Friday, March 6, 2009

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Well, I'm very excited to report that I've heard back from Aurumania, makers of the Gold Bike Crystal Edition, with regard to my order:

Dear sender,
Thank you very much for your order request on the Gold bike crystal edition. Pls. confirm your request be returning this email.
We will hereafter inform you about the further order process.

Thank you.

Frankly, I was disappointed at being addressed as "sender" when making a transaction at this level, and would have expected more personalized (and fawning) service. Still, my desire to own the Gold Bike Crystal Edition grows stronger with each day, so despite my irritation I dictated the following reply to my helper monkey, Vito:

Dear Bo,

Thank you for your speedy reply. Yes, I am very interested in the Gold Bike Crystal Edition.

As the author of a widely-read cycling blog, I have considerable experience with exotic theme bikes and recently reviewed the Scattante Empire State Courier from luxury retailer Performance. Though I'm very selective about which products I review, I would be willing to test the Gold Bike Crystal Edition because, like the Scattante, I feel it is truly something special.

I will evaluate the White Glove Service experience as well as the appearance, craftsmanship, and ride quality of the bicycle itself. As a bicycle commuter, I'm also particularly interested in using the Gold Bike Crystal Edition in this capacity and seeing how the gold finish and Swarovski crystals withstand the rigors of inclement weather, frequent locking, etc. Another possibility would be to test the Gold Bike Crystal Edition alongside a silver bike and a bronze bike in a "Precious Metal Bike Shootout." In either case, I have no doubt that if the bicycle is half as beautiful as it appears on your website my favorable review will be worth its weight in gold to your company!

Please confirm your interest and we can work out the details. I look forward to receiving your reply, and I'm happy to answer any questions you may have.

All best,


I'm confident that this should do the trick. But just in case it doesn't, I have both a "plan B" and a "plan C." Plan B came to me when I stumbled upon this ad:

WTB Surly Long Haul Trucker LHT - $1000000 (anywhere)
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-03-05, 1:28PM EST

im looking for either a 60 or 62cm Surly LHT complete or frame and fork. Condition isnt much of an issue. Willing to pay cash or trade or both. I have some fixxed gear stuff... call 413 210 [deleted] or email me.

This is nothing less than a godsend! This person is willing to pay one million dollars for a Surly Long Haul Trucker! A quick visit to a popular search engine reveals that you can buy a brand new, complete LHT for like $1,000. So all I need to do is buy the LHT and sell it to this guy. For a relatively small $1,000 investment I'll make a net profit of $999,000! So even if I'm forced to actually pay for the Gold Bike Crystal Edition I'll still wind up with $899,000. And that means just one thing: major upgrades.

Plan C is a little more speculative, but I still think there's potential:

This is an Investment Opportunity for Cyclists - $5000 (Greenwich)
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]

Date: 2009-03-01, 10:21AM EST

I'm starting a business in the cycling industry and am seeking help from my fellow cyclists first before heading to the bank for a loan.

As an investor, you will: earn a return on your investment, receive cash bonuses when we reach sales goals, and of course be able to make purchases at wholesale cost for life! The discount alone will pay off your investment if you are a very avid cyclist.

If you are interested reply to this posting. I will give you the details, then forward the Business plan and terms sheet.

Thanks a ton,

I look forward to hearing from you!

I contacted this person awhile back but haven't received a reply. Still, I'm quite sure he's legit, and the possibility that this is some kind of cycling Ponzi scheme never entered my mind. I've even included his contact information in case you'd like to get involved as well. I was thinking that when the dollars start rolling in I'd get myself a Vanilla. However, that seems a little pedestrian. Instead, I think I'll just pay Sacha White himself to carry me around on his shoulders. Why drink bottled water when you can just dunk your head in the spring itself?

In the meantime, I figure I'll pester you with a quiz. As usual, study the item, contemplate the question, and click on your answer. If you're right, you'll not only see the item but you'll also feel good about yourself. If you're wrong, you'll see this guy teach you how to play a Slayer song.

Ride safe this weekend, and whatever you run/rock/rub/roll/slay, run/rock/rub/roll/slay it well.


1) This bike belongs to which professional cyclist?

--Barry Wicks
--Ryan Trebon
--Taylor Phinney
--Francesco Mancebo

2) What's not a crime?

--Riding brakeless
--Braking rideless
--Rocking a p-far

3) Where was this photo taken?

--Stockholm, Sweden
--Oslo, Norway
--Park Slope, Brooklyn
--Equatorial Guinea

4) In which US state was this massive carcake spotted?

--New York

5) Where can you purchase this Schwinn Varsity conversion complete with stem-mounted shifters set up as brake levers?

