![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPavyZpN5sjvsg2cxfuLpUkOb0k1h8xqKvgZwIKrnI1w1tNE_yAYgmlnbkiFkFlwxoOehVZMuc3mOzKO4LhOSTpjHNUyfiK7C66qemBZXsq9RS5V0J8ZGYnYOH9-q53S9C2OquiqRIphNm/s400/keo.jpg)
"I feel totally different when I ride an aluminum bike...I feel like a robot...There's always like a jagged edge, or like a sharp edge and stuff.
"If you can imagine like a trick being like a circle or a square...you know, riding an aluminum track bike is more like doing tricks and producing a square feel or something like that and then the steel one would draw a circle. Steel is real. "
I agree that steel is real, though foolishly I thought aluminum was also real until I heard this. I rub an aluminum bike sometimes, so I was interested to learn that it not only is imaginary but also produces "a square feel," since it always seemed to be as circular as any other bike I rub. I wonder what shapes the other materials make. My guess is carbon fiber (also known as "crabon fribé") produces a triquetra, and titanium makes a rhombus. Anyway, at least his analysis would explain why every time I get off my aluminum bike I do this.
Speaking of steel's intrinsically circular reality, I was very fortunate to receive a book from Rizzoli publishers recently called "The Golden Age of Handbuilt Bicycles":
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZJvrrJwYhIgE3RoLNZ225xJu4HKs33nRtgbHX_o38QoE9D9-2FwxFcJQGSjcDBPff374ncuw-pG1ZAqMt_1oFICFEVY9a99vnC_TKvIcB4Hd1aEKtfPa7DSr8CVu3cCFD_6GewVIFgbeM/s400/Rizzoli+New+York+%7C+Catalog+%7C+The+Golden+Age+of+Handbuilt+Bicycles+by+Jan+Heine+with+photography+by+Jean-Pierre+Praderes.jpg)
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTUrZaefEJcg3qHaTRPOI14AkSkxSq0TeWJ_eLrMcX-SngCdZTFnC5O_8tHBZRhfWT2YBnutbWYPZZPxE5-od0D43SCZkEFvH1fojxmYndXmjOds_cRakxXdxtJ8sFcOh9LxistllOCX1B/s400/COG+magazine+%7C+Issue+05.jpg)
While I generally feel conflicted about reviewing products, I don't feel conflicted about reviewing books. There's just something so earnest about them, especially now that you can read stuff and look at pictures in so many other ways that don't require paper (or even money). In a way, books have become little shivering chihuahuas caught in a blizzard of new media, and that makes me feel sorry for them. So I figured the least I could do was pit these two books books against each-other in a no-holds-barred product shootout. Here they are, side by side:
Both books feature similar construction. They have a spine and covers between which are pages, and they both pass on modern materials like carbon fiber in favor of the more traditional paper. However, there are two crucial differences. Firstly, TGAOHB has a removable "dust jacket," which is kind of like a top tube pad for books, whereas TCMPA uses an "integrated" cover which is non-removable and non-serviceable. Secondly, TGAOHB is taller than it is wide, and TCMPA is wider than it is tall. However, paradoxically, both of them are nearly the same size, as you can see from this photo of TCMPA humping TGAOHB:
If you're wondering how big these books actually are, the Rizzoli site does include geometry, but unless you're a trained book technician those numbers aren't going to make any sense to you. (They certainly don't to me). And until humankind agrees on some sort of universal standard for measurement, the best I can do is tell you that they are slightly larger than a "Mega Brows" disguise kit:
I'm not going to go into a lot of unnecessary detail regarding this test, but I will say that both books performed admirably and sat comfortably on the lap. However, TCMPA did nip TGAOHB at the line. This was due to TCMPA's wider layout, which was decidedly more lap-friendly, as well as its lighter weight. At first, I was puzzled as to why TGAOHB was so much heavier, but once the "restroom test" was over I inspected both books more closely:
As you can see, TGAOHB is considerably thicker than TCMPA. In fact, it's almost as thick as TCMPA plus a DVD of "Strange Brew." However, this alone should not sway you towards TCMPA. Keep in mind that, when it comes to books, added weight also comes with more content. And more content is sometimes a good thing. Simply put, it all comes down to what's more important to you. If you want a lightweight book that's highly "flickable" and can handle the most technical bathroom course, the edge goes to TCMPA. However, if you want something that's slightly overbuilt and you value longer, slower reads over more competitive ones, you'll almost certainly be happier with TGAOHB.
