Thursday, February 4, 2016

Doping Ain't Easy

There's been lots of arguing in the wake of the mechanical doping scandal, but the one thing almost everyone agrees with is that the term "mechanical doping" is stupid, since it's a motor, not drugs:


(Mechanical doping is also a major problem in oral hygiene.)

I can understand the objection, but personally I'm okay with it.  Nobody complains that "workaholics" aren't addicted to workahol, or that "senioritis" isn't an inflammation of the senior.  We just go ahead and heedlessly stick the suffixes "-aholic" and "-itis" at the end of everything, and you could even go so far as to say that in this regard we're aholicaholics suffering from itisitis.

Therefore I'm fully in favor of using "doping" as a catch-all term for increasing performance by means of additives, and if anything I think we should use it even more liberally:



Speaking of motorholic dopingitis, remember how one pundit said that it was particularly bad because it requires so much collusion?

With a concealed motor, there is very little chance an athlete has “gone rogue” and operated on his or her own, without help. Any professional team mechanic would notice the difference in frame weight, and performance, associated with a motor. The degree of conspiracy would be profound, and defenseless.

Well, that's not necessarily the case, and in fact Femke could have bought her moto-sled as easily as you purchase a Scattante from Nashbar:

It turns out that Femke Van den Driessche’s motorized Wilier cyclocross bike may not have been a marvel of engineering by her team, mechanics or father.

It turns out that online retailer salden.nl offers the Wilier cyclocross bike already equipped with a pedal assist motor starting at €4,990 or about $5500 USD.

Done, and done:


And here's how the motor works:



Though admittedly she'd have to have made some modifications.  For example, she'd never have gotten away with the pendulous battery pack:


Though I easily would:


And clearly she went for the handlebar button upgrade over the stock under-the-saddle setup:


By the way, until now if you saw an older gentleman riding a carbon Fred sled with a bloated saddle bag while poking at his crotch area, you'd have just assumed he was suffering from prostate problems.

Now he's a potential motodoper.

Or, it could be that his bike is equipped with a Cipollini:

(Via Todd)

I'd be very wary of riding anything that's "Cipollini Equipped," because if you get to close to "Li'l Cipo" then nine months later you could wind up equipped with a Cipollini, Jr.


Or at the very least with a nasty case of some kind of "itis."

Speaking of Cipollini, he called this whole motodoping thing way back in May of last year:



I wouldn't let Cipollini sell me a bicycle or get anywhere near my family members or housepets, but when someone that greasy talks about cheating, I listen.

In other news of ex-pros with questionable ethics, check out Vino's gilded Fred sled:


I bet you could buy a lot of Liège-Bastogne-Lièges with that bike.  At the very least, you could almost certainly use it to buy someone's stake in an app that winds up being worth millions:

A civil servant traded in his stake in the keyboard app SwiftKey in 2008 in exchange for a bike, only to see it grow into a £170m success – and to miss out on a payout that could have been worth £25m.

Yes, nobody is more easily bought then a cyclist.  That's why no bike shop employee in the history of cycling has ever received actual currency.  They all work for bike parts.

At any rate, he calls it "the biggest mistake I ever made:"

The co-founder had reportedly become disillusioned with the long hours and financial insecurity inherent with leading a startup, according to the Times.

On Twitter on Wednesday, Hill-Scott, a University of Reading graduate, described the decision, eight years ago, as “the biggest mistake I ever made”, before setting his account to private following media attention.

As for what kind of bike it was, they don't say, but if it was 2008 then chances are it was one of these:


I bet for awhile he really thought he'd gotten the sweet end of the deal too:


Hey, how was he to know this whole texting thing would catch on?

Lastly, I'm still in possession of the Marin Pine Mountain 1, and coincidentally Xtracycle is now using it to model their Leap cargo attachment:


CREATE YOUR DREAM CARGO AND PASSENGER-HAULING MACHINE.

Choose A Bicycle, Bolt-On An Xtracycle Leap, And Transform Your Favorite Ride Into An Xtracycle.

Rugged, Torsionally-Rigid And Elegant Frame. Patent Pending.

Bomb-Proof Mounting System.

Compatible With Xtracycle Cargo And Family Accessories.

Optimized For Electric Conversion.

Electric conversion?!?  I wish I'd known about this before that fat bike race.

69 comments:

Ted K. said...

113. So even on very general grounds it seems highly improbable that any way of changing society could be found that would reconcile freedom with modern technology. In the next few sections we will give more specific reasons for concluding that freedom and technological progress are incompatible.

ricochet said...

