffic light.

Even so, an oblivious pedestrian-on-a-bike (not a Citibike) rolled past me and two others stopeed for the light and the park cop holding his stop sign. She also ignored everyone's warning.

I didn't hang around to see if she got a ticket, but there are some tickets you just can't get upset about.

Even if a red light violation on a bike costs almost twice as the fine for driving a Hummer while texting.

Anonymous said...

So, Snob and Leroy:
If I got a Cycle Ops indoor trainer with the virtual training software, I can program the Harlem River speedway in and ride with you?
Or I can program in the Brooklyn Bridge and have my wheels trued by Amish Guy?

Anonymous said...

re "...police are using their laser vision to make sure young women aren't secreting weapons in their undergarments"

Compare how far the cop is standing away from the curb to whee the young woman is. Clearly he is not looking at her.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:20pm,

Thank you for your extremely literal reading of my post, CommenterBot 9000.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

snow canon said...

Does your case have a dedicated pocket for clean cycling panties?

Scranusly yours.

crosspalms said...

He's just *appearing* not to look at her. But "whee the young woman" is written all over his face.

Anonymous said...

I'd like the new bitchin' Budnitz with a couple of couplers...

Velocodger said...

I just bought a bike that came with a compact crank, so my delusional state was laid to rest without conscious effort. And- Mr. Anonymous @1PM; you are reading the wrong blog for tennis ball sagesse...that would be AHTBM.

mrtorian said...

Thanks, BikeSnob. I've been trolling CL and eBay for a cheap S&S'ed frame, and now you've alerted the world wide world.

You make my life better and worse.

Love the new book.

Olle Nilsson said...

DB - Junk miles on an indoor trainer? That's beyond hipster-ironic.


Will Handsfield said...

I too have a Travelour's Cheque bicycle, and will add to the list of uses you have - Child Carrying Bike!

I have a Surly Nice Rack on the back, to which I've mounted a Yepp Maxi,and take my toddler to Daycare daily before continuing on to my office. In two weeks, I will unbolt the fenders, rack, and lights, put a race number on, and race a cyclocross course for the morning. This bike is as close to an all-rounder you can get.

Dooth said...

Wildcat, my parish priest, Father Guido Sarducci, performed a kick-ass exorcism on me a few years ago. I highly reccomend him.

Euro Spondee said...

P. Bateman said... anyone noticed that Snobber seems to be kind of cheery lately? "I love you"what is happening up there snooberdoodle? you have some life altering event that has turned you kind and compassionate? its just unnatural i say.

A few days in California will do that to you, even a toughened NYer, especially if he really was hanging round with the Buuuddhists.

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, UN week Daily News Traffic Crisis. Explains why the Cat 6'ing has been impaired by a highly over-subscribed peleton.

It doesn't explain why I am seeing so many people bringing their bikes on the subway in beautiful weather.
If it rains, take the bus. If it doesn't, take the fucking train.

Anonymous said...

Aw, thanks Snobby!

I'm one of the "maybe two" posters who asked about your funny bike and here you are all generous and gracious with comprehensive details -- Satanism suits you.

What's with the plastering on the window sill, though? Further evidence of NY's decay?

Blog Drafter said...

I'm hanging on to a 52/36 but it's pretty flat around here. I actually bought a compact on sale a while back but haven't gotten around to putting it on. Maybe next spring.

I took a bike apart and traveled with it in a cardboard box a long while ago and, praise LOB, the bitterness of the memory has finally faded away.

Sometimes in life you just have to make a funny face and push for all you're worth until it's in.

mfficut 08

Freddy Murcks said...

mrtourin - Here's your bike. $1500 seems like a really good price for a complete coupler bike.


2682 assedarc (Robot Captcha - I kid you not)

Anonymous said...

Fugly surly.

In other news, a female motorist pulled over for throwing cigs at me, and my purple Terry Tailwind (Ripley). I guesd some cops aren't so bad.

BikeSnobNYC said...

mrtorian and Freddy Mercks,

Wow, yeah, buy that!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Fugly surly.

In other news, a female motorist pulled over for throwing cigs at me, and my purple Terry Tailwind (Ripley). I guesd some cops aren't so bad.

Anonymous said...

Fugly surly.

In other news, a female motorist pulled over for throwing cigs at me, and my purple Terry Tailwind (Ripley). I guesd some cops aren't so bad.

Comment deleted said...

56cm, that's a pretty tall bike, too. Even that will fit as standard luggage?

Olle Nilsson said...

I'm no Surly fanboy, but they still make an S&S version of the LHT. Probably one of the more affordable S&S frames you'll find.