So what of that content? Well, both books consist of a very different "content layup":
Also, the bicycles that are pictured in the books are quite different as well. TCMPA features mainly (but not exclusively) fixed-gear bicycles, though it shows them being used in a variety of ways, such as in alleycats, in keirin races, for freestyle, for polo, and so forth. TGAOHB on the other hand depicts geared bicycles. Incidentally, many of the "words" contained in TGAOHB are very interesting, as is the technology that many of these old bikes employ. The old gear-changing systems are particularly fascinating. Basically, TCMPA illustrates the absurd length riders go through not to shift, whereas TGAOHB illustrates the absurd lengths people once went through in order to be able to shift.
Of course, when it comes to books with pictures one of the most important factors is coffee table appeal. Well, either will look great on yours. It all comes down to who your guests are and what kind of table you have. If your guests wear Vans and tattoos and show up on fixed-gears, and your coffee table generally has canned beer, stale Fritos, and a bong on it (or you use an upside-down box in lieu of a coffee table) you'll probably prefer TCMPA. However, if you not only own a coffee table, but it also has a story behind it, and if your friends show up on lugged bikes that also have stories behind them, and they bring wine, cheese, and grapes in their handlebar bags and tell even more boring stories, you should probably go with the TGAOHB.
But both made me feel like I was drawing a circle, and neither made me feel like a robot. Paper is real.
129 comments:
Holy rolling pie plate.
Podium?
Woot!
podium
shit. beat in the sprint
podes!
Ok, ok, I confess, I need to read the post now.
PODI UMHO
Top Ten YO
top 10
SLAYER BAND WAGON???
SUCK MY TEST TICKLE!!!
Top 15!!
not bad. it's the light saving time that helps!
Heh, heh. The author's name is Yon Heinie. Heh, heh.
damn that was good. what shapes are drawn by the ever popular aluminum w/crabon fork?
I never read the post.
I love strange brew
Woot! Woot!
Are blogs real?
If "steel is real" why do all the FGF have a chubby over the Pista Concept?
this comment board makes me feel like a rectangle, but I think the podium would have made me feel like a point on a misshaped triangle...or a triangle taking a step forward, or a diamond hiking up its skirt while taking a step, or possibly a rhombus with identity problems, I don't know. Go ask your mother.
21
One of my biggest fears as a member of the bicycling community is that I will be locked in a room with another cyclist and forced to listen to their cycling anecdotes.
Luckily, the fixter wouldn't speak to me so that's cool, but if he did speak I would feel rabidly superior.
When my fellow tourist speaks, my brain goes numb and I feel very old, near death, like riding in eastern New Mexico on a stretch of flat desert highway pedaling in a straight line for 300 miles.
TGAOHB illustrates the absurd lengths people once went through in order to be able to shift
Did you see that awesome bike in there where one pedals backwards to ride in a different gear?
Nice use of fruit.
zOMFG, that "Arnold Robot Dance" video is hilarious! And strangely compelling. I thought I would bail after 20 or so seconds, but I found I couldn't stop watching...
Snob-Arnold Robot? wtf?
Too many muscles. Yes, I really did just say that.
Best book review I've read all day.
I do have a coffee table, but not a bong. No stale fritos, but a couple bits of feta from lunch. Books on said table are "The Beatles" by Hunter Davies and "The Vital South" by Earl and Merle Black. So I'm confused about which book I should buy, but not half as much confused as I am about these "friends" I'm supposed to have. Hell, I'm a roadie who rides in rural NC. I ride a bike to get away from people. Now I'm supposed to invite them over?
Sheesh.
Did anyone else start to get a stiffie watching that robot guy?
So, Snob, how was your Hadassah meeting last night?
I'm riding imaginary bikes! Wonder if the bank only imagined the coin I flipped for each as well?
