Friday, October 19, 2012

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Yo duders!  #killmeandeveryonelikeme  Do you feel betrayed and disgusted by your professional cycling idols?  Well, before you get too judgmental, keep in mind that this is what the Tour de France would look like without any performance-enhancing drugs:

le coq sportif - Collection la Grande Boucle 2012 from Le Coq Sportif on Vimeo.

A reader forwarded this video to me, and while cheating may technically be "wrong" I'm starting to think that maybe we shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater here.  I'll take EPO-addled attacks over fey fixie fashion cavorting any day.

Speaking of bikes, did you know that people in America fucking hate them?  Well, it's true.  Actually, I should clarify that.  Not only do they hate bikes, but they also hate people who ride bikes, and special lanes for those people to ride bikes in, and even little racks on which to park the horrible things.  Consider this proposed bike rack in Brooklyn that would replace one car parking spot:

No big deal, right?  Wrong:

Here's the problem people have with it:

"The transportation will be disrupted...and anyone hit by a car or bike coming out of that parking lot for bikes has to fend for himself," worried Eliseo Ruiz, the transportation committee's chair. "It looks like this is just going to be storage for bikes."

Yeah, good point about bikes flying out of that rack and hitting people.  If you've ever walked by a bike rack you know how cyclists are always unlocking their bicycles, lifting the rear wheel off the street, whipping the RPMs up to like 12,000 RPMs, and then peeling out of there like fleeing criminals.  Also, another good point that it's just going to be storage for bikes--which would obviate the whole "getting hit by a bike" thing since "storage" generally implies "leaving something where it is."  Really, the best and most convincing anti-bike arguments are the ones that fly in the face of physics and are completely self-contradicting.  For reasoning this brilliant you have to go back to the proposed Brooklyn velodrome, which people in Brooklyn Heights don't want because it will attract too many people and nobody will use it.

Meanwhile, in legal news, the family that's suing Strava for a cyclist's death is now getting countersued by Strava:

Flint Jr.’s original electronic signature, given when he joined the website, “excludes Strava from responsibility of legal claims or demands,” according to an article on the website of Bicycle Retailer and Industry News.

If you'd rather read that in legalese, here you go:

You have a Strava account, ipso facto you're a giant Fred, ergo there's no mea culpa on Strava's behalf, en toto, ad nauseum, etc.

I had a year and a half of law school at Chuck E. Cheese's.  Cost me a fuckload of tokens.

I should point out that I don't blame Strava for this person's death, nor do I think they should be held responsible.  But that doesn't make me dislike Strava any less.

Lastly, yesterday I mentioned hero worship, and when it comes to celebrities and professional cyclists and so forth it's important to remember that you're more important than they are, which is why this guy makes them take his picture:

Here's his process, which he's employed with an impressive number of notable personages:

1. Never acknowledge their celebrity.  You are simply asking for a favor by having your photo taken.

2. No autographs or photos with or of your subject.  No “I loved you in Look Who’s Talking 6.”

3. Get in, get the shot, say ‘thanks’, and get out.

And here's a really bad photo taken by Jeff Goldblum:

By the way, despite Goldblum's shitty photo skills you may recognize him from this infamous Dario "Smell of Steel" Pegoretti interview:

As well as this Ritte von Finkelstein video via All Hail the Black Market:

I enjoy his work.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then buy yourself something nice on me on your own high-interest credit card and then I won't pay you back, and if you're wrong you'll see some fancy riding.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and stay hydrated, unless you're made of wicker.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

(The boat is professional cycling.  It's a metaphor.  I went to a college.)

1) Shitstorm 2012!  Which long-time pro cycling sponsor is finally like, "Fuck it, we're out of here"?

--Circus Lupus, the Circus of Wolves

("Shit, we forgot the dinosaurs!")

2) Fill in the blank: "____ are a monophyletic lineage within the superfamily Apoidea, presently classified by the unranked taxon name Anthophila."


(She's freeclimbing...but is she freebuffing?)

3) What is "freebuffing?"

--Cycling on technical terrain with a long-travel bicycle
--A technique recommended by Lennard Zinn for polishing crabon frames
--The female equivalent of "going commando"
--A doping technique by which cycling team soigneurs repurposed sanitary napkins as cutaneous testosterone patches

(Exhibit A)

(Exhibit B)

4) Knog accuses Abus of copying its "sausage lock."  Abus claims there is "no reason" for any "customer confusion."  Which is which?