McFly said...

It's been my experience that every female has a secret weapon in her undergarments.

Freddy Murcks said...

Comment Deleted - My travel bike was a 58cm. As I said before, getting it into the case was a challenge (probably because I am an idiot), but it fit and it checked as normal luggage.


Worlsaz 109

Ricky Moonblood said...

Beechez be trippin.

babble on said...

HA!! Ed and my wallet talked me and my great big ego out of a big ring in the back so I can go really really fast.

Got my first speed wobble ever just before the hard right at the bottom of Spanish Banks hill the other day. After the little man crashed, Lido said just hold it steady with your knees when that happens, so when the time came, I did. I always grip the seat with my thighs, anyway, when I'm way far back in the saddle like that. It's a horsey habit to grip with your thighs, it's always served me well. I actually had a saddle sore on my inner thigh this year... my first ever, a badge of honour.

Yep. Poor Ti Baby is taking up a lot of slack these days... ;)

babble on said...

Lol! In the front. 53. :D

babble on said...

But at least I learned to spin fast going fast down a hill.

See? Silver linings... every problem has a gift hidden in it.

babble on said...

Yes. I am a classic feminine over-sharer.


RoadQueen said...

Congratulations on achieving Warp Speed, Babble!


McFly said...

I rode with the big kids today and thought I had entered a new level of sucking but turns out I had a slow flat. Well 2 of them actually. I am blaming the flat for my incompetence.

ShoofFrank said...

So about how long would it take an average to sub-average wrencher to assemble and re-assemble said S&S bike? I'm very much feeling that setup you've got - if it had a compact on it - but am pretty woeful when it comes to mechanics skills. My skill set maxes out at chain lubing and tire flat changing.

babble on said...

Cheers, bella, but you know I'm always warped.

It's important to always have something to blame, right? I had the flu for my fondle. Had a fever over 100 by the time I finished. Next year it's sure to be mechanical.

Snobbers? I WAS really impressed that you can true a wheel in three minutes. I have a pre-schooler's mechanical aptitude, so people who "get it" fill me with wonder.

What DO you do in that room in Brooklyn all day long, one day a week, snobbydoodledoo?

Anonymous said...

SNOB, "The only problem with the bike is it needs a compact crank, because when I put it together I was still delusional"...Sorry but you have way more problems going on with the bike than the std crank. That's a problem with your legs anyway, not the bike. The bigger issues are your stem spacers. Based on the seatpost height, the frame is not too small, you just are not flexible enough to get into a proper cycling position. Bar end shiters? Remove along with the spacers which will allow you to go Thomson (110mm) / Thomson & get that ball sack off your sofa of a saddle. Put a proper saddle on. And for LOB sakes, get a decent wheelset. Oh f-it, for what you're doing, it's PERFECT.

BABBLE, yes you over-share, but your problem is that what you share is garbage geared toward your relationships among frequent posters and rarely with any relevance to the post, (other than nauseating flattery of BSNYC), bicycles, or cycling culture. Isn't there a foodie blog or something you can attach to?

I know, I'm a jerkoff. Someone's gotta be now that CJ is absent. Regards, Mark Cavendouche - The Manx Midget

Anonymous said...

Yeah, there is something satanic about tofu, especially the firm stuff. Yuck! I might be a vegetarian, but even I won't touch that stuff.

Comment deleted said...

What a coincidence. An anon poster with a hardon for spacers and Babble. Doesn't sound at all like CJ. Nope.

incessantlycommentingregular said...

I can't stop myself!

McFly said...

Frilly won't touch the firm stuff?

I don't know what's right anymore.

Anonymous said...

What would be right, in this case, is self-restraint.

RoadQueen said...

I really do wish that the spineless anonymous nay-sayers would either fuck off or shut the fuck up and let us all have fun.


If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Didn't your mother(s) beat you enough when you were children? Is that why the Anon's are such pricks these days?

Just musing thought that have zero relevancy to the post, just to piss (them?) off.

Beelzebubba said...

Tofu will not do, Satan demands seitan! And no tempeh either!

McFly said...

Maybe I am dense but it seems the ultimate form of irony is when you get on here only to comment about the way or amount other commenters comment. Why not just not get on here?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:05am,

Sorry but you have way more problems going on with the bike than the std crank. That's a problem with your legs anyway, not the bike.

This is true.

The bigger issues are your stem spacers. Based on the seatpost height, the frame is not too small, you just are not flexible enough to get into a proper cycling position.

