I'm also pleased to report that while you're still toiling away at work I've already undertaken a dirt ramble marred only by the spill I took after rolling over an Osage orange:
Turns out even 29x3.0 wheels are no match for a gigantic piece of fruit:
Guess I need a dedicated produce bike.
Podium?
ReplyDeleteGood article on scooting (?) scootering (?)) (whatever). People really suck at evaluating risks, you do a good job of putting dangerous scooter into perspective. (Podium?)
ReplyDeleteJust a produce bike? Sounds to me like you need at least 3! One for fruits, one for vegetables, and one for fruits that most people believe are vegetables (like tomatoes!)
ReplyDeleteHope you are a okay after enduring the "fruit fall" off your bike (get it? "fruit fall" "free fall" - yep, it's a dumb joke but it's Friday at 4:40 and dark as donuts outside.
ReplyDeleteFor my own personal reason i still say FUCK THE eSCOOTERS
ReplyDeletebut I must say I love this line
"they’re like the mushrooms in Mario Kart: an effortless burst of speed"
They sure seem to be convenient but FUCK THEM ANYWAY
Regarding your tumble: Did your riding companion laugh? express genuine concern? display insouciance?
ReplyDeleteThose are called "monkey brains" by the less mature members of society.
Brilliant commentary on perceived danger of non-car transport. Lol stair helmuts.
ReplyDeleteTan! You may have just predicted a new category for the bike industry to flog the public with - the "lightweight" cargo bike - the produce getter . "The Specialized Greengrocer. Lightweight. Upright. Urban-ready. Standard equipment: Titanium wire basket with integrated coffeecup holder, 600W power assist w/4hr motor and full bluetooth compatability, all at a weight Henry Ford would envy." The produce bike could usurp the gravel grinder. Free Range Produce Cycles.
ReplyDeleteOsage orange on 29 x 3 equals Mockernut hickory on 700c.
ReplyDeletee-scooters? Meh. Just natural selection in action.
ReplyDeleteHorse Apple!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteDamn.
You mean now I need to wear my bathroom helment on the stairs too?!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh horse apples
ReplyDeleteCrabon shower cap?
ReplyDeleteThe problem with the e-scooters isn't the riding of them, it's the gawddamn PARKING of them! When they're laying all over the f--king sidewalk walking is like trying to avoid stepping on rakes ala Sideshow Bob.
ReplyDeleteWondering if/how the VC community will blame you for crashing over oranges... Maybe something along the lines of, "If you had taken a cycling education course you would know to avoid paths like those! Their only function is to reinforce your false perception of yourself as a second-class citizen! Taking the lane in traffic is the safest way to avoid fallen fruit!" :P
ReplyDeleteI also wondered about the pal's reaction. Something about the stance suggests insouciance, but that's probably a projection on my part...
The wood of the Osage orange is said to be the best for making wooden bicycles.
ReplyDelete—captcha said: select all motorcycles: and showed a boat and motor on trailer.
Them's called hedge balls in these parts. Don't go makin' up no fancy names fer 'em.
ReplyDeleteWear a helment so yous don't break your leg!
ReplyDeleteI support scooters in principle, but can't help disliking them in actuality. It's okay; everything will go on exactly like it would have if I felt differently.
No Radio today?!?
ReplyDelete@cyclejerk 11:24
ReplyDeleteAround here (western Maryland, West Virginia panhandle, south central Pennsyltucky) they're hedge apples. Same idea. And we've had some fine softball games, using hedge apples for balls and fallen tree limbs for bats.
Orange you glad you weren't hurt?
ReplyDeleteOsage orange is the term my life experience has produced also. Hedge apple is a little too similar to horse apple, with which I have a distinctly different association. Did you aim for it or just not see it? I would have thought it would be nudged aside. Now I have a new risk to mis perceive.
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