Monday, July 16, 2007

New Fixed-Gear Bicycle Owner's Manual

For the most part I like off-the-rack track bikes. More inexpensive entry-level anything is a good thing. It's what a lot of people are doing with these bikes that's infuriating. And manufacturers have followed suit by blithely dismissing brakes on their websites, festooning their bikes with graffiti, and naming models after trendy neighborhoods. Look to find something like this hanging off the bars at your LBS soon:

New Fixed-Gear Bicycle Owner's Manual

Contratulations on the purchase of your Bianchi Pista/Specialized Langster/Cannondale Capo/Jamis Sputnik or similar. Your new bicycle should give you many days of enjoyment until you tire of it for aesthetic reasons and list it on Craigslist for the full retail price in order to help fund the purchase of an NJS-certified keirin bike, a vintage Fender Telecaster, or your move to another, trendier city.

Until that moment arrives, here are some things you need to know in order to get the most enjoyment out of your new toy:

A Note on the Fixed Gear Drivetrain

Your bicycle is equipped with a fixed gear drivetrain. For this reason you may want to alter your riding style accordingly. Firstly, ride slowly. Very slowly. This is the best way to avoid obstacles. When riding with friends on city streets, in bike lanes, or in parks, it is acceptable to disregard the flow of car or bicycle traffic and ride in whichever direction you choose. Slowly. If you find yourself traveling in the same direction as traffic and encounter an intersection with a red light or turning vehicle and are unable to stop, simply turn right. Riding around the block will eventually put you back on course and save you embarrassment and injury. In fact, did you know it's possible to get to any point on an urban street grid using only right turns? Well, it is. And it's safe and fun! Remember this acronym: AAL (Always Avoid Lefts).

Furthermore, your drivetrain enables you to enjoy your bicycle without having to actually ride it more than a few feet at a time. Fun things to try include: skidding, skip-stopping, trackstanding, and putting stickers and colorful parts on it.


It is important to begin the process of upgrading your bicycle’s appearance immediately. This can occasionally have the side-effect of improving your bicycle’s performance as well. Fortunately there are increasing numbers of track bicycle boutique shops. These shops dispense with the selection, service, and expertise of old-fashioned bike shops and instead focus on catering to your every candy-colored whim. They can also offer you sound and practical advice. Best of all, they carry lots of cool t-shirts.

Proper Usage

Though the model name or advertising copy for your bicycle may include words like “pista,” “track,” or “entry-level racing,” in no circumstances should you attempt to use your bicycle on or for any of the above. Doing so shall void your warranty.

“Proper Usage” includes: riding slowly to the bike boutique to purchase accessories and clothing; photographing your bike for submission to on-line galleries; participation in ad-hoc skidding contests; and doing track stands for hours outside of the residence of a person you would like to impress.


Your handlebars are wrapped in tape made of synthetic cork. Please note that the purpose of this tape is to protect your bars during shipping. This tape should be removed immediately.

You should be aware that once the tape is removed the bars may be slippery and difficult to grip. If this is the case, remove bars from stem, invert, and re-install. Then, using a hacksaw, cut in the middle of the curved portion until the excess length is removed. Your hands will now be slightly less likely to slip from the bars due to the limited hand position. This is called “flop n’ chop,” and your bicycle is now a gelding.


Depending on make and model, your bicycle may have been shipped with a brake or a pair of brakes pre-installed. These brakes should only be used in emergencies. Once you are comfortable bringing the bicycle to a safe and complete stop without using the brakes, they should be removed and discarded.

The term “safe and complete stop” means bringing the bicycle from 5mph to 0mph in a distance of no more than 50 feet.


Whenever operating your bicycle, safety should be your primary concern. Be sure to have a qualified mechanic install a top-tube pad immediately.
Thanks very much for your purchase, and welcome to the exciting world of track cycling!


TN said...

Those aren't brakes that came on the bike, they are special over-engineerd clips designed to prevent wheel damage during shipping and should be removed immediately.

