Tuesday, May 17, 2016

This Just In: Your Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday Post...Today!

Okay, first order of business, I want everyone to grab their hot dude calendars:

(I suspect some of these models may be airbrushed.)

Now flip past the Assos Freak and turn to the May page:

Then grab your crayons and mark it up thusly:

So what does this mean?  It means I won't be updating this particular cycling blog tomorrow, or the day after that, or even the day after that, but I'll be back on Monday May 23rd with regular updates.

Sorry, but that's just the way it's going to be.

Also, you might want to note on your calendar that this coming Saturday, May 21st is The BSNYC Gran Fondon't!

Please don't let the auspicious-sounding title fool you, this is merely an excuse to get together for a 50-ish mile jaunt on some of the roads and trails north of the city and east of the mighty Hudson River.  This is by no means a "hammerfest," meaning no pace lines, town line sprints, or anything like that.  (Well, I mean go ahead and sprint if you want, but the rest of us will probably just laugh at you.)  At the same time, while we'll make a decent effort to keep things together and not drop anybody, we also want to do more riding and less loitering, so you should expect to, you know, ride your bike for 50 miles.  (Yes, of course we'll do the obligatory coffee stop and all the rest of it.)

And please note when I say "we" I mean me.

Also, while there was a guy who showed up on a three-speed or something last year and acquitted himself rather well, I'd suggest riding a "normal" sporty-type bike with those curved-type handlebars they use in the Tour de France for maximum enjoyment.  Hey, I'm not saying you have to by any means--feel free to ride whatever you like--but don't expect everybody to wait for you just because you wanted to score some irony points.

As for the route, it will most likely be more or less last year's route, but in reverse.  Expect some hills and some dirt.  Yes, your road bike is fine.  No, you don't need special tires.  If you're a decent bike-handler your 23mm Fred tires will be fine, but in this Fred's opinion 28-32mm tires are ideal.  Your cyclocross or oh-so-trendy gravel bike is also a good choice, but by no means do you need knobby tires or anything like that.  Also, if you buy special tires for this you're a giant dork.

Lastly, don't use fenders unless they're the breakaway kind.  I know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, that's far more words than an informal ride like this warrants.  If you want to join, please email me at bikesnobnyc [at] yahoo [dot] com with the following subject line:


Please email me no later than Thursday, 12:00pm EST and I'll send you the start time and place and all the rest of it.  (I'll also have a way to contact you if the weather sucks and I decide to stay in bed.)  Most likely we'll roll out at 7:30am or thereabouts on the northern tip of the Isle of Manhattan.

So there you go.

Moving on, remember that inverted bike lane in Brisbane, Australia I mentioned yesterday?

Well the very same reader who alerted me to it informs me it has already claimed its first victim:


If you're still puzzled as to why they put the buffer between the bike lane and the curb as opposed to between the bike lane and motor vehicle traffic, apparently it was to prevent this somehow:
Which obviously still makes no fucking sense whatsoever.

Just the latest cautionary tale from The Land Down Under, which as far as I can see is a gigantic experiment in creating an environment in which cycling cannot exist.

Penultimately, here's your next fat bike:

Just imagine, being able to ride without limitations:

So what does that mean?  Well, obviously it means you can ride in snow, which is sort of the whole point of fat bikes:

Though as nobody who sells fat bikes likes to remind you, even with a fat bike this is only possible if the trails are packed in and groomed first, meaning either you have to live where there are lots of snowmobiles, or else you basically just have to have no life or responsibilities and lots of spare time to flatten snow so you can ride a bike slowly on it.

But wait, there's more, because with the Growler you can also ride on smooth trails in fall, which is simply not possible with a normal mountain bike:

Not to mention spring, when those tiny sprouts along the sides of the trail can be very dangerous on a bike with a tire width of less than four inches:

And without a fat bike you can just forget about summer, when those tiny sprouts grow into killer ground cover, which means only a fat bike will allow you to conquer this verdant carpet of death:

Plus logs:

And water:

All otherwise insurmountable on your feeble all-terrain bicycle, which is really only suitable for pavement at this point.

And yes, I realize the irony of making fun of fat bikes when I ride a Marin Pine Mountain 1, and yes, it is technically mine now because I'm going to buy it, AND YES, I did say I'd never buy a fat bike...but in my defense the Marin Pine Mountain 1 is not a fat bike:

It's a plus-sized bike.  There's a difference.  Because it's 2016, and as soon as you change the width of a bicycle tire by more than 3mm it becomes a completely different category of bike.