I am actually pretty flexible owing to years of attempting to fellate myself. However, I wanted this bike to be comfy, not racy. The bike needs to be off-roadable and I prefer not to be too low when picking my way town a rocky fire road in the drops (or attempting to fellate myself).

Bar end shiters?

My reasoning is that they are more likely to stand up to repeated stuffings into a soft travel case, and that I can put them in friction mode if the derailleur hanger gets bent in transit or something.

Remove along with the spacers which will allow you to go Thomson (110mm) / Thomson & get that ball sack off your sofa of a saddle. Put a proper saddle on.

Having cracked a Thomson face plate there is no way I would ever use one on a bike with a stem that is loosened and tightened repeatedly and with haste. (Not to mention a 110 stem would have me hunched over the bike like someone trying to fellate himself. I must have a long-ish torso relative to my legs, which is why people who don't know anything about bikes think my stem is too long.) Re: the saddle, I'm relatively new to the world of Brooks but it turns out that the sofa of a saddle I always scoffed at is great offroad. It's like having a rear suspension that channels all its vibration-damping qualities directly to your scranus.

And for LOB sakes, get a decent wheelset.

I think Chris King hubs and CXP33 rims make a pretty decent wheelset, but maybe I'll trade them in for those Ksyriums with the proprietary spokes that start howling when the bearings--sory, I mean bushings--go. Seems prudent for a travel bike. Or else maybe something tubeless so I can deal with liquid sealants while traveling.

Oh f-it, for what you're doing, it's PERFECT.

Except for the non-compact crank.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

babble on said...

Lol! Yeah, you don't sound at ALL like CJ... same old same old. Must be tough knowing absolutely everything about everything, and feeling such a compulsion to educate the rest of us.

Honey, I'll spell it out for you. Lick. My. Pink. Canoe.

McFly said...

What about tongueing your brown dingy?

Anonymous said...

Who's worse? Someone who thinks they know everything, or someone who consistently fails to self edit?

balls™ said...


I think what's obvious about the type of bike-fans that don't like your long stem set-up is that they care more about what their bike LOOKS like than actually riding it.

Annon 2:05 probably has bars that are chopped too narrow to control the bike and a seat set higher than the bars even though he can barely reach the pedals.

BTW- no matter what your LBS tells you, a shimano 10-speed compact crank works great with old 9-speed stuff. Like butter.

Yarpo said...

Snob, the guy who was leaning on your bike, after closer examination, looks like Robert DeNiro.

Good thing you asked him nicely to get the fuck away from it; he could of gone all Raging Bull on you, or any of the myriad violent characters that he has played.

Be careful out there Snobbo, Satan doesn't actually have your back.

babble on said...

CJ, why do you hate me, hmmm? Does it really bother you THAT much that I'm not one more teenage girl for you to diddle? Don't worry, there are plenty of naive girls out there for you to prey upon. Are you worried I might wake them up?

Be subjective. Put your anger, hatred and judgement aside for a minute. I may babble on a bit, but I wasn't exactly off topic today. He talked about compact cranks, I talked about compact cranks. You just lost the plot because you look at the world through troll coloured glasses.

Get a life. You can write. Why don't you spend your time creating your own blog instead of raining negativity upon someone else's? Maybe then you won't feel so badly about yourself that you have such a driving need to spread the angst.

Just sayin.

ChamoisJuice said...

Here's the thing. Men have a HIGH tolerance for listening to any garbage that comes out of a woman's mouth, if she possesses ideal waist to ratio, symmetry, and is prime age of fertility. Beautiful women learn to communicate, from an audience that will tolerate any communicate, no matter how insipid and boring, in an effort to get in their pants.

Once that prime fertility has passed, things start to get sad...

I have been taking a break. Riding my bike lots. Not scheming on any girls.

If I were you make fun of BSNYC's bike, I would do a better job of it than anon.
My main problem with the bike, obv is the boner stem and mega stack of spacers. What the fuck is the point of bringing a poorly fitting bike around the world with you?
You can rent or borrow poorly fitting bikes where ever you go? The surly is "nothing special", just a bike. So why the hell to need to schlep it around with you?
He's the goddamn BIKE SNOB! Bike nerds around the world would jizz on their brake hoods in anticipation of lending the snob their Rivendell or recumbent tricycle of whatever.

BikeSnobNYC said...


You wouldn't do a better job because you've consistently shown you know nothing about bikes, especially bikes drop bars. The bike fits and rides perfectly, and the BIKE SNOB is not the sort of person who is self-conscious about some fugly spacers or stem length. Fugly, kludgy, scratched bikes that don't work for anyone else but their owners are awesome, that's why I wrote your favorite post ever, "The Kludgie." I'd much rather travel with a bike that does everything I need it to exactly as I need it to than go through the trouble of borrowing and returning one and futzing with someone else's bike on my vacation.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Babs, CJ is not the only one that hates you.

