Monday, November 12, 2012

This Just In: A Short-Ish Absence

So the time has finally come.  I've threatened, and I've demurred.  I've insisted, and then I've backed down. I've thwarted, and I've been thwarted, and I've waffled and I've eaten waffles, and I've committed and reneged only to commit again, but at long last it's now official.

I'm moving to Portland.


Yeah, right.  I'd chew my own arms off in a month if I had to live in Portland.  I am actually moving though.

"So what the hell does that have to do with me?," you're probably wondering.  Well, my move affects you inasmuch as my myriad movular responsibilities will prohibit me from updating this blog until Monday, November 19th, at which point I will resume something like regular updates.  And before you start in about how it only takes one day to move, please bear in mind that 1) I'm not one of those stupid minimalists; and 2) I'm doing this entirely by cargo bike, so between now and next Monday I have to make roughly 150 round trips between my current home and my new one.  (Click here to see my cargo bike outfitted for a big move.)

"So where are you moving?," you probably aren't asking because you don't give a crap about my extra-blogular comings and goings, and rightly so.  Well, to answer you anyway, we're staying in New York City but we're leaving Brooklyn, which has treated me very well for many years but which has also become an increasingly expensive place to live, especially if you don't want to share a bedroom with your seventeen children.  Sure, I'm obviously ridiculously wealthy, but in Brooklyn all I can afford is a fabulously remodeled townhouse next-door to Martin Amis, whereas in my new part of town I can build a full-scale replica of Seattle's Space Needle from scratch, which is exactly what I did.  Who wants to live on street level listening to all that drunken spondee at all hours when instead you can tower 600 feet above the serfs in God's Rectal Thermometer?  Plus, my new locale will place me considerably closer to both paved and unpaved recreational bicycle cycling routes, and when it comes down to it isn't that what life is all about?

Best of all, you're all invited over for Thanksgiving dinner, and you can find directions here.

In any case, I'll refrain from burdening you with any further details regarding my change of venue at this time, though I will add that I will not be decorating my new home with Spinergy light fixtures, as seen via Twitter:


Here's the backstory:

People usually have a love-it-or-hate-it relationship with Spinergy Rev-X wheels, but when I saw a damaged specimen at a flea market, I figured I just had to buy it and think of something to do with it. Pages of design sketches later, the Xtralight ceiling lamp was conceived.

It's very misleading to refer to a Spinergy Rev-X as a "damaged specimen," since that implies there's such a thing as an intact one.  Heavy, ugly, and failure-prone, the Rev-X was essentially pre-damaged from the moment it left the factory, and why you'd actually want to sleep under one is beyond me.  Even more amazingly, this guy's wife sleeps under it too:

I wonder if he put those stupid stiffeners between the "spokes" to prevent it from shaking too much during coitus--though it's hard to imagine the bedroom's "Retro-Fred Chic" decor inspiring much lovemaking.  How do you even set the mood like that?  Turn on the red blinky light on the crabon seatpost you use as a bedside lamp?

Worst of all, he left off the "epic" Spinergy pie plate:


Now it's liable to fall off the ceiling and sever his knee, like that urban myth about Michele Bartoli.

Speaking of danger, as cyclocross continues to explode in popularity like a Spinergy explodes in..well, like a Spinergy just explodes, it would appear that a Cat 4 cyclocross start is rapidly becoming the most dangerous place it's possible to find yourself on a bicycle, as evidenced by this video that was forwarded to me by a reader:



(Freds rushing where the agile fear to tread.)

Getting the holeshot is nice and all, but it's what you do with it that counts, and if you're not confident that you can hold out for the win then you owe it to yourself and your fellow riders to squander it spectacularly.

Meanwhile, as amateurs keep crashing, pros keep apologizing, and now Bradley Wiggins is sorry that he gave a photographer "the finger" after he got hit by a car:



“I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their kind thoughts and messages over the last 48 hours, and of course all the staff at the Royal Preston Hospital who looked after me so well,” Wiggins is quoted as saying on Team Sky’s website. “I would also like to apologize for the gesture that I made when I arrived home yesterday afternoon. I was tired, in a lot of pain, and just wanted to get inside, but I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I’m sorry for that."