--Indianapolis, IN
--Portland, OR
--Portland, ME
--Brooklyn, NY

6) Fill in the blank:

"Our goal is to make a significant contribution to the equipment and culture of urban cycling. This is not a cash in, this is not a fad, this our life, our love, our community and our dream. We are a company of riders making products for other riders. We share a lifelong passion for the machines, the people who ride them, and the positive changes both can effect in this world.

Long live track bikes, long live single speeds, long live bicycle culture, long live _______."

--Milwaukee Bicycle Co.
--Mission Bicycle
--Soma Fabrications

7) Where can you buy this tall bike, and for how much?

--Nowhere and for no price. Outlaw bike culture is not for sale.
--Portland, OR Craigslist, $75
--Affinity Cycles in Brooklyn, NY, $650
--Sotheby's auction house, $24,000

8) What's wrong with this locking job?

--When locking your bicycle by its cable housing, always use a u-lock
--The owner only passed the lock through one of the cables instead of all three
--That sweet front reflector is completely unsecured
--All of the above

***Special delusional roadie bonus training question!***

You're an amateur bike racer setting up your new power meter. According to coach Frank Overton, which of the following is not a place he recommends going for a 20-minute field test to "determine your power at threshold"?

--Boulder Colorado: Flagstaff Road
--Tuscany: the Monte Serra
--San Diego: Mt. Palomar
--Arizona: Mt. Lemmon
--Your local climb


Anonymous said...

word up!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Anonymous said...

top 10???

Anonymous said...


Del & Sarah Wislocki said...

top ten!

Anonymous said...

in a funny way it's anonymous

Chris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

1 out of 8 correct on the quiz, plus some sort of embarrassing "redemption" answering the bonus correctly.

It's like 10th grade all over again.

Anonymous said...

"Pls. confirm your request be returning this email.

I understand that Bo's native tongue is Dane, but a typo and an abbreviation and an auto-reply for a gold plated bike is gaudy.

(podium for 1st real comment)

Aleks Slota said...


Anonymous said...


Luck E. 7 said...

Pass 1st!


Anonymous said...

That's not a Carcake, it's a Carkini.

Anonymous said...

Is it Friday already?

Anonymous said...

what, it's friday?

Anonymous said...

Here's a better way to profit from the gold bike: Buy it at face value, place it in the self-addressed envelope to CA$H 4 GOLD and get a check for $300,800 (based on a 20 lb. bike and $940 an ounce for gold).

mono_vs_stereo said...

Top 20?

mono_vs_stereo said...

Top 25. Hah. Damn lag.

Still better than any of my race results from last season.

Anonymous said...

I believe that you forgot to include copper in your proposed "Precious Metal Bike Shootout." Thankfully, one of the the builders at the NAHMBS is looking out for you. While I am sure it would still cost you a pretty penny, I bet the copper bike goes for less than $100,000.

hillbilly said...

flat x2 on the way into work, woohoo!!!

Anonymous said...

It looks like fixed-gear hipsters aren't the only ones on the revolutionary vanguard these days. The Slayer dude appears to be rocking photos of both Che and Marx on the wall of his pad. I'm relieved that the revolution is in capable hands.

Will Handsfield said...

Mid Pack!

Anonymous said...

Revolutions are so 20th century...

Blah blah blah hegemony blah blah oppression blah blah

Anonymous said...

That lamplighter's bicycle lights my lamp big time. Functional and pretty. $24000 is a bargain.

Anonymous said...

Got so many wrong I figured I might as well go get my guitar, only to find that I used the E and A strings for my top tube-mounted brake levers (patent applied for). And what happened to my G string...

Anonymous said...

Re: quiz item #5. What in god's name is wrong with this world when some douchebag thinks that his piece-of-shit Schwinn Varsity fixie conversion with illogical brake levers and badly taped cowhorns is worth $250? When will the insanity end? Moreover, if anyone pays anywhere near the asking price for that bike, I am personally going to hunt that person down and give him/her an atomic wedgie.

LK said...

Wow! What a great idea, I'm gonna become a Lamplighter!

CommieCanuck said...

RTMS, there must be a way to hookup Aurumania payment to Sese Conseco's wife's estate or Nigeria's Chief Henry Madu.

I'm trying to do it with my Spanish lottery winnings. That's also how I'm paying for the Mehvici AE.

You been missing out on the Velonews Swinging singles. Stories at the NHABS. It inspired me to get a singlespeed. I searched "adult" and "swinging singles" on the internet. I found a cool website.

I don't think it's Craigslist.

Anonymous said...

According to Sotheby's, the giraffe cycle has been SOLD, and thus, in fact, answer A) for #7 is the correct one:
--Nowhere and for no price. Outlaw bike culture is not for sale.

You owe me one correct answer credit for next week.

