Friday, August 13, 2010

BSNYC Friday Business Networking Seminar!


Firstly, I'm pleased to announce that last night's BRA at the Rapha Cycle Club was a success, inasmuch as nobody assaulted me or, at least to my knowledge, sabotaged the espresso machine. I failed to take any photographs of the evening since I was too preoccupied with administering my hastily-prepared PowerPoint presentation, but here's a picture from the Rapha Cycle Club's Twitter which captures me in mid-"douche-clamation point:"

Alas, words and even photographs are insufficient to convey the intoxicating sensation of standing amid all those overpriced jerseys and making a complete douche of oneself. Thanks to the Rapha Cycle Club for having me, and thanks to all who came for indulging me.


Some people have role models in life, but I find it much more inspiring and motivating to focus on people who deeply annoy me, for it is only by confronting and exploring that which we dislike that we can truly learn who we really are. For this reason, I was glad to learn that, beyond writing irritating music reviews, my favorite anti-role model Frere-Jones works in other media as well. I was also not surprised to learn that Frere-Jones's photography is of the "Ooh, isn't that blighted building or rust stain interesting?" variety, nor was I disappointed (by which I mean I was tremendously disappointed). By the way, apparently Frere-Jones doesn't take photographs so much as he frames things that he sees:

I'm not sure what the difference is, but then again I didn't go to Bard College and tend to betray my lack of education by simply calling things what they are. For example, I've foolishly been telling people I "wrote a book," when I should really be telling them I don't so much write books as I "put covers around words.")

I wonder how many of Frere-Jones's Twitter followers are also interested in him for the sole reason that they are bothered by his work:

As far as the claim that his "tweets" rise to the level of poetry, I'll defer to the Bard graduates out there on that one:

"We Need More Rap Box Sets" is sure to become the "Leaves of Grass" of the 21st century.

Having sufficiently annoyed myself, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right, you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see a commercial.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and remember: it's not so much a weekend as it is a couple of days framed by a pair of work weeks.


--BSNYC/RTMS





1) How many purple tank tops does "minimalist" Everett Bogue own?

--One
--Two





2) The man pictured above purchased this bicycle at a yard sale for $5. To which professional racer did the bike formerly belong?



3) What is Mario Cipollini thinking about?


(video via Stevil/AHTBM)




4) Vino is:


(image via Lucho/Cyclinginquisition)




(Rodney "The No Hand King" Hines, the Lone Wolf of the East Coast, poses with his fleet of bicycles)

5) How does Rodney "The No Hand King" Hines train for his famously "epic" 100-mile no-handed wheelies?


--By riding a bicycle with no front wheel
--By riding a unicycle
--Hill repeats
--Pilates






6) Champagne is the new PBR.

--True
--False




(Your next what?)

7) Subdermal derailleurs are the new knuckle tattoo.



***Special Bicycle Messenger-Themed Bonus Question***



Bicycle messenger Malcolm Woodcock has 28 days to become a:

86 comments:

Anonymous said...

bing!

Anonymous said...

bing 2!

Anonymous said...

bing 3!

Anonymous said...

Top ten?

Anonymous said...

rats

Anonymous said...

fuck that shit!

Philip Williamson said...

ha!

ringcycles said...

top 10, meh.

Jefe said...

Top something

Anonymous said...

I *heart* Vino!

Can't help myself.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the blog. Very funny!

hillbilly said...

have a good weekend everyone

Anonymous said...

Is the Minimalist named Everret Bogue-
as in Bogus?
There must be irony there...

Cool The Kid said...

If I were a villain, that Champagne Bike Ride song would be the weapon that slayed me

T said...

It does give you a booz.

Anonymous said...

NO HANDS KING!

I see that guy all the time. He's crazy, but I'm not going to tell him that.

I do wonder if I could even be that buff if I quit my job and worked out all day...

SFJ said...

Sorry I have your dream job. Keep writing about bicycles.

shoegazer said...

less is more better

hillbilly said...

Alright, was annoyed with SFJ, now moved on to CBS.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=425696783983

Anonymous said...

aint no trick about riding a wheelie. It's just can you stay in one place.

shoegazer said...

i've ridden with the wheelie king on our greenway & he's more dedicated than he is crazy. but crazy still.
I think I'll give him some of my Rapha kit for the challenge.

Anonymous said...

fox ghee hunter

Billy Reid said...

it looked kind of like you were doing some jazz hands in that photo

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

bullsh-t! i wuz robbed. f-ckin typical. there is no way cipollini is NOT thinking about lady parts at the same time he is thinking about something else. are you insinuating you are in il re leone's head and know his thoughts?

Mario Cipollini, on why he had an airbrushed picture of Pamela Anderson on his bike rather than his wife:
"I know what my wife looks like."

Mario Cipollini, on what profession he may have chosen, had he not been a professional cyclist:
"Porn star."

(real quotations)

El_Guadzilla said...

