Wednesday, August 15, 2018

The Lap of Luxury

Today's post will be brief as I'm preparing for a short trip out of town.  I'm not telling where I'm going, but let's just say it's a city in Oregon that's the subject of a comedy show starring Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein:


So why am I going to Portland?  (Aw, shit, I just gave it away.)  Well I'd love to say I'm going out there for a lovely relaxing weekend of getting my beard oiled and having stars tattooed on my person, but the reason for my visit is STRICTLY BUSINESS and I'll be working on a piece of ostensible journalism.  Still, Portland really wants me to get a tattoo though:


Jesus, Portland, I'm just trying to book a goddamn hotel!

In other news, you'll be pleased to know I got some Jones time in today:


At this point in my life I sometimes catch myself feeling inadequate: no Nobel Prize yet, I'm still flying commercial, and I'm no closer to owning that second home in St. Barts.  However, every so often I realize I've got it made, because I've got ready access to one luxury of which most cyclists in New York City can merely dream.

That's right, I've got a hose:


And what's even more decadent than having a hose?  Having a hose and barely washing your bikes anyway because you're a lazy dirtbag.

Oh yeah, I'm living the life.

Finally, a new contender has emerged for dorkiest commentator ever, and it's this person who's obsessed with tires:

Unknown said...

Actually Tan, the Paesella is a pretty shitty tire. Kind of surprising coming from a self-proclaimed princess who claims to "feel" 2cm in wheelbase, yet can't tell the difference from a casing that is like iron versus something that doesn't suck.

But keep up yer blather. You amuse me. Like a clown.

August 14, 2018 at 9:12 PM

Jeez, these Jan Heine disciples are really touchy.  Sure, 2cm of wheelbase is meaningless, yet one Panaracer tire sucks whereas a differently-branded Panaracer tire is the be-all end-all of cycling bliss.

Makes sense to me.

By the way, if you don't think 2cm is a lot, here's a test: move any part of your bicycle 2cm from where it is now and tell me if if makes a noticeable difference.

I bet it does.

57 comments:

Stump said...

poodium

Stump said...

also i think the dorkiest commentator ever was actually talking about spanish cuisine of some sort

O4fuxake said...

scranus

Anonymous said...

Tire guy sounds a little like Chamois Juice. Though the Goodfellas reference is a bit out of character.

Buffalo Bill said...

I just moved my bell from one side of the handlebars to the other. About 20cm I think. It sounds the same to me.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Stump, I suppose he could have been ranting about paella or pasta as easily as bike tires.

Unknown said...

vsk said ...

Way to go Snobby !!!

vsk

huskerdont said...

I moved my entire bicycle 2 cm. Can't really tell.

huskerdont said...

Actually, I may be pretty much the dorkiest come to think. I don't seem to mind riding bikes that are 2 or even 4 cm larger or smaller than my optimal size, but don't touch that seatpost once I've got the tape on it marking the spot!

Adam said...

Great to have you back in Portland! You doing any rides while you're in town? I'd love to buy you a beer.

Blog Drafter said...

Your humor is mostly self-deprecating, which IMHO is the best kind of humor. Humor that is directed outwards is a form of aggression. I think any one of any of my comments could be the the dorkiest ever! (See what I did there?)

Anonymous said...

Pasela, shmasela -- does it plane?

WTF *is* up with planing? As I understand it, this is the idea that a flexy bottom bracket channels energy into the drivetrain as it unflexes.

I kind of like the idea because it takes bicycling into the realm of near-warp-speed-physics-bending but it sounds like complete horses**t to me (and I ride and like steel bikes).

Anonymous said...

I moved every single part of my bike 2cm but I couldn't tell the difference.

1904 Cadardi said...

It could be argued that on a bicycle with a 100cm wheelbase a 2cm difference is only 2%, but while that is a correct statement it is an incorrect comparison. The range of reasonable wheelbase measurements for a bicycle is actually much smaller. Of the bicycles I own, the shortest wheelbase is 985mm (a mid 80s small Masi), the longest is 1125mm (a large full suspension 29er). That's a 14cm difference. 2cm represents 14% of 14cm. I would be willing to bet there is less than a 14% difference in the stiffness of the "bad" vs "good" Panaracer tire.

(This is my contribution for nerdiest comment).

bad boy of the south said...

I thought the coupon said "inky dink a bottle of ink and you stink".or not.
Safe travels to the left north coast and have fun in your strictly business trip.

Anonymous said...

Maybe someone is confusing mm with cm. 2cm on the seat post height is huge and I try to stay within 2mm. 2cm can also mean no toe overlap vs catching your toes and looking stupid.

Chazu said...

Well I have three hoses and three hose faucets (please don't call them 'bibs' or 'spigots') on the house. Two of the faucets work because frost cracked one of them. I don't wash my bikes very often, either.

I also have a dishwasher, like a proper decadent American. (wasn't there some anti-dishwashing machine blather here at some point?)

BikeSnobNYC said...

