I won't be here.
That's right, I'll be letting this blog lie fallow until Monday, April 4th, at which point I will return with regular updates.
As for why I won't be here, I have my reasons, and one of them is that I can't handle yet another year of forced April Fools posts from the cycling media.
Yes, it's a fake press release for a product that's only slightly sillier than the stuff we read about the rest of the year, we get it.
Speaking of silly products, here's your 50 millionth reminder to pre-order my new book while I'm gone:
SPOILER ALERT: Humanity is destroyed by our dependence on fossil fuels and a mutated race of hyper-intelligent lizards reigns supreme.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll win a million dollars (though it will be taxed at a rate of 100% so you will receive a check for $0.00), and if you're wrong you'll see crossing wheels.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and see you back here on April 4th!
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) What kind of bird is this?
--A common crane
--A great blue heron
--An intermediate egret
--It's not a bird at all, it's a Yonkers water rat
Plantiff(s) voluntarily performed and engaged in the alleged activity and assumed the risk of the injuries and/or damages claimed. Plaintiff(s) failed to use all required, proper, appropriate and reasonable safety devices and/or equipment and failed to take all proper, appropriate and reasonable steps to assure his/her/their safety … Plaintiff(s)’ implied assumption of risk caused or contributed, in whole or in part [sic] to his/her/their injuries.
2) What was Plaintiff(s) doing?
3) Fake bike riding computer game Zwift has added:
--A "virtual café" where users can clog the toilet and clomp around with their helmets still on after the ride
(It's back...or is it?)
--A new suspension fork for fat bikes
--A self-refilling compressed air canister that mounts to your bike
--Shimano's new compressed air shifting system
--Like regular air, only 20% lighter
5) It helps to know your rights.
6) Just kidding, you have no rights.
("Oh, oh, oh, Femke's cryin'...")
7) Why is Femke crying?
--Her ban extends to artistic cycling, the discipline to which she had intended to transition
--She's not; the tears belong to her friend who was crying and they accidentally fell on her face
--The food she's eating is spicy
--Even though she was the obvious choice, Specialized did not hire her to help promote their new Playboy e-bike with Sexism Drive™ technology
***Special Unsolicited Safety Advice From A Massive Fred-Themed Bonus Video!***
(Contains NSFW language.)
Oh, go stick it in your ear.