Friday, August 10, 2012

BSNYC Friday Piping-Hot Toaster Strudel!

Last whatever it was I received a drubbing for "spoiling" a Tour de France stage.  Well, get a grip on your drubbing sticks, because I'm about to spoil yesterday's Tour of Utah stage too:

Just kidding!  It's impossible to spoil something nobody's paying attention to in the first place.  I mean, Tour of Utah?  Isn't Utah just Colorado with Mormons?  Then again, it does sound like things are getting a little filthy over there, since the stage winner Michael Matthews had this to say:

"So I followed him for a bit and then it got a bit messy. A couple of guys came underneath on the last corner..."

Eeew.  Sometimes it's just better to let someone go, especially if they're wearing a soiled raincoat and heading for a highway underpass.

I really don't see what the big deal is.  I mean, it's not like he was taking illegal drugs.  All he was doing was tossing back a few coconut cocktails to blow off some steam:

A source told Mail Online: ‘We have two tables reserved each night for Team GB athletes to come down and celebrate. Gijs was hanging out with the Team GB athletes drinking Mahiki Coconut cocktails and our signature Treasure Chest drink. "

In other words, he was Girl Drink Drunk:

In fact, he was so Girl Drink Drunk that tennis great Björn Borg totally got in his pants:

I didn't know Björn Borg made underwear, but it's too bad he doesn't make belts.

And in other Olympic news, a reader tells me that you can now buy Stan Wiggins's Pinarello on eBay:

And if you browse the pictures you'll discover the secret to his speed:

If slamming your stem makes you go fast, it only stands to reason that slamming your stem, saddle, and handlebars will make you go three times as fast.

Now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know it, and if you'll see a world record.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and go easy on the girl drinks this weekend.

--Wild Rucksack Machine

("That's a tough question, I'm going to have to mullet over.")

1) Viatcheslav Ekimov has just won an Olympic gold medal.


2) NASA's Curiosity Mars rover was built by:

3) Triathletes are renowned for their excellent bike-handling skills.


4) Participants in the New York City Ironman will be:

(Bradley Wiggins celebrates being named "Cunt of the Week" but laments being associated with creepers and pompadours)

5) Which periodical has named Bradley Wiggins its "Man of the Week" but misidentified his style as "rockabilly?"


6) In a recent New York Times opinion piece, Randy Cohen defends the practice of running red lights on a bicycle by invoking:


7) In a controversial retort to Randy Cohen's New York Times opinion piece, Reuters columnist Felix Salmon claimed Cohen was "cycling on the razor's edge between ethical behavior and velocipedal douchery."


***Special Performance-Enhancing Bonus Question***

("Oh, cruel fate!  My own actions just seem to happen to me!")

Alex Schwazer, who recently apologized for doping and acknowledged consulting with controversial doctor Michele Ferrari, is a competitor in which sport?


mikeweb said...

I feel sick to my stomach - of anger.

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

damn still podium


Spokey said...

drats almost made the porta-podi

Anonymous said...

Whoa! First top ten!!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

NOT ONE WORD about that NY Daily News piece on "psycho cyclists"??!!?? Yer slippin!

pebes said...

top ten

leroy said...

Not even top ten. Oh well, ride safe all.

And if you're doing the Ironman, don't sleep with the toilet fishes.

ringcycles said...

Pop Tarts and poop tri's? Only in New York!

mikeweb said...

In the Ironman there will be a winner and a runner up, but everyone else will be turd.

But it's actually chlorinated raw sewage, so everyone will get eye irritation along with their case of diarrhea. It's a win-win.

Dr. Feelgood said...

No comment on the Times' transportation reporters article on trying to ride a bike? That's some low hanging fruit, Snob!

Anonymous Coward said...

¿Women's Wear Daily? - Stanley you are indeed at the pinnacle of the sport.

leroy said...

My dog wishes to congratulate mikeweb on his win.

Should testing change today's results, he wishes to point out that in light of my sorry performance, any drugs in my system could not possibly be performance enhancing.

Anonymous said...

