Friday, June 19, 2009

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

(Moist, moist, baby.)

As much as I try not to come off as some sort of fender apologist or wheelbrow proselytizer, if you live in the New York City area it's hard not to notice that it now officially rains All The Time. It's also hard to imagine how one can manage without fenguards (which combines "fenders" and "mudguards" and as such is the pretentious "mid-Atlantic" term). Certainly the expression "biblical proportions" is an overused one, but we really have reached the point here where even the most worldly people among us are beginning to wonder if indeed we are being punished somehow. Personally, I'm starting to believe there may be some sort of cycling deity, and that deity has decided to drench us until we adopt the Way of the Fender. And while we've been granted a respite today, there's no end in sight to the deluge. Just check out the local forecast:

Tomorrow's weather will certainly call for wheelbrows. Furthermore, it looks pretty wild and unpredictable, hence the George Wipple advisory. (George Wipple is a local cable news "society reporter" known primarily for the twin toilet brushes which hover menacingly above his eyeballs.) Sunday and Monday will bring steady rain, hence the steady, reassuring brows of Sam Elliott. Tuesday's precipitation will be intermittent, and the week will finish off with isolated thunderstorms. While that may be an improvement, it's certainly no time to let your guard down, hence the groomed yet still ample brows of Vintage Brooke Shields. Also, make sure you palp waterproof makeup. (In a pinch I use drivetrain grime. It really brings out my eyes. It also makes them tear uncontrollably.)

Having sufficiently dampened your enthusiasm, I now present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think carefully, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll see confirmation, and if you're wrong you'll see highlights from three-time Tour de France winner Greg Lemond's controversial talk at the recent "Play the Game" conference.

Ride safe this weekend, and keep the rubber side down--unless you're wearing a rubber hat.


1) The driver above:

--Loves Dachshunds
--Loves crocheted pillows and novelty license plate frames
--Loves heading the wrong way down a one way street until the presence of surprised cyclist forces him to turn around
--All of the above

2) This Top Tube-Mounted Brake Lever (TTMBL) was spotted:

--On Velospace
--On Fixedgeargallery
--At the Bicycle Film Festival
--On a Globe bicycle at the recent product launch

3) If you want to ride a "ghost bike," you don't need to settle for the monochromatic Globe "colorway." Instead, you can buy the real thing at:

--a Charleston, SC city auction
--Raleigh, NC Craigslist
--the classified section at

4) Of which horned beast are these "epic" bars most evocative?

--The noble elk
--The mighty ram
--The swift gazelle
--The pirouetting lemur

5) If you can put your fixie in your bed, then it is:

--Too light
--Too clean
--Too monochromatic
--Too promiscuous

6) World champion downhiller Missy Giove was recently arrested for:

--Pulling a trailer containing hundreds of pounds of marijuana
--Pulling a trailer containing hundreds of pounds of downhill bicycles
--Consipracy to distribute performance-enhancing drugs
--Stealing the Wendy O. Williams nipple-tape look

7) This knuckle tattoo is only visible:

--Through special glasses
--Under a blacklight
--Under the influence of psilocybin
--To other hipsters

***Special Williamsburg, Brooklyn "hipster" courtship bonus question!***

In Williamsburg, Brooklyn, the phrase "haii boiii haaii!" usually precedes:

--A slap in the face
--A kiss on the cheek
--A punch in the groin
--A slap on the ass


Anonymous said...


rezado said...


Anonymous said...

Just dumb Luck

RANTWICK said...


RANTWICK said...

Am I second or fourth? It means the difference between podium and shame.

Anonymous said...

Chad I got a first and third !! Woot Who !

ant1 said...


Luck E. Seven said...



Anonymous said...


rezado said...

"The Centennial State"

All you haters breath in that fresh rocky mountain air because if you really want to win a sprint you need to train at elevation.


RANTWICK said...

I thought you had posted some horny bars before, but that is just silly. As opposed to the other "horny bars".

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Astroluc (Find me on Tumblr and Instagram @Astroluc) said...

missed 2... but I have officially unretired my boots and raingear for the year; and it would seem that my un-fendered bike(s) will be sitting inside until at least mid-August!

ugh... "rain rain go away...."

jon said...

May I have 400 lbs of marijuana, please?

And a bag of Funyuns.

Anonymous said...


ringcycles said...

All You Hipsters taste My Tire Curds!

CommieCanuck said...

"In court Thursday, public defender Tim Austin said the drugs and money were planted in Giove's truck, possibly by police."

Ah, free lawyers, worth what you paid.