BikeSnobNYC said...


You're right, my mistake. "Brakes" are the pie-plates of the new millennium...


Anonymous said...

A few websites might be credited with (or blamed for) creating the fixed-gear phenomenon, but this one just might kill it.

Anonymous said...

You left out the part about stealing your sisters pants and roling the legs up.

Anonymous said...

does this come in camouflage?

Anonymous said...

After long deliberation, my whip will be stealth colored.

Anonymous said...

another example of why the rest of the world thinks americans suck!

Anonymous said...

What the hell is the bandanna for?

This one mystifies me.

Prolly said...

Yeah Trackstar is lame and worthy of mindless internet banter.

I mean, they've only returned stolen bikes to their owners. Pffft. Who needs that kind of support in the NYC cycling scene?

BikeSnobNYC said...


I'm sure Trackstar do plenty for local riders and I certainly begrudge nobody who can make an honest livelihood from cycling. I wish them continued success. But if you read the particular item I linked to on their site, you'll find them advising a person who's self-conscious about riding a perfectly good Pista to assuage his insecurity by spending what would amount to something like $1,000 in mostly aesthetic upgrades. I think that justifies a little good-natured ribbing.


Anonymous said...

yay snobby snobby, you do it again. over and over. i like the way it feels. mmmmmm.

Anonymous said...

Bravo once again for stickin' it to the girl-pants-wearin', bandanna-tying hipster doofuses of the world. I wish top tube pads would fall out of favor...I'd like to ensure that future generations of these cretins are curtailed by a good frame-whack to the gonads.

TrackstarNYC=good ; Ask Zach=douche

Art said...

You forgot to mention that the flop and chop bars need to be accompanied by a nose down saddle perched atop a half yard of seat post. Because properly sized frames are for conformists, and you're all rebel.

Anonymous said...

rebel rebel, your bike is a mess........

Anonymous said...

SO, just curious...what the sharp tongued author ride?

.: Chris

Anonymous said...

About top tube pads:

While I appreciate all of the vigor going in to ribbing the hipster/fixed gear trend, I'd like to point out that the top tube pad actually serves a purpose. The top tube is the thinnest main tube on the bike and is most likely to be dented. The top tube pad helps prevent a dent. I'm fine with scratches and all that crap on my bike, I ride it and that's what happens, but I don't really like dents, so I have a pad for that. Good times on this site though Bikesnob, I really do enjoy checking in on you.


Matt (Seattle)

steevo said...

I am following this guide and cant figure out where to get a custom messenger bag with something unique sewn to the back of it? Maybe a transformer or something?
I need it to carry my stickered up nalgene and art supplies to class.
Also, do you know of anything that will stop my lock from chaffing my waistline?

Anonymous said...

It's funny 'cause it's true.

Niki said...

Trackstar is an actual shop and not a boutique. In addition to that, Ask Zach is written pretty much in the same style (and for the same reason) as this site.

BikeSnobNYC said...


Thanks--I may very well be misreading Zach, but in that particular case I'm pretty sure he was saying the way to make peace with owning a Pista is to give it the full "custom" visual overhaul. Then again I have failed to pick up on irony at least as often as I've failed to get into breaks...

And yes, Trackstar is a shop, but they do seem to sell a lot of t-shirts.

I'm glad to see people are looking out for them. That's the mark of a good shop I suppose.


Anonymous said...

The top tube pad is functional only if you're a courier and happen to shoulder your bike up/down steps frequently. if you're a shoelace-matcher, and you're only interested in color coordinating your puke-colored Pumas, then yeah, fuck off.

Prolly said...

Adam, a TT pad also keeps your top tube from being scratched and dented when you actually lock your bike up outside. Especially if you lock multiple bikes up, commonly known as a 'bike pile'.

I know a lot of you weekend riders don't have to lock your bike up. ever. Or even live in a city, so it's kinda hard to understand and I can see your frustration.