Interesting product shootout, but your analysis left me somewhat uniformed as product shootouts go. For instance, which did you favor for it's laterally stiff yet vertically compliant feel? Was there one book that made all others before it obsolete? Which descended like a flaming helper monkey on rails?
The bathroom and coffee table contexts were indeed informative, but how does each shake out on the streets? Were there specific components that you questioned the use of and saw as opportunities for upgrading? Finally, on a scale of burning bonfires with 5 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, how did these two rate?
Always appreciative,
A
Er, "uninformed" in spite of being "uniformed". Helper monkey on break.
A
I couldn't help but notice that the books were photographed against Austrailan pure wool carpet, upwards of $60.00/sq. yd. None of that tract-home bi-level shag for the Snob. This suggests a higher-rent neighborhood than Snob would have us believe. Thankfully, there was no accompanying picture of the gold-plated toilet/bidet from the other part of the test.
"I don't like men with too many muscles."
"I didn't make him...for you!"
Which book should I get if my friends show up with beer and chicken wings and my coffee table has a story, but only has footprints on it? I can't put books on the coffee table or the dog puts slobber and nose prints all over them.
So Snobby, you think you'll fool us with your eyebrow disguises eh?
And that robot video was oddly compelling indeed. Hypnotic almost. And funny.
>>>Paper is real.
Yes it is. In fact, it is superior to crabon fiber, aluminum, steel, titanium, cubic zirconia, lacquered bamboo, adamantium, and the melted then recycled hips of all the old people who have aimed Buicks at me on the road, if you're looking to do some writing. Some people would even offer up thin bits of leather, papyrus and other reeds, or paper made from the skin of my enemies as I drove them before me as good writing surfaces, but all pale next to paper. Not only are the edges laterally stiff, but if you find yourself in a situation where bending the paper becomes necessary - y'know, writing a letter, or attending Origami class or something - you'd find its vertical compliance to be delightful. Yet there are some people who insist on writing on traditional materials; they would argue that 531 tubing is superior to 529, and that if you double butt the tubing and use a Montblanc fountain pen with a medium brass nib, #7 ink and match the tubes to classic Nervex lugs, that the writing is nearly legible. But only a true purist would know that nothing beats 30% cotton bond paper as the ultimate all-around writing surface. Sure, some materials climb better and others are more rigid in a sprint, but paper beats them all.
Well, except for matchstick bikes, which totally kick papers' ass, for reasons I'd rather not identify here.
JPB--digging the Rocky Horror reference.
Dammit Janet go get screwed!
I am most excited that Snob learned how to use the auto-focus deature on the camera.
"Oh Brad"
"Oh shit!"
Nice socks, Frilly.
Dammit, 2 months without a comment and then a freaking typo.
feature.
I'm very disappointed that you had to stop juggling to take the photo. Does this mean you also need to stop riding to drink from your water bottle or enjoy a bit of BSNYC/RTMS Energy Substance? I expected a higher skill level as you are rubbing/rocking these books.
Is the Mega Brows kit to help you with your anonymity? If so, I recommend the orange ones in the middle - not just becuase the look totally real, but they are also menacing and will make you look unapproachable (also good when when in movie theatres.)
No holds barred? Not even one hold is barred?
That's Ikea rug! I got a dirty one here.
Toxteth,
I actually wanted "Weary Portuguese" brows but the closest thing I could find was "Angry Scotsman." I was thinking of going with those on the brows and then using the "Unibrow" as a mustache.
--RTMS
Now I know why whenever I get off an aluminum bike I have an urge to square dance (not like a robot).
Are books the P-fars of information? Is an Iphone a Cervelo P3? A CB radio a recumbent?
It's a good thing this Keo Curry fellow lives in Seattle, as his keffiyeh would surely offend the Twelve tribes along the great hipster silk route.
My Epistemological knowledge of reality says Keo's wheelies are pretty dull indeed. But He's a stand up dude, been riding bikes for a really long blah
Hot damn: well into a year at this, and that post tops any that came before. That made my miserable day.
http://www.squarewheels.com/graphics/tourduh.gif
Wait...wait...wait. What material are the Mega Brows composed of? Because they look pretty real from here.