Like leroy, I use only performance impairing drugs (to level the playing field).


Alex Schwagger said...

Everyday I'm shuffling.

ringcycles said...

i'm not sure what surprises me more: that Women's Wear Daily follows Brad Wiggins, or that their editors can't tell the differences between Brit Mod, Rock-a-billy, and New Wave Retro Chic.

Anonymous said...

Ah. Friday at last......

hey nonny mouse

I am an amused engine, said...

Clothing made from bicycle parts 1975.
What is on their heads?

Drunk Belgium, who would have thought.

D. Byrne said...

anon 12:58
psycho cyclists? "Qu'est-ce que c'est ?"

Anonymous said...


I wonder aloud to myself everyday about why the olympic sportswomen elect to wear minimal clothing. I mean, having to watch these athletes slip their fingers under their bikini bottoms almost after every point, jump, toss, etc, is really getting taxing.

Dopey said...

"Oh, cruel fate! My own actions just seem to happen to me!"

-- now THAT is some funny shit.

babble on said...

OOOOOH! I love it when you talk dirty- group gropes and watersports all in one post. You've outdone yourself today, oh sweet Snobby one!

Just one thing, What do you mean, "EEEEEW?"
Two guys coming is a GOOD THING. I don't get it. It's like cocksucker, or cunt- why do guys use those words like they hate em?

Personally, I'm all for playing fast and loose, and mounting everything in sight.

Join me!

leroy said...

Okay, the Alex Schwagger comment at 1:30 PM was very funny!

Anonymous said...

Snobby, do you like blueberries? Because, Steve Tilford does. A lot.

Anonymous said...

Some folks in the triathlon community are aware of how phenomenally inept many of them are:

wishiwasmerckx said...

True fact. I rode with Ekimov on a long training ride in 1989 when he was still an amateur and did not speak a word of English.

McFly said...

'Bout damn time there was a Kids in the Hall reference on this blogular. My dad made me quit watching it when I was a teenager because he said it would "make me gay". Shows what he knows cause I love the poonaynay. Now to watch Workaholics.

HAVE A NICE WEEKEND ALL! Be safe and fly your freak flag at half mast in rememberence of the drunk Belgian.

Anonymous said...

I too have consulted with doctors Ferrari and Lamborghini, and will be extremely medicated on WW this weekend, so help me Lob.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Crazy Eddie's Grandson goes for Brompton glory.

rocky said...


not(?) said...

" If you're right you'll know it, and if you'll see a world record."

How do I play this quiz?

If I will see a world record, what then? I can't just jump blindly into this quiz, I mean then I couldn't even see a world record if I am going to (not).

I'll go get some toaster strudel at the store, and I hope this is fixed when I get back. If not, I have strudel.

Dooth said...

"Stella! Stella!" cried-out the drunken Belgian cyclist, when asked about his drink of choice. And then he vomited his dinges-off.

Olle Nilsson said...

Barely top 40. Oh, cruel fate! My own actions just seem to happen to me!

Oh wait, I came in turd. Thanks Mike Web!

Salty and Sore said...


There are periodicals dedicated to women's sartorial pursuits?

You don't say....

Salty and Sore said...

Way to go mikeweb!

@babble on-
have to agree totally. Doesn't need to be said, but I thank you for doing it. I mean, really. Does David Byrne own a car?

I used to Cat 6 with Tyler Farrar. He didn't know he was in the race, of course, and he was going the other way, always. But then, he wasn't crashing, then, either.


Quilled and Lugged said...

So if Bjorn Borg makes underpants (you really didn't know that? Meh, perhaps it's a European thing), and Bradley Wiggins makes Fred Perry shirts, (not to mention that Rockabilly range for WWD) what other collabos can we see coming? Somehow an Andy Schleck range of mankinis seems highly plausible.

babble on said...

@Salty and Sore

It's my pleasure. Really.

And no. Of course not. What use could David Byrne possibly have for a car?!

Comment deleted said...

Day-um Babble On! Those calves have upset the equilibrium of my day.

Unknown said...

