If it's a parody it's very funny, and if it's real it's very offensive, but I guess it doesn't really matter since either way it's highly entertaining. Basically, the author has just moved to Bedford-Stuyvesant, and he's disappointed that there aren't enough similar-minded douchebags following him. This, he posits, would be remedied if there were more twee coffee houses:
And Bed-Stuy, my current living location, could learn a few things from Starbucks and the Greeks. The infrastructure and layout of Bed-Stuy is no different from other parts of the city. Apartment blocks, storefronts, parks, “walk-up” brownstones with the quintessential New York fire escape, it is all there. So what is missing, Why is the area still not one which people flock to when looking for apartments? Why the fuck can I not get a decent coffee? Well, simply put, there is no where to get one. And this is the basis for exploration and investigation. Can neighborhood perception, pride, and responsibility be transformed through quality espresso?
Yes. Espresso. Coffee even. Coffee is the problem and the answer.
If this is indeed parody then he's capturing the voice of the enamored transplant quite well. ("Ooh, fire escapes! How urban!") He also takes that crucial extra step, which is to subtly insult and demean the people who have lived there for generations:
What Bed-Stuy needs is more community members, not merely people who reside there. The most widely recognized catalyst for this transition has historically been…coffee. Coffee creates the trickle down effect every community needs. If a community cares enough to demand a decent cup, that is a community that cares enough to make real changes.
As Malcolm Gladwell famously outlined in his book “Outliers” it is a broken window theory. If you let small details slip, such as allowing graffiti to go unchecked, then the whole community will slowly devolve into more serious crime and disrepair. A similar route is true on the other end. A community focused enough on small details, especially coffee, will bring with it larger issues, eventually lowering crime rates, lowering drop-out rates, and reducing the number of sexually transmitted diseases. In the end, this leaves all participants with a higher value community, one which people would love to call home.
If people really care about their situation, they can take steps to improve it. It is not easy, but effort over time shares. Will every single member of a community contribute to it, no. But some will. Change Agents as they are sometimes called, whatever label you give them, they increase and maintain the value of the community.
So how can we change Bed-Stuy (and all under-serviced areas?) Action. Bitching about the espresso. Demanding a higher quality of not only coffee, but life.
Profiling an entire community as sexually transmitted disease-addled dropouts? Sure. Pricing families out of the neighborhood in order to save them? Absolutely. Implying they're not involved in their community because they don't drink expensive coffee? Naturellement. But here's the best part:
Proceeds from the event will be used to plant new flower beds around the trees on Patchen Street.
Now that's what I call "giving back."
Anyway, if anyone's brave enough to actually go to this thing I'd love to know if it's for real, though go at your own risk because I'm pretty sure it's an ambush. I also agree with the writer that "gentrification" has acquired a negative connotation, and that's why from now on we should call it what it is, which is "Portlandification." Yes, I realize I'm getting old and ossified, but parody or not the attitude embodied in the espresso post has become palpable throughout much of Brooklyn. It's gotten to the point where living here makes me feel all squirmy and uncomfortable, like I'm wearing someone else's dirty pants. Then again, I guess it could be worse, and I could be living in San Francisco next-door to Mike Giant, as played by Philip Seymour Hoffman in this cringeworthy interview:
Mike Giant - Philosophy on life from sidewalktalk.dk on Vimeo.
This too flirts confusingly with the line between sincerity and parody. Giant is highly skilled at copying and selling gang graffiti, but he's less adept when it comes to matters of history. "Recently the city has changed a lot," says Giant of San Francisco, because "the young people who are moving here are hoping to make a million dollars." I'm not sure this is a new development. Wasn't San Francisco the commercial hub of the Gold Rush? I also enjoyed the part where he explained that he's trying to make less money. Perhaps Mitt Romney should try that line in order to endear himself to the middle-class voter. "I'm doing my gosh-darn best not to make more money but whatever I do the stuff just keeps coming at me in gobs!" Actually, I'm pretty sure this entire interview was scripted by Christopher Guest.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's great, and if you're wrong you'll see "Screaming Song" by The Bicycling Guitarist.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if you go to the pop-up espresso party I recommend wearing a helment.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if you go to the pop-up espresso party I recommend wearing a helment.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) The USADA's reasoned decision report will surely usher in a new era of honesty and integrity in professional cycling and ensure a clean future for the next generation of riders.
--True
(At the height of the fixie craze, a tight "collabo" bike could win you an election.)
