Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Well would you look at that, it's Wednesday already!

Let's delve into the mail bag, shall we?


First of all, further to yesterday's post:

ubercurmudgeon said...

Vaccines are not like helmets. Vaccines are like the cycle safety training you get at school (or used to, depending on where you live.) It is training for your immune system to be able to cope with diseases, just like training kids to cope with motorists or adverse conditions. And if nearly everyone gets it then the human species as a whole (or the roads in this analogy) becomes safer for all. Helmets are like prophylactics - wise to use in some conditions, but not 100% (in fact a lot less in the case of helmets), and unnecessary with your long-term partner (or on the same two-mile ride to school you do ten times a week for years.)

March 8, 2017 at 3:33 AM

Well, if nothing else I feel I should point out the following:

1) If used correctly, condoms are indeed close to 100% effective:

Sadly, once the Trump administration destroys Planned Parenthood once and for all nobody will know how to use a condom anymore because there will be nobody around to show them, but that's a separate issue;

2) Not only are helmets far less effective than condoms, but only some bicycle crashes involve the head, whereas 100% of accidental pregnancies involve the genitals.*  So really, wearing a bicycle helmet is more like wearing a condom on your finger**: sure, it might come into play under the right set of circumstances, but for the most part for all the good it'll do it probably doesn't make a meaningful difference;

3) The most important difference between helmets and condoms is that when a helmet breaks people think it saved their lives, but when it condom breaks people understand their lives may very well be ruined.

*[Oh sure, you can still manage to swap STDs while using condoms, but I'm not going to get into a whole dental dam/knee pad analogy since this is still purportedly a cycling blog.]

**[Once the Trump administration destroys Planned Parenthood and everyone forgets how to use condoms people probably will start wearing them on their fingers.]

Please send any remaining thoughts or insights regarding helmets directly into the void.

Thank you.

Secondly, Anonymous asks:

Anonymous said...

Are you gonna talk about the Spring Classics this year? You are my only source for racing info.

March 8, 2017 at 3:28 AM

No.

I'm officially done with pro cycling.  See, I've always loved bikes but hated sports, and while it took me awhile to realize this it turns out that pro cycling is just like any other sport and the bikes are merely incidental.  Shocking, I know.  Oh sure, the Classics were kind of cool because they rode bikes with skinny tires on bumpy roads, but now we have gravel-grinding right here in Canada's gular pouch so who the hell needs it?  Plus, pro road cycling is a sport almost devoid of personalities.  "Oooh, but what about Peter Sagan?  He scarfed a bag of Haribo and gave a rude interview!"  Please.  Peter Sagan is a phenomenal bike rider and a kooky character, but he's also a total bro-bag, and the fact that roadies get so excited about Haribo and watching other people eat it is merely proof of what a joyless existence they lead.  Really, the stuff hangs on hooks in delis, what's the big deal?

So do yourself a favor and expunge the pro cycling weenie train from your consciousness forevermore.

I will, however, continue to enjoy all the bickering about disc brakes and the implosion of Team Sky:


Doubts over Froome’s support for Brailsford surfaced in January, shortly after the boss had claimed the package contained the legal decongestant fluimucil – a claim that no one has yet been able to substantiate. At a press gathering in Monaco, Froome was repeatedly asked if he still had faith in Brailsford's ability to champion the team’s credibility, to which he replied “That’s not really for me to say” before switching the focus to his own personal credibility.

Seems to me that as the team's star rider it's exactly for him to say, but what do I know?

Speaking of gravel, I'm taking all my money out of Chris King headsets and putting it into gravel bikes, because as America's infrastructure deteriorates they're poised to become more popular than ever:


Yes, apparently instead of repaving the streets in Omaha the city has decided "fuck it" and gone back to gravel:

Then repair costs escalated, and potholes started going unfilled. On particularly troubled blocks, the city converted the asphalt surface into a gravelly dirt, a peculiar sight in middle- and upper-class neighborhoods in the center of a city. Only a small fraction of them, less than 10 miles, have been reclaimed.

