BSNYC Friduciary Fung Quiz!

If you're a cyclist, you've almost certainly been hit or almost hit at some point by a driver who's either oblivious or actively stupid. This is especially irritating since many of us are also motor vehicle owners or at least occasional drivers. Yet somehow when we're riding we find ourselves demoted to the status of squirrels, in that most drivers simply leave all the evasive action up to us. Survival is our problem. But as stupid as some drivers are, it would appear that they're not entirely to blame--it's also their driving instructors who train them to behave stupidly. Take for instance this vehicle I encountered yesterday:

As it passed me, I noticed that the driver--who, one would assume, was the student--was talking on a cellphone. Moreover, the passenger--who, one would assume, was the instructor--was actually holding the cellphone to the driver's ear for her. Now, it's illegal to use a hand-held cellphone while driving in New York State. However, in this case we enter a nebulous "grey area," since it is legal to talk on a cellphone while driving if you use a hands-free device. So, in this case, does the driving instructor himself constitute a hands-free device? Moreover, ITTET, are people now renting themselves out as human Bluetooths? And, perhaps most importantly, when someone gets run over by a driver who's talking on a phone someone else is holding for him, is the victim less likely to be injured or killed than they are by a driver who's holding the phone himself?

Of course, we can at least take comfort in the fact that drivers don't always run into cyclists because they didn't see them or because they actively hate them. Sometimes, they actually do it because they're overwhelmed by feelings of lust for them:


Cute bearded boy on bike peddling down 6th Avenue (South Slope - 6th Ave & 15th Street)
Date: 2009-09-24, 8:26PM EDT

Just a few seconds more of my looking and I may very well have crashed into something. That street is tight. You were biking, bearded and with nice hair and all, in the opposite direction. All I needed was a few seconds to see you were super cute....I think you looked back :) at least I hope you were looking at me and not just at my tank of a car, as to avoid me not hitting you

Yes, next time someone driving a "tank of a car" almost plows into you, just comfort yourself with the knowledge that they may actually be fantasizing about gaining access to your "viscous comfort zone." Then again, it could just be that they're distracted by olfactory hallucinations which cause them to smell bagels even when there are none around:


I asked if you smelled Bagels - m4w (21st and 1st ave. 8.45 am)
Date: 2009-09-24, 10:01AM EDT

You were wearing a nice dress and rode a blue bike. I asked you, a bit randomly, if you caught the intense smell of Bagels at that corner. It was an excuse to talk to you, of course, but it also is a legitimate question -- I catch that smell lots of mornings and, well, there's never anyone around to mention it to. So thanks for being there.
Also, you are totally beautiful.

I guess it's better than smelling burnt toast.

In any case, it gives me pleasure to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you see Fixed Gear Steven doing a bunch of elephant trunk skids in a parking lot.

As always, thanks for reading, ride safe, and if you smell bagels see a doctor.

--BSNYC/RTMS

1) In which city can you find this vestigial parking meter?

--New York
--Chicago

--Philadelphia

--Honolulu

2) "It's spreading!" The "Hipster High-Lock" bicycle parking technique (employed here on a geared bike) has migrated to:

--Birmingham, AL
--Louisville, KY

--Atlanta, GA

--Banff, AB Canada

3) In fixed-gear circles, it is acceptable when "palping" drop bars to employ the "Hipster Handhold."

--True

--False

4) According to Honda, what will this new Segway-esque rolling stool thing do?

--"Bridge the gap between personal transportation and furniture."
--"Open the way forward to infinite possibilities."
--"Open the way forward to toilets on wheels."

--"Make seated people look less like Rodin's 'The Thinker' and more like Ro-dork's 'The Doofus'"

5) According to a recent New York Times article, how much "give" does a thread from the golden orb spider of Madagascar have?

--"About as much give as the chain of a fixed-gear bicycle."

--"About as much give as a strand of laterally stiff, vertically compliant high-modulus carbon fiber."

--"About as much give as a Brooks saddle."
--"About as much give as a chain used to lock up a New York City messenger’s bike."

This dog can focus! The lovers have unlocked now, and the others pass by one after another and smell the sad gal's pussy, but they make no attempt to mount her. The two lovers now lick their privates...possibly to ease the pain of being stuck together.

6) The above is an excerpt from which book?

--"A Dog in a Hat" by Joe Parkin

--"The Zoo Story" by Edward Albee

--"Bicycle Diaries" by David Byrne

--"Fighting Dogs for Fun and Profit" by Michael Vick

I remember my first time. My resident expert reminded me of the mantra as I rolled away, "You just can't stop pedaling." From the second I slid my feet into the baskets (there to keep your feet from flaking out on the eternal task at hand) and gave them a push, I could feel the connection fix devotees describe. Push harder and you're empowered with this instant sense of control and command. The bike moves with you. It responds without any hesitation or hiccup in its cadence from the clicks and delayed catch of a chain to a different gear.

7) Which is the latest media outlet to publish a fixed-gear form article?

--The New York Times

--Sports Illustrated

--Entertainment Weekly

--ESPN

***Special "You're Not Worthy" Bonus Question***

One other thing: We'd like to make a formal request to the pricing police to spare us any slings and arrows of criticism about the cost of these wheels. The time involved in procuring the rims alone should make them cost twice as much. These rims are rare icons of PRO cycling as performed in its most intense and romantic circumstances. If you're lacking in the appropriate cultural sensitivity we won't hold it against you. But, likewise, this fact deprives you of standing to bitch about the cost.

Which company includes the above admonishment in the copy for its $1,275 32-hole box section rim wheelset?

--Competitive Cyclist

--Rapha

--American Classic

--Jobst Brandt Wheel Systems