While I'm sitting here on my ass trying to keep my Swollen Foot of Shame (SFOS) elevated, let's talk about Christmas:
(When this movie was out I was totally engaging in age-appropriate skateboarding.)
Oh sure, I can be cynical at times, but the fact is I'm positively bubbling over with Christmas spirit--mostly because I have no choice. In fact, in addition to hobbling around on my SFOS I'm home with a 3-year old who has a cold. We've got "Polar Express" playing on the TV, I've got about 20 minutes until he loses interest and starts bouncing off the walls, so I guess what I'm saying is that it's a fucking Yuletide pressure cooker in here:
(Posting Seinfeld GIFs is such an over-40 thing to do.)
Therefore, in the spirit of the season, let's talk about gift-giving. Specifically, let's talk about gifts you can purchase that will benefit me. Oh, and by the way, feel free to buy yourself a gift, too. You deserve it. Really, the only thing that feels better than giving gifts to others is giving them to yourself. In fact just yesterday I bought myself a sweet-ass cane:
(One day you're shopping for skateboard decks and the next day you're shopping for canes.)
They were out of crabon and ti so I had to go with aluminum.
Of course, astute readers may recall that I already published a holiday gift guide, and it consisted of one (1) item:
I stand by that recommendation. In fact, I would not hesitate to award the Jones Plus SWB Complete the distinction of 2018 Bike Of The Year:
Jones is welcome to use that in any and all marketing campaigns and even affix a decal to that effect on the next production run, though I'm sure he will do none of this as my imprimatur will probably scare off potential customers.
Another vendor you can turn to for your holiday shopping needs is my esteemed sponsor Ben's Cycle:
Of course it's great to support your local bike shop, but do keep in mind that Ben's Cycle is still someone's local bike shop, even if it's not yours. Also, they support me, and what's more important than that? And finally, let's be honest: sometimes you can't go anywhere because you fucked up your foot skateboarding or something stupid like that, in which case what choice do you have?
Anyway, in addition to all your bicycle cycling needs, Ben's Cycle also produces the excellent Milwaukee line of bicycles:
I've written extensively about how much I love my wildly versatile Milwaukee road bike:
But they've also got mountain bikes, touring bikes, city bikes, cyclocross bikes...just check out their Instagram:
I don't think it's overly fawning of me to say that Milwaukee offers one of the most comprehensive and attractive line of production steel bikes out there (and made in Wisconsin no less), and if you don't find a bike you covet on their site you'd better check your glasses prescription.
That's not to give short shrift to Rivendell mind you, though arguably Rivendell is in a class by itself:
And don't forget that in addition to bikes you can buy all kinds of handy stuff from them:
If nothing else, buy yourself or someone you care about one of those shirts, they're fucking fantastic.
Speaking of bike shops (at least I was awhile ago), why not go ahead and treat the entire family to a first-class trip to Seattle, then while they're gawking at the Space Needle or something you can go check out the bike museum over at Classic Cycle on Bainbridge Island:
All right, I know what you're thinking: "Lavish trips to Seattle? New bicycles? Warm shirts? Where's all the cheap shit?" Well, how about the gift of coffee, you cheapskate?
Also cheap? The gift of literature!
I've written four fucking books, what the hell have you done? Buy one or all of them wherever fine books are sold. (I know my books aren't fine, but places that sell fine books also have to sell crappy books or else they'll go out of business.)
Okay, I think that about covers it--unless you want to buy a cargo bike for Christmas, in which case go get yourself a WorkCycles. Anyway, "Polar Express" is winding down and the kid's doing swan dives off the couch so that's all from me. Happy gifting!
