Thursday, September 25, 2014

Could somebody please clean the fan already? It's still got you-know-what all over it.

Remember Stanley Wiggins?  No?  He's the guy who won the Tour de France that time:


And now some guy with the same last name--a relative perhaps?--is your World Time Trial Champion of the World:


Wiggins said this would be his final time trial world championships before he focuses on the track in the final two years of his career. The 34-year-old Londoner has now has won six world track titles, four Olympic golds medals, a world time trial title and a Tour de France.

He collapsed on the floor after his ride, struggling to understand that he was the new world time trial champion.

Incidentally, collapsing on the floor in denial is also the most common reaction after spending a night with Mario Cipollini.  In fact, a night with Cipo is pretty much exactly like riding a time trial: you train for weeks beforehand, it takes about an hour, you keep your head down the whole time, and in the end you wind up empty and broken.

Meanwhile, in the world of competitive amateur cycling, here's a video of a rider practicing his cyclocrossing that was shot this morning by a reader in a Brooklyn park:



Though filmed vertically, it is quite evocative: a gentle rain falls with a soothing patter, the morning sun struggles vainly with the clouds, and a lone Fred jumps on and off his bicycle as he trains for the discipline du jour.

There's only one problem, which is that you really shouldn't do that in a public park, especially in today's charged anti-cycling climate.  Sure, you're probably not going fast enough to hurt anybody, but during those precious off-leash hours some disgruntled dog owner is liable to sic the NYPD on you, and these days they're just looking for an excuse to bust the biggest menace to public safety the city has ever known.  (That's cyclists, in case you haven't been paying attention.)  Not only that, but riding around on a wet lawn is more or less a "Fuck you" to the people who maintain the parks.  (I mean, sure, dogs pissing and shitting all over the place is also a "Fuck you," but that's another story.)

So if you're itching to practice those remounts, please do us all a favor and find a CX clinic--that's cyclocross clinic, by the way.  "CX clinic" sounds like someplace you'd get some exotic new STD treated.

Speaking of the whole Central Park thing, I did a search for "Bike Snob" on YouTube because I love myself, and I found this eerie video someone uploaded (also filmed vertically, go figure) of me bloviating about Strava at the IMBA summit last month:



That's just creepy.  (And yes, I'm talking about my appearance and voice, though the prescience of the subject matter is kind of weird too.)  I should point out that this was after my actual "talk," while I was wandering around the crowd taking questions and just being a general attention-whoring douchebag, and I guess someone must have asked me about Strava.  It's not like Strava was the subject of the talk or anything.  (I can also assure you my take on the subject would have been far less irreverent today.)  Then later I guess we moved onto the evergreen subject of waving:



Hilarious.  Now somebody's going to clobber a pedestrian while taking a hand off the bar to wave to another cyclist.

Don't you wish I still blogged anonymously?

By the way, if you think the Central Park story is winding down you're quite mistaken.  Despite my refusal to talk to the New York Post they ran with a bunch of quotes from my post of last Friday, which was pretty clear in its condemnation of dangerous riding.  Nevertheless, some dolt on Facebook read the Post exactly wrong, because people who read the Post have no reading comprehension skills, which is why I refuse to talk to them in the first place:

And here comes the bullshit apologies from the bike community: "You know people are going to cross against the light and if you choose to ignore that, inevitability the blame should fall on you,” W**** blogged.

W*** being the author of Bike Snob NYC. In apologizing for this asshole who mowed down a woman on his $4000 bike, he very clearly blames the victim. So he's a hypocritical asshole. Further, every report has made it clear that no one knows who had the light, thus making this Weiss a double asshole.

Wow.  You have to be eight different kinds of stupid to read it like that--almost as stupid as a State Senator from Staten Island, who added these rejoinders:



Diane J. Savino i am intrigued, john, right now, i just scream at them out the window of my car. quite a site when i yell, "Hey, find a fucking bike lane and get in it"

Yes, this is New York State Senator Diane J. Savino, boasting on Facebook that she harasses cyclists while driving:


Wow.

When you're looking at a mountain of stupid this monumental it's difficult to know where to begin, but I'd start with a law that says if you brag on the Internet about engaging in psychopathic road rage behavior while behind the wheel your license should be suspended for 30 days.  Call it a "cooling-off" period.  After that, you will be evaluated by a psychologist at your own expense before your license is reinstated.  We could call it the "Diane J. Savino Law."