“I can’t even open my windows on that side of the house,” said Sharon Thonen, a retiree who lives on what is now a dirt road a block from a busy Starbucks. Children stopped riding their bikes on her street after the asphalt was ripped out, Ms. Thonen said. “During the summer, it’s just a dust bowl.”

Wait, the kids stopped riding their bikes?  But what about those sweet gravel skids???  These kids today [grumblegrumble].  And what's Sharon Thonen complaining about?  People in suburbs north of New York City pay a heft premium to live on dusty gravel roads:


This is why, at the private school by my home, the city kids get picked up in gleaming chauffeur-driven Suburbans, whereas the suburban kids get picked up in Range Rovers with a layer of white dust.

In fact, I'd say the people of Omaha have got it made, and they should hope Old Man Buffett doesn't decide to pave them himself.

Then again, while it's tempting to imagine gravel roads slowing the spread of motordom, all it really means is that people buy bigger and dumber cars.  If they're already buying massive all-terrain SUVs just to drive around on paved roads just imagine what they'll buy when they actually do have to drive on gravel:



We're so screwed.

59 comments:

Mike O. said...

Good morning.

Ted K. said...

219. Leftism is a totalitarian force. Wherever leftism is in a position of power it tends to invade every private corner and force every thought into a leftist mold. In part this is because of the quasi-religious character of leftism; everything contrary to leftist beliefs represents Sin. More importantly, leftism is a totalitarian force because of the leftists’ drive for power. The leftist seeks to satisfy his need for power through identification with a social movement and he tries to go through the power process by helping to pursue and attain the goals of the movement (see paragraph 83). But no matter how far the movement has gone in attaining its goals the leftist is never satisfied, because his activism is a surrogate activity (see paragraph 41). That is, the leftist’s real motive is not to attain the ostensible goals of leftism; in reality he is motivated by the sense of power he gets from struggling for and then reaching a social goal. [35] Consequently the leftist is never satisfied with the goals he has already attained; his need for the power process leads him always to pursue some new goal. The leftist wants equal opportunities for minorities. When that is attained he insists on statistical equality of achievement by minorities. And as long as anyone harbors in some corner of his mind a negative attitude toward some minority, the leftist has to re-educated him. And ethnic minorities are not enough; no one can be allowed to have a negative attitude toward homosexuals, disabled people, fat people, old people, ugly people, and on and on and on. It’s not enough that the public should be informed about the hazards of smoking; a warning has to be stamped on every package of cigarettes. Then cigarette advertising has to be restricted if not banned. The activists will never be satisfied until tobacco is outlawed, and after that it will be alcohol, then junk food, etc. Activists have fought gross child abuse, which is reasonable. But now they want to stop all spanking. When they have done that they will want to ban something else they consider unwholesome, then another thing and then another. They will never be satisfied until they have complete control over all child rearing practices. And then they will move on to another cause.

Anonymous said...

So many people at work have been talking about gular pouches. Now I know why.

Very Slim Pickens said...

Maybe weed today?

Newman said...

If I send a letter to the Snob, and I don't put a stamp on it, will the Snob pickup the tab?

Former Factory Worker said...

Will The Donald give me on of those trucks?

Eat Fresh! said...

I wonder if Babble has been down to the new Trump Tower Van'c? I hear they have the best Taco Bowls.

Its like a Million Little Fingers urging you to let go said...

The Donald wears two condoms at once. One on each middle finger (size small).

boys on the hoods said...

top ten!! where can I get me one of those trucks??

youcancallmeAl said...

The use of the word "probably" is such an impressive debating technique! Once again, well done!

JLRB said...

pre-teen confusion

Ted is back - long live the fuk ted posts

JLRB said...

and gravel roads are better than gavel roads

Anonymous said...

Froome
Brailsford
&
Fluimucil

Attorneys at Law

McFly said...

His healmeant was reportedly bitten to pieces. When nature and MTB'ing collide. It's not pretty.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...I learn something new everyday on this blog... yesterday I learned that you don't need to vaccinate your kids if you put a styrofoam hat on their head when they get on wheels... today I learned that because of my kid's obsession with haribou, her future is in pro cycling... and all these years I've been paying for a private education...

Incredibly strained pundit said...

Jimmy Buffet's going to pave Omaha?