As sponsors continue to withdraw from the sport I look forward to the day that European professional road racing will finally go the way of six-day races in Madison Square Garden, but in the meantime the least these riders could do is stop apologizing all the time.  The doping apologies are disingenuous enough, but the idea that Wiggins--who spews "cunts" and "birds" like some sort of gynecological aviary--had a momentary lapse that he now regrets is just absurd.  Moreover, his response was completely warranted.  Really, he shouldn't apologize at all, but if he really feels the need to express regret over something he should apologize for some of his past haircuts:


("Helment hair" would be an improvement.)

Yes, as cyclists become increasingly disenchanted with the professionals the Freds of Tomorrow will cease to emulate them, and instead will dress like tennis players and golfers--or at least that's what Giro seems to think, judging by their "New Road" line of clothing:


Here's what Bradley Wiggins would look like if he were a cycling shoe:


See?


Part of me wants to like the Giro New Road clothes for their understated functionality, and part of me wonders if this sort of attempt to sidestep Fredliness is in fact more Fredly than Fred-ness itself.  Either way, everybody knows that cycling clothing disguised as regular clothing was perfected years ago by Primal Wear with their Ritz Tuxedo jersey:

Why look like you're on your way to the driving range when you could look like you're riding to your gig as a saxophonist in a 1970s bar mitzvah band?

Lastly, Transportation Alternatives have released this video to teach New Yorkers how to behave at intersections:



Which includes an admonition against texting and walking:


However, the truth is that it's actually good technique to walk around with your phone directly in your face, since if I'd been doing that I'd never have smashed my nose into that gate last week.

If you're not going to walk around in a helment, holding your smartphone in front of your face is the next best thing.

See you again on Monday, November 19th,


--Wildcat Rock Machine


327 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 327 of 327
wishiwasmerckx said...

...and if I remember correctly, 200 comments rolls over to a new page, meaning that there is another podium up for grabs, no?

bikesgonewild said...

...& i'll gladly stand second on the steps to you, wishiwasmerckx...

...long as i get the double kiss from the podium girls...

Comment deleted said...

third on technicality

babble on said...

Hello BGW!

My head has been pretty good for the most part today, surprisingly. Thank you for asking.

I stayed up a few hours longer to hydrate, and that always helps. But I woke up with a number of nasty bruises and a very sore bottom.

The boss eventually cut me off from drunken skating last night, which was clearly a good idea. I like to go fast on skates, but I really suck after half a dozen drinks or so.

He gave me a good book to read, "For your hangover," he said. Bless him. He doesn't know about bikes. He wouldn't let the driver take me back to my bike, either, he made him take me straight home, so I have to go and get it now.

The good thing is that we spent this absolutely glorious day on our go-fast bikes, going fast. Yes, it would have been better without yesterday's bumps and bruises, but both days were a ton of fun.

the commentariat said...

A very sore bottom? Babble on, it's like shooting fish in a barrel with you.

Anonymous said...

I just wanna be the driver that took her straight home......TO POUND TOWN!!!

Drunk sex is so hot.

Anonymous said...

She admitted she really sucks after a half dozen drinks or so...

bikesgonewild said...

...luv, i shan't comment on your sore bottom or i might expose the side of my personality wherein it's revealed that i'm a seedy, classless degenerate...

...but glad you've recovered well...(a boss that 'cares' - nice)...

...i still have my old ccm's & if i can get over my sore back, there is a temporary (christmas deal-ly) rink nearby & i think it needs my attention...

...years ago, down here, i had a whole crew of mostly cycling girls n' guys, the majority who'd never grown up ice skating & we'd have a toke & drive for a hour each way to skate every monday night...did that for many years...

...being an old hockey guy, i still love the motion, the flow...

...anyway, speaking of, i'm out, i'm late, i'm off to work...

Comment deleted said...

Reminds me of the wonderful "Skating and Screwdrivers" parties they'd have at the hockey rink of my alma mater. Plastic trash cans full of screwdrivers at center ice.

MUCH hilarity ensued.

JB said...

Congrats to the Cat 4 podium sitters!

McFly said...