It's hard to believe that people like this even get elected, but I did take a look at the district she represents and it makes a bit more sense to me now:


Most of her district seems to consist of the narrows between Staten Island and Brooklyn, so presumably she was elected by a mandate from barnacles, crustaceans, and other forms of marine life.

Hey, it could be worse.  I could live in Toronto:



Glad to see they're keeping the crack pipe burning up north in the name of Robs Fords.

Lastly, here's a strange video about trying to buy a bike at Walmart:

When buying a bike at Walmart you have to be especially careful about your selection as choosing the wrong bike can lead to serious injury or death for you or your family. This so called "Safety Manager" talked down to me in the store and put me beneath her feet. The other Walmart Employee was also very unprofessional. When shopping for a bicycle at Walmart be careful that you don't get OWNED like I did. In front of my child the Walmart employees handled up on me. I was so humiliated. I was only riding the bicycle (bike) for a second. I still bought a bike I just wish I could have been treated a little better by the store employees.




To be honest, I was a little weirded out by this guy's body of work, most of which seem to use his daughter as a comic foil.  So apparently there's such a thing as a YouTube stage parent now, a strange breed of digital huckster who is half Michael Jackson's dad and half Daniel Day Lewis in "There Will Be Blood," and who is hell-bent on going viral.  Still, you can't argue with the film's central message:


Indeed.

I hope they're watching down at the U.N.

124 comments:

tommy said...

Podi!

BottongBot9000 said...

Where is everyone?

Anonymous said...

ho ha

chunkylover said...

Everytime Snob posts past 12:50, I consider canceling my subscription - much like I did with the Staten Island Advance, who couldn't deliver the paper to my house before 3:00 pm...yesterday's news by then.

3G said...

Top somthing!

James said...

missed.
Scranus.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Top 10.

Anonymous said...

top eleven!

Anonymous said...

Ninth (top ten)

owee said...

isn't that dangerous of stanley going fast on an expensive beik?

JB said...

Good to see Yahoo Serious surface at your IMBA talk. Took some pics of you too!

trama said...

WCRM
I hate you, you death-cycling apologist hateful fuck! How can you say the ...wait, what? Oh. Erm, you are not apolo..?...ah Phuket.

-Most People

Freddy Murcks said...

yOU MAY BE BROKEN IF YOU SPEND A NIGHT WITH cIPO, BUT i DOUBT THAT YOU'D BE EMPTY. iN FACT, i IMAGINE THAT YOU COULD VERY WELL FIND YOURSELF FILLED WITH A GROWING LITTLE cIPO (A cIPO OFF THE OLD BLOCK, AS IT WERE).

Anonymous said...

Under the Top 10 !!

Raining = Epic "R" Train + X37 "'Spress" Bus Rides !

vsk

RANTWICK said...

Snuh. Gruh.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Savino and McGuire...Mount Stupid.

leroy said...

My dog informs me that what he does in the park is no different than what bears do in the woods.

He's willing to demonstrate in Rep. Savino's yard.

I suggested the New York Post's comment section, but he believes more fertilizer in that venue would hardly be noticed.

BamaPhred said...

At least your IMARUNEMINADEETCH looks better than our IMARUNEMINADEETCH.

Regular guy said...

Obviously, today's post is a lesson in keeping your head down if you can't stand the pressure of leadership, publicity, and wanting to buy stuff at Walmart.

Glad to see Wiggins has learned his lesson and is getting back to the relative anonymity of time trialing and track.

3G said...

I also love how she (Diane "Tennessee Mud-Butt" Saviano misused the word "site".

McFly said...

You're blowing up son.

Freddy, CAPS LOX IS ON.

Anonymous said...

So who would be to blame if Mr. Cyclocrosser were to run into a dog chasing after a frizbee in the park?

Wait, I know the answer.

Anonymous said...

ACCT ABLT

Vernal Magina said...

Happy new year.

Freddy Murcks said...

Thanks, McFly. I noticed about half way though but I decided to just go with it. FUCK IT, IT'S THURSDAY.

And thanks for making me think of lox, 'cause now I'm hungry and there isn't a deli anywhere in sight.

rudimentary peni said...

The blogger with difficulties in reading comprehension called you a "double asshole." Is that like an anal fistula? Although I'm glad he had no problem appropriating the terms "tridork" and "Fred".

Anonymous said...

It's gonna get worse before it gets better.