He's not the big cheese Burghur with a pair a dice?

leroy said...

Well, of course, my dog had a different analogy for helmets.

Anonymous said...

That Ford Superduty is pretty dumb if you ain't hauling a 40 plus foot trailer of livestock. I mean, you wouldn't even survive an IED attack in that flimsy POS.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...


Na Na Na Na Nineteen ...


vsk

dnk said...

Leroy, your dog is spot on. There's an element of ritual purification in helmet-wearing. And definitely a culture of shame & blame upon those who do not wear a helmet.

My own dog's powers of observation seem limited to sniffing her own farts.

Birds want to know said...

How did an ancient religion have a rule against flying over cemeteries?

janinedm said...

I'm not going to get into a whole dental dam/knee pad analogy since this is still purportedly a cycling blog.

Disagree. That sounds like a fun game. I'd argue that coaster brakes are like the cervical cap. They kind of work, but failure is highly likely with rigorous use. Brakeless fixed gear is like the rhythm method, people are sure that it's a good idea as long as you know what you're doing but I'm always surprised when it doesn't end in tears. Vasectomies are like staying inside and using Zwift instead.

Anonymous said...

Dammit! I thought I was done with Black Sabbath for the week. I guess not.

Anonymous said...

Fuck Ted K and the shack he blew up in.

Grumpo said...

100% of unplanned pregnancies involve genitals? really? what about Jesus? Hmmm?

God said...

"...what about Jesus?"

What are you talking about? I totally planned that.

United Snakes Snail Service said...

Mailbag Photo. I noticed several of the envelopes are stamped "Past Due".

McFly said...

I love my vasectomy. Best $1650 I ever did spent. Definitely staying inside as you say.

Liberace said...

Black Sabbath is awesome. Ozzy Osbourne solo is weak and lame.

Cheeto-in-chief said...

I recommend condoms on your fingers when you grab them by the pussy, which I did not say, but I did, didn't I, no. (yes).

Mary the "virgin" said...

What are you talking about? I totally planned that.

Oh sure you did, deadbeat. Left Joseph holding the shaft on that one. Lucky he bought the virgin story. Not one single childcare payment, no wonder we needed infinite bread and fish and wine from water, cause IT WASN'T COMING FROM YOUR MONTHLY CHECKS FROM THE MONEY CHANGERS. No wonder heysus was so pissed at them all the time.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

I thought Cervical Cap was Cervelo's new womens' specific geometry model. At your cervix as they say…

commie said...

Wasn't Cervix that adorable children's cartoon? Or was it a popular model of Honda?

AL's Dad said...

You can call me Artificial Intelligence,
This blog isn't a forum for debate. The author can publish whatever he wants, and he doesn't need to allow or read comments.
If the author responds to your comment by saying "fuck off", he hasn't lost a debate, because there was no debate in the first place.

Look at it this way; your mommy/daddy issues aren't going to be resolved in an anonymous comment forum on this or any website. Expend your energy elsewhere.

Drock said...

Helmet condom, dive into the mail bag, good stuff. If I send a letter in the mail asking a question about your riding style, will you let one of your 17 kids respond?

dancesonpedals said...

My mother told me to always put a dime in my condoms. She said if you can't come, call.

Via la France said...

"Wasn't Cervix that adorable children's cartoon?"

Really big in France where he and his buddy Obelix are always defeating the Romans.

No Planned Parenthood back then, soon to be none now either said...

Mary the Virgin, did you vote for having a bush? Or should life have been bush less?

wishiwasmerckx said...

100% of unplanned pregnancies involve genitals? really? what about Jesus? Hmmm?

...and Anikin Skywalker.

crosspalms said...

I rode about a mile on gravel yesterday on a non-gravel bike. Luckily I was headed to a doctor's appointment, so I'd have been in good hands if my bike had blown up or something.

Meanwhile, here's some more helmet talk.

Hill Slayer said...

Much obliged, Snob. And props for the bike sex ed lesson. Used to teach sex ed in schools, so I always appreciate elaborate discussions about condoms and helmets. Wonder what would happen if a Fred and a hipster fixie rider bumped helmets/caps and had an unplanned pregnancy.... Oh well, Trump's already president. Can't get any worse than that, right?

