BSNYC Friday Potluck!

Hi! [Said buoyantly.] Firstly, please note that I will not be posting a blog post to this blog on Monday the 16th, but will resume my regular posting of blog posts to this blog posting schedule on Tuesday the 17th. I apologize for any conveniences this may cause. However, I should also point out that Monday the 16th is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, so if you have any problem with my not posting that day then you're obviously a racist.

Shame on you.

Moving on, jurors heard closing arguments in the controversial Specialized v. Volagi case yesterday, and I can't wait for the TV movie because this is courtroom drama at its most compelling:


For their part, Specialized claims that Volagi owes them royalties to the smell of $41,000:

Earlier Wednesday, Specialized's lawyers called on an economist who said that, assuming Volagi borrowed intellectual property from Specialized, Volagi owed Specialized about $41,000 in royalties, based on comparable royalty rates he examined.

At first sniff this may seem like a lot of money, but it's actually only about two-and-a-quarter Specialized S-Works McLaren Venge Schmegmas:

You have to figure anyone who quits a job at Specialized leaves with crabon bikes the way the rest of us walk out with office supplies, so should the court decide against them the Volagi guys should have their debts paid off in no time.

Meanwhile, the Volagis called an expert witness who in turn claimed that Specialized appropriated the Roubaix concept from Seven Cycles:

Also on Wednesday, the defense called Sean Sullivan, a former product manager and executive vice president at Specialized. Sullivan was asked about the development of the Specialized Roubaix bike. Sullivan said its inspiration was a custom Seven Cycles bike that a Specialized employee rode, and which caught the eye of Specialized's founder and president Mike Sinyard. The Seven had a tall headtube and a relaxed geometry that the Roubaix later featured, Sullivan said.

After appropriating the design, Sinyard promptly fired the employee for riding a non-Specialized bicycle. Forced to seek an alternate career path, the former employee eventually landed a job writing for "The Simpsons," and the rest is television history:

And he still has that Seven.

Meanwhile, a reader tells me that someone wants $10,000 (or a little more than half a Venge Schmegma) to make bracelets out of bicycle chains:

Like many of you, I love riding bicycle cycles. However, I am strongly against wearing bicycle cycle parts on your body. Sure, I realize that everybody needs to know you ride a bike no matter how far away you are from that bike at any given moment, but the simple fact is that wearing bike parts is very dangerous, as the Kickstarter page itself shows. See, it starts off with cute stuff like keychains:


Then it progresses to bicycle chain bracelets:


Which is a gateway drug for creepy innertube sex masks:

And before you know it you're Mad Fred Beyond Thunderdork:

Anyway, here's the video, and if you decide to start wearing one of these things then don't say I didn't warn you:


Lastly, another reader has forwarded me the following image of David Byrne (who does not own either a car or a pet gorilla) from a recent issue of "Rolling Stone" magazine (which for some reason still exists) complete with smug helment-related caption:


Oh, save it, "Rolling Stone," he'll be fine. Of all the risky activities engaged in by all the musicians "Rolling Stone" has covered over the years, riding a bike without a helmet in the West Village is about as risky as a game of tiddlywinks. Half the people who have been on the cover of "Rolling Stone" have since died of drug overdoses, for Lob's sake. Where were they with the smug captions when Jimi Hendrix was about to choke to death on his own vomit?

In any case, if you're wondering what David Byrne looks so nonplussed about, the reader who sent this to me points out that it's probably the breast to his immediate right:

He may not wear a helmet, but he doesn't cotton to distractions.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the question, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll win $41,000 from the Volagi guys, and if you're wrong you'll see a compelling PSA.

Ride safe, ride happy, and beware of errant "side boob."

--Wildcat Rock Machine

(Tallis Navidad: Recent converts Alberto Contador and Oscar Pereiro still eight riders short of a minyan.)

1) In a move some suspect was contrived to ingratiate himself to the Israeli judge who will be deciding his case, Alberto Contador has converted to Hasidic Judaism.

--True

--False

(Unregistered dog prepares to ride "bandit.")

2) To alleviate crowding, registration for this year's Five Boro Bike Tour will be decided by:

--Lottery

--Auction

--Prologue time trial

--The the tyrannical whims of the guy with the dog

3) Barrels of _____:

--Safety
--Shame
--Despair
--Venomous snakes

(Budnitz Bicycles: For Douchebags who Fart Rainbows)

4) Which is not a selling point touted by Budnitz Bicycles founder Paul Budnitz?

--"Reality is that I began creating my own bikes when I couldn’t find anything that was well made, fast and especially beautiful — and that wouldn’t add clutter to my life."

--"Sure, you could buy something more practical, more attractive, and a lot less expensive, but why would you want to?"

--"They roll so godd*mn fast that we actually had to adjust the gearing on our first production models because traditional gear ratios moved too slowly."

--"Our bicycles don’t add anything you don’t need. In a way, they actually add less."

(All kidding aside, frankly I'm a little worried about this guy.)

5) Which bicycle company will now be sponsoring "real riders?"

--Trek

--Specialized

--Giant
--Budnitz Bicycles

6) Specialized has sued the wearer of this tattoo for unauthorized use of their logo.

--True

--False

("My uncertainty as to your gender is making me aroused.")

7) One of the finalists in The New Yorker's cartoon caption contest actually includes the word "fixie."

--True

--False

***Special Playtime Is Fun!-Themed Bonus Question***

(This is what happens when you use the search term "Lego porn.")

Lego's online store features a tableau in which:

--A driver is talking on a cellphone

--A thief is stealing a bicycle

--Spectators are watching a cyclocross race

--EMTs are coming to the aid of a cyclist

(Correct answer via a reader)