I really wish the reviewer had addressed the lateral stiffness/vertical compliance of the two products
ahhhh. i did NOT like the arnold robot... i was EATING. you should have said NSFW or "risky! beware of shiny muscles!" or something. ew.
i need to cleanse myself. ...hm, in googling something to cleanse this turned up... http://www.weirdspot.com/index.php/weblog/2005/03/ i odn't know if i feel better.
j
Nice work BS. I'm assuming the rug you use to display the books on really ties the room together.
Oh and thanks for the meatman robot vid. I just got fired because of it.
Time to go bowling.
"A narrow tongue of warm air may snake its way up between the two fronts and give northeastern New Jersey and the western portions of the city a quick licking."
when did forecasts get so saucy?
Man, now I'm going to have to take my copy of the Cog picture book out of my bathroom...well it has been there since Christmas...I guess there is only so many times I can look at the pictures I looked at dozens of times in the regular issues.
Snob, does that piece of closet Shakesperian drama make you a closet Canadian? I hope so.
you spelled crabon wrong in the paragraph under the side by side photo
you're welcome
Holy Christ, book reviews and eyebrows? Now I'm convinced you and Stevil are the same person.
Snob, if you worked for Tour Magazin in Germany, you would have submitted those two books to EFBe for jig-based strength testing. Meanwhile, you would have been watching the "Strange Brew" DVD in small discussion groups comparing the Mackenzies to Fassbinder.
Nein! Bob ist ein Genie, Doug ist gerade sein Geistessklave! Ja!
And you would have been doing all this while wearing really cool eyeglasses.
Also, from yesterday, I've been thinking about the next big thing, now that fixies are dead.
Amish Skooterz, yoh.
All you English suck my balls.
The Strange Brew reference made my day...
Continuing on with our interior decorating theme, when they say "the carpet doesn't match the drapes," they usually mean that her pubes are not died to match her hair, not that you have orange eyebrows and a black moustache.
oh yeah.. I'm onto something:
Not safe for work.
Porn + Hats + distinctive beards + cheap transportation = culture
I feel totally different when I ride a metal scooter...I feel like a heathen...There's always like a jagged edge, or like a sharp edge and stuff.
"If you can imagine like a trick being like a circle or a square or something else modern...you know, riding an metal scooter is more like doing tricks and producing a square feel or something like that and then the wood one would draw a circle. Wood is real, English.
Commie, all the while wearing red jeans. Also, love the off-road version of the Razor scooter. The Amish porn was an unexpected bonus.
...when it comes to paper products in the bathroom, i prefer 'soft & strong' quilted northern for doing the job...
...'laterally stiff', yet comfortably conforming to those complicated complex compound curves...
...'vertically compliant', yet strong enough you'll never worry about poking a finger through...
...i realize that this is totally subjective, kinda like testing different kinds a' bikes but i give 'quilted northern' a 100% approval rating...
...tried, tested & true...
...just sayin'...for customer satisfaction...
BGW ..it really doesn't matter, we're Canadian, Our feces don't smell.
Red jeans, of course, and black turtlneck, but only until 11am, then it's off to the beach for some tanning.
Dammit, Commie, you screwed up my lame Amish porn joke by posting actual Amish porn before I could post the reference to the girl in the bee-keeper outfit as representing Amish porn. Must have had that shit already saved to the "favorites" section of your computer.
Every once and a while I get acid flashbacks that allow me to describe what alloy my downtube is composed of in smells and colors, but not shapes yet. I see you shiver with Dysesthesia... pation.
I bet that TGAOHB, with all that extra weight, is bombproof.
MTV: The Wheel World.
i aint never had a bad blue but i done gots hold of some bad veiners onced
you know what im trying to say
"steel's intrinsically circular reality" I love this line..
A+++
quality poast, will read again...
...commiecanuk...ya, true but(t) you'll notice as an ex-pat, i still like to utilize a product called 'northern' for that daily reminder...
...& amish & mennonite porn ???...wtf...now we know what really got ol' floyd landis off the farm & it obviously wasn't bicycles...
This may be my favorite BSNYC post. Shivering chihuahuas, indeed. Brrrr.
...red neckerson sez..."i done gots hold of some bad veiners onced"...
