Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Folding Onto The Dream

After lumbering about on a fat bike there's no better chaser than riding a tiny one, and so yesterday I got multimodal with the Brompton:


You can keep your Lucas Brunelle videos.  To me, there's there's no more exhilarating form of urban cycling than arriving in a busy railway station at rush hour, unfurling a folding bike, and flitting about like a clown on a unicycle beneath the Empire State Building's gleaming spire:


In fact I'm working on a sick edit called "Premium Fold," and I'll let you know as soon as it drops.

Anyway, as much as I was enjoying the nimble Brompton it seems I can't escape the bloated specter of the fat bike, and here was one in service as a delivery bike:


It's a new world out there I tell you.

Continuing downtown, I neatly circumvented Dr. Douche, who had decided to block the protected bike lane with his BMW:


(Yes, I said "his."  Relax, I don't assume all doctors are men, I just assume all douchebags are.)

As you can see, there's plenty of parking to his right, which means there are two possibilities here:

1) Those spots were all taken when he arrived;

2) He wanted to park ten feet closer to his destination, cyclists be damned.

I'm not sure which is worse.  In the first scenario, it means that until those cars moved he had plugged up the entire protected bike lane.  In the second scenario, it's only defensible if the two seconds he saved were the difference between someone losing and keeping their hearing or sight.  (This is outside the New York Eye and Ear Infirmary.)  Otherwise, if all he was doing was prescribing some pinkeye drops, that's just not cool.

Speaking of vision, awhile back there was some discussion on this blog (I'm too lazy to look up the exact post) about whether or not people who use extremely bright front lights on their bikes are inconsiderate.  I argued that they are not, and that you should feel free to employ a light cannon if you so desire.

However, after passing over the Manhattan Bridge last night I have to admit there is some basis to the argument that maybe people are going a bit crazy with the lumens, because it seemed like every other cyclist coming towards me blazed with the power of a thousand suns as they appeared over the span:


Still, at least when you see a bright front light like that you know they're coming towards you.  What about these psychedelic spoke lights that communicate no information as to your direction at all?


In fact, I'm not even sure that's a bike, and I suspect it might be some sort of alien technology:


I on the other hand was subtly hued in muted earth tones:


And as the sun set the city transformed itself into a galaxy of building lights, traffic signals, and blinkies, and it felt good to be a part of the fold:



Moving on, the Motörgäte scandal continues to ripple across the cycling world and beyond:


(You want a better logo?  You do it.)

And the latest news is that Femke Van den Driessche's father and brother are also facing charges of parakeet theft:


A report on hln.be Tuesday says that Van den Driessche’s father, Peter, and brother, Niels, are facing criminal charges for trying to steal two expensive parakeets from the pet store De Gouldamandine in Varsenare. If convicted, they could receive prison sentences of between one and five years, and a fine of up to €3,000.

The store owner, Patricia Inghelbrecht, recognised the two men when she was reading about Van den Driessche’s alleged bike fraud in the newspaper, and immediately linked them to her stolen birds

Who didn't see that one coming?

Of course, as delightfully absurd and utterly ridicule-worthy as this story is, some of the reactions have been a bit disappointing and seem to reveal a bit of a double standard in a sport that has always been rife with cheating.  Consider this opinion piece by Neal Rogers:

As an athletic endeavor, cycling is fairly unique in its union of man and machine. In this scenario, the body is the engine, providing power and control to the vehicle. Maintaining velocity while handling the machine at or above aerobic threshold is the very essence of the sport. (A few other examples include rowing and cross-country skiing.)

Once a motor is introduced into this scenario, it’s no longer a competition between man and machine; the very essence of the sport has been compromised, robbing fans and competitors of their faith, and therefore, their passion.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa.

Okay, putting a motor in your bike to win a race is inexcusable, but how is it any different with blood doping?  What's the difference between a bike that's been improved with a motor and a rider that's been transformed by banned science?  Not only that, but at least once you pull the motor from the bike, that's it, everything's back to normal.  On the other hand, blood doping continues to improve performance even after the athlete stops, which is why the contrition of all these supposed ex-dopers who come back to the sport rings so false.  They're still benefitting years down the road.

