So if you want to read it (and you do, otherwise what are you doing here?) then go over to The Brooks Blog.
Secondly, so-called "smart locks" have officially reached the next level of stupid, for a commenter yesterday alerted us all to this:
You might chuckle at the idea of a drunk cyclist, but since they often share the road with motorists, they can be just as dangerous as an inebriated driver. So if you don’t trust yourself to leave your bike locked up after having one too many, this bike lock will only open after you use its built-in breathalyzer.
Oh my god. Drunk cyclists are just as dangerous as drunk drivers? Really? This statement is so incredibly moronic that it almost distracted me from the idiocy of this product--and it is idiotic. Just imagine: you leave the bar, approach your bike, drop to your knees, slowly lift the lock to your lips, and blow.
Of course, for maximum safety, you'll want to do so while wearing the "Smart Hat:"
People who don't ride bikes really need to stop designing bike stuff.
By the way, I asked the blogger to clarify his statement about drunk cyclists:
Hey @aliszewski , please elucidate your BATSHIT INSANE claim that drunk cyclists are as dangerous as drunk drivers: http://t.co/71P6E4HN5Q
— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) August 7, 2015
And here's his reply:
If you don't want to answer a question, just stick your fingers in your ears and go "LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
Anyway, head over to The Brooks Blog if you haven't already, ride safe, and remember to blow your bike lock before every ride.
Love,
--Wildcat Rock Machine
117 comments:
huh, a first?
guess so.
Note 7. (Paragraph 52) A partial exception may be made for a few passive, inward-looking groups, such as the Amish, which have little effect on the wider society. Apart from these, some genuine small-scale communities do exist in America today. For instance, youth gangs and “cults.” Everyone regards them as dangerous, and so they are, because the members of these groups are loyal primarily to one another rather than to the system, hence the system cannot control them.
[Radio Edit]
Some of the early-20th century Chinese thinkers who were concerned with modernizing China recognized the necessity breaking down small-scale social groups such as the family: “(According to Sun Yat-sen) the Chinese people needed a new surge of patriotism, which would lead to a transfer of loyalty from the family to the state.... (According to Li Huang) traditional attachments, particularly to the family had to be abandoned if nationalism were to develop in China.” (Chester C. Tan, “Chinese Political Thought in the Twentieth Century,” page 125, page 297.)
AYtedkSMB
just off pod, dang!
I have to admit, that's a pretty good answer to your question.
How is it that no car hits a Starbucks?
Donald's rug was on TV last night. Make that "The Donald". Couldn't they have found a way to have included Rob Ford?
vsk said . . .
Top Tennis !!
vsk
Same guy grabs podium positions 1 and 2 - "Don't Bogart that Joint"
Blowing, on-your-knees, sticking your fingers into things... And that isn't even the blog post?
It MUST be Friday!
Have fun this weekend Snob, maybe I'll see you woo hoo'ing at Sprain!
Fergie
PS Central Park Moonlight Ride 10pm Columbus Circle, BE THERE!
When the Donald said "on your knees", I wonder if he was thinking of someone who lives in Vancouver?
"How is it that no car hits a Starbucks?"
https://www.google.com/search?q=starbuck+crash&rlz=1C1EODB_enUS510US592&es_sm=93&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0CB4QsARqFQoTCLX1tMOql8cCFUxbHgodsQ8LRQ&biw=1152&bih=652
...what, you guys don't blow your bikes every-now-and-then before riding?
...i do it three times a week... i even lubricate it every now and then before blowing it.
...you do not want to ride a tense bicycle, you know.
No way Poe would have had a Kia, he'd drive a 50's T-Bird painted Raven Black.
Photograph, bottom right a bike rider, upper left "Accident, Call 8", the twain shall meet (I know this was a Poe edition, but no one says "the Poe shall meet).
The Bronx Cube of Eventual Justice made me laugh. But no nonplussed bib shorts guy in the Altered Images pic? Maybe he and Recumbabe and Bret and Boris Bike guy are all at the pool.
