BSNYC Friday Spondee!

(Cheese bike, seen in Japan.)

Well, the results are in!  Yes, it's finally time to announce New York City's Top Summonses of 2011:

And you'll no doubt be pleased to know that cycling has made the top five:

TOP 2011 SUMMONSES

1 OPEN CONTAINER/CONSUMING ALCOHOL IN PUBLIC 123,824
2 DISORDERLY CONDUCT 78,829

3 RIDING A BICYCLE ON A SIDEWALK 27,979

4 PUBLIC URINATION 14,281

5 TRESPASSING 13,456

As a New York City cyclist, I'm honored to be represented among all the drunks and public urinators.  Plus, sidewalk riding and public peeing go together like steel tubing and exquisitely carved lugs.  I mean, when you're riding home from the bar and you stop to relieve yourself in a phone booth it's not like you're going to bother to get off the bike and walk it, right?  Nevertheless, not everybody's happy:

Still, some New Yorkers think cops could make better use of their time.

"They're not focusing on the right things," said Adam Green, 21, of Borough Park. Green said he got two summonses for disorderly conduct and reckless driving after police saw him drive the wrong way on a one-way street for what he estimated to be the length of one house.

"You can call and call and call and they never come for real emergencies, but you do something small and stupid like this and they're right there," Green said.

I happen to think ticketing car salmon is a perfectly excellent use of police time and resources.  Plus, he actually admits he did something stupid, which is why summonses were invented.  They're prizes for being stupid.  And when did the length of a domicile become an acceptable unit of measurement anyway?  There are houses in that part of Brooklyn that are the size of Vancouver, WA.  Maybe next time I get ticketed for a sidewalk ride-and-pee I'll use the defense that I only did it for a third of a yurt and only issued forth enough urine to fill half a Barbie Mailibu Dreamhouse.

By the way, the capital of New York City sidewalk riding is apparently Williamsburg, Brooklyn:

BICYCLE ON SIDEWALK -- Williamsburg 1,745

I'm sure at least a thousand of those riders were merely working on their trackstands.

And now I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the idem, thinque, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see a cyclist becoming unhinged.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and always look over your shoulder when urinating publicly.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) Retired Classics star Johan Museeuw has called for:

--More honesty concerning doping
--The the complete dissolution of the UCI
--Posthumous drug testing by means of exhumation
--More research into the causes and treatment of male pattern baldness

("A little EPO'll clear that right up.")

2) Garmin-Sharp director Jonathan Vaughters has confirmed past doping by:

--Christian Vande Velde
--David Zabriskie
--Tom Danielson
--All of the above

3) Eon Productions, the producers of the James Bond film franchise, are suing Mario Cipollini for trademark infringement.

--True
--False

4) Smugness in jeopardy!  A political movement to require bicycle licensing and registration is gaining momentum in which state?

--New York
--California
--Minnesota
--Oregon

5) This butter sculpture depicts:

--Toronto mayors Robs Fords
--Winston Churchill
--W.C. Fields
--Alfred Hitchcock

6) This monocle is:

--Astonishing
--Great for steampunk spelunking expeditions
--The ultimate girlfriend repellent
--All of the above

7) Olympic gold medalist Alexandre Vinokourov has led a successful coup to overthrow the government of Kazakhstan.

--True
--False

***Special Helment-Themed Bonus Question***

Cardboard helments are the future of smug head protection.

--True
--False