Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Wednesdystopia gonna end?

First of all, regarding this picture:


Is Bearded Colnago Fred flashing the sun-addled Trump flag-waver the victory sign, which is what I assumed?  Or is he, as one Twitter user suggested, merely attempting to subvert her with a peace sign?


Not that it matters really, but next year when our President launches a dusty Cold War-era nuke at ISIS that misfires and destroys Cleveland (sorry, Cleveland), it would suck to have such an image coming back to haunt you.  (Assuming our infrastructure ever comes back and we're not too busy running from the Morlocks.)

And if it was an anti-Trump gesture there are certainly less ambiguous hand signals to choose from:


Of course, we don't need to wait around for Trump and Giuliani (who in any sane reality would be doing Pizza Hut commercials together and not running the country) to kick off the nuclear holocaust because we're doing a fine job of killing each-other with our cars:


The messaging app Snapchat allows motorists to post photos that record the speed of the vehicle. The navigation app Waze rewards drivers with points when they report traffic jams and accidents. Even the game Pokémon Go has drivers searching for virtual creatures on the nation’s highways.

When distracted driving entered the national consciousness a decade ago, the problem was mainly people who made calls or sent texts from their cellphones. The solution then was to introduce new technologies to keep drivers’ hands on the wheel. Innovations since then — car Wi-Fi and a host of new apps — have led to a boom in internet use in vehicles that safety experts say is contributing to a surge in highway deaths.

In other words, as this election has already proved, people are at their absolute worst when using the internet:

After steady declines over the last four decades, highway fatalities last year recorded the largest annual percentage increase in 50 years. And the numbers so far this year are even worse. In the first six months of 2016, highway deaths jumped 10.4 percent, to 17,775, from the comparable period of 2015, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.

And it's not going to get better anytime soon.  Sure, some people think self-driving cars will save us, but in the meantime cars are only going to get even more distracting thanks to our culture's inability to separate movies from real life:


After Marvel’s superhero flick “Captain America: The Winter Solider” came out in 2014, designers at Fiat Chrysler Automobiles NV wanted to try putting the movie’s futuristic computer displays in real-world cars. So they hired the special-effects artists behind the superhero gadgetry to make it happen.

Perception, a New York visual-effects firm that created the look of digital devices in the Marvel universe, worked with the auto maker’s team to reimagine the way information flows between car and driver. The resulting Jeep cockpit concept, which includes three displays and an augmented-reality windshield, was shown at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas in January.

That's just great.  As a cyclist there are few situations more dangerous than finding yourself between some asshole and a parking space.  So just wait until their windshield alerts them when one's just opened up and they're able to descend upon it from the opposite lane.

Maybe it doesn't matter who's president since our demise will probably come not from incompetent leadership but from our tech bro-infused "Dude, wouldn't it be cool if...?" approach to technological innovation:

“Most of the tech they do in the movies is complete fantasy, but it’s done so well and so convincingly that it helps you imagine the future so vividly,” Mr. Giles said. “With the realism [in movies] so seamless, you almost forget that it’s a movie after awhile and you’re like, ‘Why can’t we do that today?’ They kind of force-accelerate the future.”

Though he's certainly right in that movies do inform if not actually determine the future, which is we're pretty much on the cusp of living in "The Running Man:"


(Pedestrian wearing mandatory helmet, visibility suit, and suppository beacon to facilitate Uber pickups.)

In other news which is either dismal or uplifting depending on how you choose to look at it, the NYPD have finally arrested and charged the driver who killed Matthew Von Ohlen:

Officers from the NYPD's Collision Investigation Squad have arrested a suspect in the hit-and-run killing of Matthew von Ohlen, a Queens man who was fatally struck by the driver of a black Chevy Camaro while biking in a Williamsburg bike lane in July.

A police source told Gothamist that the arrest was made this morning at 8:30. The suspect, 56-year-old Juan Maldonado, resides in South Williamsburg. He was indicted this afternoon in Brooklyn Supreme Court on eight counts including second-degree manslaughter, criminally negligent homicide and leaving the scene of an accident. Bail was set at $100,000.