Andrew Lizsewski can't come to the Twitter right now as he's been mowed down by a drunk cyclo-terrorist.
Blow me, Gizmodo. For public safety.
I like how the name of the bike lock is a silly clever play on words. It is such a light-hearted reference to a disease that ruins families and lives everywhere.
Great piece Snobby. You know, NY doesn't look so bad sometimes. I mean, I know it really is.
I did see a fellow on the W&OD trail the other day who could use one of these locks. Coming the other direction, a cyclist warned me 'Watch out for the next guy, he has been drinking' . I was a bit confused, but then I saw him. He was swerving all over the place. Luckily for me he just kind of fell over into the ditch before I got to him. I slowed down to make sure he was alright. He reeked of booze and had a puzzled look that said 'Who put this deeeeetch here?'
Haven't we all wanted to perform a sex act with our bike at some point? No? Just me then.
Swervin' Mervin',
All bikes have a built-in sobriety tester. If you've been drinking too much they fall over. Sounds like his kicked in.
--Wildcat Etc.
I hope they don't invent a halitosis lock. I'd never be able to ride
last time I tried to ride drunk, I fell over. A few days later I had a football (american) sized bruise on my left hip to show for it.
Geez, Snob:
Where are all the people in your photos? Looks like the Bronx is deserted.
On my knees for the captain, when my passport arrived
Son you got Lock Blocked.
wow that was a long post today
i just thank the almighty lob for no quiz today. i really was out riding too much this week to study.
Now that gives me an idea - a personalised bike lock linked to your DNA. Just introduce some bodily fluids into the sensor and open sesame!
i guess we know where ALL the spacers went.
https://twitter.com/aliszewski
(available to all)
Do you get a notification when someone blocks you on twitter? Hope so, I just blocked Andrew.
Edgar, soon to be a widower and recently dropped by his label, couldn't rub 2 nickles together. He was, literally, stuck in the Poe house.
Gizmodo. That's a bunch of real stand-up, responsible adults, innnit.
Clowns.
The comments on the Jizmodo page are actually worth it -
My personal favorite:
" ComfortablyDerp@Andrew Liszewski
8/06/15 10:39am
some homeless guy is gonna rub his shit all over on that thing"
i have just done the most embarrassing, dumbest, most idiotic, most shockingly donkey fucking stupid thing a person could do while attempting to put a bike together.
i shouldnt be allowed to own tools. i AM a too.
$#@! $#^! !!!! mother #$!!'er.
"i have just done the most embarrassing, dumbest, most idiotic, most shockingly"
We have all been there. At least those of us that try to do now thing.
Is anything ruined? And if will the replacement cost less than $100? If so relax, go have a beer, and try again tomorrow.
If the replacement will be more than $100, relax, go have a beer, and try again tomorrow. And also start thinking of how you will tell this story when the self loathing subsides. (Takes me about 20 years)
nope. nothing broken exactly...just removed something i shouldn't have even been messing with and turns out...its under a bunch of tension from a spring and putting it all back together again with my fat sweaty, and a little bloody at this point fingers is proving very, very tricky.
i'm having a chocolate covered frozen banana and taking a damn nap.
Mr. P. Bateman - been there, done that, bought many many t-shirts.
cycle
Frozen banana enema nap for PB
...mr. bateman, it is very likely that after your dessert and nap you will dream of the solution, wake up with a eureka feeling, and get right back at it.
...at least you have the rest of the weekend to tinker with it, or just take the whole bloody mess to your LBS.
...good luck.
...and to the rest of you, ride safe... and do kneel before your ride and blow your bike.
I am curious, Snob. Brooks Blog is a British blog with, I assume, a primarily British readership. Do you think that the British understand you humor, or do you think that thy see your posts and they are like "What the bloody fucking hell is this? Where's the genteel cycling blog that I normally read?".
I already have the custom, deep dish fixie rims emblazoned with my new slogan, AYHBIMBL (All You Haters Blow Into My Bike Lock), on order, so don't try to steal it from me. If you do try to steal my awesome slogan, I'll ban you from following me on the Twitter so fast it'll make your head spin.
