(When I snap my fingers you will wake up thinking you are Mario Cipollini.)
In the meantime, I'd like to apologize for my extremely poor performance on this morning's mountain bike outing:
I'm like Sean Spicer out here, every line I choose is wrong. pic.twitter.com/P8jpgR2O9b— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) September 15, 2017
(The only thing worse than my choice of line is my choice of jokes.)
Oh, what's that? You were waiting for me? Too bad. As a semi-professional bike blogger I must always heed the Call of the Bicycle. Also, there's always the Bike Forecast to keep you occupied, and if you don't want to read it because you don't live in New York then that's your own problem, isn't it?
Yes. Yes it is.
Anyway, I should explain that when I say "poor performance" I don't mean riding slowly. These days, riding slowly is what I do, and if anything I strive for slowness as it is stately and dignified. Riding quickly is like shotgunning a fine wine, and I hold those who do so in deep contempt.
Yes. Yes it is.
Anyway, I should explain that when I say "poor performance" I don't mean riding slowly. These days, riding slowly is what I do, and if anything I strive for slowness as it is stately and dignified. Riding quickly is like shotgunning a fine wine, and I hold those who do so in deep contempt.
No, what I mean by "poor performance" is that I lacked the grace and poise I usually exhibit when riding an all-terrain bicycle. Indeed, I was putting my foot down out there like this was a command performance of Riverdance:
Oh sure, I can blame the fact I haven't ridden a mountain bike in awhile, or that I was riding someplace I usually don't. I can even blame the fact that I didn't use a precisely calibrated instrument make sure my #whatpressureyourunning was accurate to five decimal places. But sometimes--just sometimes--you have to come to terms with the underlying problem:
Which is why I'm going to address the problem by upgrading to a far more expensive bicycle:
Maybe I should get a Farley:
Then I could set it up with one of these:
In any case, by this point we've all got one foot in the weekend so I'll let you go for now, though I'll be popping in again once the Outside thingy is ready.
Enjoy your weekend and ride safe,
--Wildcat Rock Machine
Always kinda funny when corporate irreverence totally backfires.Well la di fricken la: Trek sued over use of Farley name on fat bikes. https://t.co/BiAigBj8t6 pic.twitter.com/OTKjvnLyrX— BRAIN (@BicycleRetailer) September 15, 2017
Then I could set it up with one of these:
Sounds like something you'd keep in the kitchen drawer for making salads.Quantify just how rad you are with the ShredMate | https://t.co/MFW3qgjOj6 pic.twitter.com/fLSN6GUgS4— BikeRadar (@bikeradar) September 15, 2017
In any case, by this point we've all got one foot in the weekend so I'll let you go for now, though I'll be popping in again once the Outside thingy is ready.
Enjoy your weekend and ride safe,
--Wildcat Rock Machine
25 comments:
...bang?
Podium!
Podium
Comment?
Podium
Pode?
Snob,
Allison Dunlap clicked out and ran the steep drops when she won the World Championships of Mountain Bike Bicycle Cycling so why worry about putting your down.
1904,
It's one thing if you win, but not putting a foot down is all I have.
--Wildcat Etc.
...you suck! not because you suck, but because you got to suck on a bike path while we toil at the desk.
Trek named it after a DOG named Farley, not Chris.
...but hey, at least I won the race today!
...so I don't suck.
Is the Riverdance Final Performance going to be on the quiz? I didn't watch all of it.
Late again, SCRANUS!
If anyone here was the guy on the recumbent last night headed up the Fred highway to Jersey, I didn't mean to blow you off when I sped my way through a knot of traffic. I usually love talking tire pressure and feigning interest in balance bikes with a fellow traveller on my commute, but I was over it before I'd hit 59th street, thanks to the UN General Meeting. Also, do Mountain Freds even like quantifying like that? The most serious mountain bikers I know spend more time figuring how to get as much beer as possible up the mountain. They'd buy an app for that.
I used to think I liked the Riverdance music - now I find it slightly annoying.
So the "ShredMate" shows how "rad" you are. If I were to put one on my bike it would go "are you kidding?" after just a minute or 2. I'd possibly set the lowest "rad" score in in the history of mtb'ing. Pretty much at my age my tires should never be off the ground unless I'm taking my bike in/out of the car. Shredmate wouldn't be too impressed w/ that most likely. Maybe they'll develop a "FredMate" that measure your amount of Fredlieness...that would be more suitable for me.
Mountain Freds (Snob calls them Barneys) are just as annoying as Road Freds. Back in the day it was easier, when MTBs were mainly about suffering, weed, and beer on bikes, all in the woods. Now I bore myself thinking about bike minutiae, why would I assume anyone else wants to hear it?
Farley could give a good motivational speech to those that suck: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/matt-foley-at-the-gym/n11027
The ShredMate sounds and looks like a jack that you can plug your guitar into while you ride. (and be powered by your e-bike's battery) You could stop in the middle of your ride to hammer out some Symphonic metal riffs.
Did Raleigh ever get sued over the Furley?
Picking the right lines is for idiots who are trying to be like other idiots.
Unless they are press secretaries... uh, never mind.
Thought I had a point there.
Rumors are hurling around the Al Gore invention that the Israeli Dept. of Culture will be providing Matzo Crackers for the Feeding Zones.
Well, if one of your 18 children happens to go out of line, be sure to put your foot down or it will be chaos in the peloton.
Well this explains while my dog was whistling the River Dance music on our commute home last night.
Ride safe all!
Fredliness is in the eye of the somethingorother
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