BIKE SCUM WILL REMAIN

Anonymous said...

Scrodium?

Anonymous said...

Third in NH? Friggin warm weather we're having, Stanly...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scranus.

dop said...

sechs

When I noticed this, I said...



TODAY IS 2/4/16!

TWO SQUARED IS FOUR, AND FOUR SQUARED IS SIXTEEN!

A DAY LIKE TODAY WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN UNTIL 3/9/81!



RB1 said...

1981 ?

Two Claws said...

Two claws up!

dop said...

Torsionally rigid?

Anonymous said...

Wait, what?

Anonymous said...

*than*

Anonymous said...

Ya should'a doped. Everybody's doin' it.

Anonymous said...

RAPHA!

N/A said...

Holy crap, you should get a fat electric extracycle. Cargo-doping.

leroy said...

My dog claims he encountered a serious case of mechanical doping in a Cat 6 competition on the West Side Highway bike path this morning.

I told him I not buying that my new bike got scratched when secret service agents wrestled him to the ground.

Annie Leibovitz said...

How come that guy doesn't have a dick? Was it tied up with a string for the photo shoot?

Anonymous said...

It is easy for me.

Anonymous said...

Today is the day the music died. Richie Valens even had a Cipo tribute song, "Paddi-Wack, Give the Dog Some EPO" (I think it was called).

Anonymous said...

Wait, I guess yesterday was the day the music died.

bad boy of the north said...

it huffed and it puffed and blew a huge tree limb down and damaged our front porch last night.no criminality reported.

George Bailey said...

A fella doesn't get to experience torsional rigidity too often At least not in Bedford Falls.

balls™ said...

Do they make those Xtracycle-tyoe extensions for my "little Cipo"?

I'm asking for a friend.

Mr. Potter said...

In Pottersville, on the other hand...

McFly said...

You telling me she could not find anywhere to hide the Vivax Battery Pack?

Anonymous said...

I believe Teddy was on to something there early on. NSA are you listening?

Dooth said...

I'm a bikeaholic, about to go out for my fix. Scranusitis be damned.

Mary Bailey said...

Making Lady-Pillow babies indeed.

Comment deleted said...

Every time I see a "Fishaholic" bumper-sticker, I think "Eww."

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

I'm gonna need more than a little seat tube motor to keep up with any FonDon't !!


vsk

headlongintomyownurine said...

Its been a while Snobbie. You're still the greatest, but you're slipping. If you're going to show models in their underware let it not be your father.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Headlong, under where?

NiMo said...

MOTORGHAZI

bieks said...

When I noticed this, I said...


TODAY IS 2/4/16!

TWO SQUARED IS FOUR, AND FOUR SQUARED IS SIXTEEN!

A DAY LIKE TODAY WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN UNTIL 3/9/81!


In Canada it will happen in a little less than 2 months:

April 2nd, 2016 is 2/4/16

headlongintomyownurine said...

Wishi, hairy gents like him and Cipollini, could be under were.

Anonymous said...

By the way, until now if you saw an older gentleman riding a carbon Fred sled with a bloated saddle bag while poking at his crotch area, you'd have just assumed he was suffering from prostate problems.

Hey Snobby. You're getting a little personal there.

cycle

Old Fart in Residence

Jeff Dahmer said...

charlie manson has a lot more fans than the Unabomber, so Unabomber impersonators are way more pathetic than the pathetic losers in every town in AmeriKa (oh i'm so punk rock, i wrote america with a K) with their loserville manson tats. Unabomber fans are like the 4 pathetic losers left in Malheur Oregon who think there is going to be an uprising on their behalf. (spoiler alert: Not happening)

N/A said...

I am a fan of Genghis Khan, but he didn't have a computer so it is too difficult to accurately impersonate him on the internet. I would have to send out messengers with my witty posts to everybody and who's got that kind of time and money?

Anonymous said...

Holy fucking headset spacers on that Vivax moped disguised as a racing bike!

I don't really have any inherent problem with electric motors attached to bikes, as means of getting around. E-bike/electric mopeds are going to be a bigger part of the transportation picture in 10 years. And I think anything that makes it easier for people to get out of their cars, and use two wheels for getting to work, getting groceries, and dropping off kids at schools, is only good for bike rider safety. Less people in cars, less people running you over in cars. More people of two wheels, more visibility for bikes and cycling infrastructure.

