The Dirt Week That Wasn't

[Pssst: if you want to listen to my radio show from this past Monday it's here.  Or, if you want to listen to Carcass, you can do so here.]

Hey, everybody!  I've got some great news!

For me!

Yes, that's right, my new Jones bike has shipped!  Unfortunately I don't know if I'm allowed to tell you what it is yet, but that doesn't make me any less excited.  So in the meantime here's a picture of my current one as a placeholder:

In anticipation of this I had also dubbed this week as "Dirt Week," and had planned to set aside the road riding for a bit and spend as much time as possible on a bicycle with knobby tires instead.  However, it's been raining heavily pretty much every day so far, and so I've been forced to stick to the road instead:

Fortunately I don't mind so much, since I'm still all agog over my new-to-me titanium Forever Bike and relish any opportunity to ride it, even if I'm just making circles in the park:

In addition to the Jones I've also got some new-to-me wheels for this bike headed this way, which will nudge the bike more firmly into the "classic" column and further increase the Campy factor.  Hopefully they'll also help reign in my Fredness just a bit, otherwise before I know it I could find myself getting busted for doping at a Gran Fondo:

Regardless of how you feel about Gran Fondos, you've got to admit they're doing the cycling world a great service by keeping the zany, madcap spirit of doping alive.  In the pro ranks they're all using TUEs, which is like totally boring, but down in the Fondo ranks they're hatching sitcom-quality schemes:

That's why you should always have a pit twin.

Tune In Turn On Get Dropped

Well, they haven't kicked me off the radio yet, and today I'll be on at 10am talking about kids, bikes, and kids and bikes:

I'll also be talking to Henry Cutler of WorkCycles, makers of my personal Smugness Flotilla:

Henry was my guide on my trip to Amsterdam, which I wrote about in my third book, and we'll compare our school drop-off routines as well as marvel over the fact that in the Netherlands kids can ride on their own by the time the're like 10, whereas in America you've basically got to lease a Hyundai just to cross the street.

Also, awhile back I mentioned I divested myself of the Ritte Rust Bucket, and I'm pleased to announce that it is now part of the Classic Cycles collection on Bainbridge Island, WA!

This is all true, by the way:

The Ritte and I had a good run, but once my new-to-me titanium road bike entered the stable the trusty Rust Bucket could sense it was now the old nag destined for the glue factory:

Not only is the bike pictured above refreshingly bereft of rust and sweat stains, but it also rides beautifully, and having now logged a few hundred miles on it I've come to the conclusion that all that crap I've been hearing over the years about the marvels of titanium is totally true.  In fact, I like this bike so much it may very well have ruined me for my other road bikes, because my brand-new plastic Fred Sled now feels harsh and jittery in comparison.

Anyway, given the Ritte's storied and dignified history, it only seemed fitting to re-home it with the museum.  There, it joins the Renovo, and just as soon as I earn my first billion I'll endow that esteemed cultural institution with an entire wing in which to house them.

Speaking of my plastic bike, I headed out to race it yesterday in the predawn hours.  It was raining when I rolled out at like ass-thirty or whatever it was, and as I seem to do at least once a year I found myself slipping off the back almost immediately, like an elephant seal slathered in Vaseline and trying to climb a water slide.  This was mostly because, you know, everyone else out there was much stronger than me.  But another factor was that, as I hit the first descent, gritty wheelspray hitting me in the face, all I could think about was Phil Gaimon's recent tweets and how I really didn't want to spend Fathers Day on a gurney.  You know, you can work with not being strong enough, and you can work with bad weather conditions, but combine the two and you're asking for trouble.

After all these years you'd think I'd have learned the most important lesson of park racing by now:

If you wake up and there's any rain at all, go the fuck back to bed.

Oh well, there's always next week.

New Outside Column! And Other Stuff Too!

Firstly, I've got a new Outside column, and it's all about how I've become one of those sniveling sidewalk cyclists:

Deal with it.