Bikesnobnyc, Way to miss the point. Every bike shop I know of sells t-shirts, clothes and other bike related gear. You roadies have been matchy-matchy for years with your spandex, so why hate on kids for wearing tshirts? Does your spandex really help you shave those precious seconds off your morning commute?

With regards to the upgrading of a Pista. WHO CARES? Can you honestly tell me that you've never bought upgrades for a new bike?

Oh and when your blog starts doing things like This to help the cycling community, I'll be impressed. As of right now, it's laughable how irrational and trite your tirades are.

I'm still waiting for those pictures of you and your bike[s]..


Anonymous said...

I can't believe how many commenters don't realize that this site is a parody. Loosen the fuck up.

BikeSnobNYC said...


Thanks as always for the comment. If my tirades are "laughable" then I've succeeded.

As far as my bikes and my attitude, if it helps just think of me as the pathetic, angry old curmudgeon sitting out on his front porch and muttering about those damn kids. Who even cares what that guy's got inside his house? You either listen to his rantings with bemusement, or you feel sorry for him and move on. You're probably with the latter group, which is an entirely reasonable way to feel. I'm sure there are blogs you enjoy reading much more than this one. (Though I'm glad you seem to be reading mine too and hope you'll continue to do so.)

The "spandex" isn't about saving time on the commute. It's about saving time in the bathroom before the commute by not having to treat ungodly crotch-chafing. Trust me, I'm fully aware that as the peacocks of the cycling world roadies are at least as absurd as anybody. But when you're putting in serious hours and miles on the bike (as I'm sure you are) there's really no alternative. If someone in Williamsburg wants to laugh at me as I roll through in lycra on the way back from a 100 mile ride then that's absolutely fine with me. And if your riding style or level of intensity doesn't require lycra then consider yourself lucky.

Again, thanks for the comments. I do hope you'll keep coming back and laughing, regardless of the reason.


PS: You'll be waiting quite a while for those pictures of me and my bikes. There's more than enough blogs like that as it is.

Anonymous said...


Couriers don't shoulder bikes up and down steps. We normally ride them to a building, lock them to a pole quickly (fortunately we have top tube pads for protection), then we run up the stairs. Messengering isn't cyclo-cross, just in case you didn't figure that one out. Top tube pads are for urban cyclists that lock their bikes to poles. My shoes are black, I have a black top tube pad on one of my bikes. Does that upset you? ;)


Matt in Seattle

Anonymous said...

I'm just glad my fixie is spray painted to cover up what a cool frame it used to be. I wouldn't want anyone to think I actually PAID for a nice bike. Not to mention the electrical tape wrapped around my top tube. God I'm so hip I make myself drool.

Anonymous said...

AAL - does this acronym apply at the velodrome too? I have seen a few people that actually race Pistas, Steamrollers, and even PISTA CONCEPTS (sorry SF/LA, these can be raced as intended...not just dressed up like Barbie going to a coke party).

From a different perspective, low-cost bikes are a good thing for introductory track bikes. It is cool to see feasible options for low income folks at the velodrome.

Regading the streets - don't worry, Dan Deacon will make some electropoop song that will condemn fixed gear bikes and this whole craze will pass over.

Anonymous said...

What about laminated cards in the spokes? I hear they make track bikes go faster...

Anonymous said...

i'm over track bikes. i ride a unicorn, awkward to park but pretty fast round corners.

Buffalo Bill said...

Hey Papa, you already used that joke! But it's still funny.

Bike snob is funny, but in general sobbery is uncool. (Although Taun's comment is f***ing hilarious!) It can be annoying to see thoughtless imitation, but any bike is a good bike.

Boy, oh boy, authenticity. The only really authentic urban trackie of the modern era was Nelson Vails, and he used to ride a free-wheel s/s with two brakes for work...


Anonymous said...

A vintage Fender Telecaster? That is an instrument that could be easily learned and actually appreciate in value. It would have to be a junky, half broken analog synthesizer. Sure, your backing track is all on your iPod but you need something cool to pose with and make the odd bleep/blurp noises, right?