--Exhibit A is Knog, Exhibit B is Abus
--Exhibit A is Abus, Exhibit B is Knog
--Both Exhibit A and Exhibit B are Abus
--Both Exhibit A and Exhibit B are Knog

("I pass it through the frame, both wheels, and the saddle rails for total security.")

5) For $25,000 Mario Cipollini will personally valet your bike and lock it up with his own "sausage."


6) Who would win in a fight to the death, actor and bicycle enthusiast Matthew Modine or Chinese philanthropist Chen Guangbiao?

--Matthew Modine, because he'd go all "Braveheart"
--Chen Guangbiao, because he can hurl a crabon bicycle with deadly accuracy
--David Byrne, in a devastating sneak attack
--Forty-seven highly-trained attack monkeys on EPO

7) These shoes have no:


***Special Cockpit Contest-Themed Bonus Poll***

Should This Win The Whole Entire Cockpit Contest?


babble on said...

happy happy joy joy

Anonymous said...


Kenny said...


Anonymous said...

yes, under babble again. mmmm


RANTWICK said...

Trees! Top Ten!

Stephen Taylor said...


Anonymous said...


Sleep Murmurs said...

Top Ten Vulvanular Scranosity and dammit Babble!

McFly said...

I don't wanna work,

I just wanna bang on the bum all day.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Rounding out the top ten?

mikeweb said...

Someone likes wearing short shorts, and it's not just babble on.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


babble on said...

Pretty sure I saw Vito and Commie Canuck in that last video...

RANTWICK said...

The Fancy Bike Riding video was awesome. See that gravel fly? SWEEET! Seriously though, that kid obviously LOVES his bike; I remember feeling that way about some things back when I was young. Now I just read this shit.

theEel said...


Anonymous said...


babble on said...

Love the free buffing babe... wonder if she has an Ass Flower

Jimboner said...

Re-posts from Stevil???
C'mon you can try harder.

velobotomy said...

I voted. Does that mean that we can dispense with all of the political advertising now?

Anonymous said...

This blog managed to cycle through the dry, foreboding neighborhood of Thomas Carlisle again.

Utilitarianism first and now Hero Worship.

His take?

If I remember correctly, it was to be cognizant ofhero worship

paulb said...

White Rocks girl looks pretty good for just coming off a capsized liner.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Nice Babble, you're pretty quick on that mouse button.

I was watching bbc america this morning and saw the news story so I actually got the rabobank question correct.

That's enough work for a Friday, I'm going home. have a nice weekend wildcat and everyone.

McFly said...

Le Coq Sportif....dafuq did I just watch?

crosspalms said...

JC Penney!

singlespeedwaster said...

Gettin' Funky with my Wizz...

Tms Jfrsn said...

mnlist dclratn of indpndnc

lf, lbrty & prsut of hpness

Anonymous said...

Yes please on the Cipo bike lock.

No attention span Theater guy said...


Your Friday post was kind of long. It made my head buzz and blanked out me head. Why do you want to hurt me?

McFly said...


I mean, "Like, oh hey Frilly, 'sup?"

Bob said...

can't even stand that le cock thing for 5 seconds....

office ulle said...

My co-worker said that she has never seen a car cause danger to pedestrians on the island of Manhattan, unlike those cyclists which she apparently hates and yes: she recommends that I wear a helmet (for my safety). Hating cyclists is so PC

Sensitive Cipo said...

Why is it that triathletic babes always want 'Top'?

I like a little workout too!

My life experience tells me that testosterone therapies are not for everyone.

Dennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Rabobank sponsored Marianne Vos. This is worse than a shitstorm. It's more like the apocalypse.

Cipo said...

eating pussy

wishiwasmerckx said...

Wow! A video with gay icon Hollywood Jeff!

Hey Jeff, Lt. Dangle called. He wants his shorts back.

Nothing like failing to prepare and just winging it. He mispronounces Nevada as "Nevahh-duh," then mispronounces Ritte as "Rit," like the clothes dye. The first Ritte guy corrects him on the pronunciation, then the second guy incredulously says that he never pronounces the name! C'mon, dude, its just a bike! The only name that is not pronounced is "YWHW."

That's entertainment!

Anonymous said...

I just keep thinking about the cockie entry. No, not that way you filthy twits...the way they re-wrapped the lower part of the bars AFTER the love handle installation.


babble on said...


Welcome back, babaliscious. Where HAVE you been?

babble on said...


It's Babe-a-liscious.

Anonymous said...