And let's not forget that blood doping has killed people, whereas so far motor doping has only humiliated them.

Once proven guilty, any athlete implicated in this form of cheating must be banned, forever. And because this level of cheating does not occur in a vacuum, this should also apply to any mechanics, management, and support staff involved.

Some may question why punishment for technological fraud should be different than that for using a blood booster, such as EPO, which currently brings a mandatory four-year suspension. While both are cheating, there are differences — in terms of both evidence and execution.

With a concealed motor, there is no questioning sample collection process, or lab protocol; no courtroom arguments between scientists and attorneys.

With a concealed motor, there is very little chance an athlete has “gone rogue” and operated on his or her own, without help. Any professional team mechanic would notice the difference in frame weight, and performance, associated with a motor. The degree of conspiracy would be profound, and defenseless.

With a concealed motor, the relationship between man and machine is indelibly altered. The body is no longer the engine. That line has been crossed

What?  Cheating occurs in a vacuum?  Did he miss all those depositions in the reasoned decision?  Entire networks of riders, team staff, and medical professionals working together to permanently physically alter the performance characteristics of human beings.  In comparison, motor doping is a slightly more calculated version of hanging onto the team car.

Then you've got this guy:


“They have to suspend for life, for me they have to suspend for life,” Merckx told reporters in Doha on Monday on the eve of the Ladies Tour of Qatar. “From what I saw yesterday on the television, [it seemed] it was not the first time. They also showed a cyclo-cross on the Koppenberg [the Koppenberg cross where Van den Driessche finished second] and it was not normal. For me, it’s the worst thing you can do. You might as well go by motorcycle.”

Oh, shut up you old doper.

Actually, that would make a good t-shirt:


Oh, and Merckx rides an ebike now:

Merckx added that he, himself has taken to using a motorised bike in recent years, but only on leisure rides. “I also have an electric bike, but not for racing. It’s for climbing, for my health. But for racing, I would never use something like that. That’s very bad,” he said.

Yeah, but here's the real question:

Is he putting those e-assisted results on Strava?

Anyway, as Stevil Kinevil pointed out in a recent post on "All Hail The Black Market," it's hard to believe there's not some kind of scapegoating going on here:

Anyway as Bama very astutely pointed out regarding the motor- if the U23 folks have it, then you know everyone has it because the kids most certainly don’t have access to the hot shiz first. The sad thing is that the UCI most likely made an example out of Van den Driessche because she was a small but extremely visible fish, simply to send a message to the community at large (and more obvioulsy, professional teams). Popping a pro man at the Giro would be too much of a scandal. Pull the rug out of under a U23 woman? Much less collateral damage.

Sure, eject the 19 year-old kid from the sport forever. Meanwhile, the blood doping generation continues to run it.

How convenient.

And as batshit crazy as cycling is, it seems disingenuous to me to claim it's any more crazy than any other sport:
Oh come on, that's just not fair.  Are you kidding me?  Football?  Boxing???  FIFA?!?  Fucking FIFA for chrissake!  It's not a sports organization, it's a criminal enterprise!

If anything, tiny motors and stolen parakeets are quaint in comparison.

134 comments:

Ted K. said...

112. People anxious to rescue freedom without sacrificing the supposed benefits of technology will suggest naive schemes for some new form of society that would reconcile freedom with technology. Apart from the fact that people who make such suggestions seldom propose any practical means by which the new form of society could be set up in the first place, it follows from the fourth principle that even if the new form of society could be once established, it either would collapse or would give results very different from those expected.

onelegmatt said...

HI!

GeistOnABike said...

Podio?

John L said...

I did not dope to reach the podium.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Early Folding Scranus.

Schisthead said...

"Yes, I said "his." Relax, I don't assume all doctors are men, I just assume all douchebags are."

Now that's some safe sexism there.

Anonymous said...

I slap my chode off the pode

Frickus Rungus said...