That's marketing, baby.

Lastly, remember how someone in The Washington Post said cycling is 500 times more fatal than riding the bus?  Well, not anymore:

A fleet of London buses that have been fitted with mobile spinning studios are in the pipeline to be launched in London later this year, travelling across the most popular commuter routes in London to help busy workers to get the most out of their mornings.

The idea, which is the brainchild of boutique gym 1Rebel's founders James Balfour and Giles Dean, was born as a result of the popularity of their most over subscribed class, RIDE, and a desire to remove any hurdles that prevent busy Londoners from working out. 

Incredible.  Finally, someone has figured out how to put cyclists inside a helmet.

It was bound to happen.

In the meantime, see some of you on Saturday, and the rest of you on Monday, May 23rd!


--Wildcat Rock Machine

PS: Don't forget to buy yourself a book and a hat!

Or just a book, from your favorite bookstore.  Or just a hat, from Walz.

Whatever you do, just buy something.


dancesonpedals said...


Anonymous said...

Read first podio second.

Schisthead said...


Someone can make a rap out of that.

Damn Close said...

Dog's Hair from the Pod - Curses Red Baron

Anonymous said...


Bromptonaut said...

Also read. Third

Time off for Bad Behavior said...

Five Days Off - Maybe Babble will start a blog.

Calling Asphalt Fancy said...

"on the fancy bike lanes on Queens Blvd."

So what is there, Valet Bike Rack Parking?

UberFred said...

The airline made me check my suitcase of courage, but the backpack of bravery fit in the overhead bin.

Jon Webb said...

I'm looking forward to the day when they figure out how to use the energy spent by the spinning cyclists inside the bus to power the bus itself. Then, give each cyclist their own, independently controlled, bus to make it easier to reach their exact destination. Finally, strip away the unnecessary surrounding parts, leading to an elegant, lightweight, independently controlled combination spin-machine/vehicle. Revolutionary!

dancesonpedals said...

I think wrcm will spend those days out on the oca with his 17 children grooming the course.

ken e. said...

what's going to happen for the rest of the week? boredom.

N/A said...

Oh, hey, more days off! Great! What the hell am I supposed to do all day at work, now? These fuck-os cannot be serious.

bad boy of the north said...

i want to go on the second inaugural gran fondon't,since I fondly remember the first inaugural one,but,alas,i shall give a wide berth to those that can attend since I won't be able to.i want a full report with photos to.perhaps there will be a part B ride when mosquitos are in full bloom.enjoy the ride and enjoy the festivities to follow.be safe.

N/A said...

If only there were some other semi-professional bike blogger with 17 (seventeen) (American) children, that lived in NY, rode with an entourage including (but not limited to) Non-plussed bibshorts Guy, offered an array of various merch, and had what might be the most stunning collection of photos of Mario Cipollini held in Canada's scranus, then I would totally be out of here.
I'd stink-up some other comment section so fast, no Hyundai in the world could catch me!

bad boy of the north said...


leroy said...

My dog insists I ask what pressure we should run for the Gran Fondon't.

Which is odd because I wouldn't expect he'd get out of bed that early on a Saturday morning to make a meeting at the north end of Manhattan.

I think he might just be trying to make me look dorky.

Yesterday, the cycling lobs smiled on my morning commute.

Going home, not so much.

Buzzed by car service sedan racing into Mid-Town Tunnel. Cut-off by yellow cab in East Village. Jousted with salmon on Second Ave., dodged clueless driver/pedestrian standing with back to traffic in bike lane to read no parking sign, and slow rolled by NYPD set up ominously at corner of 13th Street.

But this morning....

Driver in step van pulls up next to line of cyclists on Chambers Street waiting to cross to West Side Highway bike path, rolls down his window, and passes out Clif Bar samples (dark chocolate almond sea salt) to everyone.

Ordinarily, I'm suspicious of strangers offering candy from vans. But my dog didn't see the harm. At least for me.

It's a big city out there. You really can't dip your toe in the same stream twice.

BamaPhred said...

Enjoy your off-ucking. Beware the Hives of May!

Anonymous said...

I think that WRM will be celebrating the rest of Bike to Work Week with great intensity leaving him no time to write.

cdinvb said...