Matt at Wood and Faulk said...

Hey BSNYC, found your blog searching 'top tube pad' on google (yes, I need one for locking-up-dent-protection!) and even though I might have taken some hits on this post, it's hilarious! I'm bookmarking you now!

cheers, Matt

Anonymous said...

Nice post here. Yes, the fixie "lifestyle" that has developed in the last 5-7 years is ridiculous. For instance, I was a messenger in San Francisco [88-91], and I still have my ZO messanger bag. I think it may have been one of the first bags he made, whatever. All the local trendy-fixed riders want to know where I bought my bag, and how they can get one that looks worn out like mine ... huh? They want to know why I don't wear knickers, and why my bike doesn't have "proper" track fork ends. How many of these people infect your areas? Ride for the love of it, not the look of it ... morons! I really hope the fad dies soon so we can get back to riding bikes.

Anonymous said...

Yes, roadies are just as guilty of being image oriented sometimes. The difference is they actually *ride their bikes hard*, whereas such effort would be horribly uncool for anyone in the trackie-fashion-club. Oh wait, I'm sorry-- the last alley cat race. Yeah, you really pushed yourself, I know.

Anonymous said...

You're forgetting the fixed rider who has to get his likewise 'indie' girlfriend a fixed gear bicycle, so she and all the other trendy trash pieces of SHIT can fuck up a critical mass. The only thing worse than a 15 year old on a K-Mart mountain bike is trendy trash fixed gear riders. Some fuck-head on a tricked out fixed stuck his pedal in to my father's front wheel, causing him to crash. After the mass left us behind, the fuck-head said "Well if it will make you feel any better, it wasn't your fault." Then he rides off while we have to walk our bikes, father's with broken spokes to a bus stop to get us home.

All occuring in the CHICAGO CRITICAL MASS, you fucking ney york pieces of SHIT!!! LONG LIVE CHICAGO!!!

Anonymous said...

That's right, I said
"ney york," it's how you stuck-up and rude 'I'm from the bronx, you got a problem with that?' shit-heads talk.

Anonymous said...

Of course you need to remember to roll up BOTH pant legs even though there is only a drivetrain on the right hand side.

Anonymous said...

tried not rolling up the left pant leg this morning- pant leg repeatedly caught bottom of the crank... you know- the shiny, now colour matched part connecting your pedal to the rest of your bike???
So I tried riding sans pants in a gold lamet thong... if it weren't for my matching gold lamet tt pad- thongs aren't as secure as you'd hope... especially not in
Stuff was flappin' in the wind...

What do I do now??? Can't roll my pants up. Won't try the thong thing again...


Anonymous said...

Riding a fixed gear bike without brakes anywhere besides a track is a sign of retardation.

Anonymous said...

My Pista could ride cicles around your bicycles!
If only I could stop my feet from getting stuck in the toe clips and fallig over! D=

Anonymous said...


this is really funny.

I have a fixed gear (Old Sekine road bike that was converted) and a really nice 1987 bianchi superleggera.

Now I enjoy riding both of them, a lot!

But to be honest I ride the fixie more. Not because it's cool, but because I live in a city and I enjoy it's simplicity. There is less stuff to steal off it, it's no where near as flashy. Less things can break or wear out. Not to mention I really enjoy the feel of the bike. Something about that whole "direct drive" sensation. Being able to slow the bike down with your hands off the bars is really nice too.

to the person who said this

"Riding a fixed gear bike without brakes anywhere besides a track is a sign of retardation."

I don't have a brake on my fixie, and to be honest I've not had any problems. However that said I bike all of the time, everyday for at least an hour+. I also change my biking style and routes based on not having a "brake". I own a front brake and put it on when I travel outside my comfort zone. But to be honest when I'm just cruising around from my house to work I don't feel it's needed and enjoy the simplicity that comes with riding such a bike.