2) Forget debates. Which politician would be most likely to win a trackstanding competition?
--Barack Obama
--Joe Biden
--Paul Ryan
--Mitt Romney
(À la recherche du temps fondue.)
3) Fill in the blank: "Absence makes the heart grow _____."
--Fonder
--Fondo
--Fungus
--Nipples
("My other bike is a car.")
4) David Byrne drives a:
--Honda
--Hyundai
--Citroën
("Please stop mentioning me.")
5) David Byrne wears clogs and drives around shirtless in a Buick station wagon with a big Campagnolo logo on it.
--True
--False
(Premium Cush: "Soft seat, two brakes. Can't go fast, don't want to.")
6) According to an Australian newspaper, this bike is "a popular choice for couriers."
--True
--False
--A vegan hot dog-eating contest
--A freegan game show called "Whole Foods Dumpster Sweep"
--A human-powered improvisational play about bicycle network planning
--A re-imagining of Peter Shaffer's "Equus" with bikes instead of horses
***Special Pundit-Venturing-Dangerously-Outside-The-Area-Of-His-Expertise-Themed Bonus Question***
(I'm using this picture ironically.)
"So, what if we thought about Lance and competitive cycling as auto racing. It's on three levels: you got a bike, you got a driver, and you got science. When you look at what Lance is alleged to have done, basically he was better than everyone else at using PEDs. He was the guy who sat down and was rigorous and focused and thoughtful and intelligent and cutting edge in how to use them, and apply them and make himself better. Like, I don't know, so is that a bad thing? He's being rewarded for being the best at his game. It was an element in the competition, and he used that element better than anyone else.
"Why don't we just make that a part of the definition of what it means to be a great bicyclist?"
Who said this?
--Bob Costas
--Malcolm Gladwell
--Bill Maher
--Bill Nye the Science Guy
KNEEL BEFORE ZOD.
ReplyDeleteding ding!
ReplyDeleteyes finally ZOD wins.
ReplyDeleteI race Cyclocross to meet chicks, nurses mostly.
ReplyDeleteFeels better than I thought it might have, without any sort of attendant pangs of shame. (ZOD)
ReplyDeleteI swear I wasn't hanging around refreshing here for the last five minutes. (ZOD)
ReplyDeleteTop ten!
ReplyDeleteThe air really is rarefied up here on top the podium. (ZOD)
ReplyDeleteTop ten's okay too, really. (ZOD)
ReplyDeletedoped my way into top 10!
ReplyDeleteWill quit while I'm still loved, ahead, etc. (ZOD)
ReplyDeleteTop 12?
ReplyDeleteOooooh goosebumps!! It's like we wore the same outfit today, snobbers... Outliers is in my post today too...
ReplyDeleteOh shit. My post. I still haven't finished my post!
babble, that was a good one. You had a striking image in it, briefly; it was gone later in the day, so I took it as illustrating the ephemeral nature of life's pleasures. Thanks for manifesting the Goddess for us, even though it apparently made someone cranky.
DeleteI can attest that coffee most definately causes the trickle-down effect.
ReplyDeleteShitstorm
ReplyDeleteI didn't make the podium, but everyone who posted before me was doping.
ReplyDeleteIs that John Eustice in the Campy station wagon photo?
ReplyDeleteOSSI FIED
ReplyDeleteBed-Stuy guy: Somebody PLEASE mug his ass!
ReplyDeleteGiant DOUCHE.
ReplyDeleteThat Bed-Stuy coffee thing reads like it was written by the NYPD, possibly commissioner Kelly himself. Probably a set up to nail a bunch of over-caffeinated hilpsters blowing like 4 or 5 red lights in a row on their way to or from the 'event'. The city treasury needs the money you know.
ReplyDeleteTop Twenty ??
ReplyDeleteVelo News has been far more entertaining than Snob the past few days.
ReplyDelete...just sayin
Pepper spray is science, too, but if I used it to win the TdF I'm not sure Gladwell would applaud me.
ReplyDeleteoh boy you can't make this shit up
ReplyDeleteAccording to an Australian newspaper, this bike is "a popular choice for couriers.
ReplyDeleteThey also state that it has an "internal gear hub." Apparently it has a back-up shifting system consisting of a derailler and an 8-speed cassette. Couriers would never be without a second way to shift.
I like the un-ironic ironic type face choices on that poster.
ReplyDeleteC'mon man slap some Papyrus on that thing.
