Right of Way: Watching Where You're Going

(My cockpit rehabilitated, by CommieCanuck)

Cyclists, "techies," and other forms of dork are still abuzz over a popular search engine's addition of a cycling option to their widely-used mapping function. Previously, these options only included driving, walking, and public transit, and so by including cycling the popular search engine has essentially canonized it and established these modes of transportation as the "Big Four" of getting around. (Suck on that, cross country skiers!) Here's what it looks like now on the map part of the popular search engine thingy when you go there for advice on how to move your corporeal mass from one place to another without losing it:

I think it goes without saying that this is a good thing, and as I told a reporter for a website I never heard of, this popular search engine company not offering a cycling option on a mapping application is kind of like the Gap not selling pants. Of course, this does not mean the cycling function is perfect--far from it. As I mentioned yesterday, in testing it out I noticed it sent me along a Prospect Park pedestrian path from which bicycles are prohibited. Still, if I had had absolutely no idea where I was going it certainly would have been very helpful and put me on more or less the right track. Furthermore, automated driving and walking directions aren't always perfect either, and one can assume that the popular search engine administrators will continue to refine the function over time.

The truth is, even though we are essentially uploading the entirety of our knowledge to the collective consciousness known as "the Internet," there is still no substitute for actual experience. The Gap will sell you any pair of pants you want, but it's up to you to make sure they fit. You can share information, but you can't outsource common sense, and one would hope that if a popular search engine tells you to ride your bike down a street that turns out to be closed for construction, or along a path next to which stands a sign saying "Pedestrians Only," or through a lake of fire, that you would have the presence of mind not to ride your bike through the construction site, or onto the pedestrian path, or through the infernal loch. Then again, one really shouldn't underestimate the human capacity to follow directions blindly, especially when these humans work for the New York Post. Yes, the Huffy of newspapers recently undertook to test this new mapping function, and here's what they found out:

As you can see from the image of the Post's tester below, he probably should have used the popular search engine's basic search function before advancing to the bicycle directions part:

Anyway, apparently this guy rented a bike, followed the popular search engine's directions, and nearly got himself killed (or at least got to experience what most bicycle commuters do on a daily basis):

To me, this article underscores not the problems inherent in the popular search engine's mapping function, but rather in the "traditional media" system that the popular search engine is rendering increasingly irrelevant--this problem being that writers rarely know the first thing about the subject on which they're reporting. (This is especially true of cycling, which explains why I get emails from reporters working on bike-related stories who know nothing about cycling and have found me through a popular search engine.) As the article says, the Post reporter "rented a bike." Sure, he might have done this to accurately replicate the experience of an out-of-town visitor trying to utilize the mapping function in an unfamiliar city, but it's much more likely he rented a bike because he doesn't own a bike and seldom rides one. Naturally, someone who never rides is going to get into trouble in New York City on a bike regardless of how accurate his directions are. If I barely knew how to drive, flew to Los Angeles, rented a Chrysler Sebring, and tried to follow Internet directions to Sunset Boulevard, I'd probably crash the thing within a couple miles of LAX. Even an experienced driver would be in trouble if he attempted to follow Internet driving directions to the letter. "Hey, it didn't say I had to stop and pay the toll." Even in 2010, sometimes you've still got to think.

Anyway, on top of sending the reporter near trucks and through the Central Park transverse, the mapping function also apparently drove him right into a horde of deadly Hasidic Jews:

In Brooklyn, Google steers cyclists into the path of anti-bike Hasidic Jews by designating Bedford Avenue between Division and Flushing avenues in Williamsburg as a legitimate bike route.

Sadly, though, the Post does not provide any detail as to what actually happened. Did the Hasids attempt to crush him with their minivans? Did they make efforts to smother him with their voluminous beards? Was he seduced by their folkways, fooled into joining them, and then boiled and eaten like so much kasha? Sending cyclists on routes that are heavily-trafficked by motor vehicles or off-limits to bikes is one thing, but forcing them to interact with unsightly or distasteful ethnic groups is something else entirely. I can only hope the popular search engine company is working on the problem, and that they will soon offer an option allowing riders to completely avoid the races, nationalities, and religions of their choice:

After centuries of diversity we're finally almost at a point in New York where one can live in Williamsburg without ever having to interact with anybody who's in any way different, and we've come too far to allow that to simply fall apart now. Anyway, I do agree that the mapping function has a lot to learn, though after one day it already seems to know more about the streets of New York than most of the "fixie" riders who moved here eight months ago.

Speaking of surviving dangerous encounters, few cyclists are better equipped to, say, power unscathed through mob of angry and rabid bike-hating Hasidic Jews than the mighty Jens Voigt, shown here in the yellow jersey of the Paris-Nice race leader:

It takes a man of steel to recognize the tenderness of another, and a reader recently informed me that Voigt has apparently tested his opponent Alberto Contador and found him to be pleasingly supple:

Of course, Voigt was probably alluding to Contador's "souplesse," which is a word that the sorts of people who wear Rapha and boutique "embrocations" and spell "pro" in all caps like to use, but it sounds much more intimate in English. Incidentally, Voigt has subsequently lost his yellow jersey, and while I won't spoil the surprise as to who took it, I will say that he's not only remarkably supple but also handy with an index finger:

("I'm doing the same thing that's on my hat.")

The fingerbanger-who-shall-not-be-named also had some kind words for Mike Sinyard of Specialized recently, proclaiming him to be "a great man!"

I will not draw any undue conclusions from this image, but it is worth noting that the "Pistolero's" famously probing pistol is distressingly hidden from view.

By the way, if you're an enthusiastic fingerbanger, you might want to try this pair of leather fingerpants, which was apparently shown at the NAHBS:

(Leather fingerpants protect the thumb-and-forefinger crotchal region.)

This product should be a hot seller among those who hate both bar tape and gloves--or among those who prefer squeezing small sections of wire instead of comfortable brake levers in order to slow their bikes:

It's good to see that advanced clay-cutting technology is finally trickling down to the cycling world, and people reluctant to abandon the risk factor of riding brakeless can at least comfort themselves in knowing they run the risk of severing their digits in the event of a panic stop.

Speaking of risk, few things pose more of one to your crotch than an "epic" uncut steer tube, as spotted recently by a reader:

This structure is as inspiring as it is dangerous, calling to mind the neck rings of the Karenni people (though the stem really should be placed at the top of the structure for maximum effect):

A closer look reveals not only the beauty of this inspiring and potentially penetrative gilded tower, but also a puzzling locking technique:

I think I may have cockpit envy.