Seems to me that driving a car and hating cyclists instead of other drivers is like taking a crap in a burning house and complaining about which way someone hung the toilet paper.
By the way, some people like the toilet paper over, others like it under, but everybody knows the proper orientation is sideways--or else you just get a bidet, which is the Rohloff hub of posterior hygiene.
Oops, I guess I just gave away the subject of my next column. Oh well, just pretend to be surprised.
"if you're driving and you yield [to pedestrians in a crosswalk], everyone behind you will lay on their horn....standard practice in New York City"
ReplyDeleteOne of my pet peeves, and standard practice in the DC area as well. I don't know if that makes it better or worser.
Podium?
ReplyDeleteThat is why they drive 6000 lb single passenger STD's. Too lazy to get off their smug, entitled, fad following asses to ride a bike. That is why they will never know what ass hats automobilists can be
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, I think a critique of civil discourse as it applies to oblivious assholes would be great, but it has little to do with the toilet paper...
ReplyDeleteBut I'll still act surprised. Promise.
"nobody's going to get mad and try to crash you intentionally for some tiny ego slight"
ReplyDeleteYou clearly have not ridden in Portland enough
Bidets are one of the most perfect inventions ever. I look forward to your next blog on the subject.
ReplyDeletepodium!
ReplyDeleteAnd here I've been telling people that a Volcano is the Rohloff of cannabis vaporizers. Tough to use a Rohloff in an analogy, but in this case both are German, heavy, bombproof, and too expensive for me unless sourced on Craigslist.
ReplyDeleteOn an unrelated note, the headset on your Nova Eroica bike was seriously overtightened.
Dirk
scranus
ReplyDeleteThis is America. Good luck telling your average American motorist that they are the worst. They will either tell you to go F-yourself or worst case scenario, they'll take a swing at you. The automobile is Corporate Capitalism most important commodity and whole rotten cars-first transportation system in this evil country is set up to threaten, enslave and kill as many people as possible. You cannot speak truth about how 24% of all traffic violence are hit and runs. Which means that if you are standing around with a group of people, every fourth person is likely to drive away after they have killed or injured some other road user. But what is worse is that if you do kill or injure someone with your " Freedom Machine" and you do stick around, most likely there will be no consequences. Anyway, keep up the good work, Mr BikeSnob. I enjoy reading your articles.
ReplyDeleteI knew that I could podium with the right tires for Paris-Roubaix.
ReplyDeleteNot sure about that analogy snob...
ReplyDeleteWhy limit oneself to 80mph in a 55 while driving your freedom machine? Even the most boring of new shitboxes can easily exceed 80mph. I drive fast, cycle fast and ski fast -- almost always in complete control. Crashing is fun so long as no one gets badly hurt : ) Automobile exhaust smells bad and causes athsma : (
ReplyDelete...They have their heads up their arses?
ReplyDeleteI drive much more than I ride (which is a sad commentary on my life and the choices I make) and agree that drivers are the worst. Completely 100%.
ReplyDelete...beautiful words put together again, WRM.
ReplyDeletePossible podium? As one who has a bike with a Rohloff hub I think I agree with the analogy?!
ReplyDeleteBTW, here is a very good image of how entitled drivers are:
https://i.redd.it/wn9zfccifhs21.jpg
I can say that I am not like that in any way at all, but I would be lying.
Oh it's the toilet paper Rohloff,ahem, roll off,I see.
ReplyDeleteBeen waiting for the buy-it-off-craigs-list-and-ride-it-in-Eroica story. Because I do not know how many $35 Craig's List bike I have in the basement right now. (Or would have if I put all the project bike parts together.) I know I have 8 on the back poach that are either rideable or are within a tube patch of becoming rideable.
ReplyDeleteBut that is not what I have to say. I have to say after countless hours of squinting at bike photos on the internet, e-mailing, driving hours, haggling over $10, all to obtain a rare and collectible grail bike of yore, I got a flat near one of those ghost bikes.
Starting looking over the ghost bike, because that is what I do. Pinarello frame in my size, Cinelli components and fist generation Record. The bike was just leaning against a light pole, no lock. I have plenty of paint remover.
I pass the test. I will diminish, and go into the West.
No, I am not telling you where it is.
ReplyDeleteAl at 1:27 pm
ReplyDeleteYou are correct, sir. It is positively frightening the degree to which we pay homage to the Automobile, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Ruler of the Roads, and Protector of the Fat and Lazy.
Drivers are the goddamn worst, yes. Me included. But you have to start with awareness I guess. My future will have much less car. Hopefully many are heading the same direction.
ReplyDeleteI’m one of those Craigslist scouring project-bike guys also. But I would be all scaredy-fraid to take, much less restore and ride, a ghost bike. That is pretty fuckin far from good juju, man. Disrespecting the dead and their survivors brings karma running at top speed.