My bro owns a skating rink here in town. The kind with wheels. I tell him he needs to have "Adult Night" serving alcohol but he says our local emergency does not have the staff or equipment to support it.

Frilly said...

Sounds like my kind of skating, Comment Deleted.

Kisses wiwm--handing over the leaders jersey.

Loving the new avatar McFly.

xxoo
Frilly

babble on said...

A toke has got to be a lot safer than what I got up to...if I had done that instead of drinking, I probably wouldn't be covered in this pretty patchwork of the most unnatural shade of purple bruises, as I am today. Stoned people don't try to go as fast as humanly possible. They just get lost and wander in circles, and on a skating rink, that might not be such a bad thing.

I'm thinking yer brother knows what he's up against, McFly...

HEAVY HANDED GENT said...

did I ever mention the time I ran amok in Kent?

IT WAS THE FOOK'IN AWESOME MAN!

HEAVY HANDED GENT said...

Have I ever mentioned the occasion upon which I ran amok in Kent?

IT WAS THE FOOK'IN AWESOME MAN!

McFly said...

I am a bit of an avatar hopper but in a tribute to BGW I am sticking to this one. I think. I call it.........Artistic Looking Off in the Distance Because its Hella Cool Thursday.

Tim Joe said...

Aww man...wow...where am I? Don't I get a phone call? Who are you people and where are my pants? Dang...that's the last damn Hay-Bailer's Convention I EVER go to.

cyber zombie said...

MMMM, COMMENTS, NOMNOMNOM
BLECH! BSD! PTFT PTFT PTFT!

cyber zombie said...

MMM, COMMENTS, NOMNOMNOM

g-roc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Arglemarglefarglefrumpf-fuckyoug-roci'vehadmoretodrinkthanyouandi'mworkingtomorrowtooyougiantpussy-BRAINS

Bikes Bikes Bicycles said...

BIKES! BIKEEN! BICYCLE CYCLING! Ah, this blog is 1% closer to being about bikeen again.

duck said...

QUAACK!

confused said...

wuh?

circle said...

fuck around - please?

Tommie Two Times said...

two times

Tommie Two Times said...

two times

McFly said...

This blogular is a fucking PRISON.

On planet BULLSHIT.

In the galaxy of THIS SUCKS CAMEL DICKS.


(Daily Dose of StepBrothers)

bikesgonewild said...

...babble on...someone forgot to cc me the memo years ago...bikes, skates, skateboards, whatever, the ground always seemed to be going-fast-under-my-feet---pot or not...

...wow...maybe it was just my perception, hmmm (but somehow, i don't think so...)...

...& i'll verbalize that i don't herbalize these days, nor have i in many a year but with my mentality, sometimes that's hard to imagine for some...

..."...doood, like fer sure...dooods still like a stoner, doood...sure you don't wanna get high, bro ???"...(quasi california stoner talk)...

...thanks, bro but after all i've survived, life IS the high...when you can see through the bullshit (& there is a lotta bullshit) you stop believing in coincidence, look to the horizon & realize there's some pretty cool shit surrounding you & you were made to be a part of it...

...fuck me but just sayin'...

bikesgonewild said...

...mcfly...ice skating is much more fun than roller or inline skating...next really cold night, flood yer brothers roller rink & wait for the ice to form...

...(don't tell him i suggested it either)...

...worst part about in-line skating ???...telling yer dad yer gay...

JB said...

McFly: That appears to be a vintage mountain bicycle. Specs please.

McFly said...

We tried the ice-skating at Bi-Centennial in Trashville but it hurt my ankles so dang bad I had to quit. Same thing with the wheeled in-lines. I am a old-school 4 wheel man.

The steed is a '91 Trek 930 Singletrack. Had it forever. Just had a hankering for some off-road so I brought it back to life with some new shifters, smallbloks, bars, ad nauseum, etc, esq, III. Thinkin about asking for some wheels from Santa, those are off a NEXT! (Don't tell anyone).

JB said...

I just noticed those old-skool-looking bmx-like riser bars. I see you put a shock on the front. Looks like fun. A good friend had a similar vintage Singletrack all-rigid, but he unloaded it when he had to choose between his road bike and mtn. bike when moving to the Pac NW. Sophie's choice.