CommieCanuck said...

anon 1:05,

Didn't you see Rush Limbaugh's speech this week? He wants people to be rich and happy. This isn't going to happen selling shitty Schwinn's for what they're worth. Think NEW ECONOMY.

Crap bike + New bar tape + Craigslist = freedom.

Anonymous said...

Went up Flagstaff on Monday. Sunny and 70'

Anonymous said...

pack phil - do i have to say it? yes?

fine. that's what she said.

Anonymous said...

Pack Phil--I think Red gave it to Jolene for her birthday.

Anonymous said...

Trapped in purgatory
A lifeless object, alive
Awaiting reprisal
Death will be their acquisition

The sky is turning red
Return to power draws near
Fall into me, the sky's crimson tears
Abolish the rules made of stone

Pierced from below, souls of my treacherous past
Betrayed by many, now ornaments dripping above

Awaiting the hour of reprisal
Your time slips away

Raining blood
From a lacerated sky
Bleeding its horror
Creating my structure
Now I shall reign in blood!

broomie said...

Well, I guess I'm going to have get up extra early to drive the 60 minutes to Mt Palomar to get my Monday morning ride in before work. Thanks for the tip, Frank!

broomie said...


Unless I am mistaken, gold is valued in Troy ounces which is 18 to the pound, putting the value of the bike at closer to $338,400. Wouldn't you have been embarassed when you returned the extra $38K thinking you had been overpaid!

Anonymous said...

Pierce doesn't work as an adjective, I realize that.

I'd like to introduce "pierce", the verb, as street slang for the weekend. With my Friday podium cred, I'm sure some of you stragglers will get on board.

Piercin' it.

1. One can pierce a headwind.

2. A lone wolf cyclist can pierce the collective psychic aura of a particular clique of the local cycling community.

3. A component can be piercin' in it's quality/cost/glitter.

4. A cyclist participation in a group ride/event/social activity.
"I was piercin' it with the Mission Street Bike Ninjas last night at the SF Eagle."

5. And of course, pierce can be substituted for puncture.
"Pierced bicycle on a hillside desolate..."

I realize that urban slang must be introduced into the vernacular with an unspoken acceptance, but I don't have time for that.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and Satanic Slayer Fan,

thank you for piercing from below.

That's what Pack Phil said...

Anonymous said...

Oslo, All-City, Sotheby's..? BS man this isn't even fun, I quit.

Not RM~

bikesgonewild said...

...i overheard ricky sayin' that jolene has a pierced brosnan...

...hey...i don't make this stuff up...i'm just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

"Hey, I found my G string!" TWSS

Anonymous said...

Speaking of pierce ... don't let Slayer have all the fun:

Blood to water
Water to wine
Whip the soul 'til a mother cries
Bring it down
Pierce the side
Start the legend w/a funeral rite

Anonymous said...

Fuck Slayer..woosies.

You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools,
But that's the way I like it baby,
I don't wanna live forever,
And Don't Forget The Joker

Pushing up the ante, I know you've got to see me,
Read 'em and weep, the dead man's hand again,
I see it in your eyes, take one look and die,
The only thing you see, you know it's gonna be,
The Ace Of Spades
The Ace Of Spades

Anonymous said...

why, oh why, post song lyrics? i never get that. hows about just writing them for all to see on your cool Pee-Chee?

Anonymous said...

SLAYER would pierce Danzig and Lemmy's nuts together.

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't the lamplighter bike have a chain that was 6X longer than standard? Wouldn't the distance between the crank and cog be about 3X greater? You would think Mr. Sotheby would know better.

10000 aches said...

Yes snobbie, cut to the chase and have Sasha give you a piggy back ride! I'm still snickering at the thought.

Should be nice weather for riding this weekend in MN - yeah!!

Anonymous said...

Speaking of Rush Limbaugh (looking at you commie), apparently he declared war:

Anonymous said...

My Dearest BSNYC/RTMS,

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Prince Mbele (of Mbele) of Nigeria. Former Prince I should say as I was last year deposed from my rightful place as Prince of the Lower Lokoja peoples. My vast fortune sits in a bank in Lagos while I am in need of the smallest of favors from you. What my heart desires above all is a bicycle. Not just any bicycle, but a Surly Long Haul Trucker. Oh the fun we had as children on our two wheeled dream machines! It is those innocent days that I wish to relive - before the rebel camps encroached and the fighting began. When it was just me and my 34 brides carefree in the sunshine and breeze! For this simple favor, I will pay the tidy sum of $1000000 to you if you provide me the bank account information so that I can wire the money directly to you. I would send a check, but the rebels have my checkbooks - and pens, but with a phone call to my faithful simian assistant (who stays by my side throughout my disgrace without question) I can have the moneys in your account within 24 hours! With this simple favor, you will be rewarded with enough money to buy your cherished gold plated two-wheeler! Please help!