POPU PPRS
Also "EXpresso"
ReplyDeleteBlog Drafter is that really you? (ZOD)
ReplyDeleteHe equated Starbucks to decent coffee - has to be parody. Or mikeweb could be onto something with the entrapment angle - cops will swill any pot of caffeinated mud. Either way, definitely not legit.
ReplyDeleteYou can't ever tell...
ReplyDeletehttp://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Poe's_Law
I'm not sure how coffee reduces the rate of STD's.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you insert your erect member into the steaming hot cup-o-joe, thereby rendering you incapable of performing with a woman?
Portlandification?
ReplyDeleteNot . Even. Close.
Your Bed-Sty guy and your Brooklyn have and are continuing to refine and expand the concept of Gentrification.
Portland is a calm sea compared to the tempest that exists in parts of NYC today. Yours is the galactic center of community destruction, a super massive black hole of change.
Take back what you said. Take it back or I'm telling.
There are two basic rules to live by, I dont need a 4 minute presentation on a vimeo:
ReplyDeleteRule #1 Don't be a dick
Rule #2 Don't forget rule #1
For those who need this explained in detail:
I don't care what you do as long as you:
#1 don't F up my commute, and;
#2 don't cost me any money.
see how simple it can be?
Brutally punishing wrong answer vid today. Yikes!
ReplyDeleteTotally ace'ed the quiz [as far as you and the USADA know, damn the "testimony" to the contrary]. Out of curiosity, clicked on "Babble On's" blog link, and found a POEM! I was confused because the poem actually rhymed [not that new-age free-verse stuff]. Adjacent, was a photo of killer calves. Bookmark! Ha! Way to end the workweek...
ReplyDeleteIf they really had their act together, the Bed-Stuy idiots would rig up a human-powered version of this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewRjZoRtu0Y
that sold espresso instead of sandwiches.
If Chris Guest did direct that video, what would he call it?
ReplyDelete"Waiting for Doucheman"
"This is Douche Bag"
"Best in Douche"
??
Buick guy is Bill Woodul, legend.
ReplyDeleteBicycling Guitarist is like Kurt Cobain never died.
Stuff like that espresso party is why i live in Queens and avoid going to Brooklyn at all costs. You should come try it out sometime Snob.
ReplyDeleteForget the espresso. I know what that place needs. And I have the perscription. MORE. COW. BELL. More cow bell. A fuckload of it.
ReplyDeletemikeweb -- I think one of those guys with the Campagnolo station wagon is BGW. ... Just sayin'...
ReplyDelete(special ... ellipsis ... shout... out...)
Malcolm Gladwelled twice in one post. You're a cruel man, Wildcat.
ReplyDeleteWho ever said "being gainfully employed is better than being fascinating" is right. But there's nothing worse than to be unemployed and unfasinating. The boozo in the video proves that. But we live in a free country. Ah the blessings of the social welfare state. Actually his salvation lies in Portland.
ReplyDeleteThe guy in the video has it all wrong. The reason I live in SF is because of my high paying job that allows me to own a loft in a nice area, drive my Mercedes Benz, and buy Crabon Fibre bikes.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... Nevermind.
My dog says he'll be happy to water the new flower beds on Patchen Street.
ReplyDeleteAs long as no one's testing the water.
But neither of us are brave enough to go to that espresso pop up.
Still bad memories of something similar in Williamsburg turning out to be a slick ruse to get you inside one of those mitzvah tanks.
Dear Anon 1:45, how about I break off my high quality sheepskin boot in your ass?
ReplyDeleteI actually own a pair of those exact same clogs as the guy in the Campy Buick photo. Ah, the classics never go out of style...
ReplyDeleteSeriously though. Who can afford to own in SF? Not me I'm trying to make less money too.
ReplyDeleteBig Gulps huh?
Welp, see ya later...
Anonymous 1:25pm,
ReplyDeleteSorry, but they're coming for you too.
Glad I got out in '83.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
"all the cool kids are doing it"
ReplyDeleteWho can resist that sort of peer pressure? Somebody get me an exxxpresso quick
I think Zod has joined the 47% today and has no job and all the time in the wuurld
ReplyDeleteKK. Whew... could do with some EPO today!
ReplyDeleteDone.
Adsense hates me anyway, so I've thrown caution to the wind. Don't open this at work.
um... wishiwasamerkx? hot coffee... burned member...?
ReplyDeleteEeeeeeew.
McFly? Trickle down effect? That was fucking McFunny.
I wanna smell your finger.