You need new wheels. I bet Santa could find a nice set on ebay/CL.

McFly said...

Yeah its a Duo Something or other 7007 up front. I ordered the wrong rise on the bars. I got some lower profiles that should be arriving today. I think each set was $10.99. I have more more in the Oury grips. I did order some new brake pads and some Lock-On style grips with the new bars. Got to get that free shipping. I could not find any reasonable used wheels on CL/Ebay but JensonUSA has some nice one's for around a cateye.

La CosaNostradamus said...

The answer to this Friday's quiz bonus question is ...

One D. Byrne organic full natural Red Hook High Colonic

babble on said...

Ouch. That's tough, having to choose between your road and off-road bikes - specially here in the Pacific Northwest.

But if you're here in the Pacific Northwest, and you're craving a quiet road, then this is the ride for you.

babble on said...

BGW - Yep, you said it. Life is a blessing, and every day above ground is a good day.

Specially when you can spend it on a bike. :D

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford's brother beats the crap out of rude motorists. BSNYC just whines and takes vacations.

Freehealin' Roadski said...

Just woke up to find that WIWM punched it into the Leaders Jersey. Awesome effort without Blog Drafter's leadout.

The Patron Bangs The Gavel!

If it's raining, take the BART...

Anonymous said...

Bromont is on the couch with a Cougar.

Comment deleted said...

Thank Lob there's a BabsBlog to make this interminable snobless wasteland endurable. Nice pics, B. Wish I lived there.

P. Bateman said...

fyi - saying that Tennessee vs Vandy is a "football" game is like saying that you're a virgin because you've only done anal and only with 14 different partners.

Vandy should move to the ACC and TN needs to stop embarrassing the SEC. Go DAWGS! and p.s. - auburn sucks: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5m6Sw26gUQo

babble on said...

Thank you, CD!

It's true. A week without Snob is just no fun at all. Fortunately we still have our bikes...

Where to go, where to go...

SUPERSTORM Sandy said...

My blow jobs co$t $40,000,000,000.

14 different partners said...

That's one tight ass. It almost slipped out and went in her pussy one time and she about freaked.

McFly said...

They just. Cannot. Tackle. Bless their lil' hearts.

Anonymous said...

McFly, by the time you read this, you will have probably already gone to the game. Everyone should experience a major college game in their life time. The atmosphere is electric, the colors bold; it is just plain good fun. Hope you had a good time.

Anonymous said...

McFly, I'm not sure what Paris you are talking about, but my wife and I took a cruiser bike tour of the "real Paris" France, with Fat Tire Tours. The traffic was crazy, the sights amazing, and the comradeship with the fellow riders (mostly Americans) was great. We ate ice cream behind Notre Dame while receiving a history lecture from our guide, and finsihed with a boat ride and wine drinking on the Seine. We met another couple and finished up the evening with beer (not wine) and cheese at a local (not tourist) bar. The best part, the couple had such a good time, they, after not having ridden for a long time, went out and bought bikes when they got home.

Anonymous said...

P Bateman, by "Dawgs" I think you mean Georgia. Let's see, didn't Boise State kick the crap out of them last year. First game, so they couldn't blame toughness of schedule for the loss. Tennessee will come back, and Vandy is a very competent basement team, that sometimes scares the SEC big boys, unlike say New Mexico State who doesn't scare anybody.

McFly said...

No the Tennessee one. We do have the Dairy Delight. Sounds like ya'll created some great memories.

We do have wine and boats. LOTS of boats. And cheese.

Yesterday must have been National Play Hooky with Your Spouse Day. We went to the LBS and pick babygirl up a 24" 7 sp Specialized Hot Rock. She will be ready.

McFly said...

Vandy has incredible recruiting over the next 2 years. They will be Top 25 for sure '14 and possibly '13.

the buckeyes said...

O H?

I O!

Lionel Ritchie said...

O H?

N O!

CommieCanuck said...

What the fuck? Don't you people have lives? Shooo! Shoo! You can't sleep here, ...and leave the weed.

mikeweb said...