BLOW THIS
CHOC BANA
MORE BABE
RIDE NICE
PB: how much is a replacement derailleur. Depending on the value$ of your free time, this is always an option, you know.
In the next generation of the breathalyzer bike lock we are going to add a breathalyzer accessory that plugs into your cell phone that you blow into and a bluetooth connection from the lock to the phone that unlocks the lock if you are under the limit and safe to ride. That way you wouldn't have to kneel on the ground to blow into the bike lock which makes it so much better. I have such great ideas. I am going to be the richest man in the world someday. (I can also write without the use of commas. I am better than BabbleOn.)
Anom 305 "i have just done the most embarrassing, dumbest, most idiotic, most shockingly"
Had a GF who did number four, many times, would have been a number one if it been in public.
p.bateman...i didn't know you had donkeys.snob....thanks for letting us loose in sir brooks mansion.
Maybe having the Prophet of the Great Lob commenting on their Twitter feed blew their tiny mind and they blocked Snob to protect their tiny, tiny, mind?
Could happen.
@jb - i think another pair of hands will be the solution, but if not, i may just say fuck a duck and get a new one.
... like a monkey fucking a football.
I ride my bike to the bar sometimes, because it is not illegal to ride drunk as far as I know, and it amuses me.
Lol!! My deepest condolences, Master Bateman. Apologies, too, for laughing at your misery. Nothing even remotely personal, dearest chap, only you just sipped of the mundane chalice of this mutarded vessel's life.
Sorry. I sort of lost the keys to spokeNscene a few weeks ago. I am writing at the moment, and will probably publish something soon. I am writing teeeeeeny weeeeeeeeeny blog posts over at Bike Doctor. The shop's website address is thebikedoctor.com but I am not allowed to say The Bike Doctor. It is Bike Doctor in all situations.
I just learned that this week. I learned something else, too. I learned that commas are passe, and I am not to use them. Oops. As you can see, I am a failure.
You can see more of my silly failings over at the shop's blog, bikedoctorvancouver
Babble,
If he's really The (Bike) Doctor, does he fix everything with his sonic screwdriver?
PBateman, there are bearings and tiny screws in dark places in my basement just waiting to be found someday, to remind me of the times I've worked on my bikes. I think all bike parts should be large, magnetized, and either glow in the dark or emit some kind of sound (not mocking laughter, though). It wouldn't solve everything, but it might make a difference.
Babble, speaking of extraneous "the's," I am a proud graduate of "The Ohio State University," although when I attended numerous years ago, it was just plain old "Ohio State University."
Someplace over the intervening years, "The" got tacked onto the front of the name, and it is MANDATORY. I always found it pretentious, but hey, when you are competing with Michigan, who is under the collective DELUSION that they are the ninth Ivy, you gotta do something to raise your game.
...and the use of the comma as a pause has fallen out of favor. It represents an evolution in punctuation to which the author of this blog adheres.
Every state has different drunk driving laws, but the Court of Appeals in Washington State has specifically held that “neither legislative intent, the statutory scheme, nor public policy support the conclusion that RCW 46.60.502 [the DUI law] was intended to apply to bicyclists.” City of Montesano v. Daniel Wells, 79 Wn. App. 529, 536, 902 P.2d 1266 (1995).
The Montesano court noted that “drunk bicyclists are not capable of causing the tremendous ‘carnage and slaughter’ associated with drunk driving.” Id. Not as amusing as Snob's comments, but just as true.
The Alcoho-Lock is to alcoholism as "bringing only $100 to the casino" is to compulsive gambling.
It's weird to actually want and pay for a device that interferes with you. Stops you from getting "behind the handlebars." But then again that's exactly what an alarm clock is. When you're too asleep to do your job, the device stops you from sleeping. So I dunno, I guess both these devices are fascist.
WAR ON ALARM CLOCKS! AND GAZPACHO OF COURSE!!!!