It's not like you can't stop on a fixie (it's the same as most bmx bikes). In fact I've felt way more worried about friends of mine who have road bikes with ill adjusted and worn out brakes. I tried riding a friends Supercycle english cruiser and damn near pissed myself when I when to brake. Not that it's the bike's fault, but rather his for not having good brakes!

However I'm totally with you on under experienced, immature, fixed gear riders who don't have a front brake. That's a really bad idea.

Before you go on bashing those riders who trick out there bikes with all kinds of color coordinated parts, you might want to think about all the money they spend that pours back into the overall bike industry. It doesn't just go towards building more fixies but innovations across the board.


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Anonymous said...

Why is it that Mr. Snob does not want to tell his fans what bike he rides?

And I need to know why you people suppose that Roadies ride their bikes hard just because they own them. I can tell you that my area is littered with so-called roadies wrapping skin tight lycra around their 30lb overweight bodies. I remember one particular hairy beast wearing only bibs that the manager of the LBS had to get a shirt for him to put on becasue he was scaring the children.

If you are 30lbs overweight you don't "ride hard".

I ride my fixie hard, both of them actually. And one has a top tube pad which isn't needed at all except to cover up the braze-ons that I just don't like looking at.

Chaffing, really? Well as laughable as you may think it I rode the NY 5 burrough ride "hard" in shorts and boxers and chaffing is not a problem. Maybe it's because the flesh between my legs doesn't rub together producing electricity. I suppose that could have it's benefits. Ride a bike and cook a hot dog to support my 125bpm heart rate.

And I like this blog and understand that creating controversy is what blogs do for readership. So do any of you old fat men want to race?

Anonymous said...

Haha, thats funny... and true... I passed a man decked out in road gear and riding a very nice carbon bike... probably all equaling upwards of $6,000. Anyways, I was riding my 25 miles home from work, on my fixed gear track bike (Fuji Track, bought it from a local shop at the end of the season and got it for a nice price. I don't have any custom paint jobs or anything, but I do like the ride)... Anyways, so I rode past him at a pretty good pace, and then slowed down to strike up a conversation... Me in jeans and a T-shirt and him in $500 worth of road gear... Talked to him for a while, but he was pretty winded from the 5 miles he just rode...

I guess it doesn't matter what you ride, but how you ride it. If you think there are poser fixie riders, then there are just as many poser road cyclists (maybe even more)...

I have a road bike, and find my fixed gear a good training mechanism and a great commuter vehicle...

I do have a pair of nice bike shorts that I wear sometimes on long rides, but they are not always needed...

Anonymous said...
The exact example of the douche bags you are talking about.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Bike Snob huh? The only thing I read here was a bunch of talk about one type of bike being used incorrectly.

If you truly love bikes then you would ride them all and be able to ride them all, BMX, Track, Road, Mountain.

There is a reason why there are so many to choose from; its because they all have specific uses and purposes.

If you think being angry, skinny, and riding a piece of shit bike makes you cool you are a sad little piece yourself. Not to mention NYC is a sad little spec on this planet to even ride a bike?

Maybe if you were not so anti-money and you could make more than min wage you would get a variety of bikes and travel around the country and/or world and experience biking in many different settings.

Your mind does not have to be as narrow as the streets of NYC.

Top tube pad or no top tube pad??? you guys are pathetic; Merckx never used one on his Track bike and he did ok.

By the way there is no such thing as a fixed gear bike... what you have done is taken track bikes and made them slow and ridiculous. Use the proper term and try a proper bike for the setting.

Did someone say Nelson Vails? He was a complete waste of time for any track coach that tried to train the ghetto out of him. A very sad waste of time and when I met him at a race back in 85 I believe; he was a very lazy young man.

There is a reason why some bikes and equipment cost more money... its because they are better! You hate what you don't have; I feel sorry for you.

If you ever have a blog that talks about bikes or even a bike that really exists such as a "Track Bike" maybe I will visit again.

Good bye to your sad little world.