I guess that protected bike lane on the Verrazano Bridge won't be along any time soon.



vsk

Bryan said...

Could have made the podium today, but it was just too delicious to watch all of the movies first. Hey, you got called a double asshole! I would call that a win, sir.
Looked like you had a good time at teh WRLD SMIT. It's a shame there was no one to salute while you had that drink in your hand - imagine what the papers would say then!!

I'm studying hard for tomorrow's quiz...

grog said...

Who are these people? Leroy's dog is the only one who makes any sense.
Poseidon was elected by a mandate from barnacles, crustaceans, and other forms of marine life.

Anonymous said...

The complex shape that Stanley assumes on a TT bike is called a Wiggoid.

Has no one mentioned, until just now, that $4,000 is not that much to spend on a bike these days. If it was a $12, 000 bike, well, there ya got something.

Anonymous said...

fodder

Joe K. said...

Snobby,

I was surprised Larry Celona, or Laura Italiano (his female pen-name), could even find you site considering they thought that Tridorks and Freds were like the N-word for intra-bike-community names, (THOSE ARE OUR WORDS, YOU CAN'T USE THEM, YOU DON'T KNOW THE STRUGGLE!)

But then i did a gaggle of google googles and found that the google has you listed first when you giggle (past tense) NYC Bike blog. It was then abundantly clear, they only copy-pasta their giggles all over their articles.

Also, wow, using a comment for content. That edgy. And by edgy I mean sofa-king-we-todd-did.

Hey Laura Italy, you can quote me on that.

As for Ms. Savino, Are we really shocked anymore by NY politicians and their hatred of the bicycle bike cyclists? Maybe she's trying to make congress. According to wikibritanica she's a self-proclaimed "neurotic cleaner" so maybe she just has OCD and the cyclists she sees have dirty drivetrains. I don't know, but there are issues there for sure.

Weeks like this make me glad I'm a cyclist in NYC's bedroom, NJ. We only have to deal with the bad news that Justin Bieber wants to be a professional asshole on a bicycle.

I can't wait to watch him run a red light on TMZ.

-PBJoe

919 bottles of Bacitracin on the wall, 919 bottles of Bacitracin

shining trapezoid said...

Diane and Michelle:
"HEY, find a fucking coffin and get in it! Ya fuckin cunts."

Joe K. said...

Also, can someone please clue the NY Post in to the picture of Brett from the Planet Tridork? His $4000 bike would look great in their 35¢ paper.

PBateman said...

Snoberdonger - i always imagined you with a more sultry, jazz radio, honey type voice.

just a bit surprised its more like woody allen. actually, i guess that shouldn't be that surprising.

Anonymous said...

Your stand up routine is coming along quite nicely. Not too surprised that the state senator representing the great borough of Staten Island is a complete idiot (nothing against SI, I think it is a underrated borough). Generally politicians are pretty fucking stupid, but local politicians are the bottom feeders in the political food chain. Although she did manage to vote in favor of medical marijuana.

JB said...

"$4,000 bike? Probably a Cat. 4. LOL!"

Anonymous said...

Go Wiggo! A gigantic fuck you to team sky for leaving him off the tdf squad.

Joe K. said...

The $4000 is a reference to the "top-of-the-line Jamis Eclipse racing cycle" that keeps getting cited as his $4000 bike by every news outlet looking to shit on bike-riding cyclists.

PBateman said...

also, is that a video of someone doing cyclocross...or video of Big Foot? from the footage it could pass for either.

Orestes Munn said...

Seriously, I would seriously be worried about riding a bicycle in NYC and environs during these days of rage. Seriously.

1904 Cadardi said...

BikeStandUpSnob,

That stravoid routine was indeed quite prescient of you. And quite humorous too.

When I'm riding I usually give the head bob, or dip, sometimes the finger lift. If I don't get something in return, no biggy. You wanna wave? Wave. You don't? Don't.

But to each of the three jerks that passed by yesterday without so much as a "yaokay?"while my buddy was changing his flat: Go fuck yourselves. We had tubes and pumps and tire levers and such so we were all set, but that's just rude.

1904 Cadardi said...

Oh, and is there anything dorkier looking than someone practicing cyclocross dismounts and mounts alone and without a barrier? I'm trying to rank all the dorky looking things I've done in my life and want to know where that fits on the list.

Joe K. said...

@1904 Cadardi,

If you didn't have tire levers they would have asked if you were okay.