I was riding a 50lb Trek in the snow with 1.75 knobbies in 1996. Still got the bike. If it ain't broke, don't fixit.

grog said...

This is a naked fondon't, right Babe?

bad boy of the north said...

Leroy,hope there weren't any razor blades inside unless in a separate package to slice open said cliffie bar and cut it into pieces to share.

Roille Figners said...

Seems to me 3 inches is a fat bike. Some people say no, it ain't fat until it's 4". I dunno, I think Snobz might've bought a fat bike. Back me up here N/A!

BamaPhred said...

I'm not fat, I'm plus sized. Snob said so.

Anonymous said...

Snob totes wants a fat bike, he's just in denial.

Greyspoke said...

Spin bus will probably require seat belts and helments

Unknown said...

vsk said ...

Have fun you Fondon'ters !!!

My Bluemels fenders have massive spider cracks all over the place so I imagine they're pre-breakaway.


Unknown said...

vsk said ...

Those Lefols, ... well, they're guillotines !


BamaPhred said...

So what would your "spare tire" jelly roll/luv handles have to measure to crossover from chubby to fat? That seems like as fair a way to settle the chubby vs fat tire delineation.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Oh man you guys are going to stop along the fondon't route to bait hooks and catch some gators and choot'em like on that one show!? Dang it! I wish I could be there.

N/A said...

Wildcat's bike isn't fat, it's fluffy. If it were a young boy in the 70s, it would be wearing "Husky" jeans.

N/A said...

Wait, do they still make Husky jeans?

Roille Figners said...

I'd say fat is when your middle is twice as thick as "normal." Well, 3 inches twice as thick as 1.5" which was once considered a fairly big tire. Just sayin

DB said...

You are going to buy the Pine Mountain? Marin isn't giving it to you?
Don't they know who you are?

N/A said...

Wildcat's bike... has a great personality!

It's got a cute face?

N/A said...

OMG, a "Fat Filthy Marin" makes me giggle uncontrollably.

Anonymous said...

all that london spin class needs now , is to be powered by the spin bikes.....
oh, and belt drive.
and maybe fat tires.
and di*k brakes.
and something solar..


Gecko said...

March 23 doesn't fall on a Monday until the year 2020. That's a heck of a long hiatus!

Roille Figners said...

WCRM's new ... bike has a lovely singing voice like Adele.

Knüt Fredriksson said...

Q: How much fatter must a plus size tire be before a plus size bike is fat?
A: A plus size bike is a fat tire bike if the plus size tires are fat.

If you refer to the The Sibley Field Guide to Fat Bikes of Western North America: Second Edition for identification, I think that the main difference between a plus sized bike and a fat tire bike is bottom bracket and hub width. And probably mating rituals...

Matt said...

I have a Marin Pine Mountain, from 1996. I don't know about yours, but mine says "Afterburners" down one seat stay (for reals). They were early to the mechanical doping game I guess although I have still not sorted out how to activate them.

CommieCanuck said...

Sinnead O'Connor went for a bike ride in America, which led everyone to assume she was suicidal.
She's ok. She just went for a fucking bike ride.

The definition of a Fat Bike is visual: whether a NASCAR fan looks like he's riding a normal mountain bike or not.

McFly said...

Who among us has not rode a few plus-sized toys?

I probably would've went around that log. I'm anti-log when applicable.

CommieCanuck said...

Husky jeans, so 70s. Husky jeans are now called Skinny jeans.

Doug Cornelius said...

Great news that London has caught up with Boston. We've had a bikebus running since last year. Look at the glory of spinning to work instead of cycling to work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ui0ojdNPzdQ

And you get shoulder harnesses and apples.

Anonymous said...

I thought traction was the point of fat tires, yet the bro in the fat bike video can't help skidding? We call 'em skidiots.

N/A said...

To be Fat, or not to be Fat--that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of Boost 148
Or to take arms against a sea of pressfit bottom brackets
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep--
No more--and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural Rockshocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep--
To sleep--perchance to dream: aye, there's the chainrub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have pedaled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the chainwhips and scorns of time,
Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely
The pangs of despised love, the DI2's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,
When Cipollini himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary chamois,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No Schwinn Traveler returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those hills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprise of great chain pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action. -- Soft you now,
The fair Devon! -- Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my gnar rides remembered.

PolishGuy said...

When will we see a "fluffy" bike?