...ya know red, if ya hang out in the bathroom of a gay club in the big city, well sir, i'm just sayin' that's bound to happen...
Paper covers rock.
Rock smashes scissors.
Scissors cuts paper.
A
Wow. Juggling 6 is pretty badass. I can do 3 and 5, but no 4, 6 or above.
Whoa, hold on! I just recounted the fruit! 7!?!?!?!
You have five arms, you should have been able to juggle AND take the photo at the same time.
...on that note...it's nice to realize that beyond bsnyc/rtms's juggling skills, he & his lady prob'ly didn't suffer from scurvy over the long, cold nyc winter...
...comforting thought, that...
Which book do you feel was most bulletproof?
Many entry-level books can't handle serious reading; usually when I get a new book I have to replace at least the dust jacket and obtain a decent bookmark (tip: sell the old ones on eBay).
I compliment you on your choice of 7 fruits for juggling, snob.
7 pieces of fruit, ah ah ah!
A
I HERD THAT I CAN GET MOR ATENSHUN BY CAPETELISING MY WORDS I MEEN IT I JUST GOT TO SAY ALL THE NERD TALK IS GETTIN ME RILED UP I HATE SMARTY PANTS WHO THINK THEY SO SMARTER THAN I IS BECUSE THEY WENT TO STATE AND LERNT TO MATH AND PLADO AND FILOSFEE SHUT UP CODY AND ME WHO IS MY NEFFEW AND 6 COULD WHUP YOU STILL AND I CANT UNNDERSTAND I GETS MAD
limes=mojitos
yeah jolene i was thinkg the same thing bunch of smart alecky yankees they thinks they knows everthang and they dont knows nothing and to many big dam word to
what i was going to say is that that commiebastard needs to have a special notis about 'not safe even fer the pubic libary' cos when i pulled up that amish porn site the libary lady had a dying duck fit and was going to throw me and ricky out of the libary until i bribed her with a blue and an oxycontin and then she settled right down
then me and ricky fucked her
aw hell no we didnt i jest said that for grins
Snob-
Too bad you used citrus instead of the book light that came with your Snuggie to hold open the books. You could have gotten yet another endorsement plug in there. Unless you're plugging for the CCGA...
C.R.E.A.R.T.M.S.
good to see someone is still gettin free shit, even the well of crap cds from my short stint as critic seems to have dried up....i heard maybe the economy was bad or something?
i would have assumed titanium rode like an ellipse
At first, I was worried that by rocking a keffiyeh, that wheelie guy from Seattle was merely falling victim to the latest obligatory fashion accessory for the young urban revolutionary. However, as I was reading Hamas' Charter during a recent visit to the restroom, I found, right there in the preamble, those proud and defiant words - "steel is real" - followed by some boring stuff about the obliteration of Israel or whatever.
Titanium is hexagonal, same with graphite. Aluminum is cubic, which is based on squares, so Keo was right. Steel, on the other hand is a lattice and more complex, so i guess a circle is close enough.
Book book!
Book book!
...it was my assumption (ya, ya, i know...never assume anything) that bsnyc/rtms showed great prescience in his choice of ascribing appropriate symbols...
...crabon fribe' = triquetra 'cuz of the woven pattern of the material & the woven nature of the symbol...
...& titanium = rhombus 'cuz a rhombus is just a lazy diamond, lying on it's side & diamonds are hard & titanium is the hardest material used in bicycle frame building so therefor bsnyc/rtms just may be an unwitting genius...
...but at least he doesn't have scurvy...
Snobbie,
Did you take those pics on your doormat or your chesterfield? Kind of smooth for a doormat but rough for a chesterfield...
Ironic like I would expect.
-B
You really screwed the pooch on your review - these days, dimensions are always discussed in terms of "stack" and "reach":
http://www.slowtwitch.com/Bike_Fit/Stack_Reach_Primer_Chapter_One_95.html
So, in those terms, TGAOHB would be "short & tall" and TCMPA would be "long & low."
Looking left...
Looking right...
100.
-B
Reading through.
Holy Fuck Jim.
-B
101st
I would really like to see the original TrAkTion video. I didn't see it before it was pulled and changed. Is there a way? I hope so.
