Friday, March 17, 2017

Full Fredal Jacket

Not to be THAT GUY, but Jason Gay of the Wall Street Journal, who not only officially revealed my identity to an indifferent world back in 2010 but also had me on his podcast not too long ago was totally THAT GUY yesterday:

And so I totally THAT GUY-ed him:
Hey, I can't help it.  I mean really, if you're going to concern-troll, wouldn't you start with the fact that he has no brakes?


As for the video and the stupid jacket therein, it appears to be a year old now, and for all I know I've already bloviated about it.  Regardless, let's look at it again:


First of all, those are some long-ass bars:


To his credit, I suppose they give him a lot of leverage which he can transfer into stopping power, and from what I understand the general brakeless fixie rule of thumb is that every additional foot of handlebar width translates into 1/8th of a coaster brake of stopping power.

That means to give your fixie the stopping power of a bike with front and rear discs you need a handlebar roughly 60 feet wide.

I recommend a repurposed flagpole, which you can pick up for under $7,000:


As for the jacket, having futzed around with that stupid battery-sucking "smart helmet" I can pretty confidently say this jacket is stupid.  I mean sure, ride around town dusting off your sleeves if you want to:


But I'll stick to using my sleeves to wipe my nose--you know, the sleeves of my wildly expensive custom-tailored non-smart jacket:


After all, a jacket's only as smart as its rider.

Anyway, who wants to take calls from the boss while riding?


Unless of course that call is from the Boss and he has some important fashion advice for you:


Seriously, unless you're in a Springsteen cover band you should not be wearing that much denim all at once.  It's like Dorkness on the Edge of Town with this guy:


For Lob's sake, if you insist on listening to stuff while you ride just skip the smart jackets and smart helmets and wear some fucking headphones.  Sure, if you're THAT GUY you probably think wearing headphones while riding is reckless and irresponsible, but as long as you keep whatever you're listening to at a sensible volume it's really not an issue.  (I almost never ride with headphones myself, but have no issues with those who do.)  And yes, it's technically illegal in New York City to ride while using two headphones (you're allowed one), but now that wireless earbuds are taking over you can hide them under your hat or payos:


(Nobody need know but Hashem.)

Yes, I'm a radical who believes it's okay to ride helmetless and while listening to music or podcasts at a reasonable volume as long as you remain aware of your surroundings and use a bicycle with functioning brakes.  This is heresy in Anglophonic countries and I expect to be banished to the Netherlands forthwith.  Meanwhile, Americans seem to be perfectly fine with blasting their shitty music on handlebar-mounted loudspeakers, which I assume is because we think this sort of antisocial behavior is normal due to loud car stereos.  Indeed, it's only a matter of time before they're also bouncing along to the music on Rinsten Springs:



As far as I can tell, this is basically a way to retrofit your plastic Fred saddle into a Brooks:


So that it complements the questionable aesthetics of your wardrobe and Fred bike:


I highly recommend watching the video on the Kickstarter page, which I was unable to embed, but if that's too much link-clicking for you just watch this instead:



You're welcome.

Speaking of hoary British contraptions I was pleased to see a Brompton make a cameo in the New York Times Real Estate section:


The couple arrived last month, paying $321,000. Annual taxes are around $11,000. They bought a used car. Ms. O’Shaughnessy drives it to the station while Mr. Lopez, an early riser, takes a fold-up bike.

I believe you call that "Bromptossining."

68 comments:

Ted K. said...

223. Some readers may say, “This stuff about leftism is a lot of crap. I know John and Jane who are leftish types and they don’t have all these totalitarian tendencies.” It’s quite true that many leftists, possibly even a numerical majority, are decent people who sincerely believe in tolerating others’ values (up to a point) and wouldn’t want to use high-handed methods to reach their social goals. Our remarks about leftism are not meant to apply to every individual leftist but to describe the general character of leftism as a movement. And the general character of a movement is not necessarily determined by the numerical proportions of the various kinds of people involved in the movement.

John Wares said...

Fred version of the Baywatch intro - the Rinsten Spring!

Stony Soprano said...

Happy wearing of the green day!

dnk said...

Walking through Grand Central at about 11 this morning saw a couple of kids wearing the "kiss me I'm Irish" bullshit. Looked fresh off the boat (in this case Metro North from the 'burbs).

I lingered. One kid with shamrock stickers on his face pulls hard on a vape pen and doubles over coughing.

Kid next to him in green facepaint says don't worry, when you're drunk it goes down smooth.

That was two hours ago. Wonder how they're doing now....

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

5th Scranii!

Cat 4 e-Racer said...

Forth!!!

Rinsten spring video should have dubbed with this music

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reTx5sqvVJ4

Recoil said...

Looking at that seat gizmo made me realize that spring must be here.

Chazu said...

Saw a guy from Joisey while scrolling down here.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Rinstein Spring says Butts like us, baby we were born to bounce!