The robot just called me a "chalice assweene"

Expat New Yorker said...

"It's gonna get worse before it gets better. "

I agree, damn glad I am miles from NYC
does make for interesting reading

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...the esteemed senator is a Double Asshole... or Asshole Squared... wait, i have never seen that...

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...as the representative of cyclists in my office, i have heard these kinds of phrases from coworkers since the week started and the news got around about the fatality of the woman in CP:

"cyclists never obey traffic laws"

"I was almost clipped by a cyclist once... can you imagine if i hit the ground like that woman?!"

and my favorite...

"I will carry a stick with me so i can stick it in someone's spokes the next time they run a red light"

...i should invite the Senator Asshole Squared to give a speech to my colleagues.

Fucking Pols said...

“And bikers have to take responsibility for what’s happening. They’re moving sometimes at 40 miles an hour. We just went through the whole process of reducing the city speed limit to 25 miles an hour, unless it is otherwise posted. That should apply to bikes as well. We are all in this together.”

Yes kunt - you nailed it - the biggest threat to safety in NYC is cyclists blowing by at near WooHoo speed in 25 mph zones. Brilliant.

Almost as brilliant as saying it was a joke that you yell at cyclists. First off, we know you do it. Third, joking about a tragic death? Fourth, die.

Joe K. said...

What do we call it when a "Union PAC Director; deep-pocketed contributor; occasional king-maker." as Michael McGuire calls himself on Twitter, being able to throw money around for political campaigns, being friends on Facebook with political candidates and then also not mastering reading comprehension?

Business as usual.

crosspalms said...

I guess I could do 40 in city traffic if I had a motor.

Anonymous said...

I am now forced to read your blog using your actual voice, which is a mash up of Jimmy Kimmel and Miracle Max, instead of the made-up voice I used to read it with, which was more of a cross between Marky Ramone and Paulie Walnuts

CommieCanuck said...

Yes, Torontards are seeking out to prove in this election that Toronto can make Florida look like Stockholm.

At the last Mayoral debate, Ford supporters chanted, "go back to China!" to Dougie's Asian opponent.
But, we don't smoke as much crack any more, since crack smoking has been linked to fat tumors of the ass and brain.

CommieCanuck said...

...the esteemed senator is a Double Asshole... or Asshole Squared... wait, i have never seen that...

I'm no math expert, but I think it's 2!, or 2X1 asshole, multipled by 29004 makes "BOOBS" when turned upside down.

I guess that does make me the math expert here.

Regular guy said...

So, was the video of Mr. Cyclocrosser shot by his wife, kid, or assistant, or was it someone who just happened along some weirdo?

Since the videographer obviously was keeping a safe distance, I think the latter.

RoadQueen said...

Is that a wallet in the front pocket of your skinny pants? Or are you just happy to see me.... ;)

Spokey said...

I can't believe i actually watched that entire walmart video. I'll responsibility for 30 seconds. But snobbie, you owe me 5 minutes of my life for the rest.

JLRB said...

Thanks for sharing the videos SnoB - very funny. You forgot to yell at the camera - "why are filming me?"

On the waving subject - there is a long off road trail - the C&O Canal Tow Path - that starts in Cumberland Maryland and runs 185 miles to DC. If you start in Cumberland it is rural, and you only see people every mile or so. they wave. I wave back.

Middle section - between Hancock (no d) and Harper's Ferry - trail is a little more active - you see groups of people more frequently. Waves are common, but not a sure thing.

By the time you are within 20 miles of DC it's back to fuck-you-get-out-of-my-way-you-idiot.

So a loooong way of saying - spot on!

Telegram Sam said...

Savino is my gal and that's my district. I can't speak for the Brooklyn side, but the North Shore of Shaolin is actually the more diverse, progressive end of the island. Thus a democrat. Anyway, here's what I wrote to her just now:

Dear Ms. Savino,

As a cyclist and constituent who has voted for you in every election, I'm beyond disappointed in your Facebook comment and your follow-up to it.

First of all, you sound like an ignorant bully. I expect this from Michael Grimm, not from you. You've now joined Rep. Grimm in making sure everyone in the city and beyond knows Staten Island is full of ignoramuses with impulse control issues. Social media is a public forum, particularly if you're a public person. You're not at a bar.