BTW, I too use the nipple WoW/MG tape method to avoid chafing.

Slappy said...


Anonymous said...

Clinton , Dubyah and O'Bama all toked

Time to Wakeup and free Missy

rezado said...

A tattoo that takes 12 to 18 months to heal then you cant even see it. I am going to get one right now. By this time next year I will be the coolest kid at the rave.

streepo said...

Perfect score on the quiz!!!

BadBeard said...

Happy Friday 1st!

d. fofonov said...

Needing performance enhancers.

Other Side of the GW said...

Thank goodness this week I only got 1 question correct. After I had aced the quiz for the last 2 weeks I was starting to get worried. I do have a life, after all; I really do! Yay!

Luck E. Seven said...


Damn this rubber hat...


Anonymous said...

only 18 months to heal??


g said...

18 months to heal, another 2 months to find out the ink is toxic and then the rest of your life with tattoo removal scars.... Sound smart to me. I also think that the correct answer should have included the 'only visible to hipsters' option.

Anonymous said...

an invisible tattoo....kinda reminds me of those dudes who register your hands as deadly weapons for $5, register a star in your name in their register etc.

Wes said...

Fenguards? Funny. From this side of the puddle the mid-Atlantic term is mudders.

kale said...

7/7 + Extra Credit!!!

I skeeted coffee all over when I saw the ram nut kick... Priceless!

red neckerson said...

ricky jim bob and billy bob been fucking pigs but that dont mean it should be legal even tho i tink it is legal over in fisty

mander said...

That stock TTMBL really bummed me out.

JoeBest said...

I had one of those first:

Grant Peterson said...

@JoeBest: I am intrigued!

ringcycles said...

6/7 and the bonus, but I have great quiz taking genetics.

BTW, I believe there is a cycling deity and buying or selling an obviously stolen ghost bike is certain doom on judgement day. Yes, you'd be damned to an eternity of riding stoker on a fixed gear tandem with a hopped up Claudio Chiappucci as your captain, or doing hill repeats on Ventoux riding a tandem with Didi Senft as your stoker. Perhaps merely getting lapped by a pissed off Richard Groenedaal on a horse pasture course. Yes, that would be hell.

Anonymous said...

100% hup hup

I believe a couple of hits o' the bud would be necessary before they ripped that tape off. Damn.

jolene said...

boy howdy with awl that watter everware you kid warsh yer junk off real good

aint no lunker caffish in thur i a heer they bites nipples and shit

sufferist said...

Do hipsters buy houses? Wouldn't you have to call them something else if they did something so intentional and pedestrian?

Test Tickle said...

Missy should have used Wipple to hide weed. I bet she could have safely concealed twice the amount she was caught with!

And the top tube brake mount? I think of clits.

total balls.

Test Tickle said...

and I was referring to the toilet brushes, btw.


CommieCanuck said...

The Daschiraffe could be the biggest thing to happen to this blog since the jackalope.

grog said...

Use filth prophylactics AND keep the rubber side down? Now I'm confused. Pass the joint.

Anonymous said...

I f*cked the Haii Boii chick.

theshepherdsdog said...

that FGG post was gross

CommieCanuck said...

That ram film was cool, but this isn't limited to rams, this is how all Canadians males chose a mate.

Also why we all have chronic headaches.

Which is why we need continuous pot and beer.

Anonymous said...

Those bars remind me of a Loghtan sheep!

Anonymous said...

Speaking of delugeitude, we are still 5" behind, that doesn't sound right.

mikeweb said...

I think that ram nut kick was more of a ram nut fondle.

Anonymous said...

Jesus Christ, bike locking boy totally blew it. Gagagaga, I have limited game, but will not pass up scantily clad, drunken, dancing ladies.

bikesgonewild said...

...fenguards ???...lookin' at that foto, i'm thinkin' water-wings !!!...

...& were the queen of the downhill in yer day, (& pot busts are pretty fucking bogus...besides, think about it, 400lbs X millions of everyday smokers = gone in a toke) but when it comes to hangin' 'em out w/ nipple tape, well sorry babe but wendy o. williams ruled that shit...

bikesgonewild said...

...***supplemental bonus quiz question***...

...does watching the greg lemond "play the game" highlight reel remind you of:--
(a) - a train wreck...
(b) - a car crash...
(c) - just something kinda sad...
...***supplemental bonus quiz answer***...
(d) - could there even be a correct answer...

Kurt Vonnegut is King said...

Wow, nobody picked up on your moistake? Nice self-edit, Snob. You nearly made it without being noticed.

d. fofonov said...