Dear Ms. Babble --
Your boss might change his tune if he heard my dog's book club on karaoke night singing "comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, chameleon, you come and go, you come and go-oh-oh-oh."
Or be ill.
Either way, it's a win-win.
Ride safe all!
(I'm slated to brave the wilds of deep New Jersey on Sunday.)
An eventful couple of days at Mammoth Mountain for me.
First, went on a serious ride with the new squeeze. She pilfered my cycling shorts, leaving me to ride in boxer briefs and cargo shorts like some John Q. Public instead of the spectacular MAMIL that I am. Lent her an old helmet which is perfectly functional, and which I still wear regularly myself. The guy at the bike shop told her that because the helmet was more than four years old, death was certain to follow. He just wanted an extra $10.00 for a helmet rental. She now thinks I am a cheap serial killer, which is the worst kind.
Next day was downhill with the boys. I rode my regular mountain bike instead of a downhill bike with its longer wheelbase. On the third run of the day, I endo'd and broke two ribs. Rode the rest of the day with two broken ribs because that's what kind of badass I am.
My philosophy has always been that if you are not strong and fit enough to ride up it, you have no right to ride down it. Riding at 11,053 feet on narrow singletrack while wrestling with a 50 mph crosswind was a memorable experience I am not sure I am eager to repeat.
so what keeps me from kneeling down, blowing, my, biek; taking the lock off; and then, tossing down, a few, more, shots,,,,,, then quickly jumping the biek and petaling off?
Not sure if I've ever seen a definitely drunk cyclist, but every week I see one texting, or absorbed in their furshlugginer dumbphone, and I give them the proverbial wide berth and a hearty YO! in their ear as we pass. Doesn't do any good, but I do it anyway.
The US constitution employs many commas. So all you comma haters suck my bill of rights.
What Dave Said.
about one hundred thousand years ago,when I was about seven,i had ran away from home in yonkers,and made it to the the Kingsbridge armory,on foot,and walked back home in the opposite direction.boy,i was in "time out" plus for a long time.my parents thought I only went around the block....little did they know.today,there;d be a amber alert.
as far as poe cottage...been there a number of times over the years.i'm stll amazed at how snug his former home is.it's not much larger than a "traditional" nyc studio apartment.it's worth the trip,though,kia Sorrento or not.
Snob, Poe drove a '74 Caddy, of course, lovingly referred to as a Jew Canoe, back in the Five Towns in the Golden Seventies.
There was even a song... Remember?
Well the girls would turn the color of an avacado
When he would drive down their street in his El Dorado
He could walk down your street
And girls could not resist his stare
Edgar Allen Poe never got called an asshole
Not like you...
Atomic Man,
You had me at "Jew Canoe."
--Wildcat Etc.
Very fine blogging.
They made the building ornate the old-fashioned way, they uuuurrrrnnned it.
That guy's Twatter feed is a cluster fuck of Millenial horse shit and horrible food... and toys? Oh wait.. Gizmodo...
That guy's Twatter feed is a cluster fuck of Millenial horse shit and horrible food... and toys? Oh wait.. Gizmodo...
wiwm-
your new squeeze thinks you're a cheap serial killer? that's ok it's good to move through the adoration phase through the 'he has feet of clay phase' quickly
Scranus
Bronx Cube of Eventual Justice.
Hilarious.
WIWM: what does your daughter think of the new squeeze?
Now looking back...is it...had ran or had run?
Or maybe It's runnoft from "o brother,where art thou".
Captain Ahab, remarking after espying someone using the Alcoho-Lock, "Thar she blows"!
She puts her lips up against the ridged appendage, pursed them and blew with a force that she knew would trigger release. Alas it was not to be, and the night's expectations were not to be forthcoming. Unfulfilled, she turned and left, with visions of that uber-sexy Italian rider, dripping with oil, making her want to be the podium fodder for just one hot, steamy night.