This has been a source of considerable outrage here in New York because police found the vehicle shortly after the incident but since then nobody's heard a peep from them about it.  This led to speculation that the driver might be a cop or similarly-connected individual.  Now, finally, police have both arrested the driver and hit him with a pretty hefty charge (which almost never happens), and while some still look askance at the time it took them to do so I'll choose to give them the benefit of the doubt and attribute it to the considerable amount of time it probably takes to build a solid case in situations like these.

As for cycling in New York City, it remains a blend of the sublime and the infuriating (with an undercurrent of deadly), which is why I was glad to be on the Brompton yesterday:


As a middle-aged "woosie" who no longer has anything to prove, one of the things I appreciate most about the Brompton is that it lets me "curate" my commute for maximum "woosie compliance."  For example, yesterday morning it was raining heavily, so I took it on the train.  Then by the evening conditions were pleasant, so I headed home from Brooklyn on it:


But I didn't feel like dealing with all that Midtown traffic and mayhem and so I simply edited it out, hopped a train uptown, and then resumed my clownish journey from there:


(That's the bridge on this hat, by the way.)

And yes, of course I was wearing my Inspector Gadget jacket:


(Best thing about it is that the bird droppings wash right off.)

You'd almost think I was some sort of urban sophisticate and not a washed-up bike blogger.

But enough about cities foppish stuff from England, because here's cycling American style:



Someone should really make a dedicated hunting bike.

Oh wait, they have:


Clearly we need some kind of rural woodland bike share system.

62 comments:

Freddy Murcks said...

Podio?

Freddy Murcks said...

Hello, McFly.

Freddy Murcks said...

Bueller? Bueller?

Freddy Murcks said...

Where the hell is everybody?

Freddy Murcks said...

I am now going to go back and read the post more carefully. Maybe somebody will have showed up by the time I am done.

Ted K. said...

192. But the way to discourage ethnic conflict is NOT through militant advocacy of minority rights (see paragraphs 21, 29). Instead, the revolutionaries should emphasize that although minorities do suffer more or less disadvantage, this disadvantage is of peripheral significance. Our real enemy is the industrial- technological system, and in the struggle against the system, ethnic distinctions are of no importance.

g. said...

REI was supposed to start carrying the Cogburn, but I never saw them there. I guess the #optoutsideandkillsomething tag might have been outside their mission statement?

Anonymous said...

Would have been in sooner, but took an arrow to the knee.

Dick Breaks said...

Flesh and blood Freddy Murcks was five deep on the podium before the Ted K. bot managed to show up. Hooray for flesh and blood. The Ted K. bot can go suck a giant, virtual cock.

N/A said...

Hunting bike needs a gun rack.

Buffalo Bill said...

I bet hunter dude never has to lube that chain either, so long as he washes the blood off before it gets all crusty.

All the hunter bros around here use quads though, maybe because deer are too small - they're all after moose.

N/A said...

Hunting bike:

One-by: Check
Dick breaks: Check
Fat tires: Check


needs some cages to hold the Budweiser. Also, I don't see anything battery-powered or app-controlled, so it's obviously not capable of providing an optimal bikeen experience.

N/A said...

Ooops, my bad, I looked at a bigger pic of the hunting bike and see that it is not a one-by drivetrain. My apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Anonymous said...

lol, maybe you should wash up instead of saying you're washed up.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Top tetanus Scranus!!!!

James said...

I better get as many rides as I can before that dusty Cold War-era nuke destroys me. Living in close proximity to an old nike missle base has had my current domicile with a target on it for decades in the equally old targeting systems in the USSR.

FredMertz said...

You can cut the Trump bashing any time now.

Grump said...

Trump bashing is the new National Sport.
Thinking back 8 years to the "Birth Certificate Game",
This just in:.....Trump Unable To Produce Certificate Proving He's Not A Festering Pile Of Shit.

RickyRicardo said...

I am in favor of continual and continuous Trump bashing. Just think how him and his supporters would be acting if he had lost. It's only been a week, Mertz, get used to it for four years.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know what pressure the deer hunter was running?

le Correcteur said...

