Friday, May 15, 2009

This Just In: BSNYC Slaycation Announcement! (and Friday Fun Qiuz)

It was a warm and pleasant morning here in New York City--warm enough even to soften the outer edges of my heart, although the core remained hard and cold like an under-nuked frozen dinner. As I veloambulated along, I made the mistake of marveling at the lack of things irritating me, until I came upon this:

I absolutely hate murals that command me to do things, especially when they're painted on the walls of overpriced clothing retailers. What if I don't feel like living, working, and creating right now? Who is Brooklyn Industries to tell me what to do anyway? Actually, I was already feeling vivacious and effusive just a moment ago, but now thanks to you I'd rather destroy, sit on my posterior, and die. Nice job. You just sold one less $58 "More Bike Lanes" hoodie and robbed me of my will to live in the process.

Fortunately though, my spirits were once again buoyed a little while later, since a bunch of bike nerds under the auspices of Transportation Alternatives were giving out free food on the Manhattan Bridge. And it really was free, too--I didn't even have to listen to any smug speeches or accept any printed anti-car treatises in return! Check out the haul I made:


Good thing I was palping a rack or else there's no way I'd have been able to carry this stuff. The TA nerds couldn't have appeared at a better time, either. I'd just been dropped on the bridge ascent like a piece of hot gnocchi by a woman riding a fixed-gear and dressed like 80s Pat Benatar and I was bonking hard.

Speaking of sitting on my posterior, it's with pleasure tinged with pleasure that I'm pleasured to announce that as of the end of this post I'll be "slaying" a vacation. This vacation will last until Tuesday, May 26th, at which point I will return with regular updates. (Although the subject of those updates will change from cycling to the reproductive system of the Southern Hairy-Nosed Wombat. I smell something, and it's either a Nobel Prize or wombat dung.)

And with that, I'd like to leave you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right, you'll see some sort of confirmation, and if you're wrong you'll see evidence of a sinister Dutch plot to create a legion of deadly supercommuters.

Sincere thanks to everybody for reading, commenting, emailing, and generally rubbing your bikes wherever and however you please. Ride safe this coming week, and I'll look forward to seeing you again on Tuesday, May 26th.

--BSNYC/RTMS









1) This rider loves:





2) The person who submitted this bike to Fixedgeargallery built it for:

--His girlfriend







3) There is a limit to what people will try to sell on Craigslist.

--True
--False




4) How do you know this bike is from Manchester, UK?

--Manchesterites Mancunians love Stryper
--It evokes the interior of the Ha├žienda nightclub
--It's finished in the colors of Manchester's new bike-share program
--It's obviously blind drunk






5) What does this image depict?

--A fixed-gear skid patch analyzer app for the iPhone
--Knog's new "Tire Newt" lights
--The areas of varying tread thickness on Soma's new "Everwear II" fixed-gear-specific tire
--The phenomenon known as "rim throb"




6) What is most remarkable about this bike?

--The improvised frontal filth prophylactic
--The excess padding on the bars coupled with the lack of padding on the saddle
--The kickstand
--All of it. The gestalt is mindblowing.





7) Why does this car have a boat on it?

--The Fixed-Gear Apocalypse is upon us and the driver is fleeing Brooklyn
--It's one of those new amphibious Volkswagens, the "Flip n' Float"
--It's Drive Your Boat to Work Day
--The driver is going to "slay" some boating




8) How many companies are involved in this "collabo" called "The Complete Ride," which involves fixed-gear-specific sneakers and bikes with matching "colorways?"

--Two
--Four
--Six
--Eight




The ________ is made in collaboration with master milliner Victor Osborne and designed with the highest attention to detail. ____ started with Italian tropical wool suiting, known as the finest cloth in the world and graded in terms of a Super number. The higher the number, the finer the wool. These caps are all made from Super 80s or better, which means they will have similar performance qualities to our premium merinos. Perfect for riding across town and still looking refined and sophisticated on your next date.


9) What product does this copy refer to?

--The $75 Outlier Tropical Wool Cap
--The $175 Rapha Gentlemen's Bonnet
--The $7.50 Nashbar "Head 'Em Off" Cycling Cap
--The $595 Derby Day Hat from The J. Peterman Company



10) What is this?

--An attachment from a very strange email I received from Blair Underwood
--An attachment from a very strange email I received from Grant Petersen


***Special Canine Footwear-Themed Bonus Question***


This dog's shoes are SPD compatible.

--True
--False

330 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 330 of 330
Wes said...

200

Renders Fenders Moot said...

(200 is my hometown)

Wes said...

Damn you RFM.