Secondly, I had an interesting final caller on my RADIO SHOW this past Monday, which made the digital pages of Gothamist:

"A lot of the problem with the cyclists, and I know you don't wanna say it, but it's people from third world cultures where they do not have traffic lights..." #bikenyc https://t.co/FRRFVICRu9

— Christopher Robbins (@ChristRobbins) June 12, 2019

Here's a more direct link to the show:

Yesterday a member of the NYPD called into my radio show to comment on delivery cyclists. It's...rather enlightening. Starts at 52:02, have a listen:https://t.co/2eEQ8p6KYw

— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) June 11, 2019

I'm still very much figuring this radio thing out, and I didn't respond at length to the caller because I thought I was out of time.  (My guest did however respond in a thoughtful and diplomatic manner.)  I suppose there's a certain type of person out there who gets off on making facile ethnic characterizations on a public forum (in fact one of them happens to be president), but even so I regret not pointing out to the caller that:

1. New York City already requires commercial cyclists to take a safety course;

B. It's disturbing that, when a driver injures or kills a cyclist, this is the attitude of the person whose job it is to respond to the call and assess the situation.

Finally, when you're knee-deep in all this policy stuff it does start to weigh heavily on the soul, and so I do like to lose myself in the pure joy of bicycle cycling whenever possible.  One of my favorite tools for doing so is the Jones SWB Complete:

And I'm pleased to report that in the not-too-distant future I will be receiving another Jones bicycle, about which I am very, very excited, and about which I plan to type many words, and of which I plan to take many lousy photos.

I'm so excited I may even have to cut myself a new pair of jorts.

"Siri, set a reminder to listen to Bike Snob this morning at 10am. Also, how do you get red wine stains out of a bib short chamois?"

Hi!

Consider this a Post-it note on your forehead reminding you that they haven't canceled my radio show yet, and so I'll be on the air again this morning at 10am*:

And yes, you can listen online. 

And also yes, you can call in and ask questions.

Also also, I just happened to notice someone just left the following comment on a post that's like two years old:

Why yes I do!  A friend of mine has one of these:

You're welcome!

Sincerely,

Your's truley,

Best wishes and so forth,


--Tan Tenovo

*That's 10am my time, which is the time it is in New York City, USA.  I don't know or care what time zone you live in, so you figure it out.  It's not my problem and quite frankly I'm sick of all this hand-holding.

Oh Snap(ping Turtle)!

Yesterday I had a little rendez-vous with the Jones SWB:

Of all the moderate-length rides I keep in my hip pocket this one is perhaps my favorite:

Flat dirt for cruising, some singletrack, a little bucolic scenery...and best of all I don't have to cross any bridges inasmuch as I live in the mainland borough.

I did spend like a month's cellphone bill on two gluten-free brownies and an iced coffee though.

This morning I also headed out on an early morning jaunt through the suburbs upon my new-to-me vintage titanium Fred sled, and I was treated to wildlife sightings including deer:

When I first started riding regularly in Westchester I thought the deer were charming, but after a few months I figured out the things are basically big pests:

I imagine the people who move there from Park Slope because they read New York Times articles about how Hastings-on-Hudson is the new Brooklyn and find the deer beguiling when they drive up for open houses learn even more quickly.  Still, it's kind of fun to see them, even if they do scare the crap out of me sometimes when I'm on my mountain bike, and even if I do imagine I can see the ticks crawling all over them.

Then on the way home I happened upon this snapping turtle:

At first I was hesitant to approach it, thinking it might leap at me like the rabbit in "The Holy Grail," but then I realized if they did that I'd almost certainly have seen some hilarious YouTube videos of it by now.  Still, I did keep a safe distance, and I also refrained from scratching its head and cooing, "That's a good boy."