That said, the Vivax makes huge design compromises in terms of power and range, in exchange for it's ability to be mounted discreetly. The main point of this kit, is to hide the fact you have a motor on your bike. If you are not trying to trick people into thinking your riding an unassisted bike, there are much better working and less expensive electric motor kits.

Freddy M. said...

My name is Freddy M. and I am bikesnobaholic.

BamaPhred said...

Dick Clark Podium Top Forty!

BamaPhred said...

Damn, I can't even get that right!

Yeah to aholicism-itis! said...

I love language abuse, so i'm a slangaholic. Kum & Go convenience stores, love it. The Onion's hip flask that says: I'm Like A Chocoholic, But For Booze...the best.....

Bromptonaut said...

It will happen in the UK in about 8 weeks time. Sorry

Comedy Gold said...

Your original comments about "helmet doping" are certainly worth repeating:

"This must be some sort of system for administering colonics to yourself on the go,"

Anonymous said...

http://fittish.deadspin.com/motorized-doping-explained-your-guide-to-the-weirdest-1756435151
Overview of major suspected electric motor cheaters.

It's clear that video of Hesjedal's bike spinning on the ground, was not using the Vivax crank driving motor.... the cranks are not spinning.
It's possible he could have a rear hub motor, but I don't know of any hub motors that are small enough to disguise, and it would be much more difficult to hide the wiring...

Anonymous said...

https://bmsbattery.com/ebike-kit/651-q100c-cst-36v350w-32-hole-rear-driving-hub-motor-ebike-kit.html
The Cute Q100C is about the lightest, most discreet hub motor available.

This is the motor of choice for people building light, efficient road bike style electric bikes. Specialized Turbo killer bikes.

It weight about 3 kgs. It is a planetary geared hub, which allows the shell and motor to be much smaller/lighter than direct drive motors, as well as allowing it to coast without drag.

Running it on 36V results in 350W, same power level as the Special ed Turbo.
Running it on 48V results in more like 500w. Hot setup it sine wave controller(runs super quiet) and 48v lipo. For about $600, that kit will poop on store bought E-bikes under $3500.

dop said...

N/A-

A small furry hat would suffice.

Anonymous said...

"It's clear that video of Hesjedal's bike spinning on the ground, was not using the Vivax crank driving motor.... the cranks are not spinning.
It's possible he could have a rear hub motor, but I don't know of any hub motors that are small enough to disguise, and it would be much more difficult to hide the wiring..."


Not to mention it was on a downhill section. It would have to have been a small motor with a small battery; what advantage could be gained by wasting it on a down hill?

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

My biggest nmistake was selling the rights to Superman for 600 dollars

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

As to workahol, I am a Tee-Totaler. I have experienced a case of acute scanusitis though now and again.

The Vivax motor could always be hidden in Crested Butte, so to speak.

Tom Edison said...

Guy rides folding electric bike into pro race, passing riders on up hill.

Doc Sarvis said...

Where does a 19 year old get $5500? She doesn't even have tits!

Holy Roller said...

Sometimes I wonder, what type of doping motor would Jesus use?

Anonymous said...

R.I.P. Dave Mirra

Paul Heckbert said...

Not "nobody is more easily bought then a cyclist", but "...than a cyclist".

Overly Squeamish said...

The phrase "aholicaholics suffering from itisitis" took me like 20 minuts to figgur out. Thanks to my mechanically doped mind i figgured it out tho.

Milan Kundera said...

The Unbearable Lightness of Scranus

Anonymous said...

@Doc Scarvis. You gross old perv.

Also, snobby:

> Femke Van den Driessche’s motorized Wilier cyclocross bike may not have been a marvel of engineering by her team, mechanics or father.

No chance she could have worried her purty little head with such a complicated feat herself?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 7:37am,

"Complicated feats" tend to be over the heads of bike racers.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

babble on said...

Certainly true of me.

Heh heh heh... aholicaholics suffering from itisitis. Aholicaholics? All of us a--holes arguing whether it is or isn't?? Heh. Nice. :)

Anonymous said...

Bike Snob,

You do know that doping is a term used in the semiconductor industry for adding "impurities" to silicon to make it into a semiconductor. That's what makes all our computers function.

Don't know if the cycling world borrowed the term from silicon valley.

Jaya Permana said...