Second: Yes there are bad apples among us cyclists, many of them. They frustrate me as much as you, trust me, mostly because they make drivers hate us. But just because cyclists break the law, ride obnoxiously, or just get in your way, doesn't give you the right to act like a thug from the safety of your car. The law says we are allowed to ride on any street except major highways. Until you get that changed, you'll just have to deal with it, without harassing us and cursing like a longshoreman.

Third: You have no idea what you're talking about regarding speed. Have you ever ridden 40mph on a bike? Virtually no one outside of major professional racing circles has. I certainly haven't. So I sincerely doubt you've observed this on Staten Island roads. And if these cyclists you're screaming at are going so fast, how are you passing them in order to give them that valuable piece of your mind? You must be going faster than 25mph as well. Tsk tsk.

Staten Island and the US as a whole needs more bikes and less cars. Are you aware of the insane traffic in our borough? Imagine if just 20% of those cars choking Clove Road or Forest Ave or any other of a hundred clogged up streets were bikes. The North Shore would be traffic nirvana! And if you really care about bikes being in your way, or endangering pedestrians, then help add to the paltry bike infrastructure in your district. It'll keep everyone safer, and calmer.

I know you probably get these kinds of threats all the time, but believe me: until you take yourself and this issue seriously and give a sincere, public apology, I will not vote for you. Above that, I will gladly donate to and/or volunteer for any candidate who runs against you in a primary.

It's that important to me. People who enable people who road rage at bikes threaten my safety every day.

thanks,
----------
St. George resident

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Telegram Sam,

Chapeau for an exemplary letter to your representative - restrained, yet forceful. Look forward to hearing the response.

In the Bay Area (where it rained today), most fredly types will wave or nod at their counterparts, and also check if you need help when you are at the roadside. Last time it happened to me, I think the count was about forty check-ins and three ride-bys. Felt good.

Spokey said...

JLRB

I hate the C&O. Was there a second time last year doing the GAP then C&O. It's so full of pot holes and roots. oh, and the poison ivy. Except for that 20 mile alternate in MD / Hancock area it's nasty for a roadie. Didn't make it all the way last year. oldest brother took a spill after we left Hancock and was bleeding out (he's on warfarin) so we abandoned after leaving the hospital in williamsport.

The more northern GAP is a much better ride. I think that segment is 130 or 150 ending in Cumberland. I could be talked in to the GAP again, but not the C&O.

'course ima road rider. maybe the rest of youse like that shit.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Nice letter sam.

I used to do the head bob/nod thing but now that I have a head rest I'm ensconced much like an astronaut aboard my recumbent cycling bike and can't move my head up and down. Just slightly left or right. So now I do the finger raise to greet passing cyclists and other trail users.

Drock said...

Police chief here hit woman in wheelchair crossing the street, blame was placed on the sun. Down the middle.

Spokey said...

outlaw the sun.

or at least require the sun to have registrations and plates

Anonymous said...

Drock:
You from Davenport?

Telegram Sam said...

Lumpy Fred,

Yeah, NYC is kinda a different thing. There's a certain amount of Churchill-Stalin enemy-of-my-enemy thing when a cyclist is threatened, but we mostly hate on each other for riding like idiots, or at least with a different flavor of idiocy than we prefer.

Nothing like the West Coast, and I say that admiringly for once. Never been to SF, but I was in Portland, OR for three glorious days this spring, rode all over the place, and can't tell you how much good will and camaraderie I felt with my many fellow cyclists of all genres. Even goddamn cars stopped for me, passed me with ample elbow room, let me cross lanes to turn, etc. Glad you know how good you've got it!

xo TG

Anonymous said...

Let's not forget Ms. savino pushed the Medical Marijuana bill thru the state government.

Anonymous said...

Great letter Telegram Sam.
Let us know if she replies.

Mr. Ed said...

I've ridden 40 mph on a bike. I was even approaching WOOHOO speed but backed off because I was a little horse.

Joe K. said...

I've done 61 mph on a bike according to the tracking company that shall not be named, but that was on a closed road for a race. It's expected then.

Everyone needs to remember that Staten Island isn't bad, they just make the Jersey Shore look bad.

Good letter Sam, I hope you get a genuine response not a form letter of "Thank you for your support. i support bike lanes and bikes to stay in them."

JB said...

Oh, so now Sen. Savinino is responsible for everyone driving around NY after taking the medical weed. No criminality suspected. Amiright! LOL.

Anonymous said...

Telegram Sam !
Good one. I am in Bay Ridge so I am surrounded by her district somewhat without being in it.