Your faithful reader,
Prince Mbele (of Mbele)

Anonymous said...

Prince Mbele, I feel for you, I really do, But I think that you have a small typo in your post. You wrote that you can have the MONEYS in your account. I'm sure you meant MONKEYS.

Chria said...

Regarding the bonus question: "If you have a steady 3-8 percent grade climb that lasts for 20 minutes, that is my first preference for athletes." Doesn't that sound like he's recommending your local climb? He also says "and hundreds of others scattered throughout the world." I get extra extra bonus points for invalidating your question!

Anonymous said...

I believe that you forgot to include copper in your proposed "Precious Metal Bike Shootout." Thankfully, one of the the builders at the NAHMBS is looking out for you.

THAT would be Erik Noren of Peacock Groove. Copper over the topper.

Say "NAABS" - there's no "M" (and the "H" is silent). Sorta like the "L" in "AOL" would be redundant.

BikeSnobNYC said...

drmarcj and Chria,

Good points. OK, you get full credit for those. Though you're still that much closer to being able to play "Raining Blood."


Anonymous said...

Or saying "machine" after "ATM".

Anonymous said...


agent detroit said...

i already have the silver bike...

Anonymous said...

It seems to me that an $100,000 bicycle would have a nicer saddle than I have on mine.

They couldn't spring for the ostrich hide?

Anonymous said...

"Anonymous said...

Wouldn't the lamplighter bike have a chain that was 6X longer than standard? Wouldn't the distance between the crank and cog be about 3X greater? You would think Mr. Sotheby would know better.

March 6, 2009 4:03 PM"

By this logic, a standard bicycle would have a chain that is twice as long as a standard bicycle.

Unknown said...


that was funny.

Anonymous said...

Yeah well:

Anonymous said...


Leave The Princess Bride characters out of this.

Anonymous said...

A little something to marinade on this weekend:

Bluenoser said...

Jolene scrubbed and scrubbed but just can't get that Red off her back.


Anonymous said...

Heh, I knew that was a Lamplighter from BITD...

Anonymous said...

hey jolene them yankees is talking bout lots of money but you and me know that it caint by whats important in this life especially since you give it me for nuthing anyway so i rote this little song for you actually copied it of the net the libary lady tolt me about this one

Have you ever seen a sign "True love for sale"?
Have you ever ordered kisses thru the mail?
Well if you have I know that you'll agree
That love ain't worth a dime unless it's free

i swear i think thats the most beautiful thing i ever hert

by the way i been feeding ricky metromusil and eemodiums for like three weeks and he more plugged up than hogans goat and when he takes a dump its gonna take a chain saw to fulsh it down so make sure you gots the batteries to yor camcorder charged up so we can send it to the pubic bodcasting system

Anonymous said...

the schwinn is the sickest thing i have ever seen.

Anonymous said...


Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

The gold bike is an obvious bargain what with the price of gold these days.

But to raise money for this investment, I suggest selling Seal of Disapproval T Shirts with the slogan:

"My Power Meter Went To Tuscany and All I Got Was This Lounging Smock."

On an unrelated note, I can't say I'm impressed with Sotheby's legendary marketing acumen. Who would order a bike without knowing the frame size?

Anonymous said...

Anyone that thinks riding in traffic is dangerous should try riding in Prospect or Central park this weekend...

Anonymous said...

i've done all 3 this weekend, traffic still the worst, though if you had included bklyn bridge....

Anonymous said...

well damm i never thot id say something this damm retarded but yesterday i was out riding my bike and like one of rickys giant turds i dropped a chain off my cassette and i dont rub no dork disk so the chain gots stuck in the spokes and i was going purdy fast and the rear tire just skidded along the road and it left two big black patches behinds me one from the tire and one from all the shit that i was dumping at the moment

and youknow what it was purdy cool so i mights just by me a fixie and go back again and do it on purpose you know go into a power skid and praying my rims dont melt befor the bike stops

except next time im getting jim bob joe bob billy bob ricky and jolene along side of the road and im yelling out

holt my beer and watch this

Anonymous said...

Affinity may have trendy fixter photo shoots and a silly MOSTERTRACK X bike in the window, but the couple of times i've gone in there to get boring stuff like patch kits, the employees were actually friendly and not 2-kewl-4-skool. Unlike some of the other track boutiques in the city (you know who you are!)

panino said...

I'm so psyched up that I could win monday sprint. Instead I'm last on fridays.
how bad is that?

Johann S said...

Last! No, really!

Ride Magnetic said...

"Long live Made in Taiwan"

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