Anonymous said... nuts hurt...

ChristinaB said...

Hey all,
My boyfriend has been riding his fixed gear for about a year now. Seeing his love for riding his Swobo and his awesome track stands, I've been drawn in. I just bought a used SE frame the other day for only $30 and bought parts- can't wait to put it together!

After reading what Acejk25 says about dudes getting their girlfriends into the "fixie trend" makes me feel intimidated to try to want to ride one. I'm not "indie trash" trying to fit in. In fact, I'm keeping the parts simple and cheap and going to make sure my top tube will be used for its sole purpose- dent prevention. But responses such as his is intimidating me b/c I don't want people to think that I'm "that" kind of girl doing it b/c his boyfriend told her to. I'm doing it b/c I love riding bikes, staying fit, and b/c I don't have a car- live in the city. Is that so bad?

Thoughts? Encouragement appreciated.
~Christina B.

Anonymous said...

I laughed my ass off! I have my new Trek T1 out of the box cookie cutter fixie and I will probably f*****g kill myself!
I do ride the velodrome though without a crash pad.
I love to cheese it up and wear shimmery spandex with brain hanging out when I ride...LOL

Thanks Bike Snob!

Jeremiah Gould said...

@ steevo

The chaffing problem is easy: Body Glide or Vaseline.

As for the bag: take a cross stitch class.
Problems solved

Anonymous said...

wah, you can't ride. be a bigger pussy and talk more shit.

some of us are more brookies than 'burg

Anonymous said...

I ride a fixie all the time - it's simpler, more fun, and yes more stylish. If you've got a problem with that, or my taste in music, or the clothes I wear or whatever the fuck else about my life that threatens you, you can go fuck yourself and mind your own business.

Anonymous said...

if it getts dented easy and cant bunny hop a curb and the rims get smashed to shit running over a dime then maybe its better left on a track and not an urban enviroment.

anyways its not the bikes its the fresh cut kids who are instantly bike experts and "been down since day one" with the pants rolled up and 10 ton messeger bags. the style is just weeeaaakkk as fuck, the aesthetic sucks shit....

Anonymous said...

honestly who cares? really.... You ride your bike, i'll ride mine and let's just bask in the fact that we are not paying $4 a gallon to get around our city and we're keeping fit in the process....

in any scene there are always trends, and kids and hipsters. I think a lot of us forget what it feels like to be young and have fun with something, be it bikes or music or whatever. But if you're not one of them, it's okay. it takes all kinds to make a world.

Anonymous said...

i ride a fixed gear bike....i have brakes...i dont use them...they just make me look cool..i am cool..i ride a fixe....see my bag...see my fancy euro emo fag shoes and haircut.....dont forget my scarffff....i ride a bicycle cause i wanna bang skanks and dirty city girls...i have a bmw at home...i just wanna look cool...i have to go....the good will store is havein a sale...ima ride my fixxxie down there

Anonymous said...

i ride my fixxie cause it massages my floppy ballsick and makes my ass sweat in my tight emo pants...see my converse?i am in fuckin style....fixie techno riders forever!f.t.r.f.! the new 1%ers.....and fuck black label....we see a black label!its on bicatchs!!!

Anonymous said...

You guys are awesome... I'm putting my retirement fund into walkers and scooters...

Keep the rubber side down.

Anonymous said...

From one snob to another... It can be amusing when "street fixie" people show up at the velodrome here. They make me feel really fast, and really skilled. God, they're bad. I have yet to see one of these Freds do a flying 200 in anything under 14 seconds.

Real track bikes don't get ridden on the street EVER (thus the phrase "track bike.") Something called a ROAD bike is great on the road.

Yes. I am a snobby racer.

Anonymous said...

You're all tools. Just ride bikes and have fun. No one cares if you ride the velodrome, and no one cares if you can do mad trix on the street. just shut the fuck up and ride.

Anonymous said...

HA! Tool boy DOES care, that's why he poses. Poser, poser, poser!