Just sayin.

Comment deleted said...

Shut the fuck up, anonymous sock puppet of CJ.

Anonymous said...

No really, babs is probably the worst commenter on here. Nice try though. Shall we continue?

Anonymous said...

There's no need for cursing either.


ChamoisJuice said...


A good fitting bike is going to put your body weight and handlebars over the front wheel optimally for good handling and cornering, as well as have an efficient pedalling position.

I'm gonna talk about handling and "goofy tiller effect", shit's about to get boring.
In my dumb ass opinion, all upright bikes handle best with a stem length that is equal to the hub offset from the steerer. This puts your bars right over the hub. Every discipline of cycling that puts high emphasis on cornering and handling, runs short stems, wide bars, stem length = fork offset.
When you have a boner stem, it puts your weight out in front of the wheel, not over it. Also, when you turn the bars, your hands swing out of center line of the bike. With a shorter stem, one hand moves forward, the other back, but they stay centered over the bike. These two factor combine in the goofy tiller effect. When cornering and pushing limits of traction, long stem has hand weight inside, so when tire starts to push, the bars have tendency to knife to the inside.

Road bikes have been crippled by the dumbass UCI, fanatic traditionalism, and the fact that LANCE's everywhere, only want to buy a fancy new bike if it's a race bike. So most road bikes have no tire clearance, super short sketchy geo, can't fit fenders, stupid fragile wheels.
I think it's kind of beautiful how the marketers have packaged longer WB road bikes, with clearance for fenders and fat tires, lower gear range: GRAVEL RACE BIKE. It's hard to sell LANCEs "practical, utilitarian bike".

BikeSnobNYC said...


Again, much of what you're saying isn't applicable to drop-bar bikes, which is the area in which you're totally deficient. These are bikes with multiple hand positions where you're barely turning the bars in order to control the bike. You're sitting up with your hands on the tops to climb, leaning forward with your hands in the drops to descend. Or, with a "cyclocross" bike you're using for road rides, non-technical off-roading, and non-technical singletrack, maybe you go with a little less reach and bars set wider and higher.

I'm not sure why you don't understand bikes that are used differently have different setups, and different bodies use different-sized parts, and why you keep applying your hucking-and-wheelie sensibility to bikes that aren't being used that way. It's tedious already. Get a clue.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

BikeSnobNYC said...


So most road bikes have no tire clearance, super short sketchy geo, can't fit fenders, stupid fragile wheels.

Where have you been?!? All the big companies have been all over this "all road/endurance/insert-your-marketing-term-here" for years now! Even my last plastic road racing bike fit 28mm tires with no problems. You gotta stop doing wheelies reading stuff about bendy-bar bikes on the Internet and believing it.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

ChamoisJuice said...

My formative bike shop years were in a high end road shop, serving roadies from North Jersey and NYC. I was "the guy" that put 40 year old dentists on the Serotta fit kit, dropped plumb bobs from their kneecaps, and assured them that this particular $5000 dream machine would fit them like a glove. It's always a bit of preference, saddle back for power, forward for spin, the rider's flexibity and riding style. I have always laughed at the various "black magic" fit systems over the years,.

UCI has crippled road bike evolution. Every time someone wins a race on a new bike design, UCI bans that design. For last 30 years at least, UCI has pretty much made it their mission to not let road bike design evolve and improve.

Road bikes are more dictated by tradition than any other style of bikes. Tons of top level XC mountain bike racers, have always been roadies who couldn't hack it at top level. XC racing is about suffering on the climb, handling plays little in overall time. Roadie influence on XC guys delayed the widespread abandonment of stems longer than 90mm on MTB's. It's moving that direction now. Give it five years, even rigid carbon 29"ers will have sub 90mm stems.