That Levi's Jacquard Google Smart Jacket is more like Jack-tard!

N/A said...

I'm gonna' put crabon wheels on a pogo stick and sell that shit to some Freds!

Chazu said...

$11,000 in taxes on a $321,000 home? Is that annually, or is that a one-time admittance fee?

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Chazu, that would be annually. Property taxes in most of the NYC suburbs are pretty steep!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Chazu,

Yes, what Lt. Obvi said. $11K a year is cheap by NYC suburb standards.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

82medici said...

So, when we ride with a Rinsten spring, do we need to install an x-ray machine in the garage to do a pre-ride metal fatigue check?

Anonymous said...

If we had tax rates like that in California our houses would cost much less.

Punxsutawney Coal Dust said...

Trump tweets "Spring in Appalachia, the smell of coal is the smell of victory".
(Railly in coal country, followed by 18 in Florida)

Iwanka's new line, available at finer 7/11's everywhere.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Anonymous @ 1:48 I though California had Proposition 13, everyone pays the same percentage of their house's original purchase price. So the guy who bought his house a long time ago and stayed in it pays a lot less than someone who just bought a house or bought before the bubble burst. Is that still in effect?

bieks said...

That saddle is awesome. Whereas the frame on that Brooks saddle will last pretty much forever, this saddle is designed to fatigue and fail within the timeline of the rest of the parts on your fred sled. Giving you that added thrill of an extra component to guess from when you're playing "what will fail first?"

Bryan said...

Jeebus, those guys pay over 1/2 the cost of my wife's Honda Fit in taxes every year. Could also have bought 2 of my houses with approx 2 years of taxes for what they paid.

Rosie Ruiz said...

I took the bus.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Bryan,

But could they commute to their jobs in NYC from where you live?

--Wildcat Etc.

McFly said...

Of course he is an early riser. Look at Grace.

janinedm said...

I have a bluetooth speaker, it's no more or less anti-social than headphones IMO. Quite a bit less as I've participated in a few impromptu crosswalk dance parties, and one time when I did a Jay-Z verse with a garbage man. It's the behavior of the user that is anti-social or not. I do think respectful song choice is important. Hip hop uptown, jazz/classical/classic rock on the UES, anything goes in midtown (but I try to stick with expletive-filled rap and punk invective with I pass Trump Tower), indie in Brooklyn and Queens. This is not a thing I'd ever do in the suburbs, woods or a quiet cross-street but as I listen to sirens and horns (I really hear them right now; this is not a rhetorical flourish they've been going for about 10-15 minutes), I can't help but think that claiming to want peace and quiet in NYC proper is along the lines of wishing Times Square wasn't so crowded.

1904 Cadardi said...

"as long as you remain aware of your surroundings"

So that eliminates pretty much everyone in this country.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Rinstenspringe, Norway is where they will hold the North Korea Nukular arms treaty talks.

It all appears not to be laterally stiff, but verticallt mushy.

Brooks Flyer is da best!

vsk

Anonymous said...

When te Brooks spring breaks, you are still left with a saddle; when the Rinsten spring breaks, you are in deep shit.

1904 Cadardi said...

Ixnay on the operty-pay ax-tay!

To Snob and everyone else in NY and it's environs: WOW your property taxes are surprisingly affordable. I wish MY property tax was that low. You should count your blessing that you pay that little and STAY THERE.

This goes double for anyone in California. How do you manage with such a low cost of living? You don't need to move so just stay where you are. Please.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...i don't know about you, but the Rinsten Spring got me all excited... if you know what i mean.

...you know what i mean? #whatpressureyourunning will no longer be a necessary thing.

leroy said...

Well I don't know about being THAT GUY, but I know something about THAT DOG.

Honestly, it's like he was weaned with an overweening fashion sense viz a viz wenis warmers.

Wide wafely wall.

Pist Off said...

I think the Rinsten is unnecessary and superfluous, so of course it's a Lickstarter. But- if it's quality spring steel the fatigue life will be very, very long. If it broke and the Fred did not get stabbed or maimed by the ensuing crash, all he would need do is remove the Rinsten and put the saddle on the regular seatpost. So it's not the Stupidest Idea Ever. Just average stupid for these things I guess. Mozart seems to approve.

Grump said...

Snobby, you need to start staying up until 3:00AM Tweeting your opinions on everything until the lack of sleep makes you start sounding like an idiot.

Mark S. Lafite said...

Levi's jacket seems to take its wrist-tapping design from Space Ghost's command-and-control bracelets. SPAAAAAACE GHOOOOOST. And, Snob, no such thing as TOO much denim.

LX said...

If that Rinsten Spring can transmit Morse Code, count me in...

Some guy from upstate said...

That bike is totally not legal in Australia.

Bryan said...