Anonymous said...

Just because of this post, I've also named the colour our newest fixed gear 'stealth'


CELL Bikes Mark
CELL Cing1e!

autumnnn said...

i'll be honest, i do loooove the boys in the very skinny jeans, with the camouflage on their fixed gear. That is mainly if they can do more then the trackstand and basic skid. haha.

is that such a crime?

Anonymous said...

Great stuff!!!

Just remember, this fad will fade just like the trucker hat. These kids will be out sucking dog dongs as soon as american apparel makes it look cool.

Anonymous said...

I think I just pissed myself laughing so hard. Thanks for offering up points for the rest of us.

Anonymous said...

This post attacked me and all I hold dear. And I loved it. Keep up the good work!

erikotto said...

Be happy that this silly little trend is opening the doors to more people riding bikes who normally wouldn't have. Wasn't that the end goal? More bikes less cars. Why the hell does everyone get all cool on one another and totally destroy any sense of community? All you haters are just as bad as the fixed gear groupies. who gives a shit? I am about to take up anyone planning to hate on that too?

Anonymous said...

Hi Ive ridden for 2 years non-stop out of sheer necessity; and have not had thought one about my appearance. My bike slowly became a single-speed by natural selection, brakes went as well, naturally (meaning they stop working and I couldn't afford to get new ones). I began stopping the bike with my foot, it works. This is in-step with the 'fixie' spirit I imagine. The next step for me is to convert to fixed and really personalize and part it up as quick as I can. I enjoy cycing so much this has become all I think about - having what I want on a bike. I guess Im some jerk off b/c Im evolving... and the others contributing to this phenom are as well.

So hey bsnyc remember this 'trend' or 'phenomenon is actually rooted in the most virtuous of pragmatism; survival. But thanks, I enjoy territorial haters of whom wallow in histrionics and inaction. Keep yacking and I will keep up my cadence bitch.

Anonymous said...

Sorry that some people like to do things to their bikes that you don't approve of. I, for one must have missed the sermon on your godliness last week in bike church. fag.

Albino Cavewoman said...

Wow, there is some serious bad blood between you "Fixies" and "Roadies". Personally, I don't like either extreme. I will say at least that Roadies are more apt to obey the laws of the road and stay the hell out of my way. I had a fixie once. When I was eight. The reason I got a bike with gears is because, for the most part, fixed gears are impractical and in some cases dangerous. Far more popular than they should be, fixed gear bikes lend credence to the notion of hipster prolific appropriation of pretty much anything that once held value but is now a cultural annoyance. Fixies are for tricks. Stop being so lazy and learn to maintain your drivetrains. This blog is hilarious.

jennnny said...

im a fixie youre a roadie blah blah blah fucking ridiculous.

*(the bandana on the wrist in my case is for quickly wiping sweat rain or crap out of my eyes and i actually think it looks pretty stupid but hey its effective)

Anonymous said...

I dont think yall realise that there is a whole scene of skinny little 18-25 year old girls that love this shit. I just got a road bike today, but would totally trade it for the old brown leather seated fixed gear i saw today, if it would help me get into those braless girl's thighlength jeans. I mean, yea i like to ride too, i mountain bike, but why not ride, and be cool? Also, i wish gel seats would be cool instead of these hard ones, i didnt realise how bad an assbone could hurt! haha
Also here fixed are badass because its all hills!

Adam said...

hi this is for Christina B,

no, there is nothing wrong with riding a fixed gear does not really matter what other people think of your bike....ride what makes you feel comfortable....

by the way bike snob...this is very funny, and i mean that honestly...i ride a fixed gear bike and still think this is funny, and smart....i do have to say that some of this feels like some misplaced anger, but its very easy to do that...i would know im a therapist...obviously i could be wrong about this, so if i am i sincerely apologize...