I told you about the toe overlap problem I had didn't I?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Shit. Got caught napping at the back of the peloton and missed the 200th comment sprint and the time bonus on GC that comes with it.

Anonymous said...

I must have been over the line when i commented "when he bonks, he bonks hard" cause it got deleted. the DNA doesn't take so kindly to comments as snob.

http://neighbors.denverpost.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=12402287&start=0&st=0&sk=t&sd=a

Surly Bastard said...

205? Yeash.

Sorry Hillbilly. You're taking decent slaycation pulls for sure. Even though Red is always there, he's like one of those crazy muthas that rides up outside the pack once in a while to call everybody a gutless pussy for riding in a paceline and then drops back out of sight for a few miles.

But you gotta love that shit, doncha?

Anonymous said...

WHERE IS THE NEXT POST, I NEED MY DAILY DOSE!!!!!

Wes said...

Surly

You dropped me as well. It's left me down. Now I don't even feel like putting Anon 1:20 straight.

ant1 said...

I think I'm gonna create a blog explaining BSNYC's posts. Like a cliff notes version. We can then refer the newbies/anons to it when they ask stupid questions.

Wes said...

My turn. What's a cliff notes?

Oh, and Anon 1:20, He's on Slaycation.

Anonymous said...

For the last time, RTMS is Rip Torn Mug Shot. Please refer to this as Page One of the Snobbinary.

Wes said...

And ant1, the chances of you setting up, and managing another blog are pretty slim. Where would you find the time what with posting here and keeping up your own?

Wes said...

Good old Anonymous, comes to the rescue.

ant1 said...

Wes - I figured I could give all the regulars editing permissions. turn it into a group project.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I need some help to complete my analogy. How long does an ant live without a head?

ant1 said...

I'd rather not find out!

Anonymous said...

ANT1:If a new acronym appears in the Snobbie-blog, would there be points awarded to the first person to write the correct definition in your compendium? This would mean that you would take on the role of supreme overlord of the Snobtionary/Snoblopedia, making your own arbitrary rules for compliance and verification. Think about it....

bikesgonewild said...

...renders fenders moot...thanks...it's like they say, "gettin' old ain't for sissies"...& i'm still feelin' awesome only now i'm 60 & awesome !!!...

...i assumed the centrifuge thingy was 'cuz kohl & rasmussen were gonna do a line of cycling related jewelry...

...anon 1:35pm...ga'head (nyc speak)...see if tellin' 'em 'rtms' stands for 'rip torn mug shot' makes any sense to 'em...yer gonna spend all week tryin' to decipher knuckle tats for the newbies...sheesh...

...ok, what was the question again ???...

kale said...

Ant1-

Don't step on Snob's Sidi-encapsulated toes by prematurely releasing the glossary to his forthcoming novel.

ant1 said...

Alright dudes, I’ve set it up. I sent invites to those of you whose email addresses I could find. If you consider yourself a regular and would like to contribute, send an email my way and I’ll give you editing permissions. As a tribute to Frilly, I managed to get “sex” in the blog address:
http://bsexplanation.blogspot.com/
enjoy.

ant1 said...

Snob - If you don't approve of the bsexplanationand wish it taken down, let me know. Your wish will be my command.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Ant1, if someone twitters you approval claiming to be bikesnobnyc, assume it's an imposter.

ant1 said...

Merckx - I assume that of everything involving BSNYC, including this blog.

ant1 said...

Frilly - just gave you admin priviledges. feel free to post/edit/whatever as you please.

sufferist said...

What a wonderful day! I'm right next to Frilly on the B'splanation meta blog. Now can I have rights to edit?

hillbilly said...

hell, i want in ant1!

Renders Fenders Moot said...

I dominate the sex splained podium!

bikesgonewild said...

..."lu-cy...choo' got son esplainin' to do !!!"...

d. fofonov said...

Harasho hui.

Is only thing for which I am speaking.

red neckerson said...

anyone here besides ricky ever fucked a goat

Anonymous said...

It weren't willing - does that count?

Anonymous said...

BSNYC.

Why have you stopped loving us?

Why have you closed The Podium?

I have no life.

Anonymous said...

RTMS - Rip Torn's Mug Shot - as seen on 04/04/08 post
PSA - Public Service Announcement

KVonnegut said...

I dunno about the Bsexplanation.

It's cool and all, but I think I'm actually envious of those who are just now discovering BSNYC. For theirs is the wealth of unread archives...

Anonymous said...

Yes Virginia I fear it is true . . .


Tyler Hamilton is the blood-doped anti-christ!

bikesgonewild said...

..."red neckerson said...
anyone here besides ricky ever fucked a goat ???"
...