ReplyDeletethanks RTMS, for managing to fcuk up a perfectly good friday with that bed-stuy piece. i never wear a helment, but i sure as hell wont leave home w/o one now.
ReplyDeleteoh, and shitstorms are fun. that arrogant bastard is now the face of shitstorms instead of the face of cancer survival. mike giant made me say that.
I'm getting old and ossified.
ReplyDeleteSingletrack this weekend.
Oh babe.
David Foster Wallace is alive, playing the guitar and living in Roseburg, Oregon.
ReplyDeleteThat video proves it.
mmm the sweet smell of skittles...
ReplyDeleteleroy, I believe you're correct on the bgw CampBuicgnolo sighting. Strange though that the car isn't filled with a thick cloud of smoke. Must've been very windy that Wednesday.
ReplyDeleteNo sleep till Brokelyn.
ReplyDeleteTilfords still talking about Lance.
ReplyDeleteBabs, you rule.
ReplyDeleteWhy do I all the sudden have an urge for rice and beans?
ReplyDeleteDITL SKTL
You can't use any science you like in F! racing. The technology in those cars is applied under super tight restrictions. Just ask Ayrton Senna. Oh wait you can't because..................
ReplyDeleteTaste the rainbow
ReplyDeleteOXYT OCIN
ReplyDeleteOde to Babblicious
One Bean
One Boot
One Bud
One Love
By ZOD, it is me, LOB be praised.
ReplyDeleteSHIT STRM
ReplyDeleteESPR ESSO
Perhaps the title of the "needed" coffee shop?
...
Beep Beep!
ReplyDeleteToday's New York Times reports that NY horse racing tracks will have to start limiting the use of clenbuterol.
ReplyDeleteI asked my dog if he was using clenbuterol and told him to stamp his foot once for yes and twice for no.
He hated that.
Ride safe all. Especially if you'll be imbibing caffeinated beverages in Bed Stuy.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/12/sports/new-york-state-tightens-drug-rules-for-racehorses.html?ref=todayspaper
There once was a tart named Babble,
ReplyDeleteWith her bean she would occasionally dabble,
During a vigorous foff,
That nub got tore off,
So now she enjoys things like Scrabble(tm).
[It's tough rhyming with Babble, probably easier to do other things. Good night kids.]
Ossified = boner
ReplyDeleteBsbblebly impossible to other things her legs wrapped around your mind.
ReplyDeleteThe blogger jumpeth the shark and the shark taketh away.
ReplyDeleteBED-STY STD EPO FTW
BABL BEAN
ReplyDeleteAnyone who mentions Malcom Gladwell MUST be joking.
ReplyDeleteJEDI GAMS
ReplyDeleteSELF SERV
SEXA DICT
Even Malcolm Gladwell can't take what Malcolm Gladwell says seriously.
ReplyDeleteoh HAI!!! what did i miss?
ReplyDeleteLove him or hate him, Malcolm Gladwell belongs to the "intellectual elite"--a culture subset of which Wildcat is a member; but he tries to maintain "the common touch", so that his outlier followers won't abandon him.
ReplyDeleteLove him or hate him, Malcolm Gladwell belongs to the "intellectual elite"--a culture subset of which Wildcat is a member; but he tries to maintain "the common touch", so that his outlier followers won't abandon him.
ReplyDeleteI usually walk in the am to earn my coffee and I ride in the pm to earn my beer. Boise provides the opportunity to do both, in style: it is a great city. Sadly our Fred population is increasing and bicycling the grean belt is a little less safe.
ReplyDeleteStarbucks?
ReplyDeletePlease!
That parody was written by the only literate Blood in Bed Stuy.
ReplyDelete"Quoting" Malcolm Gladwell?
ReplyDeleteHas to be satire.
"Quoting" Malcolm Gladwell?
ReplyDeleteHas to be satire.
Blog Drafter, me and my friends still sometimes talk about that heroic turn at the front you took that one time in that huge big long comments section. Where you commented for hours in real time, kind of? That number one spot up there is going out to YOU, big guy.
ReplyDelete(ZOD)
KNEEL BEFORE ZOD has much more dramatic effect when you win.
ReplyDeleteI tried very hard to be mature. I am a child.
ReplyDeleteIt puts the lotion on it's spondees
ReplyDeleteIrony is wasted on the ironic.
ReplyDeleteI really hope someone went to the espresso pop up meet. I gotta know. PLEASE!