Check out Thursday bicycles for one of the original, or at least much earlier hunting bikes. The builder's out of Idaho and hunts. Back in the 1990s, he made a bike for the Navajo reservation (low tech; sturdy) called the Mutton Master, which IIRC the Wall Street Journal did an article on. He also makes 26" wheeled BMX cruisers, really the only BMX bike I've ever kind of coveted.

CommieCanuck said...

The hunting bike is obviously designed for zombies in anticipation of a Trump loss (braaains...we need braaains).

As if anyone would eat a pizza endorsed by Trump and Guiliani, "the Slimey Orange Speciale in a handsome brass and pink granite box".

I heard Chris "Christ" Christie was released from the Donald's death grip, serves him right from throwing Ivanka's father in law in jail.

You really should stop the Trump bashing and be the first to welcome your new Chinese overlords.
欢迎我们的新主人!!

I'm enjoying a tasty sandwich, The Donald: baloney and orange American cheese on extra white bread, with Russian dressing. Even came with a free small pickle.

SMLL PKLE

Anonymous said...

Prior to becoming governor of New Jersey, tub-o-goo Chris Christie was the US attorney who locked up Jared Kushner's daddy. Jared is married to Ivanka, so he's The Donald's son-in-law.

Sycophant Chris had his head up The Donald's ass for 18 months with the expectation of a "major award" in the form of a cabinet-level position. But now it seems that Jared is calling many of the shots for his bride's daddy. So Chris is a natural target for Jared, and all of Chris' allies are also in the cross-hairs.

Christie and his associates are being purged from The Donald's inner circle at the behest of Jared Kushner, in retaliation for for Christie locking up his dad for major crimes.

You can't make this stuff up. Only The Donald can bring a shit show of this magnitude into the world, and he hasn't been sworn in yet.

FredMertz? Fuck You.

Ethel Mertz said...

Trump winning is so much more interesting. It's like when Rob Fords got elected, while insulting the intellectual pinkos, some train wrecks are quite amusing to watch in real time.

CommieCanuck said...

Is Chris OK? Should we call him? Has he changed his Facebook status to "fucked"?

Anonymous said...

For those who didn't live in proximity to The Donald and Rudy Ghouliani in the 80s and 90s; you should know that Ghouliani is a drag queen, and The Donald likes sycophant drag queens.

Behold the spectacle.

It was a local story back then, but it needs to be known internationally now.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

What are Rudy Guiliani's credentials for being Secretary of State?

Kicking Yasser Arafat out of Lincoln Center when he was in NYC after signing a peace agreement at the UN?

Broken Window and Stop and Frisk policing applicable to dealing with ISIS and banana republics?

Adding Guiliani Barriers to Trump's wall paid for by Mexico?

Praising and promoting people who are criminals and then acting shocked and disappointed when their criminality is revealed (Bernard Kerik)

dancesonpedals said...

Giuliani's dad was a small-time crook who spent time in Sing Sing He annulled his first marriage because he didn't know she was his cousin (pro tip: At the church, if the bride's family and the groom's family are the same, you should connect the dots). He let his second wife learn about their divorce by press conference. And Bernie Kerrick.

Joe said...

How's the Inspector Gadget jacket with deer blood? Don't act like you haven't cruised down the VC Rail Trail astride a freshly slaughtered deer up to your Riverdale manse to restock your venison storage house.

Anonymous said...

The name is GHOULiani.

P. Bateman said...

Snob, can we get some sort of warning system in place ahead of any photos of yourself? Some of us eat lunch while reading for heavens sake.

Kidding Snob - your face is very kvetching and the inspector gadget jacket i'm sure makes many guys and gals want to inspect yours.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Isn't GHOULiani's current wife named Judy Rhouliani?

As for the first wife, marrying a second cousin is fair game in New York state, and her last name is Perrugi. Maybe old Rudy thought that would mean plenty of Perugina Baci at Christmas, or maybe he thought it would make him like Franklin Delano Roosevelt who married his distant cousin Eleanor?