...jeez red...a goat is a domesticated animal...practically tame...

...let ricky spend a week up in canada w/ somebody like commiecanuk...ol' ricky could get behind, if you will, a young moose or a bear cub or even one a' those wild beavers that commiecanuk's always goin' on about...

...now that would be a chance for that good ol' southern boy to really grow...

Anonymous said...

I like to fuck the goat by the edge of the pool, cause then she backs into me. Red, you should try it with Jolene.

urchin said...

Since it's been well over a year since I did my newbie 'catch-up' reading, I have wondered how daunting a task it has become to go back over the old stuff to learn the lingo. So many Red and Jolene posts to skip.. Anyway, give up on Google--it's all in the archives. Maybe we can be kind and just give a date to look up.

Anyway, simply answering what RTMS stands for is not very helpful, is it? It still doesn't make sense until you've dug the context.

BTW Frills, I've been trying not to comment on this, but it's a long week. Enjoy that cantilevered, seatpost-clamping rack while you can. The structural design of that model always ends up sagging under the weight over time (or snapping a post-ow!).


NPJLRABS

wishiwasmerckx said...

Be sure to take some time out of your day to observe the birthday of the great French novelist Honore de Ball-sack, born this day in 1799.

Surly Bastard said...

240! Huh?

Balzac was a well-known coffee addict. He was quoted as saying once:

"Coffee is so easy to find. It's everywhere. It's easier to get than cocaine."

Could have been a cyclist I guess. The Tootin' Tom of his time.

Anonymous said...

Clipping in. Left or right or are you ambi-clipterous?

Me, lefty, but I am right handed. Go figure...

Anonymous said...

anon 12:33-me too! Somebody told me that I should use my right foot the majority of the time cuz it's stronger. I don't think so cuz my left foot is a little bigger. Strange how that works isn't it?

Damn its only Wednesday--long friggin' week. I'm taking a nap.

Anonymous said...

Frilly, is your left boob a little bigger, too?

Surly Bastard said...

Frilly ... nice ...


kitten.

ken e. said...

what are you people talking about?
don't you pedal with two feet?

and for the record, slide across a floor in your socks, your "leading" leg is the stronger...

wednesday "****",
half way slaycation mark

Anonymous said...

cakefarts.com

grog said...

Where oh where has my snobby gone?
He's off to slay ride and rip torn.
Get back, Balzac.
Check out Frilly's rack.
Pedal to the mettle & buy the farm.

hillbilly said...

or do it the surfer's way, stand straight up, have someone push you from behind and see which leg you stick out

Anonymous said...

Urchin

Simply answering what RTMS stands for helps more than not answering...

And it came with the post date too.

Anyway, I totally agree with reading all the older posts, but it does take a lot of time, and sometimes you need a hint.

ken e. said...

nice one hillbilly, i wasn't going to point at a particular "board" sport, but that rules!

jolene said...

fuck you not in the kinky way urichin i sis a holesome gal with a drinking prollem and a nice set of stemses

ant1 said...

http://www.bsexplanation.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Hi. I'm the Chief of the 'Tyler Hamilton Is A Doper' Police. I post here Anon.

Some of you know his snobishness personally.

Is it ture that on his three chain ring main ride that he only uses the granny gear?

And on occasion is known to ride sidesaddle to get in touch with his feminine side?

Is this ture?

I need to know.

Doktor phILL

Anonymous said...

Can someone please create a kitty/rack thread to kick off today's Frilly Fest?

I'll start with the following haiku in the 5-7-5 form:

package on your rack,
does it make your kitty purr,
fenders on the floor

carl lafong said...

Inheritech

Anonymous said...

Is that a division of Initech, Carl?

bikesgonewild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bikesgonewild said...

...sad day in that longtime american racing cyclist steve larsen passed away last night @ only 39 years young...

...apparently mr larsen suffered some type of fatal heart problem, although a heart attack was ruled out, while doing a track running exercise...

...this was a man who competed through the years at a championship level on the road, in mountain biking, in cyclocross racing & even as an ironman triathlete...

...& a damn nice guy on top of it all...
...RIP - steve larsen...

Anonymous said...

Jesus, man! 39? That guy was an animal too!

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hillbilly said...

check out the seatpost!
http://www.teamorganicnyc.org/gallery_09_05_17.html

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Cognorant said...

Thursday downer...

Here in Minneapolis yesterday a bicyclist, in a bike lane was hit & killed by a Semi-truck "making a wide left turn". "the truck driver turned into the cycling lane on Park Avenue and crushed the biker". "The driver will not be cited".

http://www.startribune.com/local/45470472.html

Hey...he was hauling concrete...he can't be bothered to look where he's maneuvering his 15 ton load of crap!