WTF!? The RCMP lifted the restraining order on CC's Internet usage already??

Here we go again...

Ray Sexlight said...

She gives the greatest blow jobs. I swear it's like she is trying to earn a patch or something.

CommieCanuck said...

I wasn't downloading that goat porn, I as researching about illegal goat porn. They bought that.

Worked for Pete Townsend.

Prof Erwin Corey said...

No Friday Quiz. What's going to happen to my IQ?

McFly said...

Some guy me wife works with got busted yesterday with 4 pounds of weed. Motherfucker never even mentioned it to her.

bikesgonewild said...

...if i was an old blues guy, i'd play a lick & sing "...the sky is cryinnn', baby..." but living in mostly white, sorta suburbia i can only say "...it's fucking raining out there..." as i head out into the elements...

Anonymous said...

McFly, good thing he didn't. She could have gotten busted also.

McFly said...

Oh wow. My cool kids wanted to rent Jaws out of the blue. They are 11 and 8. This is going to be awesome. #sleepininmybed

ce said...

63

ce said...

64

ce said...

65

ce said...

66

ce said...

67

ce said...

68

ce said...

69

ce said...

70

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ce said...

71

ce said...

72

ce said...

73

bikesgonewild said...

...hey look...'ce' managed to get his shoes & socks off by himself & now he can practice his counting...

ce said...

I'm not quite there yet - I counted 70 twice.

McFly said...

What's the best thing to rid ones' self of morning stiffness?

Dooth said...

I can't wait to read about ce's first bike ride.

bikesgonewild said...

...ummm, try 'icy / hot'...

...rub it in well...

ce said...

There was a bit of a point to the counting. I'm surprised McFly didn't notice.

bikesgonewild said...

...ohhh, jeez, mcfly...hold up on the 'icy / hot'...just realized you weren't talking about your back...

...hope i didn't create any painful irritation...

McFly said...

GREAT ODEN'S RAVEN THAT HURTS!!!!!!

McFly said...

KNIGHT'S OF COLUMBUS THAT SMARTS!!!!

McFly said...

And for future reference sticking it in her happy spot is not the best way to remove the Icy Hot.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Freehealin' Roadski said...

C'mon Blog Drafter! Ce is cranking the leadout to 300 comments! Get to work or no contract for next year!

Johan Waddd said...

which makes the better dildo? Carbon? Or Titanium?

D. Byrne said...

What about bamboo? What do you have against bamboo. It's a living thing!

Do you drive a car ...


cause I need a lift.

Sir Sherlock Douche' said...

Drop the first letters from Bike Snob and you get Ike Lob ...


Be Afraid! Be tres, tres, Afraid!

bikesgonewild said...

...whilst carbon will always be lighter, it can fail under "...extreme usage..." & when it fails, it can fail catastrophically...

...shards, splinters, the recipe for disaster is exponential...

...titanium, on the other hand ('in' the other hand ???) whilst perhaps needing a wee bit more time to warm up, offers reasonable 'fail-safe' performance...

...now, all this is only the technical aspect & any opinion beyond that would be conjecture on my part but perhaps we can hear from the performance minded of the 'owner - user' segment of the group...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Go Bucks!

I didn't pedal today but I was on two wheels

Poppa Wheelie said...

Saturday night!

Anonymous said...

Hey! Yo! Thats right!

Anonymous said...

I hope to Lob that war ends soon...Snob might be called to duty.

babble on said...

I'm a titanium girl in my heart of hearts, but RCT was talking about the good old Emerald Ash Borer, and really, there's no point in mentioning sex toys without bringing the trusted borer into play.

McFly said...

Tennessee

McFly said...

Really

McFly said...

Really

McFly said...

Sucks

McFly said...

300thndrd

I told the 45,000 throngs of Vandy fans we were surrounded by that this was my first Tenn game. They implored me, "Please, PLEASE come back next year!"

wishiwasmerckx said...

Another podium? It's like taking candy from a baby...

bikesgonewild said...

...i hope you're speaking euphemistically, wishiwasmerckx because i have to wonder just what kind of a person would realisticlly take candy from a baby...

...sheesh...

