New Outside Column, Now With E-Assist!

Here's my latest Outside column, which is about how you should get a tax break for buying an e-bike:

Though of course anybody who reads Internet comments knows cyclists don't pay any taxes at all, which invalidates my entire argument.

Speaking of e-bikes, Specialized is getting lots of press for this thing:


Now, to be clear, I don't think motorized Fred bikes should qualify for my tax cut, nor should e-mountain bikes or e-gravel bikes or any other assisted sporting bicycle.  No, in order to qualify for the subsidy you must purchase a bicycle that is appropriately utilitarian, as determined by a smugness panel of which I hereby appoint myself chairperson.  We (meaning I) will then evaluate every e-bike on the market* and determine whether or not it's eligible.  For example, Brompton Electric?  Subsidy:

Trek Powerfly?  No subsidy:

*[Manufacturers please send your kickbacks in digital currency to the following wallet address: 132040330581425017742601013954495679929193446910684375817922565556150614417166726937757457734098724]

This is not to say I have anything against sporting e-bikes, mind you.  My only concern about them now is that they're going to lead to a lot more people gratuitously calling out "ON YOUR LEFT!," which I cannot stand.  In fact, I feel strongly that e-bikes should be allowed in the Tour de France on the following basis:

I think every day in the TdF one rider, chosen completely at random, should get to ride an ebike. Would really liven things up--think of it like the mushroom in Super Mario Bros.https://t.co/9z6yL130Bc

— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) July 18, 2019

Then again, I have no idea whether or not the Tour de France needs livening up this year, since I'm more detached from it than I've been in many years.  Indeed, I can officially say that I have absolutely no idea what's going on--and I don't mean that cynically, or smugly, or contemptuously, either.  It's just that at this point in my life my brain is basically a 10 Items Or Less line, and sadly the Tour is one of the things I've been forced to remove from my basket in order to get through the day.

That said, occasionally the odd tidbit seeps into my consciousness via Twitter, and this seems pretty compelling:

Rohan Dennis abruptly abandons the Tour de France; Bahrain-Merida says it will investigate why the Australian left the race: https://t.co/vKC64S9Nnt

— VeloNews (@velonews) July 18, 2019

Usually when I disappear abruptly from a public place it's for one or two reasons: 1) I'm about to get in really big trouble; 2) I've really got to use the bathroom.  So perhaps one of those situations applies here.

[Abruptly disappears.]