Plebias said...

Snob or anyone. I want a bike that's low maintenance, always ready to go out the door and take me where I need to go, helmeted or not, dumping rain or dry, night or day. Either getting a brompton or a beater orange julius bike that doesn't require three locks and a bodyguard. Which is more convenient?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Plebias,

Impossible to answer based on information provided.

--Wildcat Etc.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

How the hell did I end up in Mineola? The land of parking garages.

I Read It So It Must Be True said...

First there was the resurrection, then there will be the second coming.

Plebias said...

I'll keep trying- very hilly, most trips <10 mi round trip, public transit a few times a month. Road and sometimes gravel path, wet half the time, doesn't snow much. Little or no cargo (the bike I already have is for groceries/hauling). Bike lives inside apartment on 3rd story. I am not into cat 6 but I understand the brompton has a high FCN. Powered by potato chips and peanuts, funded by peanuts alone. Takes a lot of peanuts to buy a brompton. That's all I can think of.

Grantland Rice said...

"Peter Sagan is a phenomenal bike rider..."

If you want to be a sports fans, it is best to leave it at that. If you are not concerned with the personal life, personality, statements, eating habits, etc. of anyone else from Slovakia, you should not concern yourself with person from Slovakia who is a phenomenal bike rider.

But if you live in a free county and decide you WANT to be concerned:
try this.

JLRB said...

All this vasectomy, you'd think the lead in was "male bag"

Arizona redneck said...

I love that story. Ride like it's your goddamn world,cops don't hafta take no shit from nobody. Every selfish bully eventually meets his match. Haw!

Doc Sarvis said...

Touched a nerve?

Frog´s legs said...

It´s Asterix. Asterix et Obelix. You´re welcome.

biorider said...

Nevada is resorting to rubbilization of secondary roads instead of maintaining them. Go in, grind whatever road is into gravel/dust and leave it. Big boost for the gravel bike mafia.

Blaue Reiter said...

Merrrrrrrx! Dammit! First with the German bashing (NO WE NEVER FORGET) and now with George Lucas' worst goddamn idea in that whole trilogy of bad ideas, second maybe only to "midichlorians" in the first place! AAAAARGH!

Also, Snob, I really do enjoy your nuanced views coupled with your zero-tolerance replies to the assorted commenters/trolls who (deliberately?) misunderstand or misinterpret them. Rock!

Anonymous said...

I thought your response to my question about spring classics coverage was a little harsh. I can rarely get on the big-boy websites like velonews and cycling news because I have a very limited data plan and poor coverage with T-Mobile. The spring classics are classic, and cycling is probably as clean as it has ever been right now. I enjoy the Team Sky coverage, keep up the good investigative reporting, maybe you could break it wide open.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 5:21am,

Sorry, the harshness wasn't directed towards you, it was directed at the sport of pro cycling. I'd like to see its influence over cycling in general continue to wane. As much as I make fun of gravel bikes and stuff I do like how competitive riding is taking on an indepentent identity that doesn't take all its cues from an increasingly irrelevant sport and governing body.

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

Boppy de boopie

Anonymous said...

Love means never having to say your sorry

Anonymous said...

The only reason I haven't campaigned for motoring helmets is because of how cunty people would start driving.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

"The only reason I haven't campaigned for motoring helmets is because of how cunty people would start driving."

Most people already drive that way - the more nanny devices - blind spot detection, lane diversion warning, automatic braking for collision avoidance, adaptive cruise control, means people think it is easier for them to text/talk/facebook/tweet while they're behind the wheel.

And just like Joe Camel cigarette commercials get kids smoking, the Acura/Audi/BMW/Infiniti/Jeep/Lexus/Mercedes/Porsche/Volvo etc. commercials that show a luxury car/sports car/SUV cruising down an empty highway or an SUV effortlessly cruising through deep snow, make us all think we're entitled to that when we get behind the wheel, instead of the bumper to bumper gridlock commute most everyone experiences. This contributes to a false sense of superiority and leads to a lot of the assholery driving we see on the roads.