Mein gott. What a collection of geeks, hipster-wannabes and recumbent riders in the crowd at your talk, Snobby.

Anonymous said...

um... that pretty much captures 99% of all (of us) cyclists

Anonymous said...

I want to be known as the "Opulent Marxist." Don't say you're a minimalist, just be a minimalist. The reason I like your style, Snob, is because you don't make it about yourself. Most blogs are just mental masturbation. To paraphrase Travis Bickle (Taxi Driver): "I don't believe someone should devote themself to morbid self-attention. They should become a person, like other people."
Viva recumbents! a.k.a. the answer to the question that was never asked.

travis bickle said...

take it all and flush it down the fuckin' toilet, especially the champagne video.

wishiwasmerckx said...

The tao of Snob:

"I...tend to betray my lack of education by simply calling things what they are."

Ancient Chinese proverb:

"The first step on the path to wisdom is to call things by their true name."

Cognorant said...

That Fiat add is such a cliche joke but man, I laughed out loud.

I'd love to see the same thing only with the tall bike douche who puts his foot on the roofs of cars.

Peter Boyle aka Wizard said...

BSNYC: the Travis Bickle of Bike culture...

gene99 said...

Sometimes I don’t think I really make comments on this blog so much as I tap keys that are under my fingers. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I think I have some kind of residue that has been burned or abraded on my fingers, or some of the keys on my keyboard are scratched, or the sun is shining on my keyboard and reflecting in my eyes. Most of what I write looks something like useless drivel a lot of the time (see work product).

bikesgonewild said...

...like, where are the chicks, man ???...

...i see a sea of disproportion, a minimalist chick thing, man & that's like not healthy...

...just framing my outrage w/ bad grammar...

ringcycles said...

"for it is only by confronting and exploring that which we dislike that we can truly learn who we really are."

I kvetch therefore I am? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Anonymous said...

is not having a utility the same as being utterly useless?

bikesgonewild said...

..."BSNYC: the Travis Bickle of Bike culture"...hmmm, rather...

...bsnyc/rtms: the 'butter brickle' of bike culture...

...tasty toffee like bits of acerbic wit 'framed' by a smooth creamy, easy to digest formula...

dwight moody said...

I went to Bard and I don't see the difference between taking a picture and putting a frame around something you see. But I wasn't in Music Program Zero, so I often didn't understand the most esoteric of things.

ervgopwr said...

That bastard with his 57 list of purple shirts is named Everett, crap.

I'm trying to keep us out of the douche name assocation group. Mostly by never winning a race and doing it well.

FRDY TRTN

WHLY KING

RPHA SHOW

Oh yeah, and Cippo, can never not think about lady parts: on his lion's mane.

bikesgonewild said...

...cognorant...

...fully agree on the fiat ad...funny as hell, especially from the perspective of a cyclist who used to do that in years past...

...note to indulge-rs...use the roof, 3/4 of the way back...they suspect you might be doing it but the angles are such that they're never quite sure...

Turd Ferguson said...

Comparing the "We Need More Rap Box Sets" to Leaves of Grass? Surely you meant to compare SFJ to douchespeare.

stream of nothing said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

http://chrisblattman.com/2010/08/13/transport-ingenuity

mikeweb said...

Snob, enjoyed your Epic BRA last night. In the photo that's me in the back btw, directly below the only 'epic' photograph on the non-exposed brick part of the wall, enjoying a non-epic iced tea.

I was expecting the gag at the end of the Fiat ad to be more in the 'road rage hood ornament' vein, but that was much funnier.

hillbilly, yeah, that thing on CBS doesn't seem like it'll be too biased; ya think?

stream of nothing said...

i am on very good terms with the first 3 seconds of that fiat advert :(

Anonymous said...

Tattoo typos, yeesh, and right on his knuckles where he can't cover them easily. Let's hope none of his friends can spell either.

When you're trying to correct this, please consider:
Ya'LL NEXT
Yr'RE NEXT
U'RE NEXT

Anonymous said...

I also hate Sasha Frere-Jones.

Also, "douche" and variations of "douche" are getting old. Let's come up with some fresher disparaging terms, ok?

Signed-
A. Weenus

Anonymous said...

@4:23 -- I was thinking the same thing. I count 14 occurrences of the word douche this week alone. Our vaginas are sufficiently clean, thank you.

Bike Lemming said...

"Champagne Bike Ride"? The kids are pretty fucking far from alright...

Anonymous said...

bgw--that's my kind of party!

Ahhh, I love cycling's men to women ratio.

Sigurd said...

Cipollini and Rocco Sifredi share a certain likeness, 'tis true. I was relieved to see steely-eyed Italians carefully machining crabon components, rather than skinny, pale Chinese with coal lung. Yay Mario! Champagne Bike Ride - "CBR is the new PBR"? - had me in titters. Completely taking the piss out of themselves and their peers. And the ladies were really hot. Maybe - no, certainly - my brains were addled by their presence. And so I name that video excellent. With all the retro crap they were wearing, it reminded me of MTV way back in the day (!) when it was worth watching.