Fiorenzo Magni did WHAT??? :

Despite this however, the most famous image of Magni - and one of the most iconic in cycling - is from the 1956 Giro d’Italia where, as defending champion at almost 36 years of age, he refused to give up despite a fractured shoulder. Unable to pull on the bars because of the pain Magni tied a bandage to his bars and, holding it between his teeth, pulled his way up the mountains that way. In an incredible display of determination, he finished the race in second place, just 3’27” behind Luxembourg’s Charly Gaul.

Read more:

babble on said...

Yeah, sure. Of course the HPV won't make you promiscuous, but it may kill you. It doesn't prevent cancer, but it can cause lifelong complications...

Line up yer daughters, people, like lambs to the slaughter...

Oops. Did I say that out loud?

Anonymous said...

Hey, McFly. S'up you?

Not much here except baseball in October (Go Cards!) and trying to find my Stella before something really bad happens.

Anonymous said...

SNOB wrote

"I'll take EPO-addled attacks over fey fixie fashion cavorting any day".

As a reknowned literary giant, you should have looked up the meaning of fey before using it the blog.

Or, does it have different meaning in Brooklyn?

Anyway, after reading your first book, I now know that all the gay dudes on single speeds are really hipsters on fixies, and we're seeing way-too-many of them in the southwest these days. Go figure.

Nouveau Fred said...

I want stickers. I want T-shirts. I want to be in the club.

REI Speedvagen said...

And I'm gonna keep onnn lovin' ewwwwwwwwee,

Cause it's the only thing I wanna dooooooooo,

I don't wanna sheep,

I just wanna keep on lovin' ewwwwwwweee....

babble on said...

re: Fiorenzo Magni

Holy fuck. That's what they call true grit.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:04pm,

Note the third definition, that's how I meant it.

I went to a college.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Vis-a-vis the sausage lock conundrum, I have a simple solution. Give my six-year old girly-girl the keys, and if she manages to snap off the key in the lock, it's a Knog.
Sure, she's a pro - done it 4 times already. Even got a replacement sausage out of Knog in recognition of her skills (hmmm..future career path? She DOES exhibit republican tendencies.....)
Hasn't broken an ABUS yet, although I have to say that I haven't purchased any lately since their idea of design is to rip off other people's ideas. (did I say that?)

Anonymous said...

Hi Babbs!

REI Speedvagen *chortle*

Hank V said...

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our EPO delivery devices.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest pussy eating:
But when the blast of Shitstorm 12 blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the crochtal region, summon up the scrotanus,
Disguise fair Recumbabe with hard-bodied posing astride a bike;
Then lend the freebuff a terrible aspect;
Let pry through the portage of the baekfiets
Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'Cipo o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as doth a climbing Fred
O'erhang and putty his confounded base wattage output,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful crabon.
Now set the GPS and stretch the cockpit wide,
Hold hard the breath and MASHSF up every sprint
To his full height. On, on, you noblest Freds.
Whose blood is doped and transfused from the fathers of BALCO!
Fathers that, like so many Armstrongs,
Have in these parts from sometime till whenever fought
And (un)sheathed their "swords" for lack of argument:
Dishonour not your Recumbabe; now attest
That those whom you call'd Cipollini did beget you.
Be copy now to men of tranfused blood,
And teach them how to ride. And you, good women,
Whose steeds of steel were handmade in Portland, show us here
The mettle of your faux-city; let us swear
That you are worth your overpriced coffees; which I doubt;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not indifferent lustre in your eyes.
I see you track-stand like hipsters in the slips,
Straining upon the chain. The polo game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this climb
Cry 'God for Stanley, England, and Saint Cipo!'

Marcel Da Chump said...

Le Coq Sportif video looked cycling on ecstasy.

McFly said...

Defination 3a or 3b? 3b says "campy" and those bikes are clearly single-speeds. I suppose the hubs and cranks could be campy. Unlikely. Highly unlikely.

Choda Boy said...

F*#k with me and you not only get a dose of the Orgazmatron* but I will fook'in go Hamster Style on yo a$$!

*patent pending

Synonymous said...

Thanks for the clarification on the meaning of "fey".

They didn't appear doomed or hopeless, although I suspected they might have been enchanted by fairies, if not insouciant.

CommieCanuck said...

Yep. Forcing people to sign something that says "you can't sue us" doesn't mean you can't sue them.

This is why lawyers make so much money.

CommieCanuck said...

Yep. Forcing people to sign something that says "you can't sue us" doesn't mean you can't sue them.

This is why lawyers make so much money.

Anonymous said...

Hank V at 2:14

Very nice..

CommieCanuck said...

Oh man, it never ends.. Lance just lost his sponsorship from Amgen, Baxter, Walgreen's and the Chinese Happy Steroid Factory Concern.