I lived in NY most of my life before moving to NC two years ago.
ReplyDeleteI used to think NJ and Mass.drivers were pretty bad.(kinda apologies to both).
Holy lob,the idiots on any given day...
would curl your hair(unless it's already curled,never mind).
True Tale: I'm staying in LA, take my bike (Brompton) from "The Valley" to an evening event in Venice (still LA) via rail. Wife suggests Uber-ing back, since it's 10pm. So I do that. One the 101 I see my life flash before my eyes, as a airborne automobile comes within a few feet of ending my and the drivers life. It's literally in the air at some insane speed, bounces off the wall and finally taps our bumper.
ReplyDeleteAnd this is hardly out of the ordinary. Major high speed accidents are the norm.
your rolhoff hub anology is the campy super record 8 speed groupset from the mid-80s...a very lovely anology.
ReplyDeletei have never done the following while cycling but have done all of them while driving:
-done 150 miles per hour
-done a burnout
-raced a train at a cross and nearly lost (which would have killed my friend and myself)
-changed pants
-gotten road head
-broke mailboxes with a bat
-ran over an ex girlfriends snowman in an act of glorious revenge which does actually still bring me great fucking pleasure. fuck her snowman.
point being...all these are not really safe and endanger others and think i'd be pretty hard pressed to do any of these few examples on a bike
AI,
ReplyDelete" every fourth person is likely to drive away after they have killed or injured some other road user.[...] But what is worse is that if you do kill or injure someone with your " Freedom Machine" and you do stick around, most likely there will be no consequences."
This just shows how fucking stupid these people are doesn't it.
I may have committed an egregious fauxpas this afternoon when I yelled "Go, Wildcat!" at a Fred cycling up Broadway under the el on a Specialized carbon bike. Next time I'll say, "Allez, Tan Tenovo!"
ReplyDeleteFinally decided to try mountain biking because I keep reading about it here. (I'm a commuter and a roadie.) Of course, Im have been brainwashed here so I want to buy a steel bike with no suspension like the Marin Pine Mountain. Only bike I can find like that for a thousand bucks is the Marin Pine Mountain. Can't actually find that, actually. I'm in LA area and would have to drive 40+ miles to a dealer, order it, drive back and get it when it comes in. I will only get store credit if it shows up and it doesn't feel right or something.
ReplyDeleteSo it's between doing that and just driving 5 miles in any direction and buying one of a number of plus-size-tired, 1X drivetrained, aluminum hardtails that cost about the same as the Pine and don't come without suspension forks.
So I bought one of those. Couldn't even get the shop to leave the dropper post off and credit me. I am shamed.
And you know what? First ride, going down a steep fire road full of diagonal ruts, I think, boy, it would be kind of convenient to get the seat out of my way. And hey, I've got this little lever here on the handlebar...
Now I can't even remember why I wasn't supposed to want a dropper post.
So I ended up uncool, but mountain biking is fun! Thanks, Snob.
the worst case scenario is throwing the bike in the back of the car and drive 2 or 3 miles within city limits to get to the trailhead/seawall. then spend all that time you saved, searching for a parking spot. admit it all of you who have driven to a 20 miler charity ride.
ReplyDeleteIn Australia, it's pronounced, buh-DYE
ReplyDelete(it's for washing your backside)
Dooth,that might be a faux paw instead.
ReplyDeleteThe Brondell Slimline under lid mount bidet is frickin' amazing.
ReplyDeletebad boy, Tan did look awfully dog-tired, but in a I-was-training-hard-as-hell-and-I’m dying-for-a-cold beer way.
ReplyDeleteAccording to AAA, the hit & run rate is fairly stable at around 11%. For injuries and fatalities, it's about 6%. https://aaafoundation.org/hit-and-run-crashes-prevalence-contributing-factors-and-countermeasures/ For a variety of reasons, this does not translate into 1 in 10 people you meet committing a H&R.
ReplyDeleteIf someone is oblivious enough to paint up a Pinarello or other classic as a ghost bike at the place where I get hit by a truck, by all means, please take it and replace it with a white Varsity (but not a Huffy, please). Nice bikes never go out of style and were made to be ridden. While you're at it, take my ashes to the top of App Gap and sprinkle then over the side of the cliff where I can see my friends and cheer them on as they climb the final pull.
Geez Snobby, is it state the obvious day or what? The Outsiders should pay only half the normal price for this one. Stop f--ing around and get the EROICA story up already!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 4:49AM: Great artistry cannot be rushed!
ReplyDeleteWhether cycling or pedestrianating, multiple tiles I have witnessed a driver come to a stop at a red light and then a driver behind them pull out and gun it through the intersection of a two-way street.
ReplyDeleteOften I find it amazing that there isn't more carnage on our streets than there already is.