Ted K, so the Chinese had some thinkers in the early 20th-century, I sure wish the USA had some thinkers. There seems to be a dearth of American thinkers, both then and now. Ergo the mere entertainment of the idea of The Donald as a viable political candidate. I shake my head in wonder, and fear for the future.
Bad Boy -
The seven year old male must run away from time to time or he ends up as stunted as Ted K. In those pre-paleolithic days I lived with my folks on a country road a few miles from Toronto, and it never occurred to them to tell me where I could or could not go. So I spent many of my days wandering the woods, usually alone, and got home by dinnertime. Once I came home unusually cold, and my dad spent the evening warming my feet on his belly. And when first grade started, I rode my first bike a mile on the road to school and back. Bike helmets were many decades in the future, of course.
Pretty much why most modern humans think of me as some kind of throwback weirdo, when they think of me at all. I try to blend into the forest wherever I may be.
If I buy cheap, nasty, plastic religious icons that are made in China by slave children who have never even heard of the Baby Jesus, and put them on the shelf above my obsolete collection of tv evangelical cassette tapes, does that make it less likely for me to be accepted into the 'Gated Community of Heaven'?
Oh dear. It's not the slave children that I put up on my shelf above the obsolete cassettes, but it's the nasty, plastic, religious icons that reside there.
I don't care if it rains or freezes
As long as I got my plastic jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car.
Shake hands with the peace within your spirit
Is this tripe just a subtle beginning to the start of the sprint?
I don't always go to the men's room, but when I do, I make number 2
Where does one buy a New York Times in Dixie?
I've been all over Montgomery looking for one.
i get it free online via calibre. calibre automatically runs at a scheduled time each morning, emails it to amazon, and it downloads to my kindle when i turn the kindle on. it's a little different than what spousy pays for to get on the iPad but mostly the same.
Snob,
Not sure if you've ever listened to this before, but someone recommended to me this Moth piece by a former caretaker of Edgar Allen Poe's cottage: http://themoth.org/posts/stories/poe-and-i. From his piece, I'd thought the cottage was in a secluded area of the Bronx, though it looks quite busy from your piece for Brooks. Fun fact I learned from his story: apparently caretakers of writers' historic homes are competitive with one another.
mlliu,
I haven't, thanks. That was good.
--Wildcat Etc.
Cat6
Caretakers
On
Crabon
Just imagine: you leave the bar, approach your --ck, drop to your knees, slowly lift the --ck to your lips, and blow.
dave@753p
sometimes you have to runaway from home in your fifties.but now it's called a vacation.
I had a pretty good childhood while growing up.
glad to see that you had had one a s well.
It has been almost 3 days and no comments on the latest BSNYC post Brooks Blog? Are the ALL Inappropriate?
I'm on vacation ...left without leaving an out of office message for my email.....can't do it from a non-secure pc or my mobile..my secretary might be enlisted, but the I would have to tell her my password is scranus...
Lol! Oops.... heh heh. That's funny. How likely is she to tell the other secretaries?
98
nothing to see here
99...
woo hoo?
Oh yeah!!
Congrats Babble - Podium reach around
Cheers!
Congrats to the victorious sprinter. It would've too hard to explain my password. I'll deal with emails as they come.
congrats babs
i think it's a first is it not? how does it feel to bask in the glory of the century?
dop
easy. just say it's not a word. words in the dictionary are weak passwords if she googles it and confronts you, just profess shock at the coincidence. and then change it to append a "?"
Is it? Really? All the babbling and never before a century? Hmm.... well, anything's possible. And good! It feels good. Cause kisses. I love kisses.
What if I wanna blow a bike lock? Huh? What of it, man?
Screw the alcohol blowie thing on the bike lock. Kickstart one that works on phones and 'puter keyboards and you will provide a true societal benefit (and prevent lots of embarrassment/ruined reputations/etc).
I hope this really works as illustrated and it will reduce drunk driving incidents to a great extent. Also, this same technology can be applied to cars and bikes. My uncle works with a DUI lawyer and we know how much fatal and disastrous drunk driving can be. I refrain everyone in my circle from doing it.
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