BSNYC BSNYC Friday Friday Fun Fun Quiz Quiz! (Now with reverb!)

No doubt you've seen in the media that essayist Christopher Hitchens has died. His New York Times obituary is here. He has also received social networking's greatest postumous honor, which is of course a Tweet and custom memorial #hashtag from seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong himself:

At times like this it's impossible not to contemplate your own mortality, and at the risk of overestimating my own importance to the world of letters I'd like to think that when my day comes and I am run down in a crosswalk by a speeding Lucas Brunelle I will be worthy of the same honor:

In fact, I like those words so much I'm having Sacha White of Vanilla build me a tombstone bearing this very epitaph. Given that his wait list now roughly equals the average life span of the American male, I figure the timing should work out perfectly.

Elsewhere on the social networks, The Bike Show Tweeted a link to one of Hitchens's Vanity Fair articles from 2004, in which he makes light of New York City's often ludicrous approach to cycling enforcement, among other things:

In particular, he flouts the law by riding a bicycle in Central Park and removing his feet from the pedals:

I decided that, partly to protect those who were with me or hosting me, I would not do anything to directly taunt the forces of law and order. I would be the Zelig of the scofflaws. So I took a bike to Central Park and, starting near the boathouse, rode it uphill until blood started to rush to my head and blackness to descend—i.e., for about a quarter of a mile. I then turned and coasted down, allowing the brisk air of a crisp fall day to whoosh disturbingly up my trouser legs as I lifted my feet in the air. I compounded the offense by having no bell on my handlebars. This was midmorning on a weekday, with almost no traffic, but that was just the luck of the draw. Policemen interviewed recently have confirmed that they are under orders to spot riders who take their feet off the pedals, or who have no bell. (Try getting attention in New York by pinging a bike bell, by the way.) It’s all part of the ticket harvest that they are expected to reap. The mayor denies that there is a quota, which would be unlawful, but he looks and sounds even more like a weasel than unkind nature intended when he admits that there are “performance measurements” that his Police Department might be observing.

Ah, yes, those were the days. See, back in 2004 you could remove your feet from the pedals and only get a ticket for removing your feet from the pedals. Now, on top of that you'd get a bunch of other tickets for stuff that isn't even illegal, like not wearing a healment, operating a bicycle with a vowel in the brand name, and speaking to the ticketing officer with an English accent.

And now, having cast a pall over the weekend by raising the subject of death, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then you'll receive one (1) Kosmic Karma Fun Kredit (good towards making your next incarnation more tolerable), and if you're wrong you'll see a sneak preview from the new season of "Portlandia."

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and don't forget your hand signals.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

(Contador receiving his weight in stuffed lions)

1) Tour de France champion Alberto Contador is going to receive his weight in:

--Gold

--Beef

--Honey
--Schlecks

("Return to me, mighty bird of prey!")

2) What is this rider doing?

--Signaling a turn

--Waving that minivan through

--Shielding his eyes from the late afternoon sun

--Practicing the ancient art of falconry

("C'mon man, I was using that!")

3) Ancient cultures believed that by devouring the heart of their slain enemy they would acquire his strength. Now, for the same effect, you can just:

--Clone his DNA

--Eat his scranus and toenail clippings

--Buy his used saddle on eBay

--Practice the ancient art of falconry

(Martha Stewart always wears an apron while completing Great Head.)

4) According to Martha Stewart, how long does it take to complete Great Head?

--An hour and a half
--A half an hour
--Twenty-six minutes

--It varies, but when you're finished you'll know

(Electronics retail in the 20th century, before it was douchefied by Steve Jobs.)

5) Crazy Eddie. His prices were:

--Nuts
--Crazy
--Insane
--Surprisingly reasonable, actually

6) Among the cockpit cognoscenti ("cocknoscenti"), ChannelLocks are the new bar end.

--True

--False

(In the absence of pliers, spring clamps are also acceptable for light-duty cockpit use.)

7) Cockpits that incorporate hand tools are practical because:

--They can be purchased easily and inexpensively in Walmart

--They can aid in emergency bicycle repair

--They allow you to crack open and devour your lobster fender

--All of the above

***Special The Internet Is Destroying Humanity-Themed Bonus Question***

Thanks to the Internet, humankind may be developing just a tiny bit of an oversharing problem.

--True

--True