Spokey said...

and here i thought i was up ear-lee. barely made top two score and ten posts ago

Olle Nilsson said...

If it rains, take the bus ... oh never mind, I'll take rain over sweat.

Olle Nilsson said...

DB @ 12:31, that was part of the deal for the free bike - he has to say he bought it to give the bike extra cred. Have to maximize their marketing dollar.

Anonymous said...

shit going to be in SF this weekend doing some riding, so will be missing the fondon't.

on a separate more serious topic, I enjoy laughing at bib shorts guy as much as much as anyone, but do you ever stop to think that maybe it is a little mean to mock him so? He is a person, he has parents and siblings and maybe even a partner (although likely not) and I'm certain he would probably be somewhat sad to see his visage mocked regularly on this site. Also, he probably looks better in bib shorts and a wife beater than most of your readers, including me, and I'm fairly certain we would not want such an unflattering picture of us to go semi-viral. So I would like to start a campaign to set free the bib shorts guy.

CharmCity said...

You're abandoning us during Bike to Work Week?!?

Roille Figners said...

Gabriel Iglesias en la casa.

Bib shorts guy probably makes more money than many of us as well.

CommieCanuck said...

Wait..if we can't cruelly make fun of people, then what exactly is the point of the internet? Spend billions to create an IT infrastructure just to be nice to people? What is this, Canada?

Spokey said...

what the hell?

i was refreshing this page hoping to get some new comments after reading commie's cruel attack on our fuzzy & loving northern panda bear.

it didn't refresh right away and i glanced at the bottom where they show the connection progress and it had Waiting for www.kickstarter.com.

i always thought we were lab rats for some fiendish inhumane Larry Page and Sergey Brin experiments. little did i know we were the prototypes for some kickstarter from hell venture.

dancesonpedals said...


I would bear fardels.

Anonymous said...

Did Anon 1:56 volunteer his image to be the new bib shorts guy? I think he did.

crosspalms said...

Time to seek out the verdant carpet of death and boldly go for a ride on it. Hope my tires are up to the job.

Anonymous said...

Logs and Water - the forgotten seasons.

Anonymous said...

It would be nice if these "days off" were scheduled well in advance. As it is, they are just sprung on us last minute, leaving me to believe that the author doesn't care that much about this job. I would have thought he would take a few days off after the Fondon't, to recover, not take days off prior to the event. If you haven't put in the "fitness miles" by now, it too late.

Regular guy said...

That's it 'til Monday? I'm going to a blog I can count on

Anonymous said...

That's it. I'm bringing rollers for my light rail commute!

Dooth said...

Roly-poly bike.

Ric said...

May 17 is Pat Rat Day! (the behavior, not the rodent).
I plan to celebrate by admiring all the shiny bike parts I have stashed in my basement.
And in my kitchen cabinets.
And in my dresser drawers.

Knüt Fredriksson said...

Someone should provide a zwift update that simulates riding a stationary bike on the bus, so you can pretend you commuted into the city before you start working from home.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Regular guy, all kidding aside, I highly recommend the Aprilaire model 2210. I actually have 3 in my house.

P.S. Would have had the third podium spot today, but capcha fucked me.

Notsosanta Klaus said...

"Buying" the bike is a tax thing, isn't it...oh man...you are so..so..so..Trump!

Rolis said...

dude, you bought a fat bike.

P. Bateman said...

think someone at gawker has been reading the Snobberdong's bloggings


Unknown said...

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BBnet3000 said...

I would do the Fondon't but I'm already signed up for the Ride To Montauk D:

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Anonymous said...

Can you also time travel, just like Brett?
"So what does this mean? It means I won't be updating this particular cycling blog tomorrow, or the day after that, or even the day after that, but I'll be back on Monday March 23rd with regular updates."
MARCH??? orthat's going to be one long ride!!!

BikeSnobNYC said...



--Wildcat Rock Machine

McFly said...

Hello, Morningwood Financial Institutions is at it again, we give moan to both local and international client in need of a moan. And we give @ 2% mate to all client, so you can contact us via E-mail, morningwood_financialinstitutions@consultant.com

P. Bateman said...


He's stock 'em deep and sellin' 'em cheap

interest rates as low as 2% for qualified buyers.

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Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Godspeed to all participating in the Fondon't. Prior commitment to my beloved precludes my participation this year, alas. I go in spirit, spill an artisanal microbrew on my behalf.

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