Cyclists in New York City and elsewhere have been following the Patrick Pogan Critical Mass trial with rapt attention, and as you probably know by now the jury has reached a verdict. While they somehow found Pogan not guilty of assault, they did find him guilty of falsifying his report. If you're a criminal layperson like I am, you might assume that being convicted of falsifying a report isn't as bad as being convicted of assault. However, it turns out that the whole falsification thing is a felony, but the assault charge is only a misdemeanor, so he was actually convicted of the more "serious" crime--so the verdict isn't as benign as it seems. You might also have trouble understanding how Pogan could be innocent of committing the actual assault yet guilty of subsequently lying about it, but such is the nature of the legal system. I also have trouble understanding the point of a three-speed fixed-gear hub, so I'll just assume that this verdict is the legal equivalent of that wishy-washy component.
In any case, now that Pogan is an ex-cop and a convicted felon, you can be sure he's looking for security guard work, and I can guarantee you that I will not be engaging him to work at my appearance at the Powerhouse Arena in Brooklyn tomorrow:
I very much hope that at least some of you will join me at this event, to which I will be bringing not only a special and embarrassing (to myself) PowerPoint presentation I'm still at this very moment working on (or at least thinking about working on), but also various prizes from sponsor Knog to give away in a manner I have not yet determined.
Also, the following morning I'll be at the Five Boro Bike Tour, so if you're participating (or even if you're not) please come by the Toga Bikes tent at the start, where I'll be working. There will be copies of my book as well as opportunities to purchase last-minute ride necessities you may have forgotten (this does not include "Wednesday weed") and to have your bicycle repaired by experts (or, if you're unlucky, me). If you've ridden the Five Boro Bike Tour in the past and have visited the Toga tent I very well may have inflated your tires for you since I help out there every year, but this time you can at least put the douche to the face. (I will "Tweet" my exact location on my "Twitter" when I know what it is, and I may or may not also bring one or two of these to either event.)
Having thoroughly and grossly plugged myself, I'm now pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll be exhorted to "bring out your best."
1) Mark Cavendish's recent controversial victory salute was intended as:
--"A message to commentators and journalists who don't know jack shit about cycling."
--"A message to Bradley Wiggins."
--A small part of a larger pantomime in which he reenacted a scene from Anton Chekhov's "The Cherry Orchard" with finger puppets.
3) Why is this Tour of the Gila rider smiling?
--He just won a stage
--He has taken the overall lead
--He's holding the race's official (and venomous) live Gila monster mascot
--He has a bird's-eye view of the podium girls
4) Which city will host the Single Speed Cyclocross World Championships in 2010?
5) "Messenger chic" is over; now, it's all about:
--A game of bicycle beach volleyball
--Lone Starr and Princess Vespa
--Lone Starr and Princess Vespa