CommieCanuck said...

gotta lay off the EPO..seeing double.

Anonymous said...

Is that a young Freddie Mercury, (Le Coq Sportif) with his hair and 'stache dyed red, or just an ironic look alike?

the commentariat said...

Henry V, for the 2d time, TLDNR.

Invisible Man said...


You are right as ever (by which I mean occasionally) that people simply hate bikes and cyclists. I was on a forum the other day about traffic calming in Boerum Hill, near where I live, and saw someone blaming congestion on Smith St on the installation of bike lanes - which could never be true even if the motorists stayed out of the bike lanes, which they don't.

It's not purely a New York thing, however. When I was living in London (from which I've just moved), I wrote a piece to be found here - - about why people there hated cyclists. A lot of the sentiments will be familiar to you,

All the best,


Double Deed said...

"I am shock that more bicyclist are not killed by cars. This sounds like a freak accident and my prays are with the family. I really hope he was not in the road but if he was I do not think any bicyclist should ride in the road unless they carry insurance like I have to."

In response to this tragedy:

People are so f@#king ignorant sometimes...


babble on said...

I'm more of a 2c kinda gal myself...

Anonymous said...

The food at the proposed Brooklyn velodrome is terrible. And such small portions!

Captain Hardbread said...

shooting for 69 under Babble

Captain Hardbread said...

ass flower...

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McFly said...

I'd like to touch Tina Fey. She is so damn nerdhot.

babble on said...

Aaaaaaaahh yup. HOTHOTHOT.

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford got a new/used trailer for $100 which he says is a no-brainer. It weighs approximately 7000 lbs. I don't think the Isuzu will pull it. Good thing Kansas is flat.

Buffalo Bill said...

If the cockpit in the last question had had drillium levers, I would have voted for it.

Dooth said...

Envy not, his heroic feastings o'cunilingus
For Cipo, on pussy, his sanity hinges

Dooth said...

Envy not, his heroic feastings o'cunilingus
For Cipo, on pussy, his sanity hinges

Anonymous said...

Can't believe "Babble On" won the podium today. To commemorate, I visited her blog [not to check out her killer calves, I swear] and there was some guitar player named Shirley "the Gnome" PlasterStatue [I think "the Gnome" was her "street" name]. The Gnome's performance was..performed. Thankfully, Babble On had some words & pictures of all manner of crazy, weird bicycle-type machines to cleanse the mind [after "The Gnome" my mind needed cleansing]. I only mention this because I didn't "ace" the quiz...who knew what "freebuffing" was anyway...

David G said...

Since WRM is still struggling with the hero-worship thing, I want to point out that the question of whether to prostrate before cyclists or "false idols like Nobel laureates" (as he put it yesterday) is a false dilemma:

In the original Scandiwegian, "Nobel Peace Prize" is "Nobels fredspris". FREDS!!

That's right! The most prestigious honor in the whole world was really intended to recognize the heroes in stretchy who get out early every Sunday to wake people up in the Hudson Vally, not the crowd of do-gooders and war criminals the giver-outters have been foisting on a credulous planet each "October" (as they call it) for the past eleventy-one years.

I nominate Lance.  

Rollie said...

I'm sorry, is there some other purpose of a bike rack BESIDES storage for bikes? "I worry that this hammer is just going to end up being used for nail-hitting."

Also, apparently people on bikes are mainly out there trying to run into people. Screw getting to work on time, I can't resist this golden opportunity to apologize to a pedestrian, get sued, or maybe do time. Shityeah!

And Rabobank: GOOD. With any luck, the rest of them will follow suit, until suddenly there's negligible money in the sport, and the races will be filled with riders who sponsor themselves and do the shit because they actually ENJOY it. And, since that's way more motivating for human beings than money or drugs, they'll actually be FASTER than the current heartless robots. I have a dream. Or the whole sport can just go away, I'm fine with that too.


Don Von Douche'ee said...

Shot through the bag
And you're to blame
You give douche'enomics a bad name (bad name)

Anonymous said...

When it rains, I do not take the bus.

Today, it's pouring.

I went for a ride this afternoon. It was great.

But now, I am going for a beer and I'll take the bus because it's still pouring.

Is that ok??

The King of Park Slope said...

Oh my.

leroy said...

I told my dog I got number 2 right.

He said good, now I can practice my aim when doing number 1.

I'm pretty sure he knows I meant question 2 on the quiz.

Oh well, ride safe all!

(And if you're in Williamsburg, make sure you know the difference between feh and fey.)

McFly said...