@WCRM - with that kind of cash...maybe? I mean, it would indeed be a long ride on the Brommie. Amtrak does run up there...I think it leaves at 4am and it's a 15 hour trip. There are some fairly cheap flights, with all of the money saved from housing that costs a little over 1/3 and paying 10k less in taxes every year, one of them could fly from here to LGA and back everyday, esp if there was a possibility to telecommute on Fridays where the ticket prices jump.

It's just interesting to see the cost differences of living in/near NYC vs "metropolitan" South Carolina. Or really, just how poor as fuck South Carolina is.

Anonymous said...

I hate being forced to listen to others' poor taste in music over their blaring bluetooth speakers on my morning commute. Ugh. At least they do not yell out "On your left!" when they pass me.

Mike in Dallas said...

bromptossining. I see what you did there...

Dave said...

REAL men ride bikes with no brakes, and with a freewheel. If they really need to slow down they can drag their feet on the ground. Luckily these real men tend to reproduce at a low rate, and their Rinsten springs eventually break and perform a neat auto-emasculation.

Anonymous said...

NYC; it's kinda like the egg in the film "Alien"

And Donald Trump is the FaceHugger that emerged from the egg.

dancesonpedals said...

I believe that's the cervical ossining

dancesonpedals said...

Dave-

The only Fred who stops like that is Flintstone

Cat 404 e-Race said...

Go ahead, laugh but it's already a sport: "“cycle speedway.”

freewheel and know breaks, sanz crabon.....

http://bicycletimesmag.com/cycle-speedway-invades-north-carolina/

Looks like fun and my next n+1

Anonymous said...

$11000 in taxes? That's outrageous!

Anonymous said...

Cycle Speedway! Why isn't that an Olympic event?

Drock said...

I love that guy they are funny. Laughing at others is fun.

BeerDrivenCyclist said...

In for a sluggish 46st. Time zone differences are now really influencing my overall performance. Disappointing really.

JLRB said...

comment bubble needed for the lady in the apartment photo "nothing sexy about your man wrestling with a folding bike"

Anonymous said...

I have a serious case of envy over that Brooks jacket Mr. Snob. And now you tell me its custom tailored? I hate you. (not really)

Dooth said...

The cognitive dissonance from hearing Mozart's Eine kleine Nachtmusik in the Rinsten Spring video is suppose to prevent laughter.

GW Hayduke said...

Manitoba tuxedo for Mr Lafite

Freddy Murcks said...

51st for a hearty "Fuck you, Ted K., you fucking fucko fucking fuck!".

Hill Slayer said...

Again, see this video on bike harassment. It would be much more useful to a large portion of the biking community for you to use your platform to highlight this issue, instead of posting videos like the "Fred Baywatch" Rinsten Spring, Bike Snob. Wtf. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTA-yjGzf-o

Anonymous said...

Why has no-one yet compared the Rinsten spring to a Softride? The Freds will all be explaining that it helps train them to pedal in better circles...

Grace said...

I climbed on top of The Poggio around 10:30 last night.

#whatassholeyourunning said...

@hill slayer - git yur own blog

Deli Sex said...

Hide the salami.

dancesonpedals said...

Hill Slayer....it's Saturday & I don't think anyone would object to you just posting the link. It would even work when the bcny post is about harassment, or that's the conversation in the comment section.

We all can't be as succinct as Mr/Ms Deli Sex.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I don't know about that particular Levi's commuter jacket, but I own one made out of the same waxed cotton they use to make cowboy duster coats, and it is a favorite that gets worn all the time off of the bike.

Anonymous said...

Snob, how long have you been doing weather reports? I hope you are getting your hooks into the organization and steering them right. I've always thought they're a great group with the right goals, but in need of some slight adjustment towards real life.

Horatio Hornblower said...

Wildcat:

This is just down the street from you, isn't it? Never too early to think about when your
17 human children need careers to earn money to support you and Mrs. Wildcat in your golden years.

(Your non-human childern ain't going to do it.)

Horatio Hornblower said...

THird paragraph has the BIG STORY"

"When Payscale.com surveyed the annual incomes of 1.4 million midcareer graduates with bachelor’s degrees, Maritime College ranked first, with an average income of $144,000, surpassing M.I.T., Harvey Mudd College and Princeton University."

Fore x 18 x 2 said...

Sunday morning news "Mr. Trump is back at Mar-a-Lago this weekend..."

Vatican Sex said...

Polish the Bishop.

Hugh Jass said...

My saddle is too small and a rinston spring won't help.

ken e. said...

weaving the tapestry of comedy one bent piece of (gold) metal at a time.

Anonymous said...

Skranus

Bar None said...

What the hell is it with those uber long handle bars?!! I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the point of those teeny, tiny, stubby little things that can hardly accommodate your hands and a brake lever! ( I call them Donald bars)
I guess this new 'totally wide' scene must be some sort of ironic backlash against the hipsters of yore.

Anonymous said...

That ride started off logically enough: Caltrain station at 4th/King, Soma, Mission, China Basin, then he is magically teleported back to civic center and Market. Not as bad as the Bullit chase scene though.