The one of the best pieces of advice I ever received was in motorcycle training. "Ride as if you are invisible". I follow that mantra on the bike too(and yes I always wear clothes). although I don't know if it would have helped in the above situation.

ant1 said...

that sucks.

Anonymous said...

bike-themed haiku, meh
tattooed recumbent riders
come and sniff my Brooks

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ken e. said...

"...i come out of a up-tempo handbag advertisement and i have to talk about a cyclist dying..."

and repeat, "that sucks!". going for some quality time with my fenders now. are we going to have a impromptu qi-uz tomorrow?

sufferist said...

I am pro-quiz, but not sure what the format would be.

Maybe something like:

Question text:
1. incorrect answer2. incorrect answer3. correct answer

sufferist said...

Whoops!!!

make that:

Question text:
1.) incorrect answer
2.) incorrect answer
3.) correct answer

grog said...

Sufferist me and LK for a puppy.
Good warm-up for tomorrow's Friday Funk Whiz.

bikesgonewild said...

...go fuck yourself "handbags"...you didn't "drop in to check out" anything but another source of free advertising...take yer shit elsewhere...

...btw, even w/out our vaunted leader present, i think i can say w/ equanimity that that goes for you too, big blog collection...like this site needs any more exposure...how insulting...


...besides, we've got ol' rod 'the mod' stewart if we need 'im...sing it, rod...

..."So what becomes of you my love
When they have finally stripped you of
The handbags and the gladragsThat your Grandad had to sweat so you could buy"
...

...thank you, rod n' hey, mate, you used ta be an 'american idol" until that alleged stomach pumping incident...

...just sayin'...

bikesgonewild said...

...i gotta go skin the proverbial cat but w/ bsnyc/rtms on slaycation somebody, anybody w/ a creative bent oughta pick up the mantle & get working on a "fliday funk whiz"...

...i see sufferist has laid some good groundwork, so you b.s. explanationers need ta pick up the slack...

...snob's out but we staycationers definitely need our intellectual fliday fix...

ant1 said...

BGW - I'd love to get on that but I'm off tomorow. I'll be palping some sweet single track in the georgia mountains.
BULL MTN!

ant1 said...

handbags - rule #1: know your audience. this blog is more of a tea/douchebag kind of place.

bikesgonewild said...

...ant1...sounds like a lotta "bull" to me...oh, hey, i didn't mean yer mountain ride, i meant 'handbags'...

...ride safe, ride smooth n' strong...

red neckerson said...

its my soap and my dick and ill wash it as much as i wants to

bikesgonewild said...

...& if it gains momentum, a suggestion for the always present supplemental "bonus" question which wins the puppy...

...a yes or no answer w/ a simple, brief explanation will suffice...

..."are the inmates capable of running the asylum while director bsnyc is on slaycation ???"...

...my answer ???..."no, not a chance but as inmates forced into a last minute staycation, we give it our best shot...

...just sayin'...

red neckerson said...

soap in my pecker

im withering

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Anonymous said...

Skinny jeans give thigh nerve a painful pinch

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Watch out, hipsters.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Did you mean "lamest" Salman? "Latest ___ ever" is like "freshest sandwich ever". Aren't all sandwiches fresh, for that fleeting moment of freshness?

I need a sandwich.

How's that quiz coming?

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Sorry, "qiuz."

grog said...

Friday Funk Whiz! Just re-take last week's Friday Fun Qiuz. Then go slay some sweet singletrack or that ribbon of highway.

Anonymous said...

Wettest water ever.

Anonymous said...

Fun Friday Quiz:

Question #1:

Who won the maglia rosa at stage 12 time trial at Cinque Terre yesterday?

1.)Lance Armstrong
2.)The Lone Wolf
3.)Denis Menchov
4.)Levi Leipheimer
If you see Larry, guess again. If you see the cute puppy, then blamo, right on!

ringcycles said...

No, no, You have it all wrong snobbie. "Live, Work, Create garbage" is the American mantra. Why would anyone work except to maintain one's lifestyle? And how can one have a lifestyle without accumulating more stuff, and thereby creating garabage (the stuff of ones old lifestyle).

wishiwasmerckx said...

I want to be commenter 300, but I fear retaliation if I post 13 straight entries in order to claim that coveted spot.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Then again, maybe not.

wishiwasamerckx said...

Everybody probably already thinks I'm a dick anyways.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Wait, how many is that?

wishiwasmerckx said...

O.K., I'll stop now.

wishiwasmerckx said...

You have to admit, that was a pretty good leadout.

Tortoise said...

I guess everyone is sleeping.

