This Wednesday is Your Wednesday, This Wednesday is My Wednesday...

The Hall of Useless Bike Inventions is littered with crap designed by people trying to "improve" an already perfectly functional piece of cycling equipment that simply isn't for them.  All those anatomic seats, for example?  Simply the product of riders who won't accept that they belong on a recumbent:

Or how about that rolling hernia truss?

Same thing there: deep, deep recumbent denial.

Clipless pedals are another invention that work quite well for what they are, but are not for everybody.  If you enjoy the sensation of having your shoes attached to your pedals for certain types of riding, there are many different proven styles of clipless pedals from which to choose.  Or, if you find clipless pedals annoying or useless, which they arguably are in plenty of scenarios, you can always just say "Fuck it" and ride with any of the gazillion styles of flat pedals out there.  And then you've got all sorts of toeclips, straps, bits of nylon and Velcro, and so forth if you want something in between.

Done, and done.

Nevertheless, there are some people who insist on using clipless pedals even though they don't like them, and now one Kickstarter is harnessing one of nature's greatest unsolved mysteries to create an alternative foot retention system:

I am referring, of course, to the magnet.  Behold: The Maglock Magnetically Locking Bike Pedal!




Here are the Maglock inventor's issues with regular clipless pedals:

1) Tough to clip out:

No it isn't.

2) Tough to clip in.

Also no.

3) There's a steep learning curve.

It takes a few rides really, not a big deal in the context of a lifetime of cycling.

4) Not all clipless pedals are adjustable.

Yeah, but a lot of them are, so if you want adjustable pedals just use those.

5) The existing clipless pedal isn't compatible with street shoes.

Isn't that the point of them?

By the way, I have a sincere question: the inventor lives in Salt Lake City, he's suspiciously clean-cut for a mountain biker, and he's got a shirt with a collar on it:

("I am now going to eat this Maglock.")

So is he a Mormon or what?

I just like to know what I'm dealing with here, that's all.

Anyway, instead of just not bothering with clipless pedals because he finds them to be a pain in the ass, he's gone ahead and made these magnet pedals:

"Instead of having to twist your foot, all you have to do is pronate it and it will pop right out."

Seems to me any pedal that releases when you "pronate" your foot isn't offering you the type of foot retention you'd find useful for mountain biking anyway, and so you might as well just use flat pedals and be done with it--though I do think they'd be great for triathletes:

Clipless pedals serve absolutely no purpose for triathletes other than making it even more difficult for them to mount their bicycles.  I'm not sure why they haven't realized this and simply started riding in their running shoes, but apparently they think clipless pedals "legitimize" them as athletes somehow, so a remedial idiot-proof magnet system with no real performance benefit seems like it would be perfect for them.

Speaking of gratuitous retention, here's a helment hook called the "Helmetor®:"

This is a problem, really?  I thought everybody knew this is how you hang a helment from your bike while not riding:

I do like the name Helmetor® though, since it sounds like some kind of vehicular cycling superhero:

("Kneel Before Helmetor!")

And if you like bike advocacy jokes you'll love this cartoon:

Huge nerds are already debating the accuracy of Forester's wardrobe on Twitter, so you know they nailed it.

And here in America's Number One Bike-Friendly City According To A Magazine Based In A Pennsylvania Borough With 11,000 People In It, things continue to get better for cyclists, and the new 20mph speed limit in Central Park should help with the constant police attention that makes this such a great place to ride a bike:

Yes, in most discussions of the new speed limit the subtext seems to be that it's because of all those killer cyclists:

In late September, Jill Tarlov, 59, died from injuries she sustained when a cyclist crashed into her in a crosswalk on West Drive at West 62nd Street. About a month earlier, a 75-year-old jogger was killed after being hit by a cyclist on East Drive at East 72nd Street. This past weekend, U2 frontman Bono hurt his arm while cycling in the park.

DNAinfo reported last month that within Central Park, 35 people had been hit by cyclists in Central Park while only one had been hit by a car so far this year, according to police. 

Oh, please.  It's totally irresponsible to imply that the old speed limit was responsible for Bono's crash.  Not only do I doubt Bono could crank that Specialized up to 25, but I also happen to have it on good authority that he hit the deck after his jersey snagged on his Helmetor®.

That's not to say I'm not for a safer Central Park, or that there aren't a bunch of bonehead cyclists in it, but given all the police activity there recently I'm relatively certain I'll never attempt to ride in there ever again.

Aw, fuck it, I'm just getting one of these:

Now that's vehicular cycling.