Sevensies!

Pete said...

Great post, Ted. The only reason I come to the blog - just fuckin with ya!

N/A said...

Umlauts in the Wednesday Weed post, sweet!

N/A said...

When will the Van den Driessche criminal syndicate finally be brought to justice? Stolen birds, cheating at bike races... I bet Mrs. Van den Driessche tries to pass off frozen pies as home-made! They're all incorrigible!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

DRDO UCHE
SICK EDIT
PARA KEET
WHOA WHOA
MOTO DOPE

Anonymous said...

Took too long to come up with a funny comment, missed out on podium :(

JLRB said...

Other sports crazy? Watch the movie Concussion - football makes players crazy. NFL may not be crazy, but it sure is greedy.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I wish Femke Van den Driessche had a bigger para keets.

rudimentary peni said...

The parakeets are actually for a new doping technique--riders attach trained birds to their jersey by monofilament line for assisted speed. Power estimates range from 2W/parakeet to 10W apiece for larger birds like hawks, but with obvious problems of increased conspicuousness.

John L said...

The parakeets are undoubtedly pining for the fjords.

EricBikeCO said...

LOLZ where you expect intelligence out of Neal Rogers; "our bike magazine never avoided doping stories (on Lance) to keep ad dollars". Cycling was fooked long before motors.

Motors are great because it will give the Boulder Pseudo Pros a way to get KOMs on all the bike paths at 40mph.

EricBikeCO said...

LOLZ where you expect intelligence out of Neal Rogers; "our bike magazine never avoided doping stories (on Lance) to keep ad dollars". Cycling was fooked long before motors.

Motors are great because it will give the Boulder Pseudo Pros a way to get KOMs on all the bike paths at 40mph.

N/A said...

Ahahaha, the "Dead Parrot Sketch" is a favorite of mine. I bust out bits from it all the time.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Because this comment board is dedicated to juvenile humour, nobody has taken up the intellectual challenge proposed by today's post.

Should there be a different level of punishment for mechanical doping as compared to chemical doping, and why?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Following that discussion, please state why alcohol should be legal and marijuana illegal.

wishiwasmerckx said...

...followed by a rousing defense of the proofs of Fermat's theorem...

bad boy of the north said...

waiting for the time they put a small motor in a soccer ball....unless....

bad boy of the north said...

how many riders have been caught doping in those brompton races?

bad boy of the north said...

...and when are they coming out with a fat tyre brompton?

Blog Drafter said...

If that doc was researching the effects of transcranial fats on heart health you should cut him a break.

bad boy of the north said...

...that is all.

Pierre de Fermat said...

"...followed by a rousing defense of the proofs of Fermat's theorem..."

Which one?

Pierre de Fermat said...

Let's try this again...

Which one?

N/A said...

"Should there be a different level of punishment for mechanical doping as compared to chemical doping, and why?"


Any cheating should result in a permanent ban from competition. Because it's cheating, that's why. If you can't compete by the rules, then you don't get to play along with others.

If you want to ride a moto-bike, go for it. If you want to take drugs and ride your bike really fast, go for it. Tons of roads on the earth, go hit 'em. Why do you have to screw up somebody else's fun/hobby/livelihood to do it, though?

Roille Figners said...

Oh Femke. As they say in Germany, "When the old block chipped is, the chip similar to the block remains."

Roille Figners said...

N/A - sounds like as good a case as any to go join a motorcycle gang, I mean club.

N/A said...

Well, sure. Let's all take drugs and ride motorcycles!

weasel said...

Ted K., electronically doping every day needs to be banned for life.

Dooth said...

Femke's kin are not criminals. They stole the parakeets as a sign of protest.Those Begian waffles take flipping the bird quite literally.

I'll second that said...

Ted K., electronically doping every day needs to be banned for life.

crosspalms said...

I think Tiny Motors opened for Stolen Parakeets, but it could have been the other way round. Alcohol was involved, so I may face a lifetime ban from imaginary concerts.

dop said...