Tortoise said...

step

Tortoise said...

step

Tortoise said...

step

Tortoise said...

step

Tortoise said...

step

Renders Fenders Moot said...

300!

Tortoise said...

shit

Tortoise said...

shit

Tortoise said...

shit.

grog said...

amazing douchebag drama.
gone riding.

Anonymous said...

Fun Friday Quiz:

Question #2 (This one will take some thought and research):

If you take the number of Giro d'Italia + the number of Volta a Catalunya + the number of Tour de l'Aude and minus the most number of days that any person has held the Green Jersey in the Tour of California, what number do you get?

1.) 187
2.) 256
3.) Exactly Pi
4.) 200
If your guess is incorrect, then you will see Larry King's mug shot (from when he was arrested). If your guess is correct, then it's cute puppy time.

Bonus question:
Who holds the title of most days in the Green Jersey in the Tour of California?

I admit this is a poor stand-in for our regularly scheduled content, but then "meh".....

Unknown said...

i dont even own a bike and i always get a good laugh from this site. good work

Anonymous said...

come back!!!!!

bikesgonewild said...

---FRIDAY FUN FACTS---
...(mixing up the quiz biz)...

...sir cumference sez...pi is fun to play with...
...hey kids...did you know that every time yer bicycle wheel goes around 3.1415926535897932384626433
8327950288419716939937510
times that you're a pi maker...it's a true fun fact so remember that number kids...

......today's WORD JUMBLE has been canceled because it was taking to long to mix up the letters in: antidisestablishmentarianism...
...sorry about that one...


...now it's time for bsnyc's version of WHERE'S WALDO...if anyone can correctly guess WHERE'S SNOBBO ON SLAYCATION they can win that cute little puppy...the winner, upon verification by bsnys/rtms will be presented the puppy, live on the "larry king show"...

...have a memorable 'memorial day' weekend...

ken e. said...

nice work on the LKMS "kaui-ooze"

can't think, gonna go with
"puppy, puppy, puppy..."

sufferist said...

Fun Friday Quiz:

Question #3:

This blog is:

1.) MSHB (Men Seeking Hand Bags)
2.) A place to announce your own blog
3.) The Best
4.) Martha Stewart's real passion
If your guess is incorrect, then you will see Larry King's mug shot (from when he was arrested). If your guess is correct, then it's cute puppy time.

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, didn't Snob go to Florida, G-d's waiting room, to see his Bubbie and his Zaidie?

bikesgonewild said...

...hey...florida, smorida...what da i know ???...

None said...

313. Or E1E in a mirror.

sufferist said...

Fun Friday Quiz:

Question #4:

How much does an annual subscription to Rouleur Magazine (4 issues) cost. Assuming today's Pound to Dollar exchange rate.

1.)$12.50 (and it helps send a kid to college)
2.)$54.10
3.)$1500
4.)1.7 pair of Rapha winter socks
If you are incorrect, naked Lance. If you are correct, then go ahead and place your order.

Emily said...

Question: Do you palp bruises or rock them? ;D Perhaps you avoid them, as I should have more deftly avoided the hole in the road.

sufferist said...

I think that you can palp a bruise from a rock, but you cannot rock a bruise from a palp (unless of course someone is palping you incorrectly, which would technically not be a palp and more of a strong rub).

Hope this helps....

Anonymous said...

Emily, I'm going to with rocking a bruise and, perhaps, palping road rash. I happen to be doing both since I too hit the deck. Yesterday, hard too.

bikesgonewild said...

...consider yerselves lucky w/ a few bruises, ladies...

...when jolene sez she "hit the deck", that means it's fleet week & she just made a lotta sailors happy...

...the thought of that'll palp yer senses & rock yer socks...

Luck E. Seven said...

Emily & Frilly,

You are both SPORTING bruises and road rash. Broken appendages are rocked. Broken components/bikes are slayed. Time to heal is palped.

Chicks with scars are HOT.


A

wishiwasmerckx said...

Strippers with bullet holes are hot.

Emily said...

"Sporting!" It's so easy XD I'm glad I don't have to rock any broken bones, although I am pretty sore and I did slay my front light. Just glad no cars ran me (or my ride) down on the overpass.

bikesgonewild said...

...monday morning: no snob yet but counting down...brewed up & slayed a cup o' tea & pulped & palped some oj...

...ready to rock !!!...

Anonymous said...

I realized my days suck when they don't start off with a proper bikesnob post. :( I miss you!

g said...

last1st?

Anonymous said...

Luck E., I'm sporting so many friggin' bruises right now that I look like a dalmation.

Anonymous said...

woof,woof

suomynonA said...

foow,foow

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