I'm Wearing My Wednesday Face, But I'm Still In Monday's Pants.

(You better run, you fuckers.)

Yesterday I mentioned that some time ago the following happened:

...a woman drove into me from behind on Vanderbilt Avenue in Brooklyn on the pretense that she "didn't see me,"... 

Actually, that wasn't her excuse.  I'm just so used to hearing it I typed it automatically.  No, what she said to me after I gathered myself up off of the street, dragged myself to her, and asked her why she had hit me, was this: "I thought I could get around you."

Of course, that's not what she told the cops or the insurance company.  No, what she told them was that I rode into her.  Yes, that's right.  After hitting me from behind and then admitting to me that she saw me, tried to get around me, and failed, she simply told everyone else that I rode my bicycle into her car.

I was pretty livid when her insurance company told me this, but all they were really concerned about was whether or not I was wearing a helment.

I guess our only recourse is to ride around with cameras rolling at all times, which is highly depressing, but then again the world is a depressing place, so I guess it doesn't matter.

Anyway, this was a few years ago now, so I hope horrible things are happening to her, and I'd totally high-five Jesus if I learned she were dying.  She did have cankles like an elephant's so hopefully that points to something fatal.

Meanwhile, here in New York City, "Vision Zero" is really heating up, and police have gone from beating the crap out of jaywalkers to firing on drivers who fail to yield:

Though actually they didn't start shooting until the driver tried to run them over:

According to the NYPD, the officers followed Henry to Morris Park Avenue and Taylor Street, where he plowed his black Chrysler Town and Country up onto the sidewalk. When officers approached the vehicle a second time, Henry allegedly drove straight at them, so they opened fire at the vehicle. Henry sped off a second time, but then crashed into a telephone pole at Wyatt Street and Morris Park Avenue.

At which point the police found a crapload of drugs and charged the driver with the following:

Criminal Possession of Controlled Substances
Criminal Possession of Narcotics
Reckless Endangerment
Criminal Diversion of Prescription Drugs
Obstructing Governmental Administration
Criminal Nuisance
Vehicular Assault
Resisting Arrest
Leaving the Scene of an Accident Causing Injury
Assault
Criminal Possession of a Weapon
Operating a Motor Vehicle Impaired by Drugs
Aggravated Unlicensed Operator
Disorderly Conduct

Note "failure to yield to pedestrian" is not on the list.  In fact, the irony is that if the driver had simply run the pedestrian down in the first place and remained at the scene none of this would have happened.  Instead, the police would simply have declared "no criminality suspected" and sent him on his way.  I mean come on, that's New York City Getaway Car Driving 101!  As soon as the police spot you, mow down a pedestrian.  It's the second-best thing to having a smokescreen and an oil slick.

Speaking of misplaced faith in helments, reader, commenter, and bon viveur (or misanthrope, I'm honestly not sure) Paul Bowen tells me that a Scottish cycling PSA has been banned due to flagrant helmentless riding:

Cycling Scotland aired a TV campaign telling motorists to "treat a cyclist the way you treat a horse", and ending with a helmet-less female cyclist pedalling down the centre of a road.

What does that mean?  Ride them hard and put them away wet?  Then this:

The ad ended with the text: "See Cyclist. Think Horse."

Ha, ha, Scotland, we're one step ahead of you here in Canada's Underpants.  We've been treating horses and cyclists the same way for years:


Ultimately though, here's why they banned the advert(isement):

The Advertising Standards Authority received five complaints that the ad was irresponsible and harmful, because the cyclist had no safety gear at all and should have been travelling close to the kerb.

Well, using powerful Internet searching technology, I was able to find the ad, and it's actually pretty funny:

And yes, the cycling is wild and out of control, the rider boldly taunting death, her scarlet hair screaming "Kill me" to the grimmest of reapers:

I'd support a re-shoot of the PSA in which the cyclist wears a helment, just as long as they make the driver of the Mercedes wear one too, along with a flame-retardant suit, and they should also fit the Mercedes with a rollbar while they're at it.

Sad that even outside of America people are completely retardant when it comes to cycling, though there is a glimmer of hope in that riding Citi Bikes in arctic temperatures is now the new smugness:

Many who slog through the slush appear motivated, at least in part, by the respect afforded to them by fellow cyclists in the fierce conditions. Pictures of snowy Citi Bike rides across Manhattan and Brooklyn have peppered Facebook and Twitter all month, doubling as digital badges of honor.

“We’re doing it for the look on people’s faces,” said Joel Potischman, 45, from Boerum Hill, Brooklyn, who on Jan. 7 posted a picture of himself atop the Manhattan Bridge in 4-degree weather.

Oh, come on.  Who does he think he is, this guy?

Minnesota Guy doesn't even bother to put on pants for four degrees.

Lastly, Cadel Evans is "coming for pink:"

I really didn't need to know that.