I would be prone to attempt to install a piece of my mind but we all see now what extra nonsense out of context comments cause. Your letter was good. Thanks.

vsk

Regular guy said...

I'm not going to watch the stand up routine video. I already know what the Snob looks like and that was bad enough, hearing his voice will ruin it all, like when they make a movie out of a favorite book. It always messes up one's carefully curated visual and aural impressions of the characters.

God, it sounds like I prefer my own fantasies to real life.

Maybe so.

You know what I said...

Jens Voigts playlist is a winner! It makes him want to flee, so he boosts his output.

Robot sez drunkenly: isiithtuesday

No, it is Thursday, Robot.

Twob Rake said...

Snob has a future in Vegas, judging by the video.

BamaPhred said...

Appearing next at Dangerfields it's BikeSnobNYC!

I was stopped for a moment and a dog mistook my leg for a fire hydrant, or maybe it wasn't a mistake.

Mercedes was rubbing up against me, no, not Mercedes Terrell, I only wish. It was Mercedes G63.

I'm telling ya, I get no respect

(Rimshot)

Speaking of no respect, I'm not getting any from my iPad trying to post. Lucky commentariat.

JLRB said...

Spokey-

I'm with ya on the GAP being much preferred to the C&O surface. I would do the GAP any weekend of the year (at least when the tunnels are open). Last time I did the GAP was a couple of weeks after Superstorm Sandy (got lucky with the weather - most of the snow was melted), so its been a while.

The C&O just happens to be close by so I can ride it without car portage - in fact I use a section of it for one of my commute routes. It is a beat down on the body and the drive train - sandy grit and bumpy. I've done a few weekend out and back rides to Harpers Ferry - decent places to stay and OK places to get food and drink for the night. This Fall when we did it we took the W&OD paved trail to Purcelville and back country roads to avoid most of the C&O - in fact zero miles on it on the way back. I sort of missed the C&O for that ride - the treed canopy along the river makes for pleasant riding - but you can't take in the scenery much due to the bumps.

The GAP is no problem on a road beiking cycle (even through the loose gravel parts - we're all going to die!) - the C&O for any distance is much better on a front suspended mountaining biek cycle.

Both offer long rides with little to zero interaction with motor vehicles.

Anonymous said...

Snob, there's zero chance of a nipple slip in that t-shirt, loosen up for your audience a little.

Grump said...

What a campaign slogan....."Hey, find a fucking bike lane and get in it".......To be used by whomever runs against her.
I can just see it on signs posted all over.
.

leroy said...

Dear Anon 1:38 --

The Frisbee of course. Shucks, isn't it obvious?

Anon @ 1:38 said...

So says the guy with the dog.

It's whoever threw the Frisbee, unleashing multi-dimensional inter-species chaos into the bucolic setting.

Yeah Cleveland! said...

My wife and I rode the Gap and C&O this summer to attend an anti-fracking protest in DC. We enjoyed the Gap and hated the C&O. Maryland obviously doesn't care. My wife was on a hybrid with 28s and I was on a road biek with 28s. 32s would've been preferable. A storm came through the night before we left Cumberland, covering the C&O with fallen trees. It took us all day to reach the B&B in Little Orleans which didn't have power anyway. That day wasn't fun.
I'm looking at the Erie Canal Trail (Buffalo to Albany) for next summer. Any thoughts?

Spokey said...

JLRB

I do my travels and most local riding on 700x37. it's a co-motion americano. yeah i spose a suspension would help but you're right that it takes so much attention that you can't just ride and enjoy.

sounds like you're down on the DC end. both times i've ridden the c&O the cumberland end starts out OK but gets muddy maybe 5-6 miles down. I've had to remove my fenders both time due to mud clogging. That asphalt alternate is really nice though

David Pearce said...

Dear Bike Snob,

You really seem to be on to something (that I wasn't aware of) with this Strava thing.

I am anti-social. It comes from having the fuck beat out of me a couple of times, being just terrorized many other times, and having orange sections thrown at me on the bus until my eyeglasses became kaleidoscopes. And then after that, I was finally old enough to go to school.....

Ok, before you call Child & Family Services, I was joking.

The above events actually happened IN SCHOOL, from other students. To those just about to enter school now, I want to tell you that things have changed mightily since I was a lad, and now you will find your fellow students as nice and supportive and friendly as you could ever desire! Things DO get better. Trust me! It's obvious things get better, because I'm 54 now and HARDLY EVER mention the fact that I got the crap beat out of me as a kid, because I didn't realize that in reality, the world is a hateful place.

