Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Never Trust Anyone With A Clean Bike

Further to yesterday's post, while the Ironic Orange Julius Bike is the clear leader in my own personal cruddy drivetrain competition, thanks to yesterday's snowfall the Milwaukee is quickly closing in:


It may not look that bad from afar (poor rear fender line notwithstanding), but get a load of this:


I did lube it and wipe it down after riding so hopefully I can keep it working at least until the spring, at which point I'll lavish the bike with some new parts--which it deserves, because it's been a faithful and reliable companion during this warm and wet winter.  And of course I'll put some new tape on the bars while I'm at it:


I often think of bikes as jeans, and currently the Milwaukee is like that pair you wear every day because they're so broken in and comfortable, but you also know that some of those worn spots are bound to give way at any moment and it's only a matter of time before you look down and realize you're inadvertently exposing your "pants yabbies" on the subway.  Indeed, the brake pads are going from saltine thin to credit card thin and I'm probably just a couple more wet rides away from metal-on-metal contact.

But hey, brakes are for "woosies," right?

Of course they are.

Anyway, there's lots of dignity under all the grime:


In fact you could say the grime only makes it more dignified.

Unfortunately, none of this is true of its owner.

31 comments:

  1. I'm feelin guiltier by the minute for the sorry state of my drivetrain.

    This weekend's project?

    Podium?

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  2. Beautiful. And a perfectly cromulent way for a chain to look after a ride in the muck (the chain on that Orange Julius, not so much; I was left wondering if "snob" had an alternate meaning I don't know about).

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  3. I cleaned the drivetrain of my main Winter commuter and two rides later, I was the only one who could tell that it was still better than it was.

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  4. pbateman goes to the top or doesn't go at allFebruary 13, 2019 at 2:32 PM

    I tore through the grit and grime to get to the top of this podium yo.

    I'll now be lubing it up and wiping it down.

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  5. pb,

    Just like you did to your mom?

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  6. Your handlebar tape looks like you could squeeze at least another year out of it, maybe more.

    That I'm not joking probably doesn't speak well of my own tape proclivities.

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    Replies
    1. Snob: why are Lskins tape so popular even though they last like 3 weeks. I've never brought them cuz they're pricy and never on sale

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  7. Warm day last week - riding without a hat - realized my drivetrain is noisier than pbatemans mom

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  8. That's not grime! According to Grant Petersen it is called "beausage". Although on closer inspection I don't think that is what Grant had in mind.

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  9. That Milwaukee looks like it has a tribal tattoo on the bars. Now I've offended you I can continue.
    Does anyone who actually uses a bike in winter clean the chain properly before lubing, knowing full well that it will get trashed on the next ride. I sure as shit don't. In fact I used to look down my nose at commuters on clean bikes , thinking 'bloody amateur fair weather ejits!'

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  10. Takes 3 min to cover a bike with pledge, wipe it off and lube it. Or you can replace the drivetrain every year. Up you.

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  11. That's my favorite style of crank. The new DA and Ultegra cranks look like something out of the film Aliens.

    Regardless, I'm going to purchase new DA crank to replace my 15 year old crank set as soon as the 180mm models are back in stock. (late Feb)

    Way to incorporate "pants yabbies" in sentence. I got that question wrong on my SAT.


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  12. Oh god I had to mend a flat on the front wheel of my folder today so I figured I'd rinse it off at the same time. What a mistake. I was an hour cleaning up the kitchen sink and counter.

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  13. @1904 - i dont lube my own mother. that would be gross.

    @chazu - best dura ace crank...7800 or possibly 7300.

    @Snob - i have a lot of cork tape sitting here in my office if you are that desperate.
    That cocking-pit need polishing bro.






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  14. Anonymous 4:41pm,

    I'd never tried it before putting it on the Milwaukee, I bought it because I was curious. I love the way it feels and was really impressed by the durability...until I did a really rainy ride, which is when the tops started to peel. The Renovo also happened to come with the same tape, which is also wearing in the same spot, despite almost never being ridden in the rain.

    I guess if you like the feel, change your tape often, and don't mind spending a few extra bucks then why not? But sure, black cork tape is cheap, feels good, and lasts approximately forever. I really do like the feel of this stuff, but being lazy I probably won't get it again next time around.

    --Tan Tenovo

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  15. bad boy of the southFebruary 13, 2019 at 8:50 PM

    So,grime does pay.hmmm.

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  16. this blog has just turned into a litany of reasons I don't live in NYC

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  17. 'member D-Rab? She would say your shit is BEGRIMED.

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  18. pbateman gonna get grimy for valentines dayFebruary 14, 2019 at 5:12 PM

    Hope everyone has a really nice valentines day full of carbon and lycra and exotic wooden frames and fresh cork bar tape and two areas for your water bottles and jorts and grime and lube and hard ridin'

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  19. My commuter bike has lots of dirt and grime on it but I clean my chain several times a year because it just makes sense to me.

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  20. bad boy of the southFebruary 15, 2019 at 8:19 AM

    Funny thing happened this morn. As I was perusing the interwebs,ya know,the one that former Veep,Al Gore,invented,about the uncoolness of pie plates,lo and behold,you lord Bhutan tenovo,had a post about it in the year of lob,two thousand and eight.
    Sorry,not sorry for dredging it up.

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  21. I suppose a dirty bike is okay as long as you clean your dicks.

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  22. pbateman is busy doing businASS things today which is a shame cause its niceFebruary 15, 2019 at 3:17 PM





    Friday Quiz:

    Q: Will there be a Friday Quiz?

    A: NO

    Q: Does your mom like dick brakes
    A: Oh f'uh'yeah she does

    Q: Who is shiftee, low down, gritty and grimy?
    A: Onyx

    Q: Is factory lubricant slowing you down?
    A: Without a doubt the best upgrade one can make to achieve all the podiums is better lube

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  23. Or you can get a Dutch style full chaincase and forget about it.

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  24. Had to take a package to the post office for my wife today, so stuck it in a pannier and headed out. Only a few feet into the ride I realized the back tire was flat. So I wheeled back to the house, strapped the box to the rack of bike 2 and resumed program. Glad to have more than once bike! Also means bike 1 is in for some work tomorrow.... cables are pretty ugly too

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