News Flash. That U23 rider wasn't electric. She has a gasoline engine. Just take a look at her sponsors.

She's got tigers in her tank.

P. Bateman said...

damn. i'm late because i actually went for a nice ride. fixed my 3rd flat in 3 rides on that damn chubby bike, but i do still love that thing. not its fault that floridians apparently LOVE to break glass

p.s. - if anyone has a 56cm RB-2 they'd like to trade for a 58cm one...i'm all ears.

motor sold separately.

Anonymous said...

In competitive sports, doping refers to the use of banned athletic performance-enhancing drugs by athletic competitors, where the term doping is widely used by organizations that regulate sporting competitions.

Why, oh, why, are people calling cheating with an electric motor on your bike doping?

Anonymous said...

Here’s the thing: Normal doping, as in ‘better living through chemistry,’ is understandable on a certain level. To pursue fitness and to pursue racing as an expression of fitness is to chase the question of just what your potential is. It is the answer to the question, “How good can I be?” Sure, doping is a perversion of that question, but it is also true that doping is simply an extension of it as well. It follows the same basic logic, just without the aid of the moral compass and social contract.

http://redkiteprayer.com/2016/02/old-school-cheating/

JLRB said...

“This motor doping thing ends here!”

art said...

Is it just me, or is the whole Van den Driessche family situation starting to sound like a minor plot thread in a Guy Ritchie movie?

Also, I see no great conspiracy in the first motor being found in a U23 cross race and not a grand tour. Kids are stupid. While the pro teams might have access to better tech, they are also wise enough to keep their cheating to methods with at least the slightest shred of plausible deniability.

Anonymous said...

Bike with engine (doped bike) and Cancellara (Roubaix - Vlaanderen)

Grump said...

Snobby, when you passed Dr. Douche's BMW, didn't you have the urge to whip out a key and drag it the length of the entire car?????
As for the "motor assist" on the CX bike, vs. plain ol' doping, didn't you know that there is a difference between "regular" cheating (that 70% of Pro's do) and "REAL" cheating (that a few do)?


BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:31pm,

That's the same blog (though different writer) that argued cyclists in California shouldn't fight the mandatory helmet bill.

This is a spurious argument. If doping is chasing the question of what your potential is, isn't hiding a tiny motor chasing the question of what your bike's mechanical potential is? It is bike racing after all--you're racing a machine.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Dead Lemmy said...

Stop using my logo for this stupid sport

Dead Lemmings said...

*lie in a heap at the bottom of a cliff*

P. Bateman said...

by the way, your insane if you don't think women don't park just as horrendously.

now, in their case it may simply be because women are pretty terrible at parking vs intentional douchery, but the results are the same.

that's all i'm sayin' bro.

wle said...

=="Inghelbrecht (parakeet store owner) told hln.be that she doesn’t believe Van den Driessche’s claims of being innocent in the mechanical fraud scandal at Worlds because of her family’s connection with stealing parakeets from her store.

"It is clear that they shrink from nothing," she told hln.be. "It's all a coincidence that just a bike that looks [like hers] was placed in the pit? Even with the theft here in the store, they were very cool to work. On the pictures, you can see how father Peter looked around the corner and then signalled to indicate his son and his friend to strike.”

=="Also, her brother Niels is currently serving a suspension for doping."

wle

Anonymous said...

The best thing about the impending robot car takeover of the streets, is not having to look for a parking space. Curbside dropoff, txt the whip when you want to get picked up.

I wonder what parking lots are gonna look like in 20 years, when everyone is getting dropped off at the front door?

Anonymous said...

What kind of bozo shines light in random directions!? If I could afford that amount of light I think shining in the direction I want to go might be a better idea.

Robogirl

Regular guy said...

I think I know what they planned to do with those parakeets. Get those wings flapping and you'll fly right up that hill.

Anonymous said...

Bikesnob,

No. A bicycle, by definition, is powered by the human rider. When you add a motor, it is no longer a bicycle, it's a motor bike.

Anonymous said...

