BSNYC Friday Popular Keyword Search Terms Nipple Nipple Nipple!

Firstly, as I mentioned on Monday, I have a new book coming out in May, and it looks like this:

(Your copy won't have a circle that says "new" though.)

There's also the incredible promotional video, in which I act amazingly, and which features a sexy cameo from this guy.

Anyway, the reason I mention this again is that: 1) I'm a whore; and 2) In the right-hand margin of this blog I've added some book links.  The first one takes you to my publisher's website, where you'll be able to find information about Book-Related Events (BRAs) and so forth as they're scheduled. The others take you straight to a pair of popular Internet booksellers from whom you can buy the books in paper or electronic form--though of course you can buy them from anybody you want, or you can check them out of the library, or you can borrow them from your friend's bathroom, or you can not buy them at all.

That's what you call a "soft sell"--or maybe it's more accurate to call it a "passive-agressive sell."  Either way, don't forget to put food on the Hopper's table.

Moving on, commuter cycling in New York City has remained flat in 2012:

Which isn't surprising, because there aren't any hills here.


Actually, that's not true.  There are plenty of hills where I live, but I don't live in one of the "key locations" where they count the bike dorks:

The key-est commuter cycling location is apparently the Hudson River Greenway at 50th St. in Manhattan, which saw an average of 5,273 weekday cyclists in 2012.  However, I'd challenge that, since that number is probably heavily weighted with unemployed and/or rich Freds who are able to ride during the week and are heading over the George Washington Bridge to train for riding around in circles in Central Park.  For a more accurate number, they shouldn't count any cyclist riding crabon wheels.

The second key-est commuter cycling location according to the report is the Williamsburg Bridge, with an average 4,488 riders per weekday, though arguably that number is equally skewed, since at least 70% of those riders are "undocumented hipsters," i.e. transplants who are still legal residents of other states and who will undoubtedly move back to where they came from when their hopes and dreams crash and burn.  (Though some of them will succeed fabulously, make tons of money, buy $3 million Brooklyn brownstones, have kids, and forsake their bicycles for Subarus.)  For a more accurate Williamsburg Bridge number they need to count only people with New York State driver's licenses, because you haven't really committed to a city until you've been to the DMV.  Until then, you're just a tourist.

In fact, I'd guess the only number that actually means anything is the paltry 250 people a day taking the Staten Island Ferry with their bikes, because riding a bike on Staten Island is like ordering the vegetable plate at a steakhouse--clearly if you're doing it then you're dedicated to your lifestyle.

I did like the deliberately provocative Dutch-style cover page on the report, though:

That should send the helment Nanzis into paroxysms.

Also, the New York Times article does raise an interesting point:


“The fabulous increase in cycling in the past half-dozen years has leveled off,” said Charles Komanoff, a transportation economist and longtime cycling advocate. “To some extent, the D.O.T. has done or is doing everything it can do.”

Expanding cycling, he said, was now largely incumbent on the Police Department, which has faced persistent criticism from advocates over its inconsistent enforcement of traffic laws.

In other words, we're totally fucked.

And now, I'm please to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll be SO EXCITED YOU'LL HIT THE CAPS LOCK AND FORGET TO TURN IT OFF AGAIN, and if you're wrong YOU'LL GET SO MAD YOU'LL HIT THE CAPS LOCK AND FORGET TO TURN IT OFF AGAIN and also see a Canadian with a big-ass chainring, forwarded by a reader.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may you delight on the oddly appealing scent of your own foot odor.


--Wildcat Rock Machine

(Maybe they should have fitted him for a toothbrush.)

1) Eddy Merckx has been fitted with a:

--Titanium hip
--Crabon knee joint
--Pacemaker
--Pair of translucent Lululemon yoga pants

("Eddy hungry.")

2) Moments after this photo was taken, and to the immense delight of all assembled, Eddy "The Cannibal" Merckx lived up to his nickname by killing and eating soporific race promoter John Eustice.

--True
--False

3) What is this?

--An airbag backpack

--A helment with inflatable payos

--A helment called "The Pharaoh"

--A pair of inflatable penises

("Nice pants.  Are they Lululemon?")

4) Lululemon will recall its see-through yoga pants and retrofit them with a nonplussed David Byrne iron-on, free of charge.

--True

--False

(Sky rider tests Rapha's new ultra-viscous chamois creme, via Klaus of Cycling Inquisition)

5) For the ultimate in weight savings:

--Inflate your tires with helium

--Drill out your bottom bracket shell

--Shave down your brake pads

--Ride an invisible bike

6) Via a reader, New Jersey will soon be the first state to enact a mandatory bicycle helment law for dogs.

--True
--False

(Incredibly, this is not David Byrne.)

7) According to this man, the key to on-the-bike comfort is:

--A longer stem
--A shorter stem
--Riding barefoot
--Yoga

***Special Obvious Metaphor-Themed Inspirational Bonus Video!***

(Putting air in your tires also helps.  Lob helps those who pump themselves.)