Anonymous said...

Wow Snob, douche-tastic selection of videos!

Anonymous said...

I cover framing the zeitgeist.

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:35
Sounds like you may have a little sand in yours.

Anonymous said...

I frame the covered douche-geist

Anonymous said...

I curate the framed doucheray.

Anonymous said...

I hear ya. Photographers are to artists what bloggers are to writers.

Brightcetera said...

It looks like a sausagefest. Not that there's anything wrong with that but where all the womenfolk?

Brightcetera said...

It looks like a sausagefest. Not that there's anything wrong with that but where all the womenfolk?

Anonymous said...

That Cipo advertisement is slicker than the slicks on my dual suspension MTB.

If I were only allowed one possession, I might consider an artisanal ax(e). But, I want a pure artisanal ax(e) that has a handle made from the timber of a tree felled with an artisanal ax(e). The day that happens will be as groundbreaking as:
the day was douchy when the first douche called someone else a douche;
the day will be smug when solar panels are used to make solar panels, used to make a Big Dummy; the day will be scary when robots make robots, in the likeness of Mario Cipollini.

Sadly, I suspect that a full artisanal cycle will never actually occur because nobody who would buy an artisanal ax(e) would ever come across a tree that wasn't a street tree or a bonsai. Hmmm, miniature artisanal ax(e)/bottle opener? I might be on to something.

By the way, if the secret powers that be start using their puppet, the United Nations, to outlaw use of the word 'douche' to help stifle emerging awareness of the conspiracy, I might suggest that variations of 'toss', 'tosser' and maybe even 'tosspot' be considered as alternatives. ce

bikesgonewild said...

..."✯FiTCETERA✯ said...
It looks like a sausagefest. Not that there's anything wrong with that but where all the womenfolk?"
...

...at home, washin', cookin', cleanin', ironin'...you know, the kinda stuff 'the womenfolk' oughta be doin'...

...ya let 'em ride bicycles & next thing ya know they'll wanna be emancipated & lord knows where that'll lead...

...barefoot n' pregnant...that's where they oughta be, dammit...

Anonymous said...

I was just having a look at the Speedhub Finder page on the Rohloff site and noticed that on the little timeline down the bottom of the page the animation jumps straight from the German Draisine to the Safety Bicycle without any depiction of the French boneshakers. I don't want to label Rohloff 'p-far deniers' or anything but I wonder if despite their precision-engineered-fourteen-ratios-evenly-spaced-over-a-519%-range-packed-inside-a-sealed-hub bla, bla, bla... they might still feel a little threatened by the uncompromised efficiency of direct drive.
http://www.rohloff.de/en/products/speedhub/speedhub_search/index.html

I hope nobody (who matters) minds me writing another lengthy comment here. I don't normally have a reason or inspiration to write much, but really enjoy this niche. I'm finding I am learning a lot in the process. It's a bit like Toastmasters is for public speakers, but in my case I'd dub it Tossmasters. ce

Madtown69 said...

I too find Sasha Frere-Jones to be truly annoying. Hard to pin down why. Maybe it's the far-too-serious but incomprehensively written analyses of talentless rap artists. There, I said it.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Snob,
Your blog is usually one of my favourite reads of the day, and indeed has been for the past couple of years, but add me to the ranks calling for a douche moratorium. Enough already! Please!
Sincerely,
A loyal reader

Anonymous said...

As always, great blog. On Sasha-Frere Jones, his brother Tobias, is a type designer in NYC who's done a number of typefaces based on existing "vernacular" (design-speak for "someone-else's") lettering, so it's probably natural for Sasha to make boring pictures of buildings and lettering.

J D Plourde said...

I think you could spend less time lambasting the doucheratti, and more time lambasting the true douches:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/14/business/14auto.html?src=me&ref=general

Is this a 'good' thing?

gnal\ said...

LARS BOOM

gnal\ said...

LARS BOOM

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Anonymous said...

The bottle opener pic looks like it was shot by an ROV cam on the ocean floor.

- bif

Anonymous said...

Snob,

You have go to see the last picture in this set on Fixed Gear Gallery.

http://fixedgeargallery.com/2010/aug/1/vanHeerden/vanHeerden.htm

A new level of Douche-tastic!

David

Anonymous said...

first?

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'll be barefoot all right, when I take my Spiritas off to administer a beating, cleatside down, to whomever would suggest that I should be "b'np" and not riding a bike!

Course technically I still wouldn't be barefoot cuz I'd be wearing the Bad Kitties.

cwcushman said...

Now I know why I could never be an "artist," I am not pretentious enough.

Different cameras react differently... Wow! Just like t-max vs tri-x vs delta vs scala, all react differently. Photography is learning those differences.

dvestv said...

Perfect collection of photos.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

kyle shay said...

the tattoo is of a dura ace LEFT-SIDE drive derailluer. LOL BIKE JOKES.

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