1904 Cadardi,

I'm assuming the reason for the longer chainstays on the Milwaukee is to allow for bigger tires/fenders. Certainly the longer wheelbase isn't a HUGE deal as far as how the bike rides but it's not nothing--just like swapping tires. (You can totally tell the difference between 23s and 25s, for example.) Weird he's hung up on one and not the other.

--Tan Tenovo

pbateman has two extra cm's for your mom said...

the mail gal just dropped a box full of fun bikey things off including those panaracers i ordered. think i'll copy paste Unknow's feedback on the paselas as my review for amazon.

asheville is better than portland.

having actually been binge watching portlandia lately and season 6 is killing me..softly..with great amusement.

BamaPhred said...

The Milwaukee Road is made from True Temper OX Platinum tubing. I thought True Temper exited the bicycle tube bidness.

Skidmark said...

The main thing I’ve noticed about Passelas is that Paesela is hard to spell precisely.

InstantPam said...

@Chazu4:13pm- “proper decadent American”: isn’t that an oxymoron with a double negative half-twist. Score: 8.4

HDEB said...

My favorite bicycle is the type that goes faster when its rider pedals harder : )

dop said...

You already have a tattoo. I seen it at the fondont. Save your money for your 17 childrens’ college Fund.

dop said...

ps...the first rule about Passellas is no talking about Passellas

pbateman is jealous of the northwest this time of year as its so durn hot said...

fyi - they do now make clip on hair buns. ive seen an ad for them.

think it may be something to consider out of deference to their culture. sort of like they even give us gentiles the little hats at temple (the actual name of which is almost as hard to spell as pasellass).

Drock said...

2cm. Who knew such a small distance could be so longly talked about. Maybe we refer to mm’s, would that change things?

Lance Mannion said...

dop - I've asked politely,twice, for Snob to show his tatts. Are they cooler than Ben Afflecks' ink?....Snob didn't comply, LMK what you saw and how they compare to BA's......I dare you to print this ,Wildcat.....

Steely Danzig said...

I know a guy who moved to Portland. He has a big beard, Hitler Youth Haircut, wears plaid shirts and has knuckle tattoos. Oh yeah, he’s white and likes craft beers. Please tell him “hi” if you see him- he rides a fixee.
Crazy, it is a hose Bibb.

Hose Police said...

While in Portland, see if they have hose nozzles available and bring one back to NYC. "What? I can point the hose AND turn on the water at the same time?" Next-level hosing.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Adam,

No ambitious rides but I plan to hit Forest Park in the mornings.

--Tan Tenovo

wishiwasmerckx said...

Pbateman, if you find yarmulke amusing, try googling shtreimel.

STG said...

Check out this disrupto-drivel. https://youtu.be/CPrwV5WTfFg

Anonymous said...

Tan, I moved the bell and no great difference...

ClevelandYeah said...

I have just returned from Portland. Impressed with all the bikecycle infrastructure but surprised that it wasn't being used more. I was expecting bikecycles everywhere. We mostly hung out in the NW (Voodoo Donuts, breweries and Powell's City of Books (very cool)).
We also visited Mt.Hood and Bend. There were lots of bikecycles in Bend but mostly of the MtB type. I actually rode one on the Lava Lands trail. Very fun and highly recommended.
We had a 10 hr layover in Denver (thanks Frontier) and took the light rail into the city. We saw even more bikecycles, mostly of the fixie/single speed variety. And lots of ghastly electric scooters.
So much for my travel log...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 8:31pm,

I'd think it would totally throw off the ergonomics.

--Tan Tenovo

Some guy from upstate said...

Anon at 3:31 - actually, any elastic material stores energy as it is deformed and gives it back up as it returns to its original shape. A little bit is lost as heat due to internal friction in the material (this is called hysteresis) but that fraction is very small for metals. So not horseshit at all. You also flex things like the tires that dissipate more energy, so a heavy stiff frame and squishy tires (think department store mountain bike) saps a lot of energy and feels horrible. I think a good steel frame feels so nice and lively because it's flexy enough to store some of the energy that would otherwise go into the tires. Aluminum frames (recall those old Cannondale) feel stiff because aluminum is not as strong, so you need a larger cross section that ends up being stiffer despite aluminum's lower elastic modulus. The power transfer is more immediate because the frame flexes less and of course the frame is lighter because of aluminum's higher strength to weight ratio, but more energy goes into flexing tires and it doesn't feel as nice as a good steel frame.

There. You want dorky, call the engineer.

Unknown said...

I love it when you get worked up by comments. Makes me think that maybe someday you'll read mine too. Be careful in that City of Roses! It's communicable.

huskerdont said...

Steely Danzig is pretty much the best username imaginable. Wish I'd thought of it.

Wesley Bellairs said...

Seven identical steel frames built with seven different tube sets. Crazy.

http://stahlrahmen-bikes.de/wp-content/uploads/Stahlrahmen_Vergleich.pdf

Luke said...

So, with all this non-work multi-bicycle training... and the new news that you have a hose... I think I've unravelled a great mystery on the scale of Q-anon. You're racing bikes more, BUT you're willingly riding different bikes so that you are compelled by your contract to run. (And apparently compelled to run A LOT).