Sean Burns is the only bike rider to ride to Motorhead with conviction.

I really wanted to ride to Motörhead. Yet I didn't feel my footage was crazy enough to match up to the tunes. After that video came out I begun planning out a video part that I would feel proud to have Lemmy watch. For 2 and 1/2 years I hustled and kicked my own ass filming for Metal Bikes "DEAD BANG." in order to collect all the clips I needed so that I could ride to Motörhead and not feel stupid about it. It consisted of flying myself to California multiple times to shoot with Navaz. I flew myself to Seattle, road trips to Philly... etc. Always going home in a body bag. I was so influenced by Lemmy's music and demeanor that it drove me diving off twenty sets straight to my knees, and I did not give a fuck. It was Motörhead and I had to go hard.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:27pm,

But it is still powered by the human rider.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Jean-Francois Caron said...

I have no strong opinion about whether motor-users should be banned for life, but I have a very strong opinion about "motor doping" being a stupid-ass term. I appreciate the author of the post you quoted for calling it "technological fraud", an overwrought term but at least it doesn't sound stupid like "motor doping".

Anonymous said...

You're being obtuse.

Bicycle= powered exclusively by human power.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bicycle
A bicycle, often called a bike or cycle, is a human-powered, pedal-driven, single-track vehicle, having two wheels attached to a frame, one behind the other.

A motor bike that is additionally powered by pedals is called a moped.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moped
Strictly speaking, mopeds are driven by both an engine and by bicycle pedals

Someone in Particular said...

A wet blanket, by definition, is powered by a human with no sense of humor. When you add a wet blanket, it's no longer funny, it's a drag.

Anonymous said...

What has been your experience with taking the folder in to resturaunts, stores, libraries, movie theatres? Is there acceptance? Since the idea is to bring it in with you at your destination as opposed to parking it outside for the theives...

Regular guy said...

Motor doping sounds like what happens to people's intelligence when they get behind the wheel.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Back when I rode a bike to work ... like 3 months ago... I used a Planet Bike Blinky on the back and a Blackburn Supa Flea up front. Turn the flashing brilliance to MEXimum ! Although I turn it off on the bridge. There are truly some nice bright light cannons out there. Of course, when their bike is going by, I am too temporarily blinded to read the brandingway.

Most of the group guys want it on steady as opposed to strobing. No biggy.

... made ja look !!

vsk

N/A said...

Bicycle means "2 wheels". Whether or not it's human powered is irrelevant.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:42pm,

I know you are but what am I?

Language lags behind tech. These ebikes are a new breed. They have nothing in common with your farty Puch. Part of why the arguments about e-MTBs and trail access are complicated.

--Wildcat Etc.

Quote the Raven, Never More said...

Motors, doping and parakeet theft, a regular modern day version of the Manson Family.

Anonymous said...

Poor Femke, she looks so sad.

Anonymous said...

The Germans as usual get it right and expensive; the Schmit Edelux light is nice and bright but instead of glaring in other cyclist's eyes it aims the light down and throws a lovely bright patch in the road. Only $200, too, plus the generator wheel to power it.

Ricky Bobby said...

"It is bike racing after all--you're racing a machine". Might as well put a V8 in it and call it Nascar.

Anonymous said...

N/A,
"Bicycle means "2 wheels". Whether or not it's human powered is irrelevant."
???? A push scooter has 2 wheels, no pedals. Not a bicycle.
A motorcycle has 2 wheels, no pedals, and a motor. Not a bicycle.
A moped has 2 wheels, pedals, and a motor. Not a bicycle.

Consult the dictionary if you are still confused.

Stump said...

OLDD OPER

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:17pm,

Get hung up on terms all you want but:

bike + motor = cheating
human + drugs = cheating

It ain't complicated.

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

Bike + drugs/expensive wheelset * (motor) + drugs + parakeet * 2 = f*&^ed up Belgian family

grog said...

"Premium Fold" sounds dope.

Anonymous said...

No debate on that.

The motor on the bike is cut and dry cheating. Like hopping on a train, midrace. Or being towed by a car.