I thrive on watching people act douchey
That thing that pisses me off about snobbie's site is that every time you hit on one of Commie's links it takes you straight to the top of the comments went you come back.
The scrolling sucks.
-B
Amen, brother Ben.
Are you shitting me with the 7 pieces of fruit?
I have a cocktail table, so I guess I am fucked either way. Thanks for nothing BSNYC/RTMS!
Agreed - I open links in a new tab (right click to get this option) to avoid this problem.
It's great to see eh good dvd in your collection, you know...makes me want to grab a maple treasure from Tim Horton's.
Oh yeah, and America is Canada's underwear!
Just getting better and better by the post!
Bluenoser- right click, open link in new window or tab. Problem solved.
Snobbie,
As I have told Jim, according to the Encyclopedia of Superstitions, those that have a unibrow will die by hanging.
-B
it was good untill you started on about the "words";otherwise great review-me like shiney pictures of cool fixie stuff--oh yeah "go rub one out"
Even Brooke Shields?!?!? Say it ain't so!
Weight, mass are all I care about and how they would flex the coffee table and bottom brackets. Dimensions are so yesterday and can be fixed with spacers or such. Do I have to go to WeightWeenies to find out this critical piece of info cos I am sure they are debating it at length right now
At normal pressures carbon takes the form of graphite, in which each atom is bonded trigonally to three others in a plane composed of fused hexagonal rings, just like those in aromatic hydrocarbons. The resulting network is 2-dimensional, and the resulting flat sheets are stacked and loosely bonded through weak Van der Waals forces….. just sayin
If I remember correctly Van der Waals was a master on the hills in the late 70's. He was a polarizing figure, partly due to the weak bonds he formed with those around him.
so there's stacks of magazines
everywhere. under the couch. across
the bookcase. top of the microwave.
wedged between the wall & radiator in the crapper (so no one pees on them). everywhere. and i ride my bike everywhere i go. and then i'm gonna go and buy a book to put on my coffee table so we can what?
talk about bikes? fuck no. How about the Golden Age of Midget Porn? Or Cowtipping and Other Midwest Pranks - A Photo Essay.
btw nice Pottery Barn sisal rug, one would assume you indeed own a coordinated coffee table and switch hit books depending if it's your friends or her coworkers coming over.
kind of like a flip flop hub for the coffee table i guess.
Mmmm, AP, meow! I just love it when you talk chemistry. Tell me about that molecular vibration.
Future historians, bookmark this post as the dawn of the of the aluminum fixies' sprint into legitimacy.
A molecular vibration occurs when atoms in a molecule are in periodic motion while the molecule as a whole has constant translational and rotational motion. The frequency of the periodic motion is known as a vibration frequency.
Add some heat and shake and the little buggers get out of their tree
PS went to the soxdoctor and bought some bad kitties... they rock and rub supreme
Van der Waaals actually was from Holland and because there was an absence of hills he was only any good in the flats stages or when the roads were wet. His last appearance was in the Amstel Gold Race where he took a down hill corner too fast and ended up in a confessional of the Church of Seventh Day Cyclists and confessed all of his drug taking to the local monsignor who duly released them to the French press thus ending a bright but comet like career
This is my favorite yet. (I used to be a librarian. Book love and bike love go hand-in-hand in my little world.)
...anon 11:11pm...
...the three r's...readin', 'ritin' n' ridin'...wonderful activities all...
...& that a.p., is one of the great fundamental laws of the universe that i feel fortunate to have had pointed out to me many years ago..."everything has a frequency"...that will go w/ me to the grave (& beyond, when you think about it)...
...& excuse me if i'm interrupting anything...
The only Brownian motion I care about is the kind with THC innit.
"words"
does either book have other colourway options? Can you cut the covers off to save weight, as I personally consider covers to be the mudguards of print media. Sure you get a soggy back in a downpour, but you can now roll the book up and put it in your pocket, which is of course, the bibliophile's version of a gilet.
Just in case you need to go inCOGnito...
And you don't want to be reCOGnized as one of the COGnoscenti.
Kenneth, what is the frequency?
"hey, its Rosie leRose"
"sorry about the nervous breakdown Rosie"
Post a Comment