Just a few hours later it was on my bike:
And no sooner than this morning I was breaking it in via liberal application of rain, mud, and posterior sweat in the countryside outside of London:
My guide was Jack Thurston of The Bike Show, who was kind enough to indulge my sluggishness. See, some mornings your legs feel like they came from the "Serious Crisps" box, and other mornings they feel like they came from the "Funny Crisps" box:
This was definitely a "Funny Crisps" morning:
Indeed, as they say around these parts, I felt like I was "Up Fuckfield Lane," but that's only because I was:
By the way, if you look closely, you'll notice someone has indeed etched the missing "F" in the grime on the sign:
I can assure you it wasn't me, but I can't assure you I wouldn't have embellished it had I remembered to carry a Sharpie.
Despite the heavy legs I enjoyed the ride tremendously, and I got to see all manner of English countryside porn, including but not limited to thatched-roof cottages, really old pubs, nonplussed livestock, rich people in Land Rovers, and of course a bush shaped like a dog's head:
Then, in high non-"epic" style, we took the train back to London:
London's streets are confusing for an out-of-towner, and they're doubly confusing for a stupid out-of-towner, and the latter is the category into which I fall. Nevertheless, I had it pretty much figured out how to get back to my hotel--until I ran into this gigantic protest march:
In any case, at 5:30pm local time I will be at Look Mum No Hands!
If you're in the neighborhood I hope you will join me.
97 comments:
First?
Early doors!
Huh?
At least you got a ride in a nice part of the world - but I guess no-one warned you to watch out for the muck spreaders
t10
Uckfield lane. Classic.
That is not a bush shaped like a dog's head.
It is a floating big green arrow in a prison yard.
Top ten scranus!
Top Ten?
Too busy chamfering.
Coincidentally, I was conceived on _uckfield lane.
Panties
Nice arsecrack that chamferer drew on the cycling gent on your Bro"ll"oks nutcrusher.What a two-pot screamer....
Panties! Short ones.
Jasper, once again, your doors were early. Just not quite early enough...
Your Brooks aint level, pilgrim.
your saddle is awesome.
Anonymous 11:06AM,
My Brooks is fine, it's the world that's off kilter.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
So you met Eric "the Chamferer" Murray. Did you also meet Jack "the PK" Ripper as well?
Snob, I'm disappointed you didn't include pix of your other traveling companions. Looks like a jolly group.
"My epiphany came in that police cell: I realised I was about to lose everything and it didn't bother me, not in the slightest. I'd come to hate cycling because I blamed it for the lie I was living."
Just missed top twenty.
I once knew a girl with a bush shaped like a dog's head...
a bunch of things i'm envious about: i want a customized brooks saddle that i can ride on "(f)uckfield lane" while eating funny crisps -- but only the kinds with lots of flavor powder to lick off my fingers afterward...
The British will never live down the Austin Power's reputation with snack characters with bad teeth.
Perhaps the seat should've said "world trawlerer," due to your dragging ass on the ride.
A custom Brooks for "the Legendary Bike Snob"...you might need a bigger helment.
I know it's going to be a good day when Snobby has me snorting coffee out my nose in the first paragraph.
Well done, Sir.
"hillier99 said...
Jasper, once again, your doors were early. Just not quite early enough..."
Cav I ain't.
I ride past the Met dog training school (the place with the dog's headge, whch I honestly haven't noticed before) most Saturdays - it's part of Dulwich Paragon and a bunch of other clubs's standard club run. Fuckfield too, and if you want to cool down after that, there's North Pole Lane. We also go down Jackass Lane most weeks, in an orderly manner.
Look mum no hands is well jank
That's one butt-ugly seat (yes, I called it a seat, not a saddle, because it's like the seat of my pants--I may do things besides sit on it, but it's still the seat of my pants, not something that goes on a horse.) That seat looks like something that could give you a rivet-wedgie and bust your balls at the same time. But hey, gotta suck up to the sponsor. . . .
just to clear up something, going to a small island and a slightly larger peninsula does not a world traveler make.
perhaps the chamferer is predicting your future!
That's one ugly saddle-bag! What, you couldn't get a custom Brooks saddle-bag as well? Jeez...
TIM: don't know what jank means but if its anything like "tea, weak and overpriced" I agree.
WRM is in the building.
And the tea's getting stronger.
More tattoos than I expected.