The doping thing is less clear. So many substances have been used as performance enhancers over the years, with varying degrees of effectiveness. Many of these drugs do have other legitimate medical uses. For instance, Ephedrine increase the ability of your lungs to absorb O2 into your blood, as a performance enhancer. It is also used to treat asthma.
Testosterone is also used to boost human performance. It is also prescribed to aging men with low libidos.
Racers, trainers, medicine push what the human body is capable of. The drugs and supplements they choose to ban, and those they deem "fair" seems somewhat arbitrary.

bieks said...

Budgie smuggling by ebike = Bike Messenger 2.0

bieks said...

... or the lazy, shy guy at WNBR

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...forget what constitutes a life ban, doping, cheating, etc. That bull doesn't affect us every-day Joes.

...I would like to resolve this issue of blinding, blinking, batshit LUMENS affixed to bicycles and pointed at your face in city full of lights (in the gentrified areas). It's sometimes downright dangerous to cross the bridge either tailing a cyclist with blinding blinker tail-lights or having someone come at you with the sun strapped to their handlebars.

...For darkness' sake, at least put it on solid and not blinking... that could through a perfectly healthy human into an epileptic episode.

BamaPhred said...

I long for the day when pro sickling has an open division, no holds barred. they already have the gaudy stretchy clothes, just put on masks like pro wrestlers and put on a spectacle.

N/A said...

Anony @ 2:17

Smugness is hilarious when it's without merit.

dop said...

BamaPhred-

There's always the Tough Dodger

Roille Figners said...

Yes, eating food for example, has been shown to dramatically increase performance compared to starving. Where do we draw the line?!?!?! It's so subtle and complicated, is what nobody said!

P. Bateman said...

anyone been up to eureka california to bikey around? any advice? think i'm gonna pop up there next weekend.

BamaPhred said...

dop, that's a step in the right direction! now if we were to use baseballs chucked out of a pitching machine.....

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:28pm

The doping thing is less clear

No, it's pretty clear. If it's banned you're cheating.

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

The feminine of douche bag is douche baguette

Dooth said...

Don't ban Femke for life, but definitely bring the hammer down on her pops and brother. Banned them from pet stores for life.

N/A said...

The bird caught Femke's father/brother doping.

P. Bateman said...

@chamois - is there a ski lift? or sherpas?

i live in florida with no hills, not sure my legs can handle a forboding mountain no matter how much i tell them to shut up.

wishiwasmerckx said...

P. Bateman, while there be sure to visit Eureka College, Ronald Reagan's alma mater. Wait, that's in Illinois, you say? Oh, well, never mind...

Roille Figners said...

Arcata's like the "college" town and Eureka's like the "townie" town. But both are stoned off their asses. That's all I know.

If having a motor is motor doping, maybe stealing a bird is bird doping?

Roille Figners said...

Maybe assault is fist doping? Maybe armed robbery is gun doping? Maybe stealing is theft doping? Can you see the possibilities?

babble on said...

Mr Figners - yep, and being a bit stoopid is dope doping. Sez someone in the know... :)

babble on said...

All I now is it takes a seriously looooong day to drive to Eureka! from Vancouver.

Pretty sure you're supposed to say it with an exclamation mark.

P. Bateman said...

bummer Babble because i'm flying solo and i realize its valentines day so love and doping will be in the air.

N/A said...

Roofied chocolates are Valentine's doping.

Anonymous said...

"Language lags behind tech. These ebikes are a new breed. They have nothing in common with your farty Puch. Part of why the arguments about e-MTBs and trail access are complicated. "

Is a Tesla or a Leaf not an automobile, because they are powered by electric motors, instead of internal combustion? The are cars... electric cars.

Like wise, an electric moped, is a moped. Yes, it's lighter, quieter, less powerful. But it's a moped. Pedals + motor = moped.

I am involved in MTB advocacy. E-bike enthusiasts are trying to position themselves as riding bikes, and that they should be allowed on non-motorized trails. Oh, it's pedal assist only, no throttle. Oh, it's limited to 350w, you can't even do a burn out. Oh, it's quiet, so it's not like other motors.