Finally, when I took a ride on the Ritte Rust Bucket last month, I didn't realize it would be my last:

But now that titanium has entered my life I have decided that it's time for the Ritte to embark upon the next chapter, and so I sent it off to its new home via Bike Flights, which I've had occasion to use twice now, and for which I'll offer an unsolicited plug since I've been very pleased with them.  In fact this time I used their cardboard box, which was very easy to assemble and pack, and I'm assuming the bike arrived in good condition since I haven't heard otherwise from the recipient.

Anyway, I'll let you know all about where the Ritte wound up in due course, but for now let's all join in bidding it adieu.  Here it is taking shape:

And here it is when I first received it:

I know its new curator will restore it to its former beauty--and more likely make it even more lovely than it was.

On The Air

Yesterday morning I made my radio debut and overall I think it went fairly well, all things considered:

Was feeling insecure about how I did on the radio this AM until I read this, now I know I did just fine. pic.twitter.com/l9clLzCX0Y

— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) June 3, 2019

As I mentioned, I had no plans at all to be on the radio until this past Thursday, when the station said, "Do you want a radio show?" and I said, "Yes."  Anyway, if you missed it you can listen now thanks to the miracle of streaming technology; just go to the archives and choose "Bike Snob" from the pull-down menu.  And if you don't have an hour to waste listening to me bloviate, just skip to 11:47, which is when I take a call from an "avid cyclist:"

I'm fairly sure it's the same person who left the comment above.

Of course, the real reason I agreed to do a radio show was that it provides me with a ready-made excuse to take a long ride on a Monday morning, even if that ride is through the heart of the city at rush hour.  If you'd like to see some of the highlights, I shared them on this morning's Bike Forecast:

Not only that, but this morning I ended up cutting a swath through Manhattan yet again, for I headed out early to take a bucolic ride on so-called "River Road" in New Jersey, only to find it closed:

How seriously do I take this? pic.twitter.com/rQnN0382u7

— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) June 4, 2019

River Road is often "closed" and I usually ignore the signs, though I figured I might as well take the "pesticide spraying" warning seriously--even though I suspect it was a ploy like in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" when the government says there's toxic nerve gas in the area in order to deter people from the alien landing sight.  In fact, I highly suspect there was an alien landing this morning on the New Jersey Palisades, and I'm going to start riding with a handlebar-mounted canary so that I can test the veracity of these so-called "pesticide sprayings" in the future.

This time however I just said "fuck it," hopped back on the Greenway, and did a little slingshot around Central Park and back home.

Finally, you may recall that I got a sweet new fixie:

Well, the reason I got it was because Bicycling asked me to write about it in the context of cycling subcultures:

The headline is Bicycling's, and everybody knows the epitome of cycling's rebellion is the recumbent:

(Photo: Grant Petersen)

Otherwise, I stand by it.

New Outside Column, Plus Exciting Announcement!

Firstly, I've got a new column on the Outside web presence, and it's all about how those ultra-loud bicycle horns totally blow:

The other day I managed to get the phrase "rats fucking" onto the virtual pages of that esteemed publication, and this time I worked in the concept of cars that anally electrocute their drivers.  Between that and getting my bike into a museum I couldn't possibly ascend any higher...

...or could I?  Because on Monday--that's this coming Monday, June 3rd, at 10:00am in whatever time zone New York City is in, my RADIO SHOW makes it's debut!

(They really should be wearing their listening helmets.)

Yep, that's right, I'm going to have my very own radio show on WBAI here in New York City, and I assume that even if you're not in New York you'll be able to listen thanks to the miracle of the Internet.  (Also, I think afterwards you'll be able to download it.)  As for how I wound up with a radio show, I'd like to say it's the result of lots of planning on my part.  However, the truth is that WBAI contacted me yesterday and asked me if I wanted to do a radio show, I told them I would, and they said "Great, you start on Monday."  And here we are.

So this blog, a bunch of books, the Outside column, the Bike Forecast, and now the terrestrial airwaves.

All that's left is a Bike Snob handwritten newsletter.  Just send a SASE and wait 6-8 weeks.