1904 Cadardi said...

Semi-cycling related content ahead, you have been warned.

Out on a lunchtime Fred ride passing two people walking mountain bikes into a seriously stiff wind one of them said "I've got a flat tire." I didn't stop because A) I don't have a 26" tube, B) I don't have a Schrader pump to inflate the tube if I patched it (based on the people and bikes I'm pretty sure they weren't presta valves, you can kinda tell)

Karma-wise, am I now doomed to puncture because I didn't stop to help even though I doubt I could?

(note: we were all of 1 mile from civilization and it's 75 degrees and sunny out, so minus the wind, not a bad day for a walk).

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

CommieCanuck, unfortunately our Governor at Large is drowning his sorrows in food at the moment. Donald already cut him off from Oreos!

dancesonpedals said...

I think, "OMG, I married my cousin" was just a way to get an annulment and avoid the taint of divorce. (I said taint)

Also, first cousin marriage is legal in New York.

dem_bieks! said...

Trump and his clown show will surely incite at least one constitutional crisis and countless legal/media scandals after they figure out "the swamp" is pretty great.

The Dems got no game right now. Bad news all around.

Anonymous said...

Do we all know Trump's grandfather got deported to Germany?

bad boy heading south said...

Anonymous@137...I guess that would make Giuliani a "strumpet".

leroy said...

I think the California Fred is signaling for a tic-tac handup.

Either that or he was grabbing for the Trump supporter's brass ring.

Drock said...

Reading about bike deaths is really a downer, makes me not want to continue. Dead deer on a bike is something people round here been doing for years. I know some who journal about blood stains and how deer hair really jacks with the rear derailuer. We have some here who mount crossbow on handlebars and hunt while riding a sort of two for one. Ah billies we do got some brains but usually putting it to use in a negative way.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and when he announced his candidacy last year at the Trump lobby surrounded by a large crowd of supporters...he paid them. They were actors. Isn't that what a con artist does? Create a false image, an illusion to be bought by the gullible. Now he's faced with cold hard reality. The con game is finished. Time to govern. But he'll rule like a dictator, instead. And spend lots of money, because he's no fiscal conservative.

Anonymous said...

https://rambobikes.com/

....'Merica

Anonymous said...

RE: The suspect, 56-year-old Juan Maldonado

I wonder if anyone thought to impound the car and revoke his license?

Anonymous said...

Rambo bikes, or a Chevy truck commercial?

Dooth said...

Michael Flatley flat out rules!

Anonymous said...

I've heard of mounting a dear, but this is ridiculous.

fourhourerection said...

How the heck did that deer hunter dude get the deer on the bike? And the Trumpets will tell you they don't like him either, but they got tired of stuff being force-fed to them, and being told for whom to bake cakes. Maybe next time we can pick from some folks that don't want to force us to do stuff?

And These Stoges Now Run the Show said...

Rudy insisted the NYC Emergency Management Center be located in the World Trade Center (such a safe location, only blown up by a Terrorist truck bomb once). The EC even had a private suite so his "honor" could lay his head down on a bed where his wife's head wasn't. And it had a private elevator so no one could see him coming and going.

JLRB said...

Colnago Fred is clearly signaling a willingness
To Pay Her$2.00

Anonymous said...

I BRAKE 4 MILF

McFly said...

Morlocks are the Asshole Swans of Middle-Earth.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Trump has tweeted that the transition team is making great progress. He has already had a successful run with The Apprentice and The Celebrity Apprentice. Clearly they are now holed up in The Boardroom with the finalists in The POTUS Apprentice! I would love to see the camera on Christie and hear him muttering in the limo ride after hearing he was fired!

Jeff said...

Think I'm going to live under a rock after reading this :)

ClevelandYeah said...

Snob should have LD'd that swan.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HInEgFk22WQ

ClevelandYeah said...

Let's try this one.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9PI76a2fkGM

The Donald Wears Spats said...

"Flatulence, The Lord of the Dance"

grog said...

Sorry Cleveland.

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Karın Yağları Nasıl Erir said...

I think the California Fred is signaling for a tic-tac handup.

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