MTB advocacy community is clear on this. If it has a motor, it's a fucking motorized vehicle, and you need to stick to trails that are open to motorized use. PERIOD.

Bike riders would help cut through this B.S., by referring to these contraptions as electric mopeds.... not the misleading E-bike.

P. Bateman said...

MO' PEDS would be a really good name for an illegal drug dispensary for athletes.

Hoghopper said...

Putting a motor on the bike is what it takes to transform cycling into a real sport.

1904 Cadardi said...

wishiwas:

The problem with pharmaceutical doping is that some of the "banned" substances are naturally occurring, just in different quantities (e.g. testosterone, red blood cells). Find EPO? You've cheated. Find a few too many red blood cells? Do you live at altitude? Where do you draw the line (for the UCI it's 50% hematocrit, but you get the point).

There should be exactly zero motors in a bicycle. Any number greater than zero is cheating. Just like any amount of EPO.

That said, I'm all for a lifetime ban for cheating cyclists. Team managers should be allowed one banned rider, the penalty for the second is execution. Seem harsh? Maybe, but pro-cycling would be cleaned up in a real damn hurry.

N/A said...

Execution for a second offense may be a bit harsh. How about the rest of the riders on the team have to ride with a starched chamois for a season?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:26pm,

You're being silly.

Tesla is over 300hp, weighs a couple of tons, etc. Of course it's an automobile.

Femke's 16lb Fred sled with a friggin vibrator down the seat tube is not a motorcycle or a moped or anything else.

I agree with you that e-assists of any kind should be off the MTB trails, but to say there shouldn't be a new name for these dildo-drive contraptions with tiny assists is absurd.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Ted K. is a blog doper. And should be banned

I am not a robot

P. Bateman said...

it does seem pretty insane to risk your young mountain biking career just for some pretty minimal gains.

dildo-drive might be a pleasure to use, but just can't imagine that its cranking out all that much power.

Roille Figners said...

This whole thing feels like when network TV (nobody cares) tries to "engage the audience" with "provocative" questions on their Twitter feeds. "Do you think Femke should be banned for life? Chat now with Al Roker at @NBCnewsAlRokeratNBCthenewsnottheballetcompany."

bad boy of the north said...

p,bateman..well,there's always mount dora.

bad boy of the north said...

there's also eureka springs,arkansas

P. Bateman said...

thanks bad boy.

think i've seen mounds with higher elevation. may have gone down on a couple of those too.

i like the womens big and tall.

Anonymous said...

A car is a wheeled, self-powered motor vehicle used for transportation. Most definitions of the term specify that cars are designed to run primarily on roads, to have seating for one to eight people, to typically have four wheels, and to be constructed principally for the transport of people rather than goods.
Of course a telsa is a car.

So are these crazy solar cars, that share more design elements with a fully faired speed recumbents, than a typical street legal car. Low weight, low power, crabon construction, bicycle parts. Still a car.
Stanford Solar Car Project: Racing on Sunshine

So is this homemade vehicle made from bike parts and a briggs and crapiron lawnmower engine.
Homemade car - test drive
They gots:
wheels, typically 4.
self powered
carry 1 or more passengers.


Mo- ped. Motor + pedals. Weight, power has nothing to do with it. 2 wheels + motor + pedals

Femke was riding an electric moped, disguised as a racing bike, in order to cheat.

Anonymous said...

mo·ped
ˈmōˌped/
noun
a low-power, lightweight motorized bicycle.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 4:41pm,

OK, you're crossing the street. Femke runs the light on her dildo drive, takes you down, and flees the scene. Do you tell the police to look for a woman on a bicycle or on a moped?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Ok, am extremely convincing M2F transexual Ladyboy robs you at a night club. Do you tell the police to look for a woman, or for a man? Does it matter if he/she's had surgery?

crosspalms said...

motor doping = moping

BikeSnobNYC said...

crosspalms,

Now that's good.