I am definately going to have me some ass flower about 10:00 tonight. Be some gyrating and pollinating going down in my steamy flower bed of love.

McFly said...

FAUX POLLINATING that is, no bullets.

leroy said...

All this time I thought those folks holding up the lighters were yelling "Free Bird."

Now I know it was "Free Buff."

I have to get out more.

McFly said...

You should see where she keeps her resin bag.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford has no use for twee hipsters and celebrity photos; he has a Nissan Pathfinder to rebuild with his own hands.

Anonymous said...

No he doesn't. He has an Isuzu Trooper. If you are going to immortalize a hero do it right. Douche.

babble on said...

erm... how to put this delicately...?

McFly... I'm pretty sure that there is nothing to pollinate in yer steamy brown garden of love.

Anon@4:06 - the Gnome rulz! And those songs are guaranteed to stick to your brain. (Betcha you're humming the cumming sing-along song now...)

Jym said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
2wheeler said...

the quiz was too hard. i feel stupid now.

Grump said...

I wonder if Dario knew he was getting his leg pulled by Hollywood.

J said...

Hey brooklynites no need to take up a parking spot, get a folder and bring it into your grossly expensive loft or studio; they even have single speeds for the hipster aficionados.

McFly said...

Yeah I was speaking in generalities. Obviously the flower bed dirt is barren with no nutrients. I shall sew my seed where the ground is moist and fertile but expect no return on my yield for my vas deferens has a bridge out.


Anonymous said...


leroy said...

A brash young poster named McFly
Bragged about his luck on the sly.
But his missus fount out
And she let out a shout:
TMI, McFly, TMI.

McFly said...

TMI? Thick Moist Insertion? Oh helllllll yesssssssss...

babble on said...

Yes to the cockie themed bonus question. Brilliant use of bull horns. 'Cept they're mixed up side down. Guess it's lower, though.

Mad genius.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McFly said...

Yeah I watched the Shirley Gnome video. I was way WAY off.

CyclingAdvocate/ Golf Pro said...

Fore!...I wish everyone would be a cyclist...Fore!

JD0g said...

Orange hanky on the left?

babble on said...

For you, maybe... c'est impossible for me.

babble on said...


TMI=Thick moist insertion?
:D love it. know I'm not too bright, so forgive me for asking... what do you mean you were way way off?

McFly said...

When I said have me some ass flower I was just meaning relations in general. (It did not work out by the way, THIRD time she has turned me down in 17 years and I pretty upset about it) But after watching the gnome video I see it means something entirely different. Same neighborhood, different street. Plus I got that flower already.

babble on said...

Well, to be fair, it's not THAT far off...

On an almost different note, I just found the protest movement made for me:


McFly said...


(Side note, I live in the southern Bible Belt and a local youth minister just got arrested for solicitation, you just never know what going on in someone's head but you can set the sun to what's going on in their pants)

annonymoose said...

So, on the subject of Lance doping. The issue is that he took drugs, etc., to keep him in the game with the other dopers. He should never have been allowed to race to start with, since he took drugs to keep from dying. Right? So, if you crash and the best doctors in the world fix you, you have cheated because you didn't heal naturally? AYLAHSMB

Anonymous said...

Sumtimes it is loosers that make the bad desision and sometimes it is the smart guys that think they can steal the underwear with out the guy knowing his underw3ar was stolen when they were talking face to face about serius conversasions and it seems like that is what armstrong was doing wehn he talked to people and froze them with a jedi mind trick with his eyes that made them beleif he was one of them and that he is strong and lost a nut and part of his brain and that is why he fucks harder and gets crazy on the bike, because he had for fuck harder with one nut and get crazy on the bike so people liked him.

he wanted people to like him the most.
it makes me sad.

annonymoose said...

All You Lance Armstrong Haters suck My Balls. Again. Thank you.

Legweak said...

Armstrong strong armed
his dopey team mates
to cover his bloody tracks.
Too much money on the line:
Trek, Nike...corporate power
on the Livestrong side.
Icons we create
and then hate
for being human.
It was still a thrill
to watch him ride.

Lance said...

That one Olson twin was a REAL freak.

Salty and Sore said...

This cockpit is dressed as bicycle for Halloween

Brad said...

All You Lance Armstrong Haters suck My Balls. Again. Thank you.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey Lance, I was wondering when you might come on here and make a statement.

I don't care what the haters say. You're still my bike racing hero.

Don't be a stranger.

McFly said...

Hollywood Jeff is a funny mofo.

JB said...

Hollywood Jeff: the Bikecycle Borat

Anonymous said...

Enough with the gay jokes

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