Kenali Virus Zika Lebih Dalam | Apa Itu Demam Berdarah Dengue (DBD) | Pantangan Makanan Untuk Penderita Demam Berdarah | Penjelasan Tentang Insomnia | Penjelasan Mengenai Chikungunya | Pengertian Dari Penyakit Impetigo | Obat Parotitis Atau Gondongan Terbaik | Obat Meniere Alami Tanpa Efek Samping | Obat Kista Ganglion Paling Mujarab Dan Aman | Obat Alami Psoriasis Paling Aman Dan Ampuh | Obat Paling Ampuh Untuk Mengobati Vitiligo | Obat Tradisional Rubella 100% Herbal Alami | Obat Penyakit Laringitis Paling Ampuh

Jaya Permana said...

Kenali Gejala-Gejala Virus Zika | Beberapa Gejala Demam Berdarah | Buah-Buahan Untuk Penderita Demam Berdarah | Kenali Gejala-Gejala Insomnia | Ketahui Gejala Dari Penyakit Chikungunya | Gejala Yang Muncul Pada Penyakit Impetigo | Obat Herbal Parotitis (Mumps Atau Gondongan) | Obat Tradisional Meniere Paling Tepat | Cara Mengobati Kista Ganglion Secara Alami | Pengobatan Alami Psoriasis Herbal | Obat Herbal Vitiligo Tanpa Efek Samping | Obat Untuk Rubella Pada Anak Ampuh | Cara Ampuh Mengobati Penyakit Laringitis

Jaya Permana said...

Kenali Penyebab Dari Munculnya Virus Zika | Penyebab Dari Demam Berdarah | 5 Jenis Tanaman Untuk Demam Berdarah | Kenali Beberapa Penyebab Insomnia | Kenali Penyebab Dari Munculnya Chikungunya | Beberapa Penyebab Munculnya Impetigo | Obat Parotitis Pada Anak Paling Ampuh | Obat Meniere 100% Herbal Alami | Obat Herbal Kista Ganglion Tanpa Efek Samping | Obat Psoriasis Tanpa Efek Samping Dan Aman | Cara Mengatasi Vitiligo Secara Alami Dan Aman | Cara Ampuh Mengobati Rubella Atau Campak Jerman | Pengobatan Alami Laringitis Herbal

Jaya Permana said...

9 Cara Pencegahan Virus Zika | Pertolongan Pertama Untuk Penderita Demam Berdarah | Pemulihan Pasca Demam Berdarah | 6 Tips Agar Terhindar Dari Insomnia | 4 Resep Ramuan Herbal Untuk Chikungunya | Komplikasi Yang Dapat Terjadi Pada Impetigo | Obat Parotitis (Mumps Atau Gondongan) Pada Dewasa | Cara Untuk Mengobati Meniere Dengan Aman | Pengobatan Kista Ganglion 100% Paling Ampuh | Cara Tepat Mengobati Psoriasis Secara Menyeluruh | Obat Vitiligo Yang 100% Aman Tanpa Efek Samping | Pengobatan Alternatif Rubella Paling Manjur | Obat Laringitis 100% Herbal Alami

Jaya Permana said...

Bahaya Virus Zika Pada Ibu Hamil | 5 Cara Jitu Mencegah Demam Berdarah | 4 Ramuan Untuk Mengobati Demam Berdarah | 8 Buah-Buahan Untuk Mengatasi Insomnia | 9 Tips Untuk Mencegah Chikungunya | 5 Tips Mengobati Impetigo Secara Menyeluruh | Cara Mengobati Parotitis Hingga Tuntas | Pengobatan Paling Ampuh Untuk Meniere | Obat Kista Ganglion Alami Herbal | Obat Psoriasis Berkualitas Tinggi | Obat Vitiligo Yang Alami Dan Ampuh | Obat Rubella Herbal Paling Ampuh | Obat Untuk Penyakit Laringitis Tradisional

Jaya Permana said...

Obat Untuk Virus Zika | Obat Demam Berdarah 100% Herbal | Makanan Yang Baik Untuk Penderita Demam Berdarah | Obat Untuk Menyembuhkan Insomnia | Obat Chikungunya Paling Banyak Dicari | Obat Impetigo 100% Herbal Alami | Obat Ampuh Untuk Mengobati Parotitis | Obat Untuk Penyakit Meniere Herbal | Obat Kista Ganglion Herbal Paling Terpercaya | Obat Untuk Penyakit Psoriasis Herbal | Obat Vitiligo Tradisional Ampuh | Obat Alami Rubella Paling Mujarab Dan Ampuh | Obat Laringitis Alami Herbal

shining trapezoid said...

THAN
God damn it.