Pictures of Missy Giove are making hum music to myself, of favorite band t.a.T.U.:

Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik Gey
Mal'chik, Mal'chik, Mal'chik, Mal'chik Gey
Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik
Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik Gey
Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik
Mal'chik, Mal'chik, Mal'chik

Smotrish nezhno,
Zhdyosh ego vniman'ya.
Chuvstva te zhe,
No, ne ponimayu
Skol'ko mozhno
Zhit', lyubya, ukradkoi.
Ochen' slozhno
Skryt' tvoi povadki,
Ochen' trudno
Skryt' moi stradan'ya.
Ochen', ochen', ochen' ochen'
Neprilichnoe zhelan'e.

Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik Gey
Bud' so mnoi ponaglei.
Ot styda ne krasnei,
Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik Gey
Polozhi na druzei,
Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik Gey.
Ot menya , ****
Mal'chik Gey Gey'

Slyozy dushat',
Mysli zhit' meshayut.
Trudno slushat'.
Net, ne ponimayu.
Da, ya znayu vse tvoi sekrety.
Kak ty terpish tvyordye pridmety?
Vse zhe znayu, eto beznadyozhno,
No mechtayu, tayu'tayu'tayu'tayu'tayu'tayu...

Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik Gey
Bud' so mnoi ponaglei.
Ot styda ne krasnei,
Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik Gey
Polozhi na druzei,
Mal'chik Gey, Mal'chik Gey.
Ot menya , ****
Mal'chik Gey Gey'

rezado said...

"My doctor said that it was a dietary supplement. I had no idea it was on the banned list of drugs."

Anonymous said...

Did you and Lance discuss cutting the Lemond tape at your special lunch together?

Anonymous said...

The rehead white fixie in the bed, bedroom pictures. Anyone have her cell number?

Smellvin said...

Happy Juneteenth. Im surprised that car didnt have Joisey plates on it.

Anonymous said...


Luck E. Seven said...

e) all of the above.

Greg LeMond's brain must look something like Swiss cheese, or maybe the Aitken Crater.

Still, I know him pretty well and he's a solid dude and has been riding bikes for a long, long time for whatever thats worth*.


*Anon 4:15pm 5/21/08

Unknown said...

What is the point of having a TTMBL if you still have a front brake impeding bar spinz and the like? Hmm.

Denny, Alaska said...

What? I thought that global warming thingie was going to stop all the rain.

Big Al said so.

abdujaparov said...

dammit, crashed again.

Anonymous said...

the bike in the bed reminded me of this randy glaswegen

bikesgonewild said...

...luck e seven...the italians seem to "do" retirement better...well, marco pantani, not so much, ehhh ???...

...while hinault is still out there looking to kick somebody's, anybody's ass, ex-pro italians either become cool team directors or just wait & become the handsome, elegant, silver haired, "dignified gentleman in the background" at the races...

...that being said, mario cipollini still looks like he's trying to get laid...& yes, i know he's married w/ several lovely children...that, of course, doesn't preclude his still trying to get laid...aaah, he's italian, uh ???...

Anonymous said...

Rain Day in the NorthEast today . . .

All you non-fender anti-hipster Mahattanoidial sukkahs having a good day with that cold rain/sweat/fecal matter/puke/urine water beating against your spine?

Don't say I didn't warn yas!

PS - When the great alien mother ship arrives all those sans knuckle tatts are goners. Black light specials do NOT count.

Anonymous said...

Top tube mounted brake lever pictured in Snob's FryDay quiz belongs to none other than Missy Giove who it is rumored, has a prehensile clitoris.

Anonymous said...

I don't see why the brake lever has to be mounted on the bike at all. Maybe on the hand ala X-man Wolverine or on the back of the jersey, using bluetooth to activate the caliper which is powered by...Shimano electric shift powerpack? Perhaps even the ironic spoke card with a picture of a brake lever. My ideas are like Doritos...take all you want, I'll make more.

Anonymous said...

This seems right up your street: Bicycle Ballet

"Twenty dancers are joined by around 50 volunteer cyclists to perform Janine Fletcher's choreographed spin on the agony and ecstasy of urban bike riding."

More here, including pics:

...including video and photos

Ryan said...

Submitted for Mr. Snob's approval: home-brewed P-far featuring what appears to be a front wheel inspired by the unholy crossing of a Spinergy with an R-SYS:

As seen on flickr.

And in Brooklyn, no less.

Romanucci Law Firm said...

another way of going the way of the fender

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