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

Ooh!Quibbling over semantics!

P. Bateman said...

@anon - did the ladyboy rob me of my wallet, or of my innocence?

bad boy of the north said...

true true,p.bateman

Reggie said...

Ted K go away

babble on said...

Heh. Well, now that you mention it, a dildo-drive does sound like fun, though it's a bit hard to reconcile THAT definition with moping!!

Master Bateman? Given that love is in the air the very same day you're flying, you're more than a little likely to find someone fun to spend your time with while you're up there. :)

dop said...

Faux-ped? I'm so fucking clever I could plotz.

David G said...

WRM's formulation in a comment above:
"bike + motor = cheating
human + drugs = cheating"
(meaning that the two are equally objectionable)

Even if that's true in some abstract way, it is still rational that organized cycling take a harder line against the motors, I believe.

While people may be uncomfortable and conflicted and upset about watching sports where the athletes are doping, they have not completely abandoned watching these sports on that basis (which is not to say it hasn't turned off many individuals). But I think that if motorizing gets established big-time, the audience will simply go away. Like quickly.

Not being a bicycle racing fan myself, maybe I'm wrong. But seems to me that, while watching a race where some competitors may have blood doped is problematic, watching a race where some of the machines are actually secretly propelled by motors is just completely frikkin' ridiculous, and no one's going to do it for very long.

An loose analogy is the Pete Rose lifetime ban from baseball for gambling. One can point to any number of Cooperstown hall-of-famers who were racists and lots of other horrible things that are morally a lot worse than illicit betting, but the mandarins of organized baseball understand that if players, coaches, and managers are seen to be maybe betting on their own games, and therefore inevitably fixing some of them, it could easily spell the end of everybody's cushy jobs, and the whole big, profitable waste of time could go bye-bye.

If it's true, as is snobulated in the blog post, that they may just be scapegoating this U23 woman, and letting the problem fester in more prestigious races, then her ban is indeed unfair by any standard, but more significantly, it would mean UCI and its various undergangs are totally kidding themselves, and I think will soon pay the price as erstwhile cycling fans abandon this nonsense for other ways of distracting themselves from the existential horror that besets us all.

bike bum said...

reality in large doses I can get used to, it's the existential horror that besets us that I need holidays for

JB said...

David G, the problem is that there already is no audience for pro bike racing.

(I can't comment at work anymore. #glitch)

S. Freud said...

A bike is sometimes just a bike.

leroy said...

Is just me or did anyone else think of this when they hear of Peter purloining parakeets?

Could have been just me,

NourskSiklist said...

Was this you, Biek Snbo:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/folding-cycle-attempted-to-overtake-normal-bike-20160201105821

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Back in the 90's, Marlboro was offering a Fuji folding bike if you saved like 3000 cigarette packs. Imagine trying. To ride after smoking all those butts.

McFly said...

I thought mechanical doping was when you stole some brass pipe fittings from the plumbing aisle and some screen from the hardware aisle to schmoke a berwl.

dop said...

Thursday's child can sit on my face.

janinedm said...

I had a revelation this morning when i was brushing my teeth, because I followed this conversation and too felt that, while all cheating is bad, motor doping is a step too far. But like everyone here, I couldn't really justify why. I realized that the reasonI have this feeling in my gut is that across multiple sports, I've had sports columnists, sympathetic documentarians, and athletes themselves make excuses for doping for decades. Our resistance is weakened. The goalposts have already been moved.

dop said...

With old-fashioned doping, the riders body is still doing all the work. Lance, Floyd & Marco all suffered through their rides. On second thought, fuckem.

McFly said...

It's all just a red herring concocted and promoted by Amgen to cast the light off EPO and HGH and make it seem rather pale in comparison. The Tour of California will have charging stations in the feed zone then make another "bust" at the finish line.

JLRB said...

Ted Cruz is a Voper

Charlie said...

I just realized that I visited Eureka, California and Eureka Springs, Arkansas in 2015. I never made the connection until now. This blog is awesome! Eureka!