
(Non-diary creamer: for those allergic to ongoing records of someone's thoughts and experiences.)
As I continue westward on my BRA tour in an ongoing quest for literary do-meh-nation and the fulfillment of my Meh-nifest Destiny, I prepare to depart Austin this morning and head to San Francisco, hence another early and hastily-"curated" post. In San Francisco, it will be my pleasure to appear at the Sports Basement (my second-favorite retail basement after the "Cheese Basement") at 6:30pm this evening. Prior to this, you can also meet me at Ritual Roasters on Valencia at 4:00pm for a ride from there to the BRA. I very much hope to see you there later today.
In the meantime, while I look forward to arriving in the Land of the Epic Burrito, I will also leave Austin with a heavy heart. My heart is laden not with cheese from the many enchiladas I've eaten during my short stay here ("Heroic Enchiladas" are "Epic Burritos 2.0"); rather, it is heavy with grief, for I very much enjoyed the company of the people I've met as well as my time here. First, there was the very hot (at least to me) "urban ride," during which I perspired profusely:

(Nice shorts, doofus.)
In fact, I was sweating so heroically that my fellow riders needed to employ fenders:
Fashioned from a pair of knobby 29er tires, this is perhaps the most ingenious set of "wheelbrows" I have ever seen, and the only pair capable of withstanding my caustic perspiration:
There was also a Surly Big Dummy, which meant the ride just barely met its smugness quota:
As well as some gratuitous shirtlessness, which meant the ride just barely met its exposed torso quota:
Later, I had the pleasure of seeing my book's coverway displayed prominently in Mellow Johnny's bicycular shoppe:
While I waited for people to arrive, I rummaged around in the basement, where the mechanics were fitting Team RadioShack Trek Madones with Gruber Assists. I also spotted the aging shop owner's old Eddy Merckx time trial bike, which he last raced back in 1968:
Also in the basement was this eerily luminescent shrine to the Great Trek Bicycle Making Company:
It sounds like this, and as I stood before it I soon found myself bleeding inexplicably from the nose and ears.
But old TT bikes and Madone-oliths aren't the only things they keep in the basement at Mellow Johnny's. It turns out they keep retired professional rider Kevin Livingston down there too:
But old TT bikes and Madone-oliths aren't the only things they keep in the basement at Mellow Johnny's. It turns out they keep retired professional rider Kevin Livingston down there too:
Once topside, I emerged to find a crowd of beaming Austinites assembled to see my PowerPoint presentation:
By the way, I do think I'm warranted in calling this assembly a "crowd," as opposed to, say, a "small gathering" or a "klatch." To me, a "crowd" is any group of people large enough to trample you in the event of an emergency, such as a fire or the escape of Kevin Livingston. I'm sure that if, during my PowerPoint presentation, someone had screamed, "He's loose!," I would be typing this with shoe prints on my forehead. So I'm calling this a "crowd" and I'm sticking with it.
After the PowerPoint presentation I ruined some books by scribbling in them, and then we held a "costume pageant." Here's a photo an attendee was kind enough to "Tweet" of me judging the winner:
I suspect he did not actually have to dress up and instead simply came as he was, but I awarded him first prize nevertheless.
By the way, while you may not want to actually read my book, I would point out that it does make for ideal pretentious front rack "portaging" material:

Anyway, during the festivities, some rapscallions took the opportunity to sticker my bicycle, both here:

By the way, while you may not want to actually read my book, I would point out that it does make for ideal pretentious front rack "portaging" material:
Anyway, during the festivities, some rapscallions took the opportunity to sticker my bicycle, both here:
Thank you very much to everybody who came, and to Mellow Johnny's for being great hosts. Hope to see you in San Francisco later today.
--BSNYC/RTMS