I have always had a roadbike. I actually put a fair amount of time into developing smooth cadence, calm upper body, good supplesse...
I got hit by a car, and really make an effort to stay off busy roads and avoid pissing off drivers. Roadies seem to go out of their way to piss off drivers, so I have also gone out of my way to avoid dressing in roadie uniform, or acting like one, and I am sure this has helped avoid conflict with drivers.
My current bike is a custom lugged road race bike from mid '90's. Guy who brazed it has his signature on it, campy drops, cinelli lugs, columbus slx, nice details and paint, fits 28's with fenders, long and slack for a racey bike. Campy chorus with 32h wheels. I bought it for $600, and put gatorskins and Grant Petersen signature 48c bars and 90mm stem, teeniest bit lower than seat. Seat is at fit kit plumb bob pedal spindle ideal. Back is at 45% ish, arms slightly bent on the hoods. Black leather flite and cinelli tape. I also scored a record carbon post and record adjustable bb from the local bike co-op. I build bikes for them sometimes: take weird old proflexes and cannondales, rob them of their barely used LX/mavic builds, put together bridgestone or trek rigid bike, with fenders, 26x2 marathons, new cables and chain, usually a short stem and casual bars, they sell them for $350-450, I get first dibs on cool bike parts. I like this arangement. I don't want to work in a bike shop for money, but I miss certain aspects. I miss seeing bikes I've worked on cruising around. Dealing with the same person for years, slowly making their bike suit their needs. This way, I just frankenstein cool bikes, and get to see people enjoying them.

Freddy Murcks said...

Babble - Take comfort. It's a good thing that CJ hates you. He's a fucking douche with sub-Cro Magnon intelligence. Plus, the "girlfriends" that he talks about are nothing more than identities that he has given his right hand. The only girl he's ever loved is his mommy. And I mean that both literally and carnally.

And Snob - It's your blog and you can do whatever you want with it, but I would caution you against engaging the troll. CJ is a fucking idiot. You can't argue with stupid. It's not worth your time and energy and it only encourages him.


xoweed 382

BikeSnobNYC said...


I'm not interested in what bike you ride and I'm especially not interested in what length stem you use. I also have difficulty believing someone who wrote a comment this ignorant has spent any time riding bikes in New York City.

UCI has crippled road bike evolution? That's more bike forum blather. There are about a zillion different kinds of road bikes, from crabon Fred chariot to velomobiles. Anyone can buy and ride a state-of-the-art recumbent, they just can't race it in a UCI road race.

You're way out of touch.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Richard said...

I like that travelling bike. It looks like with my bike before that I used for my travel and rides.

Anonymous said...

Agree that take-apart travel bikes are the sh@t. No more dragging a body bag sized case through the airport. I have a Ritchey and the dainty coupler near the BB is not at all fragile. I do carry a spare in case I do something brilliant like lose one. No regrets choosing 50/34, 11-32 gearing either. Lots of practice and I've gotten down to 20 mins from bike to luggage.

And thank you for the daily entertainment.

Anonymous said...

Another vote for Ritchey Breakaway design. It's a great bike and the coupling system is very robust - not flimsy AT ALL! I have made about 40 trips altogether with it - all over US, as well as 5 countries (never been charged a fee), and even though the frame is scratched up, the bike itself is very solid. It's quite a bit lighter and more elegant than S&S system which is bulkier and more expensive than Ritchey (which comes as frame+fork, with a bag, all in under $1,100). You can get it in cyclocross, which is the most versatile option, in my opinion, accepting tires up to 40mm.

ChamoisJuice said...

Bike snob,

I am going to share. My old man is an avid cyclist. He is a fred, in the traditional sense: sport touring bike, suntour bar end shifters, full fenders, Bell V1-pro healment, you get the idea. As a kid, I had a 16" wheel kid's bike; then I got a "real bike": a 24" wheel fuji 10 speed. I know he had to visit a lot of shops to find a "real road bike" that would fit a kid this small. When I was 12, I got a Peugeot with sis shifting, alloy rims, butted frame. I have always ridden drop bar bikes. Always. Perhaps I would have turned out more normal if I had a BMX bike, like a normal kid

I don't really give a crap about UCI, other than their influence on racing, has SIGNIFICANT influence on the types of bikes that are sold. Lance's buy whatever Lance win on...
I don't feel like aurguing the particulars of Graeme Obree, lemond areo bars, Spinachis, weight limits and all the rest.... but it seems ridiculous to have a racing organization so determined to keep bike design fixed from change.

BikeSnobNYC is my primary source of road racing news. I am grateful for this blog exposing me to Mark Cavendish's wife, Peta Todd's fanatastic tits, and her propensity for culturally insensitive photo shoots. I don't think I would be familiar with Fovonof, either, and I find both his name and physical appearance highly amusing.
In this year's tour, I got the big news:
-one good crash
-Cavendish getting smacked with the urine bag
-that heckler running with the climbers getting tackled.

I prefer when the blog focuses of goofy bikes on Craigslist. Road racing is fucking boring. I check in Velosnooze from time to time... I see sock fashion is a bit higher this year, and somehow they have figured out how to make helmets and sunglasses even more ridiculous looking.... moar crabon, moar stiffness, increased vertical compliance.