BSNYC Friday Fund Quits!

(Catching up on emails.)

Firstly, in the spirit of all that is "epic," I am pleased to announce that I will fuse next week's Labor Day weekend with the coming workweek, thereby creating an "epic"-length holiday weekend for myself that will begin, well, now. Rest assured that I plan to use this "epic" weekend productively by spending time with family, sending hundreds of Dominos pizzas to the offices of Transportation Alternatives, and washing my fleet of 1,000 bicycles. (Insert your suggestive "polishing my Big Dummy" pun of choice here.) All of this is a complicated way of saying that I will not be here next week, but that I will return on Tuesday, September 7th with regular updates.

In the meantime, even though I will be on end-of-summer vacation, during my absence I will still be providing wisecracks and shallow insights concerning the Vuelta a España for the Universal Sports web presence, and I will notify you by means of my Twitter account when these are posted. Also, as a special service to my readers, I will be writing these posts in English, so Spanish proficiency is not a prerequisite for enjoyment.

Moving on, you may recall that on Tuesday I mentioned a film project called "To Live and Ride in LA," which features people riding through busy intersections on fixed-gear bicycles. Well, a reader informs me that manufacturer of heavy, un-truable, and not particularly aerodynamic wheels Aerospoke is actually the film's official "wheel sponsor:"

(Above photo was likely borrowed from "Tarck Bikes with Douchebags.")

This seems like an extremely poor business decision for Aerospoke, if only because encouraging their customer base to ride brakeless through intersections seems like an excellent way of eliminating it. While Aerospoke may have been taken by surprise back in 2007 when their wheels became popular fashion accessories, my guess is that they've now become accustomed to success, and success breeds complacency. I'm sure they now think the lavish parties and frothy Jacuzzis and endless bottles of Boone's Farm Flavored Apple Wine Product will never end. In fact, judging from the above photo, they've even been able to convince "fixie" riders to use two Aerospokes (Aerospii?) instead of the traditional one, which probably doubled their sales overnight. But I'm here to warn them that they're only a few traffic disasters away from returning to the dark days of the late 1990s when they were selling their wheels though the Nashbar catalog at deep, deep discounts, like a desperate drug addict standing on the corner and trying to sell his own pants.

Meanwhile, speaking of wheel trends, people also continue to emblazon their Deep Vs with messages, and here's one I recently saw in Williamsburg:

According to a popular online translator, the German portion of the message means "Life is Hard." (The English portion is self-explanatory.) However, it's hard to imagine what sort of difficulties the typical "fixie" owner in Williamsburg could possibly face. Cracked iPhone screen? Stolen Brooks? Roommate eating his cereal again? Still, despite my skepticism I nevertheless try to be compassionate, and I hope that in the end he manages to overcome his adversity and find true happiness. (In other words, I hope his parents start sending more money and he's not forced to move to Portland.)

And now, I'm pleased to present you with an end-of-summer quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see Time Attack Racer, for an ardent cyclist.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and be sure to wring those last few drops of sweat from the rest of the summer. I'll look forward to seeing you again on September 7th.

--BSNYC/RTMS

1) "Ticino" is pronounced:

--"Ti-CHEE-no"
--"Ti-SEE-no"
--"Ti-KEE-no"
--געפֿילטע פֿיש

2) Alejandro Valverde says he has learned to live without:

--Racing

--Performance-enhancing drugs

--Saturated fats

--Invisible barbells

3) Team RadioShack's leader for the Vuelta will be:

--Levi Leipheimer
--Andreas Klöden
--Jani Brajkovic
--Nobody, because they were not invited

(She's folding, like the Cervelo Test Team)

4) Cervelo Test Team will fold at the end of the year, and instead Cervelo will become the official bicycle sponsor for:

--Team Saxo-Bank SunGuard

--Team Garmin-Transitions

--Team Astana

--Tri-geeks and "Freds" on recreational paths across North America

5) To install a fixed-gear cog you will need:

--A chainwhip
--A lockring tool
--A full set of sleeve and knuckle tattoos
--All of the above

6) "Let's all waste money!" Rolf Prima is making a $700 14-spoke fixed-gear commuting wheelset called the "P-Town."

--True
--False

(All You Haters Floss My Crotch)

7) "Move over, fixed-gears!" The next hot drivetrain is nothing at all.

--True
--False

***Special Future of Trendy Tattooing-Themed Bonus Question***

(Is that you, Floyd?)

Knuckle tattoos are like sooo 2010. In 2011 it's going to be all about:

--Armpit tattoos

--Earlobe tattoos

--Nipple tattoos

--Cat portraiture tattoos