@Mikeweb: KOM!
@leroy: did you get a shout-out in today's NYT article about a certain running addict?

Comment deleted said...

Oh, and the blog's pretty good, too.

Anonymous said...

Sunk up the place on the quiz today.
Straight outa Brompton.

leroy said...

xyxax --

No shout out, but I have seen him running and wondered what his story was. I am going to have to say hello next time I see him.

Arthur said...

"I got moves like Schwagger."

McFly said...

Hey MikeWeb nice cyberVictory to start the weekend. A Friday FTW is nice because you get to revel in the glory for 2 days. It's basically like 3 wins.

babble on said...

@ comment deleted:

Thank you kindly!

mikeweb said...

Thanks for all the Kudos!

I owe it all to Babble On and those calves of steel for a stellar lead out.

And yes, there will be two full days of reveling.

wiwm, we all need to know: was Eki a mulleteer back then as well? And did join in the mulletude?

Anonymous said...


wishiwasmerckx said...

Mikeweb, back then (on the dachshund of time) all the Russians had those mod, shaggy mullet-like haircuts we love to mock.

Fast-forward 15 years and I give you Stanley Wiggins, who would have fit right in, tonsorially speaking.

Quilled and Lugged said...

wiwm - did you also get to hang out with Dmitry Konyshev, who was always a hero of mine for his seeming combination of complete class and not giving a fuck.

Anonymous said...


Latex Salesman said...

George is gettin’ upset!

McFly said...

Why do English people say sarwr when they are saying saw? Why are Selle Italia Team Edition Flite saddles so uncomfortable? Why am I asking questions to smartasses?

Anonymous said...

Dirk will now show us how this looks.

Anonymous said...

Van Hoecke probably spilled something on the front of his pants to discreetly cover for wetting them. As they say, "calm as a belgian".

Jimboner said...

JFLob, 20 hours later and I am still MOP? Everyone must be shuffling.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Quilled and Lugged, the Russians were in town for a major crit, and as one of the muckety-mucks with the local bike club, I was one of those tasked with "chaperoning" them on their training ride.

I am not sure if Konyshev was with them, but they didn't use sunscreen and all of them got sunburned as all hell.

I was of course much younger, lighter and fitter back in those days, and the chance to ride with some world-class cyclists made for a cherished memory.

Anonymous said...


Wdskc said...

Google. Why would you put this as #1 on your search engine? It has nothing to do with 99.9 percent of American bikers, who enjoy wide open spaces, open fields, song birds, et al.

Anonymous said...

Where is BGW...??

Is he ok...?

Someone report please...

mikeweb said...

My sources tell me that Mr. BGW is fine and well.

The reason for his absence from the peloton is for a positive for trace amounts of clenbuterol, along with a srirachi-crit level that would cause a normal human to burst into flames.

Once the UBI (Union Blogiste Internationale) suspension is completed, or his checks to McQuaid stop bouncing - whichever comes first - he will be back where he belongs.

Anonymous said...

Tilford's got a belly ache so he didn't race today. But he still likes the UP of Michigan.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Wdskc --

My dog asked me to inquire if you also like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.

He says he's doing a survey for Google.

Anonymous said...

As long as BGW is ok, I will continue to take my long luxurious yoghurt baths and not worry. You see, worry ruins the luxuriating and luxuriating is critical to a successful yoghurt bath. You'll need to trust me on this, certainly, but I can imagine many of us were finding many of our minutes fraught with concern for BGW. After all, our BGW is no Spring Chicken and one never knows, does one. We are all susceptible and so the existance of the indespensible yoghurt bath one of which, by the way, is calling to me now.

Anonymous said...

BGW=Baths Getting Weird

Anonymous said...

Banned for being soaking wet and stumbling drunkenly down a London street?

What the hell are you supposed to do in London then?

Amanda Smith said...

Thanks for all the Kudos! I owe it all to Babble On and those calves of steel for a stellar lead out. And yes, there will be two full days of reveling. wiwm, we all need to know: was Eki a mulleteer back then as well? And did join in the mulletude?

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