*********

Moving on. I never realized being anti-social might actually have benefits, but you'd be surprised at how many fads I don't cling on to, much to my benefit:

I don't drink and drive, I care way too much about my silver 2000 Volvo v70 wagon to jeopardize it. I simply wait until I get home, a time like now, in my bed, when I can drink, and drink, and comment, and drink, and no one and no car gets hurt.

I don't text and drive.

I eschew earbuds, except when camping, and wishing to watch Mean Streets on my laptop at my local KoA, without bringing out the ire of my fellow campers.

I don't #Strava.

I don't TriAddict.net

I am older, nearer the end my time on this mortal coil. I don't care about wasting any more of my time. It really is stupid how this whole triathlon thing became so stupidly addictive and unsafe. The fastest ISN'T everything.

I don't know who Kelly Minage is, although I believe he is human.

D.P.,
Washington, D.C.

JLRB said...

Yea Cleveage - I've not ridden the Erie Canal - curious about the surface condition. I don't think Maryland has control over the canal - National Park service jurisdiction...

Spokey - I recall showing up at a diner near the Paw Paw tunnel (maybe the town of Paw Paw?) covered in mud - they let us use their hose to clear the crud out of the beiks. I also remember they sold something called potato candy - I was calorie starved so I ate it - not good.

Is everyone else u cramming for tomorrow's quiz?

David Pearce said...

Dear Mr. Figners,

From last Friday, I loved your incisive interview with Tarzan, although I am about to suggest a few edits which are not journalistically honest, but sell more magazines. My edits are the parts not bolded:

So in conclusion I'd like to say:

HIT PEOPLE BAD. NO HIT PEOPLE. YOU WATCH SO NOT HIT PEOPLE.
AND ALSO WATCH SO YOU NOT GET HIT YOU SELF. BUT STILL MAYBE YOU HIT PEOPLE OR GET HIT YOU SELF. NOBODY PERFECT. BUT YOU TRY AND DO YOU BEST.

It shame Tarzan Language no longer in school taught. Tarzan have much teach world. Tarzan Language primed new Lingua Franca of new world age.

babble on said...

OMG what a little hottie you are, snobberdoodles. Nice bum, where ya from?

Re the mad senator - don't call her a kunt. Cunts are beautiful things, and she is just a madwoman...

But I havbe bigger problems than hateful women at the moment. I think we might have found a black widow in the cultery drawer, and the damned thing escaped again - in my kitchen! talk about giving a girl the willies!

David Pearce said...

My hat is off to the Wiggins family!!

It is so great that they raised so many great bikers!!

I love Stanley, and now Bradley has won the Individual Time Trial, it's just great, and I really love it.

This can only mean great things ahead for the third biking brother, Harley Wiggins, now that he is about to make his cycling debut in Le Tour de Mars, although, no doubt, he will face stiff competition from competitor Mario Cipollini.

Unfortunately, things do not look as sanguine for the fourth member of the family, Chesley Wiggins, who will continue to miss the cut in this year's race calendar.

David Pearce said...

Did you know that cipollini means small onion in Italian?

I do now!

Anonymous said...

So does that make Diane J. Savino a triple asshole or just a great big fat ugly* asshole?

(Ugly both inside and out - full of shit if you will).

Anonymous said...

IMBA attendee:"Are you #Enduro?"
Snob:"Whaaa?"

IMBA attendee:"I said, are you #Enduro?"
Snob:"I, uhhhh"

Got a hearty chuckle out of that exchange

Chives do it better said...

Small onions = cipolline.

Cipollini would be the plural form of the adjective "oniony" but that's very rarely used in practice, except in the form of "erba cipollina" (=chives).

1904 Cadardi said...

Hey David Pearce,

You and I are VoBros. Keep rocking on in the Swedish Wagon Mafia

Joe K. said...

The Erie Canalway is very nice. I rode it when I was visiting Rochester for a wedding.

For what the surfaces are, well it depends on where you are. Check here:
http://www.eriecanalway.org/explore_things-to-do_erie-canal-trail.htm

I did it on a rigid 93 Rockhopper with 1.75 slicks.

I could have done it on my road bike, I think, but it was at home since I didn't know how welcoming the hotel was going to be to me bringing my bike into the room and I have the Rockhopper for the purpose of not leaving expensive bikes in front of stores.