This brings us to the hose. I have a suspicion that you've also bought an above ground pool, and you're swimming. FREQUENTLY.

The Jig is up, bike snob.

Admit it.

You're entering a triathlon.

JLRB said...

Some Guy From Upstate @ 8:57 for NHCOD (Nerdiest Helpful, etc)

I've been to Portlandia a handful of times in the past few years for bidiness. I've only ridden the bike-share bikes (and one awful hotel bike) - have yet to find my way to Forest Park. Have also yet to make it to voo-doo-wah-hoo-hoo dognuts.\

Looking forward to the updated travelogue.

janinedm said...

I have a highly, highly scientific bike fit checklist. Are your hands or wrist numb? Does your butt or junk hurt? Are your legs getting tired or experiencing pain beyond what's appropriate for your level of suckitutde? Congrats, go ride your own damn bike.

Chazu said...

I need to do anything other than tackle the stack of work in my inbox, and a certain semi-pro biek* blogger is probably still sleeping.

So here I am in the comments section of yesterday's blogular entry.

Bibb, schmib. My four year old child still wears a bib occasionally. But we get water from faucets. Like proper decadent Americans.

White Industries hubs. Anyone care to comment? I'm thinking about buying a set.

*I had to go back and correct the auto-correct function in my browser in order to spell biek** properly.

**There, I just did it again.

Pist Off said...

20mm makes a big obvious difference if it’s in fork offset, or even just top tube length with all else equal. Even a caveman would notice.
White Ind. hubs are my personal favorite bike jewelry along with Paul brakes. Sooo expensive tho. But I really liked my late-90s mtb hubs. Loud freehub with strong pawls, that shiny aluminum, easy to maintain, light and strong. Since then I have gone to Hope/She-Mano hubs which are very good/good as well, just not as sexy. I almost always buy used frames and parts to at least feel a little better about spending the kids college money.

pbateman ho's for hose said...

In case anyone is looking for advice on what hose and nozzle combo to run I will say that those As Seen On TV pocket hoses combined with a a brass nozzle is actually pretty sweet.

The pocket hose save so many grams compared to the "As Seen in Snobs Back Yard" hose, and the colorway is a more subdued than the "look at me i am a hose" bright green that rich people like Snob prefer as a way to signal their vast wealth.

Frankly, a hose like Snobs is akin to buying an old steel bike, painting it "look at me" bright yellow, and covering it in blinged out expensive NOS DA components like a real jerk.

A pocket hose is like running sensible 105 - its durable, practical, light weight and will get you and whatever you need just as wet. Especially your mom.

its my hose for life.

Skidmark said...

http://blog.fairwheelbikes.com/reviews-and-testing/hub-review/
@ Chazu- geeky hub stuff. 2015 may or may not be considered obsolete by today’s standards, I don’t know. But the basics remain the same-kinda. Cheers

Schisthead said...

I don't know if WI hubs are worth the money, but I didn't know the same thing about their freewheels until I ran one for a few years. Now I'm reasonably sure they're not really all that expensive, if you're planning on getting a crap ton of miles out of them.

leroy said...

I don't mean to brag, but I was born yesterday and went for a longish ride to celebrate.

What I learned:

1. My dog writes haiku.

2. You don't need exact change for the coke machine on the top of Bear Mountain.

3. That's important because some of us have impaired fine motor skills while gasping for breath.

4. If your saddle is properly set, a coke can will balance on it.

5. After returning home from long ride on a warm day, be careful where the shower spray hits you because there's no such thing as a perfect chamois.

6. If your dog tells you he's throwing you a surprise party, don't act surprised when he uses your credit card to order take out.

Unknown said...

#whatwaterpressureyourunning

Al said...

Your new unknown commentator friend sounds like one of those wannabe racing guys that rode up next to me when I was chugging along on my steel framed Master Light Colnago and said, "Steel is real...real heavy." What a dick.

Gracian said...

Good on ya for noticing the Paselas that dare not speak their names.

I have a 559-37 Pasela and a Compass whatever in the same size. I have one of each because one of the Compasses got cut and blew.

I compared the replacement Pasela to the standard-casing Compass and lo and behold, zero-difference I can discern.

I used to think it odd - if not suspicious - that there were no Paselas in the BQ tire tests. That seemed odd. Oddness is suddenly clearer, huh?

Anonymous said...

To some guy from upstate: Yea, I already knew that.

McFly said...

I moved my healmeant mirror 2 cm and now I can't even see my orange flag of safety.

[Am I at least a podium for Dorkiest Comment?]

Olle Nilsson said...

Sorry for the late comment but I threw away my beloved Paselas after I read they were shitty, and then had to walk to the bike store for replacements - didn't think this through. Anyway, got some Schwalbe Marathons and yeah, I totally know all about iron casings now. Steel may be real, but iron'll loosen your fillings.

Olle Nilsson said...

Voodoo Donuts ... meh. Didn't live up to the hype.

that guy from that movie about bikes said...


AI - you stuck your co2 infitrlator in his spokes, no?