ReplyDeleteGreat ride for the boys first BIG RIDE. 35 miles of the Tour of Lynchburgia. It goes to jack Daniels distillery and back. AKA known as the Race of the Falling Steve's.
ReplyDeleteThank you Zod, your Zodness.
ReplyDeleteThe meds are working a lot better now, so I don't comment as much.
That, and I have more supervision at work now.
ReplyDeleteThat's been working out real well.
ReplyDeleteI have been posting anonymously on occasion.
ReplyDeleteBut not to run up comment numbers or anything like that, just to post a little, you know, for the good old days.
ReplyDeleteI believe NoGoCyclist commented a lot then.
ReplyDeleteAnd the ellipse guy.
ReplyDeleteWhere did they get to?
ReplyDeleteI was always a little unsure how to characterize the ellipse guys' posts...
ReplyDeleteThey were a little diatribe-y at times
ReplyDeleteSomewhat fulminate-y.
ReplyDeleteBut always entertaining. He sure typed a lot of ellipses.
ReplyDeleteIt's mostly about Skittles now, praise Lob.
ReplyDeleteYep, Skittles and Giggles.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'd better get back to work now.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure they record my keyboard now.
ReplyDeleteBummer!
ReplyDeleteHey, some robocall just called, here on the good old internets...
ReplyDeleteAnd then disappeared...weird, something about cigarettes from Texas.
ReplyDeleteHmm, cigarettes from Texas...
ReplyDeletePretty soon it'll be vitamins from Texas.
ReplyDeleteOh well, back to work...
ReplyDeletePraise ZOD, whom some kneel before, and also, LOB, whom some scuttle about in front of.
ReplyDeleteI really miss BGW
ReplyDelete...just sayin
ReplyDeleteThe always engaging and readable Blog Drafter. You should do that more. (ZOD)
ReplyDelete........................(something Italian)
ReplyDeleteI'd like give Dre a cheap beatdown.
ReplyDeleteHaikus are easy
ReplyDeleteBut sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator
Fuck! I wish everyone would be a cyclist...fuck!
ReplyDeleteSWEEEEET Jezus that was a good laugh. You guys rock.
ReplyDeleteOh, and thank you, Mc Fly, for allowing me to have my cake and eat it too. The peek-a-boo looks good on you.
The rain stopped! Rubber side down time, gentlemen...
ReplyDeleteLook out for skittles. I hear grant Peterson will eat them out of the palm of your hand.
ReplyDeleteExpresso guy and Mike Giant are annoying for completely different reasons. The former has the kind of tone deaf sensibility that allows Mitt Romney to think he is an average Joe. Expresso guy should be required to watch "Do The Right Thing" on a continuous loop. Mike Giant's views are compassionate and progressive. He just has a bizarre affect and ugly leg tattoos.
ReplyDeleteYou should go over to all hail the black market and Check ONE FOR THE WEEKEND video
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRoses are red,
ReplyDeleteWine is red, too.
Poems are hard.
Wine.
Be sure to catch my new movie ...
ReplyDelete'Snakes in my Bibshorts 3D'
I WAS going to apologize on behalf of my people, HOWEVER, the Murdock owns 'The Australian' and he made himself American so he could improve your nation after all his good work in Oz and the United Queendom.
ReplyDeleteThe 'journalists' at 'The Australian' may not ride bicycles because Roophart says communists ride bikes. They were suggesting wall decorations for inner-city apartments.
man, you save the world, you read that??
ReplyDeletesell out
ReplyDeleteYou know the difference in eating cake and eating ladypie? I usually do not slip my finger in cake when I am eating it.
ReplyDeleteRoses are red
ReplyDeleteAnd oh by the way
Don't buy my dog's
Cheap beats by Dre.
He used them as chew toys.
Roses are red?
ReplyDeleteIn Texas they're yellow--
like the jersey of the Austin fellow
who raced till he bled.
Hey Cipo: Also, cake has icing on top, ladypie has icing inside.
ReplyDeletehttp://news.yahoo.com/cardboard-bicycle-change-world-says-israeli-inventor-090732689.html
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the future.
That'll be really effective up here in the Pacific North Wet.
ReplyDeleteFeatures an internal gear hub?
ReplyDeleteWhat we got here is failure to communicate.
HD kaliteli porno izle ve boşal.
ReplyDeleteBayan porno izleme sitesi.
Bedava ve ücretsiz porno izle size gelsin.
Liseli kızların Bedava Porno ve Türbanlı ateşli hatunların sikiş filmlerini izle.
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