You'll like it, it's a very nice ride.

ce said...

Commie 3:27,

"...since crack smoking has been linked to fat tumors of the ass and brain."

Had a proper laugh at that.

Poor guy.

Nah, fuck him.

Poor guy.

Orestes Munn said...

In the "Freds are assholes" vein, I flatted in our small "c" central park this a.m. and, although I was clearly coping, I must have been passed by at least 10 Freds and assorted bike nerds, without so much as a nod of acknowledgement.

Boat Freds may be dicks too, but they are all about rendering aid.

babble on said...

Helps to be a girl in that sense. freds always ask if I'm ok when changing a flat. And I figure I am, at least untill I pinch a tube...

JLRB said...

98

JLRB said...

99

JLRB said...

100

JLRB said...

wOO HOO!

JLRB said...

PBJ - "You'll like it, it's a very nice ride."

Are you stealing Cipo's pick up lines again?

JLRB said...

On the subject of helping flatted beikcyclers - I almost always ask if they need help, especially when it is clear they don't. They give you that - this sucks but I am not a tool look. The only time I don't bother is if I am running late(r than usual).

Babs - Helping a Wilma in distress much better than helping a Fred - far less awkward :-)

Orestes Munn said...

I usually ask people if they have everything they need. They usually do.

Anonymous said...

Fred of the Sea and others,

Sail boaters hardly need assistance except for the occasional grounding and losing motor power near the marina to get in and out.
I have been able to assist in both cases having a twin that only draws about 3 feet.

I have been able to stop and provide assistance here and there. Once near the GW-
2 guys were going from NJ to downtown. A jogger kicked this poor kid's rear derlr and rendered the bike immobile. I had an adjustable wrench in the kitchen sink bag and got it pretty functional for him.

Helped a roadie with a rear flat. On the West side bike path. She was pretty aggressive about fitting the rear wheel back in it's place. Crabon shards flying here and there.

Saw some poor guy after he took a spill on 9W near Hillside Ave. he was in no shape to ride so I gave him a lift in the convertible CLK broomwagen to Astoria. Nice guy. I hope he's doing ok.

I keep bike tools in the car. I hate to see people stuck.

vsk

Orestes Munn said...

Oh, and re the girl thing: I know. I've lived with one for 37 years and raised my very own human female child to adulthood. Life is very different for them, but I'm not sure I'd trade, just on the basis of Freds offering assistance.

FRANKENSTEIN said...

HIT PEOPLE BAD. NO HIT PEOPLE. YOU WATCH SO NOT HIT PEOPLE. AND ALSO WATCH SO YOU NOT GET HIT YOU SELF. BUT STILL MAYBE YOU HIT PEOPLE OR GET HIT YOU SELF. NOBODY PERFECT. BUT YOU TRY AND DO YOU BEST.

FRANK AGREE, HIT PEOPLE, BAD. NO HIT PEOPLE. FIRE BAD.

TONTO said...

TONTO AGREE WITH FRANK AND CUTE GUY IN THONG.

CommieCanuck said...

Poor guy.

Nah, fuck him.

Poor guy.


When Olivia Chow's husband died of prostate cancer a few years, Ford and his Nation just attacked him on the interwebs. So yes, fuck him and his brother.

babble on said...

Ford Nation is a humiliation to conscious Canadians.

Adn it's true. A little roadside assistance does not an easier life make. But it is a lovely gesture, nonetheless. That's why I always ask stranded freds if they're alright...

babble on said...

Dyslexic much?

Alberto Constipador said...

I'm ok until I pinch a loaf.

Orestes Munn said...

vsk, power boaters have helped me out of some sticky situations and often offered when help wasn't needed.

The issue also comes up when you're, say, out in the Atlantic Fredding balls to the wall to Bermuda and a competitor boat breaks something critical or a Fred gets sick. The response is generally instant and responders are usually given redress when the results are tabulated.

JLRB said...

Gee whiz, wear's the quiz?

JLRB said...

(I like to wear quizzes when I whizzes)

dancesonpedals said...

Yeah, let's have a quiz. We'll probably get another whiny trope about some controversial topic that divides all bloggertum.

Orestes Munn said...

Just don't look at me kwizzicle like that.

Anonymous said...


............Nice..^_^v................

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Dhamira said...

I love it, keep post my bro

Unknown said...

good articel.. thankyou!
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