...& don't give me that "...a concerned mother" bit...

bikesgonewild said...

...yo, d-byrne...

...countless are the number of asian courtesans who, after pleasuring themselves with bamboo dildos, drifted off into delicate slumber only to find themselves most rudely awaked by the unsubtle advances of hungry giant pandas lusting to gorge on succulent bamboo shoots...

...& 'd'...if you need a ride, call a fucking taxi...

McFly said...

Yo RCT you be makin me want a street motorcycle.

Anonymous said...

Right now it sounds like Drupal is the top blogging platform available right now.
(from what I've read) Is that what you're using on your blog?
Also see my web page: yourtobaccosstore.com

Anonymous said...

Yeah!
wow gold

D. Byrne said...

The greatest feature of bamboo dildos are, is, the ridges. AWESOME!

And, as far as Panda's go, I own three and they love to lick the end of the bamboo dildo that is inserted into my anal Love Canal. This too is also AWESOME!

All three Pandas are presently taking driver education classes at a local High School and each own their own automobile.

I, do not own an automobile.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Back in the day before I had a drivers license I had a ten speed. One day I was riding really fast and and looking down at my cranks and ran right into the back of a parked car. (Smooth move I know. Another nice thing about recumbent bikes is you can watch yourself pedal and see where you're going.) Anyway I busted out my front tooth on the back of that car. A temporary crown lasted 20 years until something more permanent had to be done. An oral surgeon drilled a hole into the bone of my upper jaw and inserted a titanium screw. Onto this dental implant a natural looking tooth was attached once the bone had grown around and locked down the ti stud.

Titanium is unique in that it does not corrode and is generally not rejected by the human body. For these reasons titanium has long been popular for medical use lots of people are walking around with screws, rods and and assorted ti hardware in their bodies. It stands to reason that titanium would be ideal for other non-medical human interface uses.

McFly said...

I had a ti rod in my right tib/fib for 2 years. Could not wait to get it out. Pre-Op the doc asked if I wanted to "Keep the hardware for nostalgia". I told her I dont want to ever see that motherhumper again. Go put that junk on the Ebay.

babble on said...

Taking candy from a baby is only easy if you are deaf.

Concerned Mother

babble on said...

BGW - Ooooh! I like it. Ravenous pandas and the delicate slumber of courtesans... methinks you allude to The Pearl

babble on said...

McFly -

I think if your ankles hurt your skates were too big, and too loose, maybe. But I don't expect you'll find a lot of reasons to slide over ice on sharp blades in the course of your daily existence, anyway. Not a lot of ice in the hood...

And I am here to testify that falling on it can be quite painful. Specially if you like to move, and you're going fast, as you do.

Bikes are good. :)

babble on said...

Frilly- you'll always be number one in our hearts.

babble on said...

RCT- nice ride. Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

FACE DOWN ASS UP THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE TO FUCK!

Dooth said...

oooh! The suspense over Wildcat's new cave is palpable! If he moves into my 'hood I'm bringing him a housewarming gift. I'm thinking a patch kit or...new handle bar grips!

Anonymous said...

xanax no prescription online what is xanax used for yahoo - citalopram drug interactions xanax

leroy said...

First Prolly leaves Brooklyn. Then BSNYC leaves.

Now my dog is acting weird.

He got me some madras print pants with a white belt and claims from now on, dinner is at 4:30. He says it's the early bird special.

I hope he's not thinking about moving to Florida. I'd feel self-conscious wearing my KOM jersey there.

Especially with madras pants.

McFly said...

Xanax?

I always enjoyed those. I just could NEVER remember where I put them.

Probably in my mouth.

Poppa Wheelie said...

Monday morning!

Pete UK said...

Re: Wiggins' haircut - it's a classic mod-era look. See Paul Weller for more details.

Anonymous said...

Like dogs in heat here. (ZOD)

babble on said...

Oooooooooh Snobby-poo where are youuuuuuuuuuu?

Anonymous said...

The suspense is makin' me sick....

She pulled her panties down and the bitch had a dick....

Anonymous said...

I was 3rd podio, now I'm back, and it's time for a new post.

RUCK SACK

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

BikesnobPDX

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