Ooo, live commentary, just like Cyclingnews - top stuff Paul. Keep us posted on the composition of the breakaway.
Paul Bowen, live-blogging the London BRA!
Thanks!
Mic tapping
Bret "a great cyclist".
Paul,
Please comment on any bruises, bandages, blood stains, etc. left from Eric's fists and chamfering knife. Custom saddles come with a price I hear...
If you get a chance for any heckling on our behalf - go for it
I missed the sign-in!
Too busy gawking at plumbing porn over at Fyxomatoilet ...
I can see your coin slot I'm having minced meat for lunch ta-ta
Commuting "savage'.
Paul - I want to hear the finish in just like Paul Sherwen / Phil Liggett would do it!
Whilst in Jolly Old England, one might hear: "Hey, you kids get off of my lawn," which translated into American English means roughly: "Hey, you kids get off of my lawn."
People at bar need to stfu
wiwm - That is more likely to sound like 'f*ck off out of it you little tossers'
Jolly good!
Nice saddle, actually looks good on your travel bike -congrats.
That's a great picture of the Cannibal on the bike show blog. It does look like Elvis and Ali.
1) ALWAYS carry a Sharpie.
2) Why does Eric "The Chamferer" Murray wear his pajama's to work?
3) Paul B, history dictates he will need assistance with his slide show. Ya'll probably have different plug ins.
Sorry, old horse...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T70-HTlKRXo
No less than *four* of the top 10 image search results for "chamfering knife" are BSYNC.
What the hell are the other six for?
Sorry, too lazy to do it myself.
Mucking about on tiny islands is fine and all, but out here we are getting ready for "serious" cycling
CALI TOOR
I wish I had a tiny island
Every saddle should have gas vent holes. Pip pip cheerio.
..."...no man is an island..."...
...& the white cliffs of dover have never been chamfered...
Is recumbabe enlish?
Will BSnyc be 'coupling' with recumbabe while he is visting GB?
Requiring third grade minds want to know?
And would also like to view the video several times.
Public service employees all over the place protesting today. Nice to see that you experienced typical British spring weather, as we are still....
A bit further from the Smoke and you'll find all sorts of Magna and Parva place names, amongst others. There used to be a place called Lost further north, but it was renamed because people kept stealing the sign.
hey nonny mouse
***HEY SNOB BE CAREFUL OVER THERE***
Apparently London Bridge is falling down right at this very moment!
Is it possebre that wcrm is scoping out stuff for future olrmpic covridge ??
Back in the office now. Had intended to do some work but there was free Slag beer (that's not me being judgmental, it's the actual name of a very fine product) so what are you meant to do?
WRM was excellent: funny, pithy and quick on his feet - I laughed loud and unabashed on several occasions. Then afterwards there were canapes (canapes!) and the aforementioned Slag. So basically at a BRA you get like 30 minutes of good stand-up on a subject that's not usually dealt with beyond cliche by other stand-ups, followed by free Belgian beer and snackage. For free. If you know a better deal go get it. The only slightly discordant note was that he took my books from me and vandalised then for some reason but y'know great artists have their foibles and it was a small price to pay.
Thanks again for coming over WRM.
Your rivet is not centered. It is making my OCD flare up like a clickin' pedal.
McFly@1.29 There was a moment of slide related awkwardness but he retrieved the situation within, oh, 17 minutes? A Sharpie was indeed the weapon of choice for book vandalisation.
Thanks for the hard-hitting in-depth updates. You seem like a pretty cool dude. Quit gushing.
Hey snob. While you are on the other side of the pond you should look up that U2 singer guy Chaz Bono and do an interview. Ask how it is he gained like 270+ pounds (not sterling) in such a short period of time.
PS - and ask him what he thinks of South Park voting him the biggest POS in the entire universe.
Thanx Dude
You get free beer?
O-M-G!
cycle
I drink, I gush.
I'll trade my peeling scab for your trip in England? Then the half bike day?
I add a please in there too?
...mr bowen..."...So basically at a BRA you get like 30 minutes of good stand-up on a subject that's not usually dealt with beyond cliche by other stand-ups..."...
...that's a decent assessment of what i experienced also & what's nice about it, is that the bra adds a face & personality to the blog from whence this whole thing precipitated...