Anonymous said...

although i dont own one, i can appreciate the super-simple stripped-down, remove everything which isnt absolutely necessary -- that essence-of-a-bike fixie aesthetic.

if you want or need or like more stuff on your bike: gears and derailleurs and reflectors and kickstand and basket and water bottle holder and pouches and fenders and all the wires and screws and plastic doo-dads that come with those things, then help yourself ... but those who get all judgemental about the right way to design or build or ride a bike end up sounding a bit ... like someone describing the right way to make and eat a sandwich. silly.

bikes come in all different flavors. and ... like shoes ... you can have more than one too (at least in the U.S. youre allowed).

and you can still get super simple bikes for pretty cheap from companies like Republic; a tick under $400 for a nice clean bike.

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Then visit east london!

kfg said...

"Republic; a tick under $400 for a nice clean bike."

And easily worth at least half that.

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Anonymous said...

it's a good thing that we are here to police those others tell each other that we think they are bad!

Anonymous said...

While I certainly appreciate the humor, it seems as though you have a tendency to over generalize.

I have a fixed gear bike, with a flip flop hub that has a free wheel on the other side. I rode with the freewheel for a while and swapped to the fixed to see what all the fuss was about. I love it. I feel like I get so much more out of my ride.

Do I roll my jean legs up? hell yea i do. Getting that shit caught in a chain sucks. Why dont I have a bunch of lycra? Well the bike is my transportation. I dont own a car
so biking isnt a hobby for me, its life. And I'm not going to spend life in compression shorts.

Do I own a big messenger bag? Damn straight. Without it, I couldnt go grocery shopping. Where the hell else am I supposed to put my stuff?

Do I like the way my bike looks? yea. I love simple, clean lines and my fixie certainly provides that. But it's just a pleasant bonus. I certainly didnt take the grip tape off the handles or throw a top tube pad on it... I'm one of the few people capable of locking my bike without denting it, i guess.

Sure, there is an obvious fashion aesthetic that comes with the bike. But I could just as easily make a post like this about roadie riders. But as you and I are both aware, the fashion followed the function...though it seems as though you might have forgotten that.

Anonymous said...

Haha this just cracks me up. In fact, it has inspired me to build ANOTHER fixed from old bike parts I have bought from various places. I think I am going to go and practice riding around backwards just because I have the capability. I will probably run into somebody but who cares, I am just a dirty hipster.

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Anonymous said...

Well I guess the real thing that makes these "hipsters" better than all you trash talkers is the absence of a blog hating on you guys right?

Get off your awesome pedestals, and worry about yourselves.

Robbie said...

the hip bike messenger bag is so funny. I messengered in chicago in the mid 80s and we'd go to the army surplus store and get the biggest cheap canvas duffle bag we could find.

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I have had many experiences related to some bicycle parts, each of the parts that make up is just as important, without a pedal does not work like that without the handle ..

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Damn that is some helpful info. Wish I found this before I started looking for my first bike.

By the way does it make me a wimp if I don't ride during the winter?

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Fubar Bicycle Products said...

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Fubar Bicycle Products said...

wow great blog! great pixs!!!


gettin real tired of everyone telling me how to build or ride my bike. I've got a fixie, mtn and geared road bike and the most fun to ride to school every day is my fixie. I built it out of a vintage Fuji 10-speed and have spent much less on it than any of my other bikes, but it's not even about that. I know this is the internet and all, and this is directed to anyone talking shit about bikes, but just shut the fuck up and ride. However you want, looking however you want. I don't go around talking shit about your carbon fiber fork. Some people are just ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

you're an ass.

Anonymous said...

you're an ass NYC_Bike_Snob.... is what I meant to say. Why dont you twitter your inane thoughts? That way you wont come up on a google fixie search.

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Since you cannot afford a bike that costs more than a brand new BMW, you are a menace to society. What else is new?

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Since you cannot afford a bike that costs more than a brand new BMW, you are a menace to society. What else is new?

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Haters gonna hate ;) and you're gonna have that feeling everytime you see someone on a fixie.
YOU LOSE!!!! :)

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