...& while i'm sure, during his travels, bsnyc/rtms/wcrm misses mrs snob & the growing snobulette, he does seem rather comfortable in his role deployed before the assembled throngs, wouldn't you say ???...
FREE BEER
Thank god there was none of that at the Chicago BRA, they wouldn't have known how to handle that many people. Getting a free ass-saver was much better. (Lies, utter lies, I feel so snookered. But we also got a 16-mile ride into a cold headwind, which is also not at all like free beer, dammit)
When's the BSNYC cruise?
I hear the Costa Concordia is available.
Canapes? From a bunch of London hipsters? What is the world coming to?
If you just glance at that complimentary saddle it looks urine/diarhea stained. Steve Tilford goes through a lot of cables.
@bgw Yup, lad's a natural, the stage is his home.
Is that complimentary Brooks saddle clad in human leather?
Sure looks like it to me!
that is a butt ugly stack of spacers and high-rise stem
STAYING ABREAST OF STAGE 5 GIRO ACTION!!!(This just in): OK kids @ 15.4K to go there are live action shots of PETA TODD and her breasts walking wearing fabulous "Big Celubutard Sunglasses",(her head not her breasts, which are as big as heads, baby heads anyway)
McFly: "Your rivet is not centered. It is making my OCD flare up like a clickin' pedal."
Man, that is one simile I can relate to!
Fuggin Shimano dual-purpose click generators...
I saw the S&S couplings and I JIMPed.
Ain't no countryside porn like English countryside porn, if that's you thing. Also, I see that the chamfering knife is more of a chamfering chisel. I'm just not clever enough to make anything funny outta that. I guess that's why I live where I do.
PICKLED ONION MONSTER MUNCH!!!!!
NOM NOM NOM!!!!
PICKLED ONION MONSTER MUNCH!!!!!
NOM NOM NOM!!!!
Seeing those chips makes me wish they'd bring back Cheetos Paws. :(
London A to Z (zed) will get you anyplace in London.
FREE SEAT
DOGS HEAD
UCKF IELD
ERIC RULZ
SLAM STEM
TALL STAK
Paul Bowen 11:53, given all the club riders taking that route, perhaps the missing letter is "S" for SUCKFIELD LANE.
Snob, stay clear of all all those Land Rovers. Don't let the last words you hear be a paramedic in classic BBC World Service announcer voice calling in: "...run over by a Rover on the flyover near Dover. Over".
As great as that would be.
Thanks for coming to London and sharing with us your new book.
Bryan Petersen London/Seattle
Excellent Working Dear Friend Nice Information Share all over the world.God Bless You..
london olympic bicycle company
olympic park cycles in london
IG Marston Co. is a large manufacturer of non-metallic Plastic & Rubber stamped components including custom made washers, gaskets, seals, spacers, disks, Insulators & tags,Custom Gasket Manufacturer,Washer Manufacturer,Custom Spacers,Insulators.
http://www.igmarston.com
Adding to the Uckfield comments, I was expelled from my secondary school for embellishing an F onto the side of Uckfield School's minibus.
Cool seat.
Online hdpornwatch Teen Home free watch and tube tv. for amateur sites. Goodbe watch !
HD kaliteli porno izle ve boşal.
Bayan porno izleme sitesi.
Bedava ve ücretsiz porno izle size gelsin.
Liseli kızların Bedava Porno ve Türbanlı ateşli hatunların sikiş filmlerini izle.
Siyah karanlık odada porno yapan evli çift.
harika Duvar Kağıtları bunlar
tamamen ithal duvar kağıdı olanlar var
2013 Beyaz Eşya modeller
Sizlere Güvenlik Sistemleri ayarliyoruz
Arayin Hirdavat bulun
Samsung Nokia İphone Cep telefonu alin.
Super Led Tv keyfi
Amatör Porno - Amcik Porno - Anal Porno - Asyali Porno - Bakire Porno - Erotik Porno - Esmer Porno - Fantazi Porno - Gay Porno - Götten Porno - Grup Porno - Hard Porno - HD Porno - Hemsire Porno - Latin Porno - Lezbiyen Porno - Liseli Porno - Olgun Porno - Oral Porno - Rokettube - Sarisin Porno - Sert Porno - Tecavüz Porno - Travesti Porno - Türbanli Porno - Türk Porno - Ünlü Porno - Yasli Porno - Zenci Porno